Fan Fiction ❯ LotR, according to two insane fangirls ❯ The cafe in no where land ( Chapter 1 )

`Kay, this was written by me and my good friend Ash. If you spot changes in tense or something, well, please keep in mind that this was written by two insane hyper people.

Disclaimer: Yah, I really own LotR. (For all the stupid people, that was sarcasm)

NYAAAAHHHH!! I like reviews. If you review my fic, I'll review your fic.

Cowrin: that's called bribery…

No it isn't. It just my powerful powers of persuasion at work.

First the cafe floor needed scrubbing. So then Aragorn scrubbed it. Gimli laughed because Aragorn was scrubbing the floor. Aragorn rose to his feet.

"Do not laugh at me, dwarf! I would cut off your head if it stood only a little higher from the ground!"

"Hey! WOAH! That's my line!" cried Éomer, "My line! Mine! My own!"

"Na uh! That's only your line in the MOVIE! Not in the book!"

"What's your point? It's still my line."

"So?"

"NYAH!" Éomer stuck out his tongue.

"Why you-- How dare you defy the knig?!"

"Knig?"

"I mean king."

"You aren't the king yet!"

"I am so!"

"You are not!"

Suddenly they were interrupted by a herd of Nazgûls riding on evil talking deer.

"HAHAA!" said one of the deer, "Let's eat them!"

"No!!!! Let's turn them into apples." said another deer.

"Right... And I suppose you have the power to turn them into apples?"

"No."

"So why did you suggest it?"

"Dunno. I'm bored."

"Shut up."

"You shut up!"

The two deer get into a fight and their Nazgûl riders get thrown off.

Éomer and Aragorn were fighting, so the Nazgûl drew their swords and made ready to behead them. Suddenly, before they got to the two men, a certain elf swung down from the ceiling and threw pudding at their faces.

"Ha!" cried Legolas, "Gotcha!"

The Nazgûl looked up, outraged, before one of them tasted the pudding.

'Mmmm.. Its Chocolate Pudding!'

The other Nazgûl looked at the one who had spoken.

'Really?'

'Yeah!'

They both eagerly get the pudding off their faces, as Aragorn turns around, to face Legolas.

'Well, that wasn't nice, Master Elf! You distracted Éomer and myself! We were about to get onto the fact-'

But Aragorn was cut off, as Legolas replied in a casual voice.

'Yeah, and? I made two people happy today-'

The blond haired prince signifies the two Nazgûl.

'-And how many have you made happy today?' Legolas adds.

Aragorn looked now at Legolas, outraged beyond belief.

'Now Master Elf, maybe I should teach you a lesson! I am Knig!'

'Knig?' Gimli, who was standing nearby questions.

'I meant KING you stupid Dwarf! K-N-I-G!'

Legolas started laughing, but abruptly stopped when he felt cold steel on his bare throat. Aragorn had his sword Anduril pressed against the Elven Princes' throat.

'Now, My *prince*-'

Aragorn says, emphasises the word prince.

Gimli looked at Legolas, before Sam arrived and breathlessly began shouting.

"Help! Master Frodo's caught in the window!"

"He's... caught in the window, Samwise?"

"No."

"But you just said--"

"No such thing."

"Wha...?"

"Are you gettin' confused, Strider, sir?"

"Well, yes."

"Ha ha."

"HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME?! BOW BEFORE ME, LESSER MORTAL!"

"That's right!" agreed Legolas, "You better be nice to him! He's knig, you know!"

"Knig?"

"I'M KING!" yelled Aragorn, and to prove his point, he smashed a beer bottle on his head.

"Ow, that must have hurt..." said Éomer, prodding Aragorn's unconscious body with his sword.

"AND THAT HURTS EVEN BLOODY MORE! STABBING ME'S REALLY GONNA HELP, EH?" cried Aragorn, leaping to his feet.

"We've lingered here far to long!" cried Legolas.

"Huh?"

"They use the word 'linger' a lot in LotR. I wanted to make this sound like Tolkein's work." explained Legolas.

"Oh, this is really something Tolkein would write! Yah, a bunch of nutcases in no where land!"

"We're in no where land?" asked Gimli.

"Duh," said Éomer, "Where are we? No where."

"We have to be SOMEWHERE."

"No we don't. Newton's law of physics!"

"Wow, Éomer, you sure are smart!"

"Why thank you, Gimli."

"STOP FOOLING AROUND!" cried Gandalf.

"I AM KNIG!" yelled Aragorn, "I COMMAND YOU TO RUN! FEAR MY WRATH! HAIL THE CHEW!"

"Well..." said Gandalf, "Someone's been smoking a little too much pipe weed... But now on to business. There's this dude, Sauron, and he made this evil ring of power, right? Then that fool of a Baggins cast it into a volcano-type thing. So now you have to go to Mount Doom and get it back."

"When we wish your tiresome speeches, old man, we shall ask for them. You speak folly, and not else. Linger." said Legolas, "Linger, linger, lingerburger."

"Those who are wise, do not contradict me, Legolas, son of Thranduil."

"Hey, who said I'm son of Thranduil?"

"Tolkein."

"Well, I've never even met the dude! He controls my life, and I NEVER SEEN HIM! Well, NO MORE!!!! Now I'm my OWN father! And Grandfather!"

Everyone gasps.

"You... cannot go against Tolkein, he is.... a... God to us!"

"I'm my own Grandpa, hear that, Tolkein? IN YOUR FACE! See, guys? What's Tolkein gonna do?"

Suddenly, Legolas was struck by lightening.