Dragon Knights Fan Fiction ❯ The Facts of Life ❯ Of Jelly Beans, Teapots and Demon Eggs-Oh My! ( Chapter 2 )
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Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Knights, Mineko Ohkami does.
Summary: In which the Dragon Tribe attempt to give young Rath the Talk. In which a young Rath is very much confused. Because every genre needs one of these fics.
Title: The Facts of Life
A/N: Because so many people wanted to see Kharl give Rath the Talk, I have made a few short AU scenarios of this.
Scenario 1: In which Kharl has assumed his disguise as Dr. Avis Laira earlier than in the DK canon timeline and is another unfortunate victim in the Dragon Castle forced to give young Rath the Talk. Enjoy!
Of Jelly Beans and Demon Eggs-Oh My!
Kharl hummed happily as he bustled about his office, taking note of his small concoctions brewing and absently flipping through the pages of several thick volumes of his library collection he had brought with him from his castle in Arinas. The Renkin alchemist had been a little wary that his plan to infiltrate the Dragon Palace as its personal doctor would go awry, however, it had been three months and so far, no one had been none the wiser of unveiling his persona. The Yokai assumed there was also the small fact that he had halted the original doctor before he had arrived at his intended post and had transformed him into a teapot had something to do with his good fortune.
In any event, Kharl was happier than he had ever had been for a long time, and the reason for his joy took the form of a small black haired-boy with fiery determination and a laugh filled with childish mischief.
The name given to the boy by the Dragon Tribe held no significant meaning to the alchemist. In fact, it was highly amusing to Kharl how it was construed: with the first name Rath being of the Dragon Tribe, and the last name Illuser of the Demon clan.
No, what really was significant to Kharl about the child was the mere fact that he could be near him without the boy proclaiming how he hated him or vowing to kill him. The alchemist had more than once regretted the incident in the Snowy Mountains that had caused such grief between the two. If he had known that the all that was going to happen was the boy regaining the wrong set of memories and killing Left Bird, Kharl would have left him well enough alone. As if was, he had been rather selfish at that time, and desperate for “Rath” to remember the era when he had been his master, the Demon King of Arinas. Yet, as usual, it seemed that Fate wanted nothing more than the two to be parted. Thus it was: Rath now belonged to the Dragon Tribe, completely unaware of who he was and Kharl was all alone.
Nontheless, the Renkin Wizard always found a loophole. Always.
So here he was, “Dr. Avis Laira”, professional doctor of the Dragon Castle and someone the precious child knew no hatred towards.
Life was good. Undeniably good.
“YOU! DOCTOR!” Alfeegi roared, bursting through the door red-faced and dragging a familiar black-haired boy along, “WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY CRISIS ON OUR HANDS!”
“OMIGAWD! MY POOR LITTLE RATH-KUN!” Kharl shrieked in panic, his mind jumping to horrible conclusions and he half-wanted to kill and inquire of the Dragon Tribe exactly what was wrong with his child and how they had allowed it to occur.
“WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'S WRONG?” the Yokai demanded from the White Dragon Officer, rushing over and kneeling in front of the young boy, “Does Rath have a boo-boo? Let Dr. Avis Laira kiss it and make it better!”
Rath scored a solid kick in the gut.
Kharl doubled over wheezing.
“CAN YOU BELIEVE THE INSANITY OF IT ALL?” Alfeegi raged, totally oblivious to what had just taken place, “I TOLD LORD LYKULEON OUTSIDERS WERE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! WE'RE SAFER IN HERE, SHIELDED FROM THEIR SHAMEFUL INFLUENCES! BUT NOOOOO! HE THOUGHT IT UNFAIR FOR OUR FAMILIES TO NOT SEE US, AND LOOK! ONE VISIT AND NOW WE'RE LEFT WITH THE UNPLEASANT TASK OF EXPLAINING THE FACTS OF LIFE TO A CHILD WHO IS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW THE TRUTH!”
“W-w-what?” Kharl gasped, feeling like he had been dealt another hard blow to the stomach.
“WHAT DO THEY THINK I AM? THE PERSON THEY TURN TO AS THEIR LAST RESORT WHEN THEY ALL TURN OUT TO BE TOO BIG OF A CHICKEN TO TELL HIM THEMSELVES?! I THINK NOT!” Alfeegi bellowed, his red face changing to a ripe plum color.
Relinquishing his grip on the boy, the White Dragon Officer whirled and fled the room, shouting over his shoulder, “YOU'RE A DOCTOR! YOU KNOW THE FACTS OF LIFE BETTER THAN ANY OF US! YOU TELL HIM!”
“Aaaaaack! Wait” Kharl yelped, holding out his hand as if to somehow draw the Dragon Officer back.
The only thing he received was the maniacal ringing laughter of Alfeegi as he escaped the inevitable doom that was to befall upon the Yokai.
Kharl must have stood frozen in one place for awhile before slowly turning took look at Rath who had settled himself on the office's couch and was staring expectantly at him.
“No! No! This can't beeeeeeee!” Kharl cried, racing about in a circle frantically, his hands clutching at his head, “This is wrong! Wrong! So very, very wrong!”
Rath watched the white-haired doctor with unabashed interest as he had a break-down, his body racking with violent tremors.
“AUUUUGH! CURSE THE DRAGON TRIBE! HOW DARE THEY PUT SUCH A SWEET INNOCENT CHILD IN SUCH A PRECARIOUS PREDICAMENT! I SHOULD JUST HAVE CARRIED HIM AWAY WHEN I GOT HERE INSTEAD OF PLAYING OUT THIS RIDICULOUS MASQUERADE! NOW THEY WANT ME TO GIVE OUT THE TALK?! THEY GO TOO FAR! I SHALL POUR A POTION INTO THEIR DRINKS THAT WILL TURN THEM ALL INTO TEAPOTS! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! AND THEN YOU AND I SHALL I HAVE A TEA PARTY AND GARFAKCY CAN MAKE US CUCUMBER SANDWICHES AND CAKE! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Kharl only halted his mad tirade when he caught Rath blinking wide-eyed at him and his demented laughter got stuck in his throat.
“H-h-how much of that did you understand?” the alchemist croaked fearfully, hoping he hadn't blown his doctor cover.
“Not much,” Rath stated, shrugging, as he swung his feet to and fro from the couch, “But then I haven't understood anything anyone has said to me today.”
“Oh, good!” Kharl breathed in relief, putting a hand on his chest to calm his rapidly beating heart and slumped into the chair facing directly across from the couch, deciding he needed to sit down suddenly.
“So, are you going to tell me?” Rath asked, his face depicting a rather dubious expression.
“Tell you what?” Kharl questioned absent-mindedly, feeling as if he had just run a three mile lap.
“Where babies come from,” Rath said matter-of-factly.
Kharl gave a muffled shriek and toppled sideways of the chair. Righting himself up quickly, he settled back into his seat, his mind racing furiously.
“Oh, oh right! The Talk! Of course! Um…well, what do you know so far about…ah…that?” the Renkin Wizard managed to question, licking his dry lips nervously.
“I'm not sure, but,” Rath said thinking back to all the past un-finished speeches had so far, “I think babies somehow come from two people-a man and a woman-who collect jelly beans and kiss a lot. But then I'm still confused because Alfeegi also talked about how to `not go by bad examples and get married first', and when I said I didn't want to get married and could have a baby anyway, he started screaming at me, then dragged me here.”
The black haired boy stared at the doctor who was running a hand stressfully over his face and muttering short phrases such as, “kill them”, “my poor Rath-kun”, and “not teapots. Centipedes! Then take off their feet one by one!”
Rath got the feeling it this Talk was going to end up like all the rest, and growing quite bored, the boy wandered from the couch over to the other end of the room where the doctor's concoctions were now simmering and frothing from their beakers and where several what looked like multi-colored stone rocks lay gathered in a pile. The child stretched out a hand curiously.
“DON'T TOUCH THAT!” screeched a frantic voice and the next thing Rath knew, Dr. Avis Laira had snatched the colored rocks up and was cradling them to his chest protectively.
“Why? They're just a bunch of stupid rocks,” Rath stated scowling, wishing once again he had never asked the question which had brought him more confusion than he had felt before, as well as the frustration about the grown-ups who clearly knew the answer, yet refused to give a clear reply.
Kharl bit back his tongue from correcting the boy. After all, he couldn't very well tell him the “rocks” were really demon eggs he had been recently cultivating. Perhaps growing experiments right under the nose of the Dragon Tribe was not exactly the brightest idea he ever had, but as Garfakcy often told him, there was a fine line between genius and madness which he crossed over far too much. For the umpteenth time, the Yokai pondered if that was a compliment or not.
“Ahem, yes, if you sit back down, I will then proceed to share with you the exact measures as to how and whence babies come from,” Kharl stated with an exaggerated flourish as he put all the demon eggs except one in a cabinet drawer.
“Really?” Rath inquired incredulously, not buying it.
“Well, if you don't want to hear it after all, then I have this extremely fun game of Parcheesi we could play!” Kharl said excitedly, hoping he could deter the young boy's mind away from his current subject of interest.
“No, tell me now!” Rath demanded, racing back to the couch to take his seat again and waiting eagerly.
Reluctantly, the Yokai alchemist sat down in his chair.
“Alright then: the facts of life!” Kharl coughed tensely, “It's like this, Rath. Every person, well, female at least, has one egg or more.”
“An egg?” Rath asked, blinking baffled, “Like the kind you eat?”
“Hahahaha,” Kharl laughed rather flustered, “No. These eggs are a special kind which grow babies.”
“Where do they keep the eggs though? I want to see them!” the young boy proclaimed stoutly.
Poor Kharl had turned a bright tomato red and was clenching the arms of his chair quite tightly.
“You c-c-can't!” he finally stuttered, “They keep the eggs under lock and key! If a female decides she wants to have a baby, she has to submit a written request to the caretaker who will open the treasury for her!”
“Oh! That makes sense!” Rath exclaimed, starting to slowly understand, before he grew puzzled again, “But everyone kept talking about how there had to be a man and a woman to get a baby. Can a woman get one by herself?”
“Ah, ah, ah, ah” was all that Kharl could manage to croak out, “T-t-that question delves into a whole entire field of theory which I will refuse to go into! Suffice to say that there has to be a man present to…to…to…germinate the egg.”
“What does `germinate' mean?” Rath asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.
That question was the last straw for Kharl who promptly exploded.
“A THOUSAND CURSES ON YOU, DRAGON TRIBE!” the Renkin Wizard swore vehemently, shaking his fist at the ceiling, before launching an all-new campaign on sharing the facts of life with the child.
“There are certain shops which sell these special eggs,” Kharl stated, holding up the demon egg he had not put in the drawer with the rest, “They are not made known to the public much because then everyone would want a baby and pretty soon there would be an over-population of Dusis and soon we would run out of food to support us all. Therefore, when a man and woman want a baby, they send word to their local physician who then in turn notifies the caretaker of the eggs. Germinate is just another fancy word for watering the garden, shall we say? Hahaha! So, the egg is then germinated, made into a baby, put into a trundle-cloth, and handed over to a stork who flies the baby to its intended destination! Understand?”
Wordlessly Rath nodded at Dr. Avis Laira. Was that all there was to where babies come from? He really didn't see why it had been so difficult for everyone to explain this information to him.
“So, you must want a baby then,” Rath stated, nodding to the demon egg in the doctor's hand.
“What? Oh no! This isn't mine,” Kharl laughed nervously, “I was just um…cultivating it as a favor for the caretaker whose an acquaintance of mine! He's taking a vacation in Costa Rica Village.”
“Has anyone ordered that one yet?” Rath inquired airily, trying hard not to appear interested.
“No,” Kharl said bewildered until he realized what the child was plotting. A fiendish grin broke out across the Yokai's face as he foresaw a way to pay back the Dragon Tribe the past half hour of suffering they had caused him as well the anxiety had over his poor little master's mind being debauched with such horrific imagery with the facts of life.
“Here, Rath, you may have it,” Kharl said, placing the egg carefully in the boy's hands, “Just be sure to keep it warm until it hatches, and tell no one of this! Society usually has a man and woman tend to the baby, so people will frown down upon you if they realize you don't have a female partner.”
“When it hatches, I'll have my own baby?” Rath asked enthusiastically, clutching the egg close to his chest possessively.
Kharl nodded, afraid he would break out into maniacal crazed laughter if he opened his mouth.
“GREAT! I'M GONNA TEACH HIM HOW TO TRACK AND SLICE DEMONS WIDE OPEN!” Rath whooped in delight as he dashed happily from the room.
Well it was true, the demon egg would be a baby when it hatched. Kharl just hadn't said what type of baby it would be. And if the boy wanted to teach it how to track and slaughter demons, that wouldn't be too hard, considering they were the egg's brethren.
Kharl took out his pouch of ash and performed a protection spell on Rath.
Who knew? Perhaps he'd be lucky and the egg would hatch into a demon strong enough to massacre the entire Dragon Castle's occupants. That was a pleasant thought. It almost made up for the disappointment of the prospect of not being able to transfigure them all into teapots to add to his growing collection.
A/N: Well, that's the first Kharl/Rath Talk scenario. Its kind of Vol. 25 information-orientated. Basically, Rath was Kharl's master and the Demon King of Arinas, yet Kharl did in fact create Rath. Strange, eh? Did you notice how Kharl was more fatherly towards Rath here than he is in most of my fics? (This is your influence Leeayre)!What did you enjoy about this chapter? What were you're favorite parts? What made you laugh? Please review and tell me! Thanks!