Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Goku's Cooking Tips ❯ Episode Five ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ultravegeta 
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.23.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 210 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.23.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 210 | Status: Work In Progress
(cut to Goku looking violently ill...and wearing a brand new tophat...)
Goku - Eeurgh...(belches) Oh hello folks! It seems that deep fried baloney and taters from last episode didn't sit too well in the old gullet...but hey! I've got a new tophat today and all is well! (gives thumbs up) Now, just like I promised at the end of yesterdays show, today we'll be making some dilectable Baloney Encrusted Pancakes! And hopefully, unlike in the past few episodes, nothing will go wrong today. (smiles moronically) (walks over to his counter) Now then, all you need to make these babies is some pancake batter and spare slices of baloney. Once you have all of these ingredients, all you do is fry those pancakes up with some bits of baloney sprinkled in them! (walks over to the cooking counter)
(thinking to himself: Wow! Nothing's gone wrong yet! Must be that lucky rabbits foot that I...borrowed)
(meanwhile, at Vegeta's house)
Vegeta - WHERE THE HELL IS MY LUCKY RABBITS FOOT!
(back at Goku's studio)
Goku - Now, first I'm going to place the pancake batter into the pan...then, I'm going to sprinkle some of this shredded baloney bits all over it...
(sizzling noises)
Goku - Hmmm...it seems these baloney bits are sizzling a bit too much...(starts poking around in the pan with his spatula) Now this is one thing you want to avoid folks; sometimes baloney can spatter quite a bit when it starts to sizzle, so always keep an eye out
(loud sizzling noises)
Goku - Um...oh boy, this sizzling is getting out of control...(smiles nervously)..could I get a hand over here...
(silence)
Goku - WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME WITH THIS GODDAMN BALONEY!
(louder sizzling noises)
Goku - Uh oh...Folks I think I'm going to have to abort frying these pancakes, cause this baloney is sizzling like a bitch- (gets hit by spurting grease) OW! JESUS THAT HURT!
Audience - (gasps)
Goku - Okay, don't worry people; I've got everything under control(grease starts spraying out of the pan all over him) OH MY GOD IT BURNS! (falls to the ground flailing)
Crewmember - (rushes into the kitchen with a fire extinguisher) Jesus Christ this thing is out of control!
Goku - (flailing around) KILL IT! KIIILLLLL IIIITTTTTT!
Crewmember - (blows the fire extinguisher all over the pan and all over Goku) ...
Goku - (gets up slowly covered in grease burns and white foam) I uh...folks, I'm just going to leave for a moment...freshen up a bit...(stumbles out)
Audience - ...
Goku - (offscreen) WILL SOMEBODY CALL THE PARAMEDICS!
(and now, for a commercial!)
Spokesman - Do you suffer from a red itchy heiny! Then get 'Moshiques Arse Powder'! Now available in liquid form! It'll make that swelling go away...IN LESS THAN A WEEK!
Fast Voiceover - We cannot guarantee this.
(and now back to the show)
Goku - (emerges from backstage covered in bandages) Geez, those grease burns sure do hurt folks take it from me! Now since the frying of the pancakes got a 'little bit' out of hand, we might as well just skip to todays choice of desert. (walks over to another counter) For todays choice, we will be making Baloney Smoothies! Mmm mmm! Now all you need to make these delicious guest-pleasing treats is some baloney, some milk, and a food processor or blender. And you all know our motto...
Audience - (in unison) IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, STEAL IT!
Goku - (gives thumbs up) Damn straight! Now for today, I will be using a simple blender to make the smoothies. You just dump all your ingredients inside of it, and hit the 'puree' button! (hits the button)
(the blender starts whirring loudly)
Goku - Hmmm, that doesn't sound right...(looks closely at the blender) Is this thing supposed to make a weird metallic whirring noise?
Director - (shrugs)
Goku - (laughs angrilly) Great help I have here! Real 'Grade A' help...(sighs) Let's just have a closer look at this thing.
(peeks inside of the blender)
(suddenly, the blender blade comes flying out and goes right through Goku's head)
Goku - (with a huge gash through his head) Oh boy, that's not good...(feels his head with his fingers and pulls a piece of his own brain out) That's really not good...
Audience - (horrified gasps)
Goku - Uh...while I go have major reconstructive surgery to the front of my cranium, why don't we just fast-forward to dinner later on?
Audience - (staring at him in horror)
Goku - What? WHAT! HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE SEEN BRAINS BEFORE!
(later on, at Goku's dinner shindig)
Goku - (emerges from his kitchen with an huge cast covering his entire head) (muffled) Well hello again! I just got out of the emergency ward about 2 hours ago...the surgeons there told me that I suffered massive brain damage, and that I needed to stay in the hospital for another 2 months; but I told 'em: I never miss a dinner party!
Vegeta - Kakarott, I can't understand a word of what your saying under all of that gauze...
Goku - (muffled talking)
Bulma - Actually, that's not a bad thing...
Goku - (angry muffled yelling)
(everyone is laughing at him)
Goku - (insane muffled screaming) (starts slamming his fists down on the dinner table)
(the table colapses from under him and his tophat goes flying out the window)
Goku - (muffled) MY HAT! (runs outside insanely)
(everyone is still laughing)
(meanwhile, outside...)
Goku - (chasing after his stupid hat) (runs out into the middle of the street and grabs his hat) HAH HAH! VICTORY IS MINE- (gets run over by a dump-truck)
(days later, at Goku's funeral)
(everyone is dressed in black and crying)
Priest - We are gathered here today to remember Goku...uh...(looks through his papers) What was this guys last name!
Chichi - Just Goku no last name.
Krillin - Yeah, like Cher!
(everyone stares at him)
Krillin - WHAT!
Priest - Umm...right...Okay then...He was a loving father and husband, an excellent cook, and a superb fighter. He will truly be missed by his
Ghost-Goku - (comes barging out of his coffin, knocking the Priest over)
(everyone screams and faints)
Ghost-Goku - Well folks, thanks for tunning in to this weeks episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips'! Unfortunately however, I was run over by a dump-truck while chasing after my ridiculously large tophat, so next weeks episode will be broadcasted from.
(dramatic pause) THE AFTERLIFE! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (makes wierd noises with his mouth) Ahem. See you then!
Goku - Eeurgh...(belches) Oh hello folks! It seems that deep fried baloney and taters from last episode didn't sit too well in the old gullet...but hey! I've got a new tophat today and all is well! (gives thumbs up) Now, just like I promised at the end of yesterdays show, today we'll be making some dilectable Baloney Encrusted Pancakes! And hopefully, unlike in the past few episodes, nothing will go wrong today. (smiles moronically) (walks over to his counter) Now then, all you need to make these babies is some pancake batter and spare slices of baloney. Once you have all of these ingredients, all you do is fry those pancakes up with some bits of baloney sprinkled in them! (walks over to the cooking counter)
(thinking to himself: Wow! Nothing's gone wrong yet! Must be that lucky rabbits foot that I...borrowed)
(meanwhile, at Vegeta's house)
Vegeta - WHERE THE HELL IS MY LUCKY RABBITS FOOT!
(back at Goku's studio)
Goku - Now, first I'm going to place the pancake batter into the pan...then, I'm going to sprinkle some of this shredded baloney bits all over it...
(sizzling noises)
Goku - Hmmm...it seems these baloney bits are sizzling a bit too much...(starts poking around in the pan with his spatula) Now this is one thing you want to avoid folks; sometimes baloney can spatter quite a bit when it starts to sizzle, so always keep an eye out
(loud sizzling noises)
Goku - Um...oh boy, this sizzling is getting out of control...(smiles nervously)..could I get a hand over here...
(silence)
Goku - WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME WITH THIS GODDAMN BALONEY!
(louder sizzling noises)
Goku - Uh oh...Folks I think I'm going to have to abort frying these pancakes, cause this baloney is sizzling like a bitch- (gets hit by spurting grease) OW! JESUS THAT HURT!
Audience - (gasps)
Goku - Okay, don't worry people; I've got everything under control(grease starts spraying out of the pan all over him) OH MY GOD IT BURNS! (falls to the ground flailing)
Crewmember - (rushes into the kitchen with a fire extinguisher) Jesus Christ this thing is out of control!
Goku - (flailing around) KILL IT! KIIILLLLL IIIITTTTTT!
Crewmember - (blows the fire extinguisher all over the pan and all over Goku) ...
Goku - (gets up slowly covered in grease burns and white foam) I uh...folks, I'm just going to leave for a moment...freshen up a bit...(stumbles out)
Audience - ...
Goku - (offscreen) WILL SOMEBODY CALL THE PARAMEDICS!
(and now, for a commercial!)
Spokesman - Do you suffer from a red itchy heiny! Then get 'Moshiques Arse Powder'! Now available in liquid form! It'll make that swelling go away...IN LESS THAN A WEEK!
Fast Voiceover - We cannot guarantee this.
(and now back to the show)
Goku - (emerges from backstage covered in bandages) Geez, those grease burns sure do hurt folks take it from me! Now since the frying of the pancakes got a 'little bit' out of hand, we might as well just skip to todays choice of desert. (walks over to another counter) For todays choice, we will be making Baloney Smoothies! Mmm mmm! Now all you need to make these delicious guest-pleasing treats is some baloney, some milk, and a food processor or blender. And you all know our motto...
Audience - (in unison) IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, STEAL IT!
Goku - (gives thumbs up) Damn straight! Now for today, I will be using a simple blender to make the smoothies. You just dump all your ingredients inside of it, and hit the 'puree' button! (hits the button)
(the blender starts whirring loudly)
Goku - Hmmm, that doesn't sound right...(looks closely at the blender) Is this thing supposed to make a weird metallic whirring noise?
Director - (shrugs)
Goku - (laughs angrilly) Great help I have here! Real 'Grade A' help...(sighs) Let's just have a closer look at this thing.
(peeks inside of the blender)
(suddenly, the blender blade comes flying out and goes right through Goku's head)
Goku - (with a huge gash through his head) Oh boy, that's not good...(feels his head with his fingers and pulls a piece of his own brain out) That's really not good...
Audience - (horrified gasps)
Goku - Uh...while I go have major reconstructive surgery to the front of my cranium, why don't we just fast-forward to dinner later on?
Audience - (staring at him in horror)
Goku - What? WHAT! HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE SEEN BRAINS BEFORE!
(later on, at Goku's dinner shindig)
Goku - (emerges from his kitchen with an huge cast covering his entire head) (muffled) Well hello again! I just got out of the emergency ward about 2 hours ago...the surgeons there told me that I suffered massive brain damage, and that I needed to stay in the hospital for another 2 months; but I told 'em: I never miss a dinner party!
Vegeta - Kakarott, I can't understand a word of what your saying under all of that gauze...
Goku - (muffled talking)
Bulma - Actually, that's not a bad thing...
Goku - (angry muffled yelling)
(everyone is laughing at him)
Goku - (insane muffled screaming) (starts slamming his fists down on the dinner table)
(the table colapses from under him and his tophat goes flying out the window)
Goku - (muffled) MY HAT! (runs outside insanely)
(everyone is still laughing)
(meanwhile, outside...)
Goku - (chasing after his stupid hat) (runs out into the middle of the street and grabs his hat) HAH HAH! VICTORY IS MINE- (gets run over by a dump-truck)
(days later, at Goku's funeral)
(everyone is dressed in black and crying)
Priest - We are gathered here today to remember Goku...uh...(looks through his papers) What was this guys last name!
Chichi - Just Goku no last name.
Krillin - Yeah, like Cher!
(everyone stares at him)
Krillin - WHAT!
Priest - Umm...right...Okay then...He was a loving father and husband, an excellent cook, and a superb fighter. He will truly be missed by his
Ghost-Goku - (comes barging out of his coffin, knocking the Priest over)
(everyone screams and faints)
Ghost-Goku - Well folks, thanks for tunning in to this weeks episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips'! Unfortunately however, I was run over by a dump-truck while chasing after my ridiculously large tophat, so next weeks episode will be broadcasted from.
(dramatic pause) THE AFTERLIFE! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (makes wierd noises with his mouth) Ahem. See you then!