Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Musings Of A Hero ❯ The Musings Of A Hero ( Chapter 1 )

They call me a 'Hero'...I truly wonder what that means. In my mind, the only people I consider heroes are the ones who fought, fought until their very last breath, and yet still died-my father, Goku and...Him.

He was my first mentor, he, who saw the real me, the weak insecure boy, and yet still trained me, loved me, became my father, brother, companion, and mentor, everything at once. He who fulfilled all these roles, without once having thought of his own needs.

In the face of adversity, he was our world's hope, our first and only line of defense, fearless, and strong, staring death in its eyes every day. Yet still, forever humble, tired to the bone, but still smiling.

Never once did he think about himself, even when he died, he wanted to save me. I can't help but think I was a catalyst to his demise. I mean, maybe he would've been alive had he not had me to burden him.

Mom, says it's illogical of me to think that way, it's stupid, and some distant part of my brain agrees. After all, more people equals more strength right, but...there's this feeling that gnaws at my stomach...what if?

Would he be alive and happy like the Gohan of the past? Probably not, but he wouldn't have died that very day, right? He'd get to live a little more of his life, if anything, have freer days, pay some attention to himself, instead of babysitting me. Even one uneventful day was a small celebration of sorts, and he deserved every little ounce of happiness.

Sure, we were all living our lives on borrowed days, but it could've been easier, perhaps an instant massacre would've been easier to cope with.

But to know, that he suffered all by himself, and knowing our enemies, tortured to no end, and died a painful death... alone.

I still can't shake the memory of his body, soaked and limp, mocking my hopeful thoughts of him having survived. And the rain, my partner in mourning, washing away my bitter tears, as they flowed mercilessly down my cheeks.

The painful confirmation when I looked into his emotionless...lifeless face was enough for me to ascend.

How'd you do it?

Wow, you must be really powerful, aren't you happy, you have such amazing power?

With that strength, you must've saved everything dear to you...

If only...

Excited and sad remarks were all I received for a while, but what was I to say?

I lost my hero, my everything, and became a cheap rip-off of the real deal...

And they say I'm humble...

I guess death is a humbling notion.

I've faced a lot of trauma over the years, in every imaginable way, but every pain is a mere shadow to the pain brought by his death...Gohan, why couldn't you wait for me?

They say pain becomes easier to deal with, cope with, and it is true, but having seen the most powerful, unshakable person in your life, cold and dead...

It kills a piece of you forever.

Left to rot, infect, and for the pain to intensify.

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't remember him, for he is the reason I am still alive.

Mom doesn't speak about it much, but I can tell, she feels guilty. Guilty for silently agreeing with my thoughts, she's ridden by guilt and keeps herself busy, but I can't say I blame her. No, she's right in her thinking after all.

It wasn't supposed to be him, it wasn't supposed to be me either. But given the choice, it should have been me.

They say I beat myself up too much, I couldn't have helped it, no one could've.

People say, they understand, do they really? They have had similar experiences, but just like a similar experience, ain't the same as the same one, I feel no one truly understands the other's wound.

Just like I don't understand theirs, they don't understand mine, and so I don't pretend to.

The past I helped save...

Save. By doing what, running away in a machine, so that Goku and father could do all the heavy lifting?

Then, they call me a hero...

Hell, I did not even create the machine or the anecdote, I was just the messenger for things to correct their path and that's it.

I believe my father...my father from the past realizes that, and that is why he's so hard on me. Despite that, I recognize the pride reflected in his eyes for me, but I feel it isn't earned.

Hypocrite, yeah that's the word, I've been called that many a times.

I sound like one at times, and maybe...I know it's true.

I want to make him proud of me, and he is, despite his cold and stoic outward attitude, but...my guilt and pain does not let me cherish it.

I feel like a criminal, living off of someone else's share of life...

Even mini-me, he called me a wuss once. He was right. Even as young as he was then, he could fight me and make me come to my senses.

How reminiscent of our father...

He is me, but looking at him is like looking into a warped mirror. He's so sure of himself, the sharpness in his eyes, his smile, his voice is so unlike mine...yeah, I mean he's younger than me, but he's so...free!

Everything about him his lighter, yet accompanied by an unmistakable cockiness, no doubt the influence of father.

Would I have had that demeanor, that posture, had my father been around?

My father from the past has been a big influence on me, but he's still not my father, just like I'm his son, but at the same time I'm not.

Would my father have loved me?

Did he think about me in his final moments?

Did he think about Mom?

My father in the past, undoubtedly loves my mother, his wife, but I know it is the result of her and Goku's influence on him over the years.

My father was a completely different story. Had he survived, would he have been the same person, even in the absence of Goku from his life?

Mom loved my father, but her constant curiosity about the past made me believe that she was in love again, and this time even more intensely.

She loves a dead man and a man she can't have. But she's given up her life to inventions and restoring our destroyed home, contenting herself with mere stories, memories through my eyes.

Why ain't she called a hero?

That makes me think...

Boundless, freeing, devoid of constraints, that's what time travel is supposed to be right?

But why does it feel so...heavy?  

I mean, who do I really know?

The same people, the same places, yet so very different!

I don't know how old am I, am I a cool teenager from the future or a broken kid of the present?

A hero, a fond memory, but is that where the happiness stops?

Are the people I just met, still alive? Is Mom alive?

The void between dimensions, it is a lonely place, it makes you think a lot...

Do I truly belong to anyone?

"Trunks?"

"Yes, my Love?"

"You are an idiot."

"I-"

"No. I don't think I need to flash you your own memories to understand what you've achieved?"

"No..."

"So, why are you being the biggest idiot in the world and asking yourself stupid questions? You belong to me, and I to you, it's that simple. Am I clear enough?"

"Yes, of course, my mate."

"...Trunks"

"Okay, okay don't sit up, sleep, I'll quit it, we have a busy day tomorrow, you need your rest."

"Exactly and so do you, we are in this together remember? One day at a time, I listen to you, so you gotta listen to me too! It's only fair!"

"Fine you made your point, now please rest your back, my dear, you've worked very hard today."

"Okay, so hug me back to sleep."

"You never have to ask."

Yes, my mate, my love is who I belong to.

My war survivor, my very own Goten. He had never met the Mirai of his timeline, and yet still, he comes to accept me and love me wholeheartedly, unconditionally!

Love comes naturally to him, he's cried for days on end for people he's only known through my memories, that is my Goten.

I'll become his hero, just like he is mine. He's incredibly strong, but we protect each other.

Life doesn't give you second chances very often, and when it does, you protect it with your life, I promise I'll be there for him. I'll be there to protect him from everything...I promise you Gohan!