Fan Fiction ❯ Big Brother Darunia ❯ Link And Saria Remember ( Chapter 9 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA: A Reality Fan Fiction
Show Nine: Link and Saria Remember
By Galaxy Girl

BIG BROTHER is brought to you by the following sponsor...

(Scene: The shores of Lake Hylia. Adult Link sits on the edge of the lake, staring at the water.)

Link: Ah, hello Hyrule. As you know, now that I'm older, I can't do as much as I could when I was younger.

(A giant Tektite pops out of the water and starts to attack him. He fights back, still talking to the camera.)

Link: I can't move as fast... OOOCH! (Tektite hits him) I can't fit through the same spaces... YYEEOUCH!

(He starts to glow red, and he gasps for air.)

Link: So when... I'm in a ... tight spot... I can count... on my little blue friend...

(He pulls out a bottle of Blue Potion and drinks it)

Link: AH! (He fires a light arrow at the Tektite and it dies.)

Link: That's right. A nice cold Blue Potion! Ask your local evil-looking potion shop witch if a blue potion is right for you.

Announcer: Usage of a Blue potion may cause empty wallets, poorness, nausea, yawn, tremor, sleepiness, allergies to Zoras, money-burning syndrome, and poorness. Wait, I said that!

Link: So next time you need a quick lift, try a Blue potion! It's an all natural high! And it's got all you vitamins and minerals! It makes you feel good!

(He does a back flip, and in doing so falls into the lake, where he is attacked by another group of Tektites)

Link: OW! OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOW! OWW! OW! OW! OW!

(Scene: Big Brother Title Room. Little Link has a photo album on his lap, and is reading it. Suddenly, he notices the camera.)

LL: Oh, hello! I'm looking at pictures of myself as a baby! Anyway, welcome to this week's Big Brother. Last week, well, uh... a lot of weird stuff happened last week. Just read it. Whatever. This week, there are only two players left, and we will prepare to take the FINAL votes for the winner of the Big Brother show! Let's watch this week's show!

(Scene: The Living Room. Saria and Link sit. All alone... With no one else...)

Saria: We haven't talked in a while, have we?

Link: Not really. I guess.

Saria: But really! You're my best childhood friend, and I think we need to have a good talk.

Suki: Um, Saria... You are still in your childhood.

Saria: SO?

Link: Man, those were the good days... Back before I became a hero and stuff.

Saria: You still remember?

Link: Of course. Hey, let's talk about that!

Saria: Sure. Fine with me.

(WE INTERRUPT THIS EPISODE FOR A CLARIFICATION!)

LL: All the flashbacks in this episode were simulated by the good folks at Nintendo. We do not have videotapes of Saria and Link from when they were kids!

(BACK TO THE SHOW)

Link: Do you remember when we were babies?

Saria: Yes, do you?

Link: Erm, no.

Saria: Why not? We had a great time! I remember the first time we ever spoke!

(Harp strings cue the flashback)

(We see a huge row of cradles all set up next to the Great Deku Tree, who looks younger and more healthy. He has no mustache, and he is yelling at the top of his lungs.)

Deku Tree: I'M A DADDY! I'M A DADDY! WOOHOOO!

(Suddenly, a young woman in a cloak walks into the meadow.)

Woman: Excuse me, Deku Tree... I need to ask you a favor!

Deku Tree: Can't this wait? I'm a DADDY!

Woman: I've been mortally wounded in a fight, and I need someone to take care of my baby!

(She is holding a baby in a green blanket. He has blue eyes and very blonde hair.

Baby Link: WAAAA, baby! Very WAAAAA!

Deku: Sure, fine with me.

Woman: YIPPEE! Oh, I feel faint! ACK!

(She falls over and dies.)

Deku Tree: (To Link) Well, sucks to be you.

Baby Link: WAAA baby, VERY WAAAAAA!

Deku Tree: Here, come over here with my babies.

(A vine reaches out and carries baby Link over to the row of cradles. A new one pops out of the ground, and Link gets in.)

Baby Link: Nice digs you got here, babe.

(A girl in the cradle next to him rolls over. She has green hair and green eyes.)

Baby Saria: Hi, I'm Saria! What's your name?

Baby Link: I'm Link. Nice to meetcha.

Baby Saria: Yes. Nice to meetcha.

(Suddenly, a familiar baby stands up in the crib on the other side of Saria)

Baby Mido: What the heck do you think you're doing?

Baby Link: Getting to know my neighbors! What's it to you?

Baby Saria: Mido, stop it! Look, the fairies are coming! Be quiet, or they won't pick you!

( A group of fairies fly over to where the Kokiri kids are and start zooming from cradle to cradle.)

Yaki the Fairy: Dude! Which one looks good?

Fala the Fairy: I don't know... hey, that one is cute!

Soli the Fairy: Who, that ugly blonde kid?

Yaki: Yeah, that one.

Fala: He's not ugly! I'm going over to talk to him!

(Fala flies over to where Baby Link and Baby Mido are arguing.)

Baby Link: Oh yeah? Well move your @$$ out of my cradle, you stupid #*%&#!

Fala: What the heck?!

Baby Saria: Link, you might want to stop it.

Fala: Hello! My name is Fala! I'm your fairy!

Baby Link: YOU? Your voice is so high! That's incredible!

Fala: What?

Baby Link: Hey, Folo, wanna see a trick?

(He belches, loud and long)

Baby Link: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!

Fala: Ahhaahahaha... bye...

(She flies away and becomes one of the Know-It-All Brother's fairy.)

Baby Mido: Dude!

Yaki: Dude!

Baby Mido: I like this one, dude!

Yaki: DUDE!

Baby Mido: DUUUUUUUUDE!

Baby Saria: Hey, who are you?

Fairy: I am... well, uh, I don't have a name.

Baby Saria: Are you my fairy?

Fairy: I guess so.

Baby Saria: Why don't we call you... The Fairy Who Will Eventually Be Known As Suki!

TFWWEBKAS: What? Isn't that kind of long? How about just Saria's Fairy?

Baby Saria: Works for me! But when will you get a name?

Saria's Fairy: Maybe someday you'll join the cast of a stupid reality TV show and the author will have a contest to name me.

Baby Saria: Um, yeah... sure...

Baby Link: HEY! I don't have a fairy!

Baby Mido: You're not even a real Kokiri! Mr. No-Fairy!

Baby Link: Gee, nice nickname, buddy! Did you make that up all by yourself?

Baby Mido: You shut up, Mr. No Fairy!

(Meanwhile, the fairies are talking)

Tolo the Fairy: Hey, Navi! You don't have a kid!

Navi: I don't need a kid! I'm independent!

Lulu the Fairy: But Navi...

Navi: There's only one kid left! And I don't want to be HIS fairy! He looks like trouble!

(She spies Baby Link trying to belch the ABCs.)

Navi: Yep, sometimes, you can just tell which kids are going to save the world someday!

Baby Link: WAAA baby, VERY WAAAAA! I WANT A FAIRY! I WANT A FAIRY!

Baby Saria: Don't worry Link! I'm sure you'll get a fairy someday!

(Scene: Living Room. Saria and Link are still thinking about their flashback)

Link: Stupid Mido! Jeez, I hate him!

Saria: Oh, come on! He was never THAT bad!

Link: Yes he was! Remember how everyday at 3:00 it was "Beat Up Mr. No-Fairy Time"?

Saria: Well...

Link: And how every other day was called "Link Gets Lynched Day"?

Saria: They never really killed you, did they?

Link: Just be glad I grabbed a fairy from the Fairy Fountain every time I had a day off! If not, I would have died that very first day...

(Scene: Kokiri Forest. Link and the crew are toddlers, and Mido decides to institute a new holiday.)

Saria: Gee Link, will I really fly if I jump off the roof of my house with these boards on my arms?

Link: Of course... you'll fly right to the Lost Woods!

Mido: Hi Saria...

Saria: Oh, hi Mido! How are you?

Mido: Good. Hi, Mr. No-Fairy!

Link: Oh, sheesh. Are you back again?

Mido: Link, I want to play a new game with you!

Link: Does it involve punching?

Mido: No.

Link: Hitting?

Mido: No.

Link: Kicking or elbowing?

Mido: No.

Link: How about shoulder charging?

Mido: Will you just COME ON?

(Link jumps down from the roof of Saria's house, and follows Mido to a wooden platform with a gallows set up on it.)

Link: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Mido: Just stick your head in this rope...

Deku Tree: MIDO!

Mido: Oh crud. I'll be right back!

(Mido runs to the Deku Tree meadow, and comes back with a vine whip across the face.)

Mido: Stupid EH! Stupid EH! Stupid EH! Stupid EH!

(Back in Reality Land)

Saria: Ah-HA! So Mido never really did lynch you!

Link: So? He tried!

Suki: Mido was always so nice to me!

Link: Mido wasn't nice to anyone. Except you, Saria...

Saria: He wasn't that nice to me.

Link: SO?

Saria: The only really nice thing he ever did was give me an Ocarina!

(She takes her Fairy Ocarina out of her pocket)

Link: He GAVE you that? I'll kill him!

Saria: No! He gave me another Ocarina! It was really out of tune, and slightly broken.

Link: WAIT! He STOLE that one from ME!

Saria: You made an Ocarina too?

Link: Huh? No, not ME me, ME!

Saria: Oh, ME?

Link: Yeah. The Know-It-All Brother... I still think the Deku Tree was angry at someone when he named you guys.

Suki: Well, Link isn't that cool of a name either!

Link: Shut up!

Saria: I remember that Ocarina. I threw it away.

Link: Hmmph. Life in the forest absolutely sucked.

Saria: It did not! Just because Mido was there! We had a lot of good times, too!

Link: Well...

(The theme song to "Laverne and Shirley" plays, and a music montague of Link and Saria's younger days plays.)

Singer: He is Link and she's Saria! Mario says Mamma Mia! They're gonna make their dreams come true! Getting in trouble!

(Scene of Link and Saria running through the Lost Woods being pursued by a very angry Wolfos. Suddenly, Mido appears out of a bush and grabs Link, pulling him into the bush and beating him up.)

Singer: Running wild around the forest! Even if their names were Boris! They wanna make their dreams come true! Getting in Trouble!

(Scene of Link and Saria having a spitting contest. Mido pops out of a bush, grabs Link, and beats him up.)

Singer: Though Mido can beat him up a lot! They don't pay attention to that little snot! They're gonna make their dreams come true! Getting in trouble!

(Link and Saria sitting in a meadow telling jokes. Mido comes up, laughs at one by Saria, and then beats up Link.)

Singer: Getting in trouble's OK! Link'll save the world some day-ay! They're gonna---

Link: OK, OK! STOP THE SINGING! PLEEEEASE!

Saria: It wasn't that bad!

Link: Did you notice that in every one of those scenes, I ended up getting beat up by Mido?

Saria: Well... uh... He was just playing!

Link: Yeah, playing, sure... I knew I should have cut that little shrimp's head off the second I saw him in the Lost Woods after I grew up!

Suki: YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH! CUT HIS FLIPPING HEAD OFF! CUT IT OFF! CUTITOFF! CUTITOFF! CUTITOFF! WOOOHOOOOOO!

Saria: I can't believe I still remember all this stuff!

Link: Do you remember the day you made up that gosh-forsaken song of yours?

Saria: Actually, I do.

(Scene: The Lost Woods. 6-year-old Saria sits in a grassy meadow, trying to come up with a song for herself.)

Saria: Let's see... up, down, right... no... that sounds corny. Down, left up... Nope, that's not it either.

Link: Hi Saria. How are you?

Saria: Fine. I'm trying to come up with a song. Any ideas?

Link: No clue.

Saria: Hmm...

(Suddenly, Mido appears in the gateway to the meadow, insulting Link yet again.)

Mido: (in a sing-song voice) HEY MR. NO FAIRY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Link: (in a sing-song voice) I'M TALKING TO SARIA, YOU STUPID PIG!

Saria: Wait, THAT'S IT!

Mido: (singing) SARIA DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH SUCH A STUPID DORK!

Link: (singing) STUPID PIG! STUPID PIG!

Saria: Link, say that again!

Link: Huh? Stupid pig, stupid pig?

Saria: Oh no! Sing it!

Link: (singing, kind of like Saria's Song) Stupid Pig? Stupid Pig?

Saria: Down, right, left! THAT'S PERFECT!

Mido: WHAT ARE YOU DOING SARIA?

Saria: (Singing) STUPID PIG! STUPID PIG!

Mido: WHAAAA? Saria? How...

Link: You heard the woman! Stupid pig! Stupid pig!

Mido: HRRRMPH! (He runs away)

Link: Is that your new song?

Saria: STUPID PIG! STUPID PIG!

Link: Huh?

(Scene: Living room.)

Link: So... the original lyrics to Saria's Song were... "stupid pig, stupid pig"?

Saria: I changed it!

Suki: I love that song! PLAY THE SONG, SARIA! PLAYITPLAYITPLAYITPLAYIT!

Saria: Hush!

Suki: PLEASEPLAYIT?

Saria: Suki, just understand this! I'm tired of that song!

Link: You're WHAT?

Saria: I'm tired of it, OK? 7 years of hearing the same song playing over and over again...

(Link and Suki eye her strangely, and she screams)

Saria: WHAAAAAAAT?

Link: Boy, we were weird kids, huh?

Saria: AHEM!

Link: I mean... BOY I WAS a weird kid and BOY YOU ARE a weird kid!

Saria: Thank you. You know, it isn't exactly good for the self-esteem to be a 17 year old trapped in the body of a 7 year old.

Suki: But you two did a lot weirder things than that! Remember that one Halloween?

Link and Saria: OH MAN! Don't bring that up!

Suki: But it was funny!

Link: Oh no! Too late! They're going to show the flashback!

(Scene: Great Deku Tree's Meadow. Link and Saria, 10-years-old, sneak into the meadow at night carrying a large sack.)

Link: SHHH! Be quiet!

Saria: Link, I don't feel good about this!

Link: That dumb @$$ Deku Tree wouldn't let us leave the forest to go trick or treating, so he deserves this!

(Link pulls a roll of toilet paper out of the bag.)

Link: Yeah, baby! TP the Tree!

(He throws the roll through the branches, and continues until the tree is covered in toilet paper.)

Link: Saria, you got the poo?

Saria: This is gross!

Link: Fine, I'll put the flaming bag of poo in front of him.

(Link sets a paper bag full of you-know-what in front of the tree, and lights it with a Deku stick.)

Link: Heh heh... take that!

(Suddenly, the wind picks up and a spark ignites the Great Deku Tree into flames.)

Saria: OMG! LINK! YOU'RE BURNING DOWN THE DEKU TREE!

Link: Uh... GET WATER!

(The Great Deku Tree wakes up screaming.)

Deku Tree: AAAAAAAAAAAA! GETWATER! GETWATER!

(The Kokiri kids wake up and run, carrying buckets of water. When the flames are finally put out, the Deku tree has a new... haircut... hehehehe... and the kids are lined up in front of the tree.)

Deku Tree: OK! Which one of you ungrateful little weasels lit me on fire and TP'd me?

Link: Uh... MIDO DID IT!

Mido: WHAT? I did not!

Deku Tree: Mido! You come here! I'm going to give you a great spanking!

Mido: HUH?

(Scene: Living room again)

Link: WHAAAHAHAHAHA! That was great! I wish I could have had a camera to take a picture of Mido's face after the Great Deku Tree spanked him! WHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saria: That was not funny! Well, OK... it kind of was, but...

Suki: And how about that time when you were two, with the towel...

Link: HUH? NO! NO! Don't EVER repeat that!

Suki: Butt it was so funny! Get it? Butt? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Scene: Kokiri Forest. The Kokiri kids want to play a game with Link, but he is mysteriously gone.)

Twin: Where is he?

Saria: I think he said he wanted to take a shower.

Know-It-All: Hey, we're only two! He can't take a shower yet!

(Suddenly, a two-year-old Link runs out from behind the waterfall butt-naked, screaming. A smiley-face covers his, um... you know! Butt!)

Link: THE AIR IS FREE! THE AIR IS FREE!

Kokiri kids: ???

Saria: OMG! LINK! GET SOME PANTS ON!

Mido: Here Link... Let me help you!

(He pulls out a giant towel and cracks Link hard on the heiney.)

Link: OWOWOWOWOWOW!

(Back in Reality World)

Suki: ((^_^)) AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saria: ((^_^)) AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! AAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Link: ((o_O)) SHUT UP!

(Saria and Suki continue laughing, until Link gets an idea.)

Link: Hey, Suki... remember that time that the Twins installed that bug-zapper on their porch?

Suki: ((o_O)) HUH?

Saria: LINK! Don't you bring that up! I spent weeks trying to get her wings all bandaged up!

Link: Yeah, but you gotta admit... It was funny!

Saria: I guess you are right. We were weird kids!

Link: Yeah? Well nothing we did is half as weird as that one day when we were seven...

Saria: PLEASE no! I still have nightmares from this one!

Suki: What?

Link: It all started during a game of Truth or Dare...

(Scene: Kokiri Forest. The Kokiri kids are playing and innocent game of Truth or Dare.)

Twin: OK... um, Mido, Truth or Dare?

Mido: Truth!

Link: (pretending to cough) WUSSY! WUSSY!

Mido: OK, Dare!

Link: (pretending to cough) BROWNNOSER! BROWNNOSER!

Mido: OK, then Link! What do you suggest?

Link: Do a dare!

Mido: Fine. What is it?

Link: Umm... hey, I know!

Saria: Now Link, nothing gross, OK?

Link: I DEE-DOUBLE-DOGGY-TRIPLE DARE YOU TO KISS SARIA ON THE LIPS!

Saria: WHAAAAT?

Mido: WHAAAAAAT?

Other Kokiri: Ooooooooooooh!

Mido: I can't kiss Saria on the lips!

Link: OK then... WITH TONGUE!

Saria: EEENH! NU-UH! NOOO WAY! I am NOT letting Mido kiss me on the lips! And ESPECIALLY not with tongue!

Mido: I refuse!

Know-It-All: You can't refuse! He DEE-DOUBLE-DOGGY-TRIPLE dared you! You have to! Unless...

Link: Unless you do a truth!

Mido: Fine, fine, yes! A truth!

Link: Who is your biggest crush in the world?

Mido: WHAAA? I...I... uh...

Kokiri: WELL?

Mido: The... The DEKU TREE!

Kokiri: ??? You have a crush on the Deku Tree?

Mido: (blushing) Uh, LINK! Truth or Dare?

Link: DARE! I am the KING of Dares! There's no dare I won't dare!

Mido: OK... I DARE you to... go to the Deku Tree's meadow, crawl up his nose... and bring back the biggest Deku Stick you can find!

Link: HUH? OK! I'm gone, man!

Saria: Link, that's disgusting! You aren't going to do it, are you?

Link: Of course! Just wait five seconds!

(He races off. Sure enough, five minutes later, he appears again, carrying a large Deku stick.)

Link: I'm BAAAACK!

(The Kokiri are all staring at him.)

Mido: Good grief! You didn't really do it, did you?

Link: Of course!

Saria: Eh...

Mido: OK, now for part two! Take the Deku Stick, and stick it up your nose!

Kokiri: EWWWWWWWWW!!

Link: OK! Watch and learn, kiddies!

Saria: Ew, Link, NO! That's not only extremely gross, I don't think it's humanly possible!

Link: I'm not a wuss! Watch me! One... Two...

(Back in the Living room)

Saria: AAAAAAAAACK! NO! DON'T FINISH!

Link: What?

Suki: That was so funny! I almost forgot about it!

Saria: It was not funny! Link passed out and it took him SIX MONTHS for his nose to get back to its normal size!

Link: You could practically fit a cow up my nose during those six months!

Suki: Uh, yeah... sure... Whatever...

Saria: Man, we were creepy as kids.

Link: But...

Saria: And I DON'T need you to point out the fact that I still am a kid!

Suki: Technically, she isn't! She's 17, just like you!

Saria: I'm just a little small for my age!

Link: Sure, whatever.

(They sit silently.)

Saria: I miss Darunia.

Link: I miss Zelda.

Suki: I MISS MALON! It was so much fun to talk to her!

Saria: You know, you did most of the talking.

Suki: So what! I loved the way she used to yell at me!

Link: It sure isn't the same without all those guys.

Saria: No kidding.

Link: I know! Let's go run around the castle!

Suki: WHEEEEEE! FUN!

(Doorbell rings)

Saria: I'll get it!

(She opens the door and finds Little Link standing there.)

LL: Oh, hello Saria. I'm here to share the final results of the eviction!

Link: Oh YAY!

Saria: We finally find out who is the winner!

(LL comes in and sits down on the couch. He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and is about to open it, when...)

Suki: WAIT! THAT'S IT!

Link, Saria, LL: What?

Suki: I thought of it! The most embarrassing thing any of us has ever done!

LL: What are you talking about?

Link: Now? But we're about to...

Suki: This one really takes the cake! This is an awesome story!

Saria: Oh NO! Not...

Link: THE STORY!

Saria and Link: PLEASE SUKI! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!

Suki: It was so funny! Here, Little Link, listen to this one!

(Scene: Kokiri Forest, nightime. It is a few days before Link is called upon to break the Deku Tree's curse, and Mido is on his way to Saria's House.)

Mido: Ah! After tonight, Saria won't be able to get enough of me!

(He straightens a green bowtie and picks up a bouquet of flowers off of the ground.)

Mido: (Singing, to the tune of Saria's Song)
It's the day!
It's the day!
It'll be OK!
Because soo-oon she
Will be in love with me!

(He runs off towards Saria's House. On the door is a note.)

Mido: "I went to Link's House for movie night. Please stop by and visit me there.
Saria."
Oh no! Now I have to deal with stupid Mr. No-Fairy, too!

(Mido goes up to Link's house, climbs the ladder, and hears laughter from inside.)

Mido: I'll just open the door and... HOLY SHEIKAH!

(Saria and Link are sitting on Link's sofa, watching the TV screen. On the top of the TV, a movie box that says, "The Teletubbies Save Magic Smiley Land!" Saria
is wearing a yellow Teletubby baseball cap and is singing the words to the song on screen. As if that wasn't bad enough, Link has a purple Teletubby hat, and
and he has his tunic unzipped, revealing the purple Teletubby tattoo on his chest that says "Manly Man" On it.)

Mido: WHAT IN THE NAME OF DIN'S DIRTY UNDERWEAR ARE YOU DOING?!?!??!

Saria and Link: AAAACK!

Saria: MIDO! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NEVER TO INTERRUPT US ON MOVIE NIGHT?!?!

TV: (singing in a high annoying voice) TINKY-WINKY! DIPSY-WIPSY! LAA-LAA! PO! TELETUBBIES! TELETUBBIES! SAY HEEEEELLOOOOO!

(Link quickly attempts to zip up his tunic.)

Link: It's a temporary tattoo, I swear!

(Scene: Back in the living room.)

LL: WAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! WWWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! (breath) WWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Link: (grumbling) I was ten years old...

Suki: (Laughing like crazy) And then we find out his tattoo was real! WWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Saria: Shut up, Suki.

Suki: HUH?

LL: Tee hee... well, as much as I'd like to keep laughing, we need to open this envelope and find out who the winner of the Big Brother Darunia Game Show is!

Link: YESS!

Saria: I hope I win!

Suki: Cross your fingers everyone!

LL: It's been a great show everyone! But like everything else, this great thing must eventually come to an end.
Remember, the winner recieves a brand new Mazda Protege and 5 million rupees cash prize!

Link: So get on with it!

LL: Saria, is there anything you'd like to say to Link, the readers, or the former contestants?

Saria: Actually yes. You know, I never could have made it this far without the help of you, everyone!
Without the help of the readers, I could have been voted out. Without the other contestants acting so loserly
and getting kicked off, I would have been gone long ago! And Link... you have always been my best friend and
my best supporter. I wanted to say that you are very special to me, and I wanted to tell you that...

LL: OK, thank you Saria.

Saria: But I'm not done!

LL: We're going to run out of time! Link, how about you?

Link: OK. My message is for everyone.

(He walks up right to the camera and grabs it. He points it at his face, gets real close, and says...)

Link: (belching) WAAASSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP???!?!?!?!!?

LL: Um, yeah. Sure. Well, it's time! But before we do... we'd like to do a special Big Bro salute to all of the contestants who did not make it this far.

(The following music montage was prepared by the good folks at Nintendo.)

(Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a thing")

LL: Nabooru... (I don't wanna cloose my eyes!)

Rauru... (I don't wanna falll asleep!)

Ruto... (Cause I miss you baby!)

Ganondorf... (And I don't wanna miss a thing!)

Impa... (Cause even when I dream again!)

Zelda... (The sweetest dream will never do!)

Darunia... (Cause I miss you baby!)

Malon... (And I don't wanna miss a thing!)

You all were lots of fun to have on the show! Now, it's time to open the envelope and find out who the winner is!
Will it be Link, the courageous yet moody Hero of Time? Or Saria, the naive, innocent Sage of Forest?

Link: Geez, just tell us already!

Saria: Who won?

LL: The winner of the Big Brother Darunia Game Show Reality Fan Fiction, a Mazda Protege, and 5 million Rupees is...

(Suddenly, the screen shorts out and the BBD logo screen shows. We can still hear the voices of the contestants.)

LL: What the...

Link: Hey, what's going on?

Saria: I don't know! What's up?

LL: I think we're out of film!

Suki: OUT OF FILM?! OUT OF FILM?! HOW COULD WE BE OUT OF FILM!?!?!?!

LL: I don't know. I guess we just kinda overdid it with the ending.

Link: So now what?

LL: I'll call up the company, and they'll send us more film. Then, we can record the ending.

Saria: Why can't you just tell us?

LL: Cause, the readers want to find out too! And we have a big technicolor display planned for the winner! They have to see that!

Link: Whatever.

LL: Erm, well! I'm sorry about that, folks. Next week, we'll have the FINAL episode of BBD and we'll reveal the winner!
AND... the author will reveal the plans for a great big surprise she has planned for after the show is
over. So, please tune in for the next and final episode of Big Brother Darunia, and REMEMBER! Big Brother Darunia...

All: HE'S WATCHING YOU!

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BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

We found about five minutes of film leftover in the studio, just enough to record the final adventures
of Koume and Kotake!

(Scene: Death Mountain. Koume and Kotake walk sadly down the mountain.)

Koume: I can't believe it. All that, and we never find the brat who killed us!

Kotake: (Sigh) We've looked all over Hyrule, and there's no sign of him anywhere!

Koume: Our lives are over!

Twinrova: Sigh!

(Suddenly, the Lake Scientist runs up to them and screams in joy.)

Lake Scientist: AT LAST! I've found you!

Koume: Huh?

Kotake: Huh?

Lake Scientist: Ever since I first saw you two, I've been madly in love with you! I want to marry
you!

Koume: ME?!

Kotake: NO! He said me!

Koume: Nu-uh! He wants me!

Kotake: ME!

Koume: ME!

Kotake: MEEEEEEEE!!!!

(The two start to fight, tearing each other's hair out.)

Koume: That's it! It's time to get serious, Kotake!

Kotake: No, I'M GETTING SERIOUS, KOUME!

(The two are surrounded with red and blue clouds. Suddenly, they morph into their single form.)

Twinrova (Koume half): CRIPES! How did you know I was going to do that?

Twinrova (Kotake half): Well, GEE KOUME! Everytime we say "Let's Get Serious!" we transform!

Lake Scientist: WOW! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!

Twinrova: HUH?

Twinrova Koume: Wow, he really is blind!

Twinrova Kotake: He's cute! I like him!

Lake Scientist: OH PLEEEEEASE! PLEEEASE MARRY ME!

Twinrova: OK!

(The Lake Scientist jumps for joy, takes Twinrova by the hand, and leads her, uh, them off of the trail and through the village.)

Twinrova Koume: So how are we going to handle this one?

Twinrova Kotake: Let's just wait till we get to his house, and we can separate then.

Twinrova Koume: Works for me.

(Twinrova and their new husband skip happily off to Lake Hylia, forgetting completely about Link and the fact that they are back from the dead.)

Twinrova Kotake: Hey! We never got our revenge on the Hero of Time!

Twinrova Koume: Kotake, I'm surprised at you! Who needs revenge when we got love?

Twinrova Kotake: You're right. You can be a total witch, but I love you Koume! My sister!

Twinrova Koume: I love you too, Kotake! My sister!

Twinrova Kotake: I like you more.

Twinrova Koume: UH-uh! I LIKE YOU MORE!

Twinrova Kotake: NO!

Twinrova Koume: YESSSSS!

Twinrova (both): AAARRRRGH! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO START FIGHTS?!?!?!

Lake Scientist: I've always wanted a woman who talks to herself!

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This game messed up by: Galaxy Girl
galaxygirl7777@angelfire.com
President, Webmaster of Planet Universe Comix Co.
http://www.angelfire.com/co3/kellcomix

LEGEND OF ZELDA AND ALL RELATED INDICIA ARE PROPERTY OF NINTENDO OF AMERICA. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
IS INTENDED. I do not own any of the characters or places in this fan fiction. If I owned Hyrule,
you bet I wouldn't be here right now, enhancing the butt-groove on my computer chair!
Nu-uh!