Fan Fiction ❯ LotR, according to two insane fangirls ❯ Attack of the killer windows ( Chapter 3 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Then Ash walked over to Frodo.

'HEY, OLD BUDDEH OLE PAL! You jerk, dumb stupid weirdo! I always thought you were to dramatic.. blah blah blah blah.'

Eomer looked back to his Helmet.

'So… Have YOU ever noticed how annoying Frodo is? I feel sorry for Sam to have to tag around with him!'

Aragorn looked at Eomer, shook his head, and bellowed.

'I AM KNIG! BOW TO ME! EVEN YOU, TOLKIEN, YOU JERK! I AM KNIG! I AM KNIG!'

zap zap zap zap zap

Ash looked at Aragorn.

'Knig?'

'I MEAN KING!'

'Oh. I thought you said you were Knig..'

'KING!'

'Whatever.'

Then Ash looked at Sam.

'Hey, Sammeh, you know that Frodo is stuck in a window right?'

Frodo looked shocked.

'I am?'

'Yes, you are!'

'Oh. Ok.' Frodo says.

Sammeh looked over at Frodo (who wasn't stuck in a window).

'Ok, Mr Frdod! I'll go get help!'

Everyone stares at Sam.

'Frdod?'

Sam nods.

'Yes!'

Then Sammeh yells.

'MR FRDOD IS STUCK IN A WINDOW!'

And he points at Frodo, who was standing next to Ash, nowhere near a window of any kind.

'He is?' everyone questioned.

Suddenly, an object hurled itself at Frodo from a nearby bush and clamped itself onto him. It was a window.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" yelled Frodo.

"I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU MR FRDOD WAS STUCK IN THE WINDOW!!!" yelled Sam.

"No you didn't," said Strider.

"Did so!" yelled Sam.

"Did not!" yelled Strider.

"Did not!" yelled Sam.

"Ha! You said `Did not'." exclaimed Aragorn triumphantly.

"Ha! You said `Did not'." exclaimed Sam, copying him.

"Are you copying me?"

"Grrr…"

Meanwhile, Frodo was writhing on the ground, attempting to pry the window off him. Ash, standing beside him, made absolutely no attempt to help him.

"You're short."

"Must… get… window… off me!"

"Watching you writhe in pain on the ground really works for me, ya know?"

"Help…."

Eomer rushed across the field. "HELP! MY HELMET IS MAD AT ME! IT'S CLAMPED ITSELF ONTO MY HEAD!"

"Help…" cried Frodo, "Can't… breath…"

Aragorn rushed over to Eomer and attempted to pry the helmet off his head. It came off with a `POP'.

"There you go," said Aragorn, handing the helmet back to its owner.

"There you go," said Sam.

"Are you STILL copying me?"

"Gah… gonna die… gonna die…" muttered Frodo.

"You had better stop that, Samwise Gamgee."

"I'M GONNA DIE!" screamed Frodo, but no one payed any attention to him.

'Stop copying me, Sam!'

`Stop copying me, Sam!'

Sam jeered at Aragorn, who was plainly furious.

As Frodo cried out again that he was gonna die, Sam turned around, and dashed over.

'Master Frodo?! Are you ok?'

Ash sneered at Sam.

'Does he look like it, Sammeh?'

Sam thought about that for a moment.

'No, not really.'

Ash nodded.

'Yeah, thats what I thought. Use your eyes, Sammeh.'

Sam nodded and smiled.

'Thanks. I will.'

He turned and walked off, back over to Aragorn.

Frodo yelled again.

Then Aragorn walked over.

'Frodo? Are you ok?'

Ash shook her head again, and thought. God, these stupid jerks…

'Well, oh mighty knig, does he look alright being killed by a killer window that jumped out of nowhere and probably works for Elrond the Steak Stealer, With The Seventy Degree Angled Eyebrows?'

Strider shook his head.

'No.'

Ash sighed.

'Good.'

Strider walked away.

Frodo glared at Ash. 'Jerk,' he mumbled.

Ash sneered at him.

'Oh yes, my little dying friend? Well, just to keep your mind off your pain, I'll show you some pictures I've been drawing of late.'

She held up a picture, (stick-figured) of Frodo standing there with his head on the ground beside him, and another with Frodo on the ground in pain.

Ash smiled.

'I like that one really.'

Then she yelled across the field, waving the picture.

'HEY! SAMMEH! EOMER! STRIDER! LIKE THIS PICTURE???'

All nodded.

Frodo sighed.

'Jerk,' he repeated.

'Hey, Strider, I was right you know," Sam said.

'About what, Samwise?'

'About you not liking Frodo, and all that 'By my life or death, if I can protect you I will' crap was only to show off to that Arwen Jerk!'

'WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!' Strider yelled.

"Well, in the movie, she stole Glorfindel's only part! I mean, she took the guy out of the movie just so she could be in it a little longer! How stuck-up can you get?"

Strider grabbed Sam by the collar and shoved him against a wall that was conveniently there.

"Don't EVER insult Arwen in front of me again, got it, you miserable little halfling?" he spat.

Sam gulped. "Got it."

"Good." Aragorn released his hold on the hobbit's shirt.

"But that bit about 'By my life or death, if I can protect you I will' WAS just for her, correct?"

"Maybe…" answered Aragorn.

Then Sam turned to Frodo. "Arwen is really ugly, I can't see how-"

Aragorn grabbed Sam again. "I told you not to insult Arwen in front of me, hobbit!"

"I didn't! I insulted him in front of Frdod!"

"Oh… Alright then." Aragorn released the hobbit, trying to figure out the meaning of what Sam had just said.

"EEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!" a piercing cry filled the night air. (No, it isn't night, but I just felt like writing `the night air')

Laurena (MEEEE!!! YAY! Go me! Ahem…) rushed in.

"Ash," she panted, "I just realised something!"

"What?"

"Uhh… One sec… Uhh… Yah! We haven't got Merry and Pippin in this yet!"

Ash gasps. "You mean… we're going to… bring them in?"

"Yes!"

"PIPPIN WITH HIS ACCENT!"

Pippin and Merry appear out of no where.

"Hey, Pip! What's going on here?"

"I dunno Merry! All I see is a killer window suffocating Master Frodo, Legolas (who hasn't done anything for a really long time), Eomer talking to his helmet and two girls we've never seen before!"

"What about Strider?"

"He seems to be thinking about what Sam just said before we came here!"

"Oh."

"SAY IT, PIPPIN!" cried Laurena.

"It, Pippin," said Pippin.

Laurena glares at him.

"Fine. Do ah know a Baggins? Of course ah know a baggins! He's mah second cousin twice removed my mother's side! And mah fourth cousin once removed on mah father's side!"

"YAY! Say `mushrooms'."

"Mushrooms!"