Silence

Ssj_hotaru

Silence.

The trees outside were whipping wildly in the wind, dirt crashing in great waves, a can tumbling, over, over, over.

Mimi looked again at the phone, trembling, terrified. This little machine had become her best friend and worst enemy, all in the course of a couple of days. Tingling pain bubbled up from her stomach and settled in her chest, weighing her down. Would he call? She willed the phone to ring, propelling all her energy into the plea.

It remained stubbornly still.

She sighed, drawing air from deep within her lungs. No, he wouldn't call, he had better things to do than talk to her. The pain swelled. She was an idiot.

Did he even care about her? He'd said so but that was over a month ago. There were times when she was sure he did, and the happiness would flood her, drowning everything inside. But then there were times like now, when she could feel herself draining, slowly sinking into depression and doubt.

Again she glanced at the phone. She hadn't heard it ring but maybe... No, no messages.

What was he doing? Maybe she should call him, but what if he was doing something? She didn't want to irritate him. Why did she have to feel this way? Why couldn't he just call?

No, she couldn't call him, she'd called him yesterday, and the day before that, she couldn't call him again, if he didn't want to talk to her and she called him… no, she couldn't take that. She'd gone weekends without seeing him before, what was so different about this one?

She knew of course, it was Wednesday, Wednesday is what was different. Wednesday was a dream, a real flash flood. Everything should have been different after Wednesday.

They'd watched a movie in class, an opera or musical, she couldn't quite remember. But she remembered when his hand had rested on her knee. Every time he touched her she wanted to melt; his hands were so warm, and something about the way he touched her said he cared, so gentle and slow. His thumb rubbing small circles, his hand moved, leaving a warm trail, each finger felt, until he stopped at her hip, resting there.

She'd been scared, and hot, and unsure, and trembling, but most of all, she'd wanted to touch him back. From her seat on the desk, she'd dropped her own hand down and lightly ran her fingers over his arm, nervous of his reaction, but he only pressed harder with his thumb, the circles faster. The whole hour had been like that, touching, arousing, exploring, all without looking at each other, pretending to watch the movie.

Everything should have changed after that, or if not everything, at least something. Well, something did change. Thursday at school it was like she wasn't even there, he talked to his friends, he talked to her friends, he talked to everyone, everyone but her. The drain had been slow at first, a small drip, hardly noticed. Wait till third she'd thought, they would be playing the rest of the movie in third. But he hadn't sat by her, hadn't even sat within talking distance of her. When she'd seen that, something opened inside her and all the happiness whirled away. For the first time since she'd known him, they passed the whole school day without a word spoken between them.

Once at home she'd started to think. It was unfair to leave everything up to him, maybe he was just tired of sitting in the corner and wanted to be near his friends, she could have moved to sit with him just as easily as he could have sat by her. So she'd text-messaged him, just to take that step that she hadn't taken in class. But they hadn't had anything to talk about and, as much as she liked listening to his voice as he talked to everyone else, she admitted to herself that it had been stupid to call.

Friday he'd sat by her again, but they'd only talked a little, no real conversation. She'd mostly kept quite until lunch when she looked for an excuse to go outside to watch him play basketball and seized on a soccer ball. She'd actually had fun but at the end of the day when she'd said bye to him, he'd looked right past her like she wasn't there. Later she'd texted him and asked if he was mad, he'd said no but that he had to go to work, and no, she couldn't call later because he was working late.

And now it was today. It was 8:30 P.M. and he wasn't calling her. How could he go a whole day without wanting to talk to her? Didn't he feel anything that she felt? She looked at the phone again. How she hated it! It was nothing but buttons and lights and yet it held such power over her emotions. She couldn't sit here, agonizing a moment longer in the quiet solitude. She had to say something to him, if only just to see his reply, to see the words and know he sent them with her in mind, to know that he was real, that the person she loved so much was him.

Trembling, her stomach quaking so bad she thought she'd throw-up, she reached for the phone. She wrote a simple word, "Hi" but her finger hesitated over send. What if he didn't reply? Would the torture of his not calling be worse than the torture of calling him and not getting a reply? A knot rose in her throat, feeling tears sting the back of her eyes at the thought that he would intentionally not call her, she hit the send button, if he didn't call her, then fuck it! It was stupid to get so emotional over a telephone call. Placing the phone on the table, she sat back in her chair and turned on the radio, she didn't have to sit here in the silence and wait for him, she could do other things as well.

But when an hour past and still no reply, she turned the radio off so she could better hear the phone ring. At two hours there was still nothing. Finally, hopelessly, she picked up the phone, searching desperately one last time through her inbox, but no, nothing, and, slowly, she pressed her finger on the power button, like a person placing a kiss on the corpse at a funeral, saying goodbye.

She left the room, hearing the gentle click of the door as she closed it behind her.

Then Silence.

*********************************************************************** *

All or Nothing

O-Town

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something some where's gotta give
A share in this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight some one who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair

Cuz I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it , show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you could see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it , know it

Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell

Cuz I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

Cuz you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
Nowhere inside for me in your life

Cuz I want it all
Or Nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never

Is it all
Or Nothing at all
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

Author's Note: It's been a long time since I've written a shorty but this is one that I am feeling tonight and when this song came on the radio I just had to start typing. I hope it's not too strange and I do sincerely hope you enjoy it, please review, thank you-

Yours

Ssj_hotaru