Fan Fiction ❯ Little Wish ❯ dear diary ( Chapter 1 )

Little Wish

disclaimer:
This is just a little story that pupped up in my head one morning. I really needed to write something easy and not so very deep going for once. So I made this little side project called: 'Little Wish'.
For you who are not familiar with shounen ai, this story contains male/male relations.
And as a final notice, I just want to explain my maybe not so very incredible writing since english is just my secound language. Thanx for reading this innocent little note. ^^;;

// shien

chapter: one
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dear diary <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

- Dear God, forgive me for I have sinned...-

-With the only purpose to hurt others, I have been able to go on...-

-Though I've never ever felt happy about it. It has never made me feel better.-

-I'm affraid it has become an addict to me. I can not make another day without falling for it. I have to get it confirmed everyday. That I am someone. That people do care for me.-

-My father never did, or well, not in a very attractive way. My mother did not even remember my name when I saw her last. They both rejected me at an early age, and now I follow in their fading footsteps.-

-I promised myself once never to become like them. But I am so weak. I can't decide for myself what I want or not.-

-However, I think I am on my way to understand that now. And I think maybe I'll be able to break free from it. But only if you help me. One last chanse. That's all I'm asking for...-

"Asaba?! Are you listening?!" a loud female voice rang in Kohta's deafen ears suddenly and he made a slight twitch. He looked up and faced the annoyed teacher standing by his desk.
"Yes... ms Kato." he said and leaned back in his seat. Some students around in the room glanced at him. The teacher gave him an irritated look and pointed at the black board. "You'll have your final exam in the end of this week, I certainly hope for your sake mr Asaba, that you've already started!" she said, a soft sinister smirk curling up her red lips. Kohta returned her a faked smile and looked away.
The female teacher sighed deeply and sat down by her desk again. "Well, that's it for today..." she said and all the students got up from their seats and walked for the exit.
Kohta rose from the chair and grabbed his bag. The female teacher looked up and glanced at him. "This exam is a determining factor you know Asaba..." she mumbled and Kohta fired a wide smile at her. "So are you ms Kato." he said and she frowned at him while watching him leave.

Kohta walked through the corridor with his eyes deeply in the ground. He threw the bag over his shoulder and sighed.
As he walked on he suddenly saw someone at the end of the corridor. Fujima Aki, a younger student from another school. The younger boy stared at him blankly, and Kohta stoped, staring back at him.
And then he smiled.

"It's not that I feel any specially for her, it's just that, we're quite alike she and me. She's like a sister." Aki said and his voice died. His golden brown eyes staring down in the ground. "Of course I care." he finished the sentence.
Kohta leaned back and turned his face to the blue sky. "I told you not to get involved with them..." he said and Aki turned to him with a puzzled expression in his sweet face. "What?" he asked and Kohta glanced at him. "Women..." he cackled and Aki sighed deeply. "Oh, so who would I get involved with then, you maybe?" Aki said ironicly and snorted. Kohta smirked. "Well, that's always a possibility." he said dreamingly.
Aki stared at him blankly. "You know that will never happen, stop dreaming Kohta." he said. Kohta draught for a deep sigh of disappointment as he shrugged.
Yet, the other boy would never know how deeply he hurt him by saying that, though Kohta could never ever show his feelings, however much it hurt him. He couldn't show his weakness to others. Not unless they were weaker than him.
If now, that was even possible.
Aki turned down his gaze to the ground again. "Are you coming for the art exhibition tomorrow?" he asked absently, yet his own appeariance for the exhibition would depend on the other man's answer.
Kohta closed his eyes and inhaled the cool air. "Maybe..." he whispered.


Kohta was laying on a bed, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair tousled. His eyes were open half way and he were staring up into the celing, blankly.

-Dear God. Do you think you can save me?-

A tall, young man came into the room. His dark hair falling in his eyes as he crawled up in the bed beside the other man. He leaned over him and kissed him deeply.
Kohta didn't take his eyes of the celing. He never closed his eyes while kissing someone.
A sign of unanswered and false love. It would always be fake. The whole him would always be fake.

-Forgive me Lord, for I do not know what I am doing...-