Fan Fiction ❯ LotR, according to two insane fangirls ❯ the non-funeral on "Valantanes" day ( Chapter 2 )

Okay, prepare yourself. Here's the second chapter. Me and Ash were hyper…

***************************************

Aragorn looked at Legolas, who had his hair standing on end.

"See??? I told you! Tolkien is god!'

Legolas, as always, had a witty response.

'Yep. That makes him better than you, oh mighty Knig!'

Aragorn glared at Legolas, then gasped.

'Your right! DAMN YOU TOLKIEN! I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

much better than you! I could write a story better than yours, and-'

But the might Knig just had to open his mouth and he got hit with another bolt of lightening.

Legolas stood over him, and laughed.

'Linger!' he yelled.

Sam looked at Legolas.

'Hey, son of Thranduil, did you know I was Bilbo's dad?'

Legolas stopped laughing, and stared at Sam.

'What? Bilbo's father... I don't-'

Sam prodded him in the head.

'Do not question me elf! I alone rule!'

Aragorn glared at Sam for these words, but Legolas cut in.

`Eh... Sam, have you been lingering around the drink bowl for too long? I mean,linger, linger. Well, you sound too much like Andrew Murray.'

Sam looked at Legolas.

'Like who?'

Aragorn was presently dancing around, hopping to avoid random lightning bolts, as he yelled.

'I AM CANADIAN! I MEAN, KNIG! I AM KNIG! I AM KNIG!

Zap, zap, zap, zap.

Aragorn fell down. Unfortunately for him, Gimli thought he was a rhinoceros and smashed him into the ground, so everyone thought he was dead.

"There goes the mighty knig…" said Sam sadly, "we have to bury him!"

So Eomer came over and dragged Aragorn's body into a coffin.

"We will always remember this valiant knig," said Boromir, who appeared there, "He fought bravely always, and I am honoured to have known him."

"Yes, even though he was stuck up and not nearly as good looking as me," chipped in Legolas.

"Why you-" Aragorn sprang up and grabbed Legolas by the throat, "You take that back, elf! This is MY funeral! You have to be nice to me!"

"Why aren't you dead?"

"Uh…" Aragorn jumped back into his coffin and closed his eyes.

Eomer walked over to close the coffin lid, but Aragorn jumped up and cried that he wasn't dead, after all.

"Oh yes you are!" yelled Sam and shoved him back in the coffin and closed the lid.

"MMMPHHH!!!" came Aragorn's protesting cry, muffled by the coffin's walls.

Suddenly Tom Bombadil came and opened the coffin lid. "I'll save you from the barrow-wrights! (did I spell that right?) He pulled Aragorn out. Then he started to sing…

And Then Bombadil began to sing to Aragorn on one knee.

'Hey, dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo,

Ring a dong! hop a long! fal lal the willow

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!'

Aragorn looked at Tom.

'I am knig! How dare you sing something so unbefitting to a knig! Stupid Tom whoever-ya-are!'

Legolas tapped Tom on the head.

'Wrong part in the book, Bombadillo!'

Sam interupted.

'What about Mr Frodo! He is still caught in the window!'

Aragorn looked at Sam.

'Master Samwise, I thought you said that Frodo wasnt in the wind-'

Sam looked at him.

'Frodo in a window? No, I did not say that.'

Legolas stared at Sam.

'But you did say so, nay?'

Aragorn was distracted from sam for a momment.

'Legolas, did you just say NAY???! Thats just as bad as linger!'

Legolas glared evily at him.

'Well, oh mightly knig, I can say linger and nay all I wish. Let us not tarry here any longer! Linger! Nay!'

Suddenly, a Black Rider rode up to Legolas and handed him a piece of paper. The rider also gave a piece of paper to everyone else there, except for Gimli.

The rider stood there impatiently. "You're welcome!" it said sarcastically.

"Oh, uh, thank you!" choroused everyone who had received a paper.

Legolas opened his paper. "Happy Valantanes day," he read.

Everyone looked at the Black Rider.

"You are no Nazgul!" cried Aragorn, "Only one person spells `Valentine's' as Valantanes! Show yourself!"

The Black Rider cast aside her cloak, revealing a girl. Ashley!

"EVIL! KILL THE EVIL!" yelled Gimli, swinging at Ash with his axe.

Ash got hit by the axe, but miraculously, she was not harmed.

"But…. What treachery is this?!" exclaimed Gimli.

"WHEEEE!!!" screamed Ashley and went over to Sam and kept making rude remarks about Frodo in front of him.

Meanwhile, Eomer was having a conversation with his horse. "Yes, I agree completely. I'm sorry, but I can't give you any ale. No! Of course a sip is bigger than a pint! I'm sure of it!"

"Uhh…. Eomer? Why are you talking to your horse?" asked Legolas.

Eomer turned red. "I'm not. I was talking to my… helmet."

"Right…. So, does your helmet talk?"

"It does if you listen properly…"