Fan Fiction ❯ A Camping We Will Go! ❯ Acampingwewillgo1 ( Prologue )
A-Campin' We Will Go!
A/N: Um, yeah... Well, you should know what it's about, because of the title. Unless you're too lazy to read titles... No offense, but I don't sometimes...
PROLOGUE -- Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Link
(Scene: That cloudy place at the end of OoT. The lights dim a bit to reveal Zelda. The camera is facing her.)
Zelda: [opens eyes] Now, Link, you must give me the ocarina, so I can restore your past... [looks around] Link? LI-INK? Ah, spoot. I gotta remember not to close my eyes in such a vital time.
(Scene: Gerudo Fortress, Link, followed by several angry Gerudos, runs down a hall, carrying something that looks suspiciously like a pair of lady's underwear...)
Link: [with a hand-print on his face, probably from being slapped] Hehe... They should know never to let a teen who's hormones rage around sexy, partly-dressed women into a fortress like this! [continues running down the hall]
Random Gerudo: (Tina) You pervert!
Random Gerudo #2: (Sasha) Give back my underwear!
Random Gerudo #3: (Angelina) [to another Gerudo] Why are WE in this crowd?
Random Gerudo #4: (Lily) [to Angelina] Ya know what? I dunno. I guess it's because the kid went on a panty-raid and we don't wanna get ransacked by him either.
Angelina: Good point. [continues running]
Nabooru: [holding a cup of coffee and a newspaper entitled 'The Daily Gerudo', while walking down the opposite hall] What's all that ruccuss? Don't they know I need my beauty-- [Link runs past her, carrying the underwear] Link?
Lily: [stops in front of Nab] Lady Nabooru! He's stolen a pair of Sasha's underpants!
Nabooru: [drops the cup and crumples the newspaper in her hand] Oooooh, he's gonna pay...
(Scene: Link stops, having finally lost the Gerudo (or has he?), and looks around a corner. Just as he is about to make a break for the doors leading out of the fortress, he gets frozen by an orange light. Well, his body at least...)
Link: What the...?
Nabooru: Sooo... you thought you could just waltz in here-
Link: [interrupting] I kinda can... You know, with the membership card an' all...
Nabooru: [rolls her eyes] And then you steal someone's delicates? You're a perv, you know that?
Link: [looks down at himself] Uh, duh. I'm a teenager, whaddya expect? That I'd be a perfect lil' angel?
Nabooru: [remembering a certain incident while Link was ten] ...No... I also didn't think you'd turn out like... THIS. [motions to Link's left hand, where a pair of underwear is being held]
Link: [smiles] Aw, you can forgive me for that, can't ya? [looks down at the unmentionables in his hand] Um, now if you could just let me let go of these...
Nabooru: All right...
Random Gerudo #1-4: NO!!!
Nabooru: Ah, give the kid a break! D'you know how much the guy's gone through just to save ALL of Hyrule?
Angelina: What do we care? We're just Gerudos.
RG#1-3: Yeah... I guess...
Nabooru: [looks stern] Well, since I'm both head of the Gerudo women, now that Ganondorf's gone, and the Sage of Spirit, I demand that we let him go!
Lily: Why don't we vote?
Nabooru: [puts face in hand] Fiiine...
(Scene: Outside of the fortress. Link is tied and gagged in the middle of a ring of Gerudo women, and beside him is a voting booth. The Gerudo second-in-command steps up in front, shouting out rules while Nabooru pats Link on the back like it's a big deal.)
Link: [looks sadly at Nabooru] Mmph mm?
Nabooru: Well, we wanted a more democratic system just in case Ganny was killed by some hot guy. And Link, you're that hot guy.
Gerudo second-in-command: (Sheila) [shouting out how the voting system works, although she herself is quite confused about it] You pick up a piece of paper, like so... [picks up a piece of paper] And write 'Yes' or 'No' on it. Anyone confused?
Random Gerudo #25: (Amy) Um, could you repeat the part about 'writing'?
Sheila: [sighs and rolls her eyes] ...You write 'Yes' or 'No...'
Random Gerudo #12: (Lyla) What's democracy?
Random Gerudo #34: (Wendy) Can you eat it?
Random Gerudo #24: (Terry) Can you live with it?
Nabooru: [in a reassuring tone] Now, now, girls. It's not really that hard! You just step right in the booth, then under the sentence 'I want Link horribly maimed and/or dead', you write 'Yes' or 'No'. Simple as can be, no?
Random Gerudo #5: (Georgette) No!
Random Gerudo #22: (Mary) Can you make it any simpler? Or put it into song?
Nabooru: [to Link] Well, I'm definitely NOT singing... So I guess you're on your own, bud...
Link: [spits out the gag] TRAITOR!
Random Gerudo #12: (Vira) Men should all die!
Gerudo Women: Well... We need them for SOMETHING...
Vira: Oh, sorry!
Random Gerudo #17: (Natalie) I wish King Ganondorf was back! He'd provide a song and dance number explaining the whole thing!
Nabooru: That's why we hated him!
Other Gerudo: Oh yeah... [collective sigh]
Link: [shifts eyes left and right] Can I go now?
Gerudo: [all at once] NO!
Zelda: [warps to the scene, where she sees Link tied and gagged] Oh my... What have you gotten yourself into THIS time?
Random Gerudo #30: (Ursula) He stole a pair of Sasha's silkies!
Sasha: [angrilly shaking her fist at Link] You pervert!
Lily: And I was pulled into running after him for no reason whatsoever!
Zelda: [cocks an eyebrow at Link] Gee Link, you really DON'T look before you leap, do ya?
Link: [grins stupidly] That's why I'm special.
Zelda: [glances at him oddly then pats his head] Yes. That's what we call it. Special.
Nabooru: We were just voting to see who wanted to kill and/or horribly maim the kid.
Zelda: Shouldn't horribly maim come before the killing?
Nabooru: Ooh, what're you now, a grammer teacher?
Zelda: [pulls out a deploma in grammer] Well...
Nabooru: I didn't mean seriously!
Link: You should be more specific. Like cheese.
Nabooru: [stares at Link oddly] What?
Link: I know, I am stupid...
Random Gerudo #11: (Elana) Are we gonna kill 'im already?
Lyla: I dunno, but I wanna...
(Scene: Impa's room in Hyrule Castle. Apparently, because the taking of the ocarina is taking so long, she and the other Sages have taken off duty. She lays in bed, trying to take a nap.)
Impa: I can't sleep... I wonder what Zelda's up to...?
(Scene: In Gerudo Fortress. The Gerudo girls are finally lined up to vote, now getting the concept. One by one, they go in and out of the booth, voting whether or not Link should die. That's politics for ya. Link looks rather happy despite the situation, as he stares at every Gerudo's butt who passes him.)
Vira: [to another Random Gerudo] Voting's kinda like cricket... I don't understand it.
Random Gerudo #9: (Lina) Nobody understands cricket. The British really screwed up America with their crumpets and whatnot. (No offense to the British!)
Nabooru: [talking with Zelda] You know, we Gerudo were at one time a race of women AND men.
Zelda: Really?
Nabooru: Yup. Ganny just happened to be born exactly one-hundred years after the last man died... [shakes head] Poor Yancy. He was a great man.
Zelda: Yancy?
Nabooru: Yes. My mother told me of his gracious acts towards the Hylians, Zoras, Gorons, AND Kokiri... And he was a powerful wizard. Oh ever oh ever a wiz there was...
Link: Then do you have to repeat a quote from The Wizard of Oz?
Nabooru: [whacks him with a rolled up news paper] Hush! It's obligatory.
Random Gerudo #50: (Marsha) We're done voting, Lady Nabooru.
Nabooru: [walks to the booth] Oh goody. Maybe we CAN get this over with today.
--Several Hours Later...--
(Link still sat happily in his chair, tied up. Nabooru had just finished counting the ballots, and was about to reveal the Gerudo decision.)
Nabooru: And the Gerudo decided... that... they wanted to... ugh...
Link: [looking at Nabooru hopefully] What?
Nabooru: [shows a slip of paper with the decision on it]
Link: [eyes widen] Eww...
Nabooru: [rips the paper in half] Hey, why don't you just forget about the whole thing, huh? And then we'll go camping.
Link: [perks up] Camping? As in, tents, campfires and no link to civilization whatsoever?
Nabooru: [claps hands] Yes! With marshmallows and barbaques and fishing!
Link: [getting giddy] And sleeping bags and telling scary stories?
Nabooru: [starts hopping up and down like a school-girl] And making waffles in the morning!
Link: [now excited beyond belief] Can we invite the other sages?!
Nabooru: Of course!
Link: Except Ruto?
Nabooru: Duh. That's like, wiggedy-wiggedy whack, dude. [turns to Zelda] So... wanna come?
Zelda: On what?
Nabooru: A camping trip! I think that after the whole Ganondorf-incident, we need to get some rest and relaxation!
Zelda: That depends... Where're we camping?
Nabooru: Haven't thought about that...
Link: Howsabout Lake Hylia?
Zelda: Oh, that sounds fun!
Link: [gives Zelda an odd glance] What do you know about fun?
Zelda: Well, I seem to have a lot of it when I'm on wacky and insane adventures with you...
Link: I meant besides those...
Zelda: Oh... no.
Nabooru: Well, we wanted to invite the other Sages, right? Then let's go! [uses her Sage powah to transport herself, Link and Zelly to the Chamber of Sages]
(Scene: The Chamber of Sages. In a flash of orange light, Nabooru appears in the Chamber, with Link and Zelda behind her. The only people there are Saria and Rauru, both playing Super Smash Bros. on the N64. Saria sees the others, and jabs Rauru in the arm with a finger.)
Saria: Link's here!
Rauru: [spits out some soda he was drinking] Oh! OH! Sorry about this! We didn't think you'd come back so soon!
Nabooru: We were gonna take a camping trip. Wanna come?
Rauru: I dunno... Sagely business to attend to, ya know...
Saria: [punches Rauru in the arm] Aw, come on ya old fart! We need the vacation!
Rauru: Fine...
Link: We were just about to ask Darunia and Impa to come.
Rauru: I shall summon them here. [closes eyes as a yellowish aura surrounds him and he mutters some ancient Hylian under his breath]
Darunia: [appears in a dancing position, wearing a purple headband, wristbands and ankle-bands] Yeah! Er... What am I doing here?
Zelda: And WHAT are you doing in that outfit?
Darunia: I was working out. And you didn't answer my question.
Nabooru: What about Impa?
Impa: [appears next to Nabooru in a walking position, and her arm is out like she was reaching for something] ...
Nabooru: Okay, wanna come camping?
Darunia: [shrugs] I do need a break...
Impa: [shakes her head] I have too much to do... But I guess that's what castle servants are for, huh?
Zelda: Heck yeah!
Endy of Chappy One...y
There ya have it, folks! Just tell me how much ya liked it in a review (wink). And maybe, just maybe, I'll give you a cameo appearance in a later chapter (wink).