Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Clueless-DBZ style ❯ so ok, you're probably thinking... ( Chapter 1 )

Clueless, DBZ style
I do not own DBZ or the rights to the movie Clueless owned by paramount pictures.



Cher Horowitz - Bulma
Dionne - ChiChi
Tai - 18
Josh - Vegeta
Murray - Goku
Amber - Bra
Travis - Goten
Elton - Trunks
Mel (Cher's father)- Dr.Briefs
Lucy (the maid)-Piccolo
Mr. Hall (teacher) -Gohan
Miss. Geist (teacher)-Videl
Christian - Yamcha
(Trying to fit all characters in here)
More will be in this fic as I write it.

*..*Bulma's POV


*So ok, you're probably thinking, "Is this, like a Noxzema commercial, or what?!?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl. I mean I get up, I brush my teeth, and I pick out my school cloths. Run a brush through my blue hair. Never seen blue hair before? God, everyone loves it!*

Bulma checks herself out in her mirror as she gets ready to head for school. She brushes her hair back and picks out a yellow skirt and blazer combo and dances around to the music.
*Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kinds of lawyers. Even Piccolo, our maid, is terrified of him. He's so good he gets paid five hundred dollars an hour just to fight with people, but he fights with me for free 'cause I'm his daughter.*

"Daddy!"
"Bulma, please don't start with the juice again."
"Daddy, you need your vitamin C."
"Where's my briefcase?"
"It's been a couple of months now, so I say we go out to Malibu."
"Don't tell me those brain-dead low life's have been calling again."
"They are your parents. And don't try sneaking out of the office. Dr. Dende is coming by to give you a flu shot."
"Oh, Vegeta is in town. He's coming for dinner."
"Why?"
"Because he's your step-brother!"
"But you were hardly even married to his mother and that was five years ago. Why do I have to see Vegeta? He's a flipping asshole."
"You divorce wives, not children."
"Here." Bulma tries handing her dad a glass of juice.
"Forget it!"

*Well if you're wondering, Vegeta use to be my step brother. I have no clue what Daddy saw in his mother, but he still hangs around every now and then. He's a Saiyan Prince by the way. His ego is totally huge. He thinks everyone owes him something. He's kinda smart for being a muscle head. But that's all the compelment he's going to get from me. Hell I'm still pissed at him for destroying my new Itailian boots last year. Ack my poor poor babies. I only got to wear them once you know.*

Bulma got into her hew new ride, cruising toward school in her brand new jeep her father bought her. Head bopping to the music.

*Did I show you the lumped out Jeep Daddy got me? It's got four-wheel drive, dual side airbags and a monster sound system. I don't have a license yet, but I need something to learn on.*
Bulma's head is in the clouds, not paying attention to the road. She swerves and hits a potted plant near the curb.

*Oh, why that came out of nowhere.
Here's where ChiChi lives. She's my friend because we both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us.*

"Dude!" ChiChi yells as she climbs in Bulma's Jeep.
"Girlfriend!"

*And I must give her snaps for her courageous fashion efforts.*

ChiChi is wearing an almost identical outfit Bulma is wearing except in black and white, and wearing a very stylish hat to top the outfit off.
"Hey Bulma, So?" ChiChi gives Bulma the 'how do I look' look.
"Shopping with Dr. Seuss?"
"Well, at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my backpack."
"It's faux." Bulma whined still not paying attention to the road, to engrossed over what ChiChi was wearing to school.
"Hello. That was a stop sign!"
"I totally paused!"
"Yeah, ok!"

Finally Bulma and ChiChi made it to school with out further incidents. Bulma parked her jeep in the parking lot, waited on ChiChi to check herself over and proceeded to walk to class.

"It's not even eight thirty and Goku is paging me. He's probably wanting me to buy him breakfast or something."
"He is so possessive ChiChi."
"Tell me about it. This weekend he called me up and he's all "where were you today?" and I'm like "I'm at my Grandmother's house".....

*ChiChi is stuck in this dramatic relationship. I think she's seen the Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times. Now I have to say to her...*

"Chi, why do you bother? You can do so much better. He eats like a pig, and what's up with that hair anyways?"
"Alright, shhh, shhh. Here he comes." They both stop and watched Goku coming towards them. Bulma rolls her eyes.
"Woman, why don't you be answering any of my pages?"
"I hate when you call me woman!" ChiChi hissed.
"Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' around behind my back?"
"Jeepin?" ChiChi asked being confused.
"Jeepin'." Bulma quipped.
"Jeepin', jeepin'." Goku said again.
"No, but speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain to me how this cheap K-mart lipstick got into the back seat of your car."
"I don't know where that came from. That's looks like one of your lip glossy something or others you got in here..." Goku grabbed ChiChi's purse digging around in it before she smacked him.
"Excuse me? I do not wear cheap lipstick! It makes my sensitive lips break out, OK? Unlike some people I know like Chenwana."
"Chi, I'm outies."
"Bye Bulma."
"Why do you gotta go there?" Goku whined.
"That's it, I've had it with you."
"Is it that time of the month again?" Goku blurted out getting gasps and whispers from fellow students outside of the school.

*I don't know why ChiChi is going out with a high school boy. They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber over you. And Goku being a saiyan, it's twice as bad. Ick!*

Bulma sighs as she's walking to her first period class, getting barreled over by a scrawny icky looking old man. He slings an arm around her.
"hey baby!" Master Roshi wiggles his eyebrows at her.
"OOO!! Get off of me you hetnai! Uh, AS IF!" Bulma screams and throws him off.

"Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge on Earth? Bra will take the con position. Bulma will be pro. Bulma, two minutes." Mr. Gohan Son announced to his debating students. Bulma makes her way from her desk to the front of the class standing behind the podium snapping her gum in her mouth.

"So, ok, like right now, for example, the Yatios need to come to Earth. But some people are all "wha about the strain on our resources?" But it's like, when I had this garden party for my father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. And you know how much Saiyans eat? Like totally alot. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen. Redistribute the food; squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Yatios. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty." Bulma smiled, pleased on how she did with her debate as her classmates all applauded her.
"Thank you very much" Bulma bows and then plays with her gum, twirling it around her finger.

"Uh, Bra? Replying?" Gohan asked shifting his glasses on his face.
"Mr. Son, how can I answer that? The topic is Yatios and she's talking about some little party with the Saiyan party boys. And the Statue of Liberty? Duh that's in America not here."
"Hello?!?! It was his fiftieth birthday party." Bulma scoffed at Bra.
"Whatever. If she doesn't do the assignment, I can't do mine."
"Ladies, So, does anyone have any further thoughts on Bulma's oration? Trunks? Comments?" Gohan looked around the classroom finding Trunks' with his hand raised high in the air.
"Yeah, I can't find my Staind CD. I've gotta book ass to the Quad before somebody snags it." Trunks babbled out.
"I'm afraid I can't permit that. Any further insights?"
"I had an insight, Mr. Son." Goten smiled, stoned from here to the moon look on his face.
"I'm all ears Goten."
"Ok, like, the way I feel about the Rolling Stones is the way my kids are going to feel about Nine Inch Nails, so I really shouldn't torment my Mom anymore, huh?" Goten goofed out.
"Yes. Well, it's a little off the subject of Yatio, but tolerance is always a good lesson, even when it comes out of nowhere."
"Thank you." Goten's smile got bigger and he chuckled.
"And with that in mind, I'm going to distribute your report cards. Now, is there a Yamcha in this class?" You could hear the moans and groans coming from the students after Gohan announced report cards.
"Mr. Son? The buzz on Yamcha is that his parents have joint custody, so he'll be spending one semester in America and one semester here. I think it's a travesty on the part of the legal profession."
"Thank you for that perspective Bulma." Gohan starts handing out the report cards, the student's faces vaulting in terror at their grades. Goten jumps up and runs to the window trying to pry it open.
"Now could all conversations please come to a halt, and could all the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?"
"I must die." Goten yells. Gohan finally gives Bulma her report card, her face drops at the sight of it.

*Suddenly, a dark cloud settled over first period. I got a C in debate?!?! Daddy is so going to kill me.*
The bell rang; Bulma picked up her books and grabs her cell phone to call ChiChi in between classes.

"Chi?"
"Wassup?"
"Did you get your report card?"
"Yeah, I'm toast. How'd you do?"
"I totally choked. My Dad is going to go ballistic on me."
"Mr. Son was way harsh! I can't believe it a C-." Chi said turning a corner and meeting up with Bulma, walking side by side with her, still talking on the phone.
"He gave me a C minus. no freaking way. I'm so dead." ChiChi sighed looking at her report card again.
"Well, he gave me a C, which drags down my entire average. I'm a genius, but I can't pass debate? Ugh, and I thought fighting with Vegeta was doing me good." They finally both hang up their cell phones.
"Bye." ChiChi called out to Bulma.
"I'll call ya, ok?"
"Yeah." They started for their next class.

*Isn't my house classic? The columns dates all the way back to 1972. Wasn't my Mom a Betty? She died when I was just a baby. A fluke accident during a routine liposuction. I don't remember her, but I like to pretend she still watches over me. Daddy says she's a ditz, what ever that means.*

"Hey, Ma. 98 in geometry. Pretty groovy, huh?" Bulma asked her deceased mother as she entered the house hearing some god-awful music being played.
*Yuk! Uh, that maudlin music of the University station.* She makes her way to the kitchen to find something to tie her over for dinner and runs into Vegeta.
"Yuk, what is it about college and cry baby music?"
"Hey, who's watching the Galleria?" Vegeta smartly asked.
"So, the flannel shirt deal. Is that a nod to the crispy Satan city weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?" Vegeta pokes his head back out of the fridge and grabs Bulma around the waist.
"Ooo, wow. You're filling out there."
"Wow. Your face is catching up with your mouth. Get your monkey paws off of me."
"I went by Dad's office."
"He is not your Dad. Why don't you torture a new family? You're really good at torturing mine."
"Hey just because my mother marries someone else, doesn't mean he's my father."
"Actually, Kato, that's the exactly what it means." Bulma spat at him as he followed her into the living room Bulma turns on the TV to MTV and starts watching Beavis and Butthead as Vegeta rolled his eyes at her taste in programs.
"I hope you're not thinking about staying here."
"I sure want to. No one to bother me. I can train all I want. Pleanty of food."
"I'm sure you do."
"I got a place in Westwood, near school. Not very big to work out my muscles." Vegeta said matter of factly.
"Shouldn't you go to school on the East Coast? I hear girls at TTI aren't at all particular. You might get some from somebody."
"Hahaha, you're funny." Vegeta swipes the remote and changes the channel to the news on Bulma.
"Hey! God, you just got here and already you're playing couch commando! Can't you just go away?" Bulma frowned at his choice of programming. She hated to watch the news.
"Hey! In some parts of the Universe, maybe not in Contempo Casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world."
"Thank you Vegeta! I so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again?"

"C'mon you chuckleheads, get in here." Bulma's Dad called from the dinning room. Bulma jumped up off the couch with Vegeta not far behind her going to the dinning room.
"Vegeta, are you still growing? You look taller then you did at Easter."
" Hmpft, I don't think so."
"Doesn't he look bigger?" Bulma's Dad asked her.
"His head does." Bulma quirked.
"So, Vegeta, have you given any thought to our little discussion about Corporate Law?"
"Yeah, you know, but I think I'd really like to check out being a Super Saiyan."
"What for? Do you want to have a miserable, frustrating life running around killing people?"
"Oh, Vegeta will have that no matter what he does Daddy." Bulma smiled and elbowed Vegeta in his side.
"At least he knows what he's doing. And he's in a good college. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction."
"I have direction Daddy."
"Yeah, towards the mall." Vegeta laughed resulting Bulma to give him an evil stare.
"Which reminds me, where's your report card Bulma?"
"It's not ready yet."
"What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
"Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations."
"very good!" Dr.Briefs said pointing his fork to Bulma, as she smiled huge to him. A cell phone rang, and everyone at the table grabbed their phone to answer it.
"Chi?"
"Yeah?"
"Hello? Yeah, Korin, What? NO! Not the afternoon..." Vegeta and Bulma put away their cell phones after realizing it wasn't their phones that rang.
"You are such a brown noser Vegeta."
"Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change you grades?"
"I told you I wanted it in the morning! Doesn't he understand? In the morning!" Dr. Briefs continued to yell into his phone about a meeting.
"Only the fact that I've done it every other semester." Bulma cracked a huge grin, surprising Vegeta.

*I told my P.E. teacher an evil male had broken my heart, so she changed my C to a B*

"I'm so miserable. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't study." Bulma cried to Miss Pan her P.E. teacher.
"They're slime, they're slime, I mean they're horrible, don't feel bad, I know, and you see they're all like this." Pan comforted Bulma as she poured on the fake tears getting her grade fix was a snap.

*Then I promised Miss Satan I'd start a letter writing campaign to my congressman about violations of the clean air act.
But Mr. Son was totally ridged. He said my debates were unresearched, unstructured, and unconvincing, AS IF!
I felt impotent and out of control, which I really hate. I needed to find a sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength.*

Bulma drug ChiChi to the mall, Bulma's sanctuary.
"Dude, what's wrong? Are you suffering from buyer's remorse or something?" ChiChi asked her down looking friend. Bulma flipped her hair back away from her face and looked at her.
"God no! Nothing like that. It's just that, we've been shopping all day and I still don't know what to do about Mr. Son. I have tried everything to convince him of my scholastic aptitude, but I was brutally rebuffed."
"Get over it, ok? He's a miserable half Saiyan who wants everyone else to be miserable too."
"Chi, that's it! We've got to figure out a way to make Mr. Son sublimely happy."


How's that for a beginning?
Review plz…should I continue?