Fan Fiction ❯ No Regrets ❯ Not to Feel ( Chapter 5 )

Title: No Regrets

Author: I_nv_u50

Warnings: Slash talk between brothers. Not incest though O.o;

Pairings: Arical + Nicolai; Devika + Alexes and one more that's fairly obvious, so I wont say it until later chapters…

Claimer: They're all gay, so they must be mine or some other yaoi fan. And as I'm the one writing this, they're mine. >.>

Chapter Rating: PG13 for violence :D

Author's Note: My uploadings tend to be unpredictable, so in case the italics don't work, the entire sequence after 'Vika and 'Rica fall asleep is 'Rica's dream of his past life. What a spoiler >.>

Anyway, the next chapter might be a bit slow(er) in coming because I have a really bad case of writers block right now, along with an intolerable amount of life. So I will write whenever I can ^^

Anyway, Please enjoy, and review!! ^^

PS: This is dedicated to Tenchi Kaze for the wonderful picture she drew me of Cal and Dev :D Thanks so much!! ^^

Kindle took control of the situation easily. He sighed in irritation. "Okay Arical. You and your brother and I were all traveling to…"

"Avra." I inserted hastily.

The trainmen were trying to get the malfunctioning door to work.

"All right, Avra, to visit some friends. You don't know anything, you think it's a bullet, okay?"

I nodded, and 'Vika turned away from both of us. I regarded him solemnly, hurt. "'Vika…" I said quietly.

He shook his head at me, and I let the subject drop for the moment.

The carriage door was pushed open, and three stocky, middle-aged men burst in, looking around in confusion and horror.

"My God…" The oldest looking one exclaimed. "Sean, there are still kids in here!"

The attention of the other two men fixed on us immediately. I assumed the natural shaken act that one would have expected.

Kindle spoke for us, looking to be the oldest. He poured on the charm liberally, and every one of the older men fell for it.

"I'm so sorry sirs, but my cousins are a little shocked. They were sitting underneath the window when it shattered, and I think one of them," he spared a concerned and disinterested look for 'Vika. "One of them is more frightened than the other."

"Certainly, certainly. Can you tell us what happened perhaps? The ambulance and police are on their way."

"Well, I was sleeping with Cal, and Dev was reading his book, when the train lurched around a particularly horrible corner, and Cal and I fell off the seat. They," Kindle waved a disgusted hand at the bruised bodies. "They were interested, and drunk, and came to see what had caused the yelp I fell off of the seat with."

The train personnel looked ashamed that this had happened when they were on the train.

"When one of the old bastards came forward, I tried to keep my cousins calm. Then the window shattered, and we don't know what happened."

Sean looked at 'Vika, whose shoulders were shaking silently. "Is he okay? Were any one of you hit?"

"He'll be fine." I went to hug 'Vika, who didn't move, either to pull away or pull closer. Kindle's face darkened in anger, jealousy, I realized, and I remembered what my reaction to hugging had been before I first realized what it was like here.

They seemed to take my word for it and were uncertainly approaching the drunken bodies that were laying a few paces away, looks of plain revolt on their faces.

The wailing of sirens filtered through the night air, and 'Vika shuddered, reluctantly leaning in to me a little. I could see Kindle wanting to come and pull him off of me. I could see a whole lot of explaining was due.

Sean, the youngest train personnel came up and knelt down next to us. "The ambulance is here now. We would like you to go to the hospital for a quick check up, just to be sure that you weren't hurt. You don't have to ride with them," he gestured to where the prone bodies were being carried off, "you can get your own ambulance. Please sirs, just go for a checkup."

I opened my mouth to reply and was completely surprised when 'Vika answered instead.

"Okay."

Sean gave us a concerned, almost grateful look and went to go talk to Kindle, who was still eyeing us with jealousy.

"'Vika, are you sure? I mean, the hospital, you know - "

"Shut up, Cal."

I closed my mouth, hurt, and we didn't talk again.

When we got to the hospital, I was finally allowed to hold on to 'Vika for comfort, but only if he could hold on to me back.

We sat huddled in the waiting room, sharing the same uncomfortable chair while Kindle arranged quick check ups for us with the receptionist. There were quite a lot of people in the room, given the hour, and it seemed we were in for a long wait.

I decided to have my chat with 'Vika while we waited for Kindle. "'Vika, he's nothing to worry about."

"Who is he, 'Rica?" 'Vika's voice was flat.

"I… He's a friend of Cerise's."

"I gathered that. How do you know either of them?" 'Vika turned to me, his eyes full of anguished hurt. I melted.

"Oh 'Vika, you don't have to worry. Neither of them can take me away from you, you're my soul mate, remember?" I winked at him teasingly.

He grunted at me, but turned to contemplate Kindle. "He's kind of cute."

I clutched my chest, faking a heart attack. "My God! Is something wrong with you after all? You finally hit puberty!"

"Shut up." 'Vika flushed and lowered his eyes. Kindle was still glowering at him.

"Hang on a sec, 'Vika. I need to go talk to Kindle. Have you called Keri yet?"

He shook his head and went to go ask the receptionist if he could borrow some money for a pay phone. We had decided early on in the train ride that we were going to go visit Keri, before wandering off on our own somewhere. She had looked after us for too many years to not receive a goodbye at the very least.

I dragged Kindle around the corner.

He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. It burnt, it hurt, and it felt like my tongue was being melted away by acid. I shoved him away, and pressed a hand to my lips in effort to stop the burning.

Kindle regarded me, an amused glint in his eye. "You taste delicious. Even better than before."

I cracked a small smile at him. "That's not what Cerise said. Kindle, you can't do that anymore."

Kindle sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yea yea, I know. You're mortal, it'll kill you, etc etc. I don't understand why Cerise said you tasted horrible though."

I shrugged. "Kindle, mortals are very touchy feely. If we hug, it doesn't mean anything."

He scowled at me. I scowled back at him. We stared at each other a few seconds before he giggled, and reached over to hug me.

"Don't worry Cal. I promise not to burn you too hard." His lips crept up my neck and I shuddered, pulling away.

Kindle pouted at me. "Cal! I'm trying to have some fun!"

I shook my head at him, half-torn between amusement and exasperation. "Kindle, don't go near Dev either."

He blinked at me. "I really wasn't planning to."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, and he grinned suddenly, unabashed.

"Well, maybe I was. But I'll try not to."

"You wont, Kindle."

"Who are you to stop me?" He replied airily, and whirled around to walk lightly back to where 'Vika was waiting.

I followed hurriedly, knowing that Kindle could pour on the charm when he chose, and that 'Vika, no matter how impervious he tried to make himself appear, wouldn't last much longer than anyone else could have.

And Kindle was right, after all. I really couldn't do anything to stop him.

We waited for about an hour, before a familiar looking brunette ran into the waiting room and straight to us, hugging us tightly.

"Oh you two! What the hell do you think you were doing, running away from Nic? He's frantic with worry! I told him you were over here, he's on his way now."

"Keri! We didn't want him to know!" I whined at her, catching hold of 'Vika's hand and squeezing it for reassurance, for both of us.

"What rubbish." She scowled at us, before smiling at Kindle happily. "Thank you so much for looking after them, Dev didn't tell me what had happened. What happened?"

Kindle smirked at me, and then smiled charmingly at Keri.

She was hooked.

While they chattered about the incident, the queue got shorter and shorter, and 'Vika and I got more and more scared.

"'Rica?"

"I'm scared."

"Me too. We'll be ok, wont we? I mean, Keri's here, and so is your friend."

I couldn't tell whom he was trying to convince, himself, or me but it didn't work. "That's right."

The nurse stepped out from behind the counter, reading from a small clipboard. "Numbers 1203, 1204 and 1205 please, follow me."

We glanced down at our slips of paper that told us our numbers, and stood up slowly. 'Vika grabbed my hand. Kindle sneered and grabbed my other, dragging me down the corridor after the nurse, who hadn't even waited to see if we were coming or not.

'Vika's hand was cold and clammy in mine; trembling, and his pupils were diluted when I looked at him. I squeezed his hand, and he gave me a small, shy smile that was nothing like the usual brilliant ones I received from him.

He shuddered again when the nurse directed us into the small examining room, and instructed one of us to sit up on the table.

"Take off your shirt please." She told Kindle, who had hopped up first. He did so, grinning at her. Her eyes flickered up and down his torso once, and she determinedly turned away, refusing to look again.

Kindle pouted. "Nurse? How long do we have to stay here?"

"Just enough for the doctor to check you over. You two," she turned to 'Vika and I, "must also remove your shirts. Quickly please. We don't have all day."

'Vika flushed and hesitated, and I reluctantly turned my back to him. He quietly undid the buttons, and the nurse huffed impatiently.

Thinking 'Vika was taking too long, she whirled me around to finish the job, ignoring my yelp of pain when she pulled on my shoulder too hard.

Then her eyes widened, and her hands dropped limply. "Oh my god…"

She looked up at me again, and then hurried out the room.

Kindle regarded my back with interest and a little shame. "It does look horrible, doesn't it."

'Vika scowled at the floor, but he pulled his shirt off quickly.

As his eyes were still on the ground, he didn't notice Kindle lick his lips suggestively, but I did. I gave him a warning glare, and he shrugged at me, winking, before the nurse hustled in with at least 5 doctors, Keri and…

Nicolai and Alexes.

Keri was telling the doctors impatiently that my scar had been there for weeks, that it was fine, but they ignored her, and shooed Kindle off the table to make way for me.

Kindle, his eyes burning with indignation, stalked over to the door and leaned against it, suddenly deciding to be amused.

I suspect I would have been amused as well, had it not been that all those doctors, and the room, were pressing up on me, making the small room seem much smaller.

I shuddered, terrified, and 'Vika pushed his way to the front suddenly.

"Leave him alone. It's fine, he's fine, we're all fine! Leave us alone! Just go away! We don't want to be here anymore! 'Rica," he turned to me pleadingly, ignoring everyone else's startled gazes on us. "'Rica, please, let's get out of here. I don't want to be here anymore." He came closer and rested his hand on my knee, I could only stare down at him, the terror in his eyes being reflected all too clearly in my own.

I raised my eyes imploringly to Keri's, and she nodded sharply.

"Please, gentlemen. If you would just leave them alone. They're fine, no injuries were taken. He's had that scar for weeks now. Doctors have already examined it.

"Ma'am," a young doctor came forward. "Miss, they might have examined it, but it's bleeding quite dangerously now."

I tried to look at it over my shoulder. It hadn't felt like it, but it was. I wondered why. It didn't even hurt, which was a rare thing in itself.

I caught Kindle's eyes, they had lit up with realization and I blinked at him. He gestured something, but I couldn't make out what it was.

I hopped off the table. "Excuse me." I pushed past Keri and Nicolai and Alexes calmly, and Kindle leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"It was me, wasn't it? When I kissed you! That's why you can't feel anything now!"

"But why you?" I hissed back, and he looked at the astonished stares before grinning cheekily at them and yanking me out the door. It didn't hurt.

"It must be because I was one of the ones who ordered it to be done."

I scowled at him. "I haven't forgiven you yet."

He waved a hand, unconcerned. "You will."

I blinked at him again. "But then why didn't Cerise' kiss affect me like that? And why did she say I tasted horrible when you liked it?"

He paused, stopping himself in what he was going to say and considered. "That's where I get confused. I can ask Kellan for you if you want."

Kellan had been the water controller of the court. She was a lot like 'Vika, clever, formal and very shy. But all the elemental controllers in court grew rather close. The only reason she wasn't here now was probably because Cerise didn't like her, her being the only female I liked as equally as I did with Cerise.

"How is she?" I caught and recognized a wistful note in my voice.

"Kellan? She misses you. We all do. I - " Kindle stopped again suddenly, and his eyes narrowed.

"How touching. Kindle, I thought I told you to protect him." Cerise' voice was cold, and so was, I suddenly realized, the air.

"I did, your highness." Kindle swept a perfect bow, not letting his eyes leave contact with hers.

I could hear her grind her teeth. "Kindle, when you bow to me, bow properly."

"Of course, your highness." Kindle murmured, still refusing to drag his eyes away.

Her eyes flared, and she was about to say something when 'Vika, Keri and Nicolai and Alexes came out. They stared around at us.

"Cerise?" Alexes' voice was incredulous. "What are you doing over here?"

Cerise smiled easily, although the air was still rather cold. "I came to visit my grandmother and heard a commotion."

"Caused the commotion, more like it." Kindle muttered. I suppressed a giggle, and Cerise' mouth tightened.

'Vika stared at her for a second, and shook his head. "'Rica, they say you can go. They're not happy about it, but they're doing it." He gave me another small smile.

I walked up to him and kissed him loudly on the cheek. He flushed and pulled away, and I grinned at Keri, who smirked back.

Everyone else, had I noticed it, was frowning.

It was agreed that we would all spend the night in Keri's apartment, except Cerise and Kindle, who both refused the offer, one politely, the other sullenly.

Kindle plainly did not want to leave me alone with those mortals. Any mortals at all probably.

Alexes studiously ignored me throughout the car trip, and Nicolai and Keri made most of the conversation, which wasn't half as forced as it might have been.

After multiple reprimands and scoldings, it was agreed that we'd drive back with Nicolai and Alexes the next day.

'Vika and I were not happy with the way things were turning out.

"No! We don't want to go back! We want to live on our own."

They chuckled at that, making both 'Vika and I bristle in frustrated anger.

Keri twisted in the front seat to look at us. "That's rubbish. Who ever heard of two teenagers looking after themselves? We'd feel so guilty if something happened to either you or 'Vika, Cal. Don't do this."

Her eyes were tearing up, so I looked away.

'Vika tugged my earlobe and leaned down to whisper "Don't worry, 'Rica. There's always plan C."

"What's that?" I glanced at him from the corner of my eye.

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." He quoted, and I laughed.

They looked around at us again.

"And if you try again, we'll find you and maim you ourselves." Alexes spoke cheerfully over the seat, but he wasn't looking at me.

'Vika averted his gaze quickly, but when he glanced back, Alexes was still watching him. 'Vika stayed silent the rest of the trip, confusion emanating from him. Nicolai scowled out the window.

Keri's flat wasn't really what I had expected it to be. It was actually tidy.

I pulled her aside for a second after we had entered, and everyone had gone to explore.

"So, who tidies up around here?"

She grinned at me, unabashed. "It's this guy I met…"

I hooted with laughter. "Keri! Again? You really need to settle down!" I tsked her, and shook my finger.

She grinned back. "I could say the same for you, Cal. Where's your nice little girlfriend to tidy up after you?"

I pouted at her. "I'm fifteen. I don't need to be married yet. Besides. There are too many people who would want to kill my wife if I ever do."

She giggled. "Oh Cal, I forgot you had a terrible ego. Who could possible want you that much?"

I neglected to answer her, deciding it was wise that she didn't know just exactly who. First off, she wouldn't believe it, and then, if she did, she would want to know exactly how I knew Kindle and Cerise enough for them to want to kill any wife I might have taken.

And then there was the simple but complicated factor that I just did not like girls that way. I didn't like anyone that way. At least, not enough to be married.

'Vika came up behind me, and I twisted my head to grin at him. "Keri wants to know why you aren't married yet."

'Vika flushed, and mumbled something, and Keri laughed. "Don't worry, Dev. I wont be too pushy. As long as she's a nice girl."

That, of course, made 'Vika blush harder, and I grinned at him.

He frowned at me. "What are you laughing at?"

"You!" I replied giddily, and turned to Keri. "So, where am I sleeping?"

'Vika answered for her. "We have the guest room, because we're the only ones willing to sleep in the same bed together."

I laughed again. "That could sound so wrong!"

Keri scowled at us suddenly. "It does. You really shouldn't do that, you know. It's not right."

'Vika scowled mutinously and glowered at the floor. I stretched my hand behind me, and he took it.

"Keri?" I said, as sweetly as I could.

"Yea?" she blinked at me.

"Mind your own business."

She stared at me for a second, and then grinned. "Don't worry about it, you two. I was only kidding."

I raised my eyebrows at her, and she fidgeted suddenly. "Well, anyway, would you like some pain killers to sleep tonight?"

I nodded quickly. The pain had started to filter back, and I wasn't sure if I could handle all of it at once after having such a great absence of pain.

Nicolai and Alexes came in to say goodnight while I was still finishing up the glass of chocolate milk. 'Vika was sitting on the counter, and Alexes went up to him suddenly to whisper something that I couldn't hear.

Nicolai and I scowled at him. 'Vika nodded slowly, his eyes catching mine over Alexes shoulder.

Then Alexes turned and grinned at Keri. "Goodnight then. See you in the morning. You coming, Nic?"

Nicolai glanced at me quickly before saying a quick goodnight, and following Alexes.

Keri stared after the two of them. "What's up with them?"

I shrugged. "Alexes doesn't like me, and Nicolai doesn't really like 'Vika, and they don't like that the other doesn't like who they like."

Keri frowned suddenly. "I'm sorry if you're not getting along with them. I can try and find somewhere else for you to go…"

I hugged her suddenly, and she cautiously lifted her arms to gently hug me back.

"Don't worry about it, Keri. As long as we can always come to you, we'll be fine."

She blinked, and suddenly pushed me away, staring at me, searching my eyes for goodness knows what.

Then she sighed. "Was that what you were trying to do? Run away to me?"

I exchanged looks with 'Vika. "Well… sort of."

I decided it wasn't the best idea to let her know that we had only been planning to visit to say goodbye.

Her eyes teared up, and 'Vika looked at me in alarm. I offered him a small smile, and he smiled back, lightly hopping off the counter to come stand next to Keri.

"It's all right Keri. Really, we're fine." Coming from 'Vika, that obviously meant a lot, and she smiled sunnily.

"Well, all right. But if you have any more problems, talk to me, and I'll see if my roommates and I can work something out."

I glanced around as we walked to where the bedrooms were. "Where are they all anyway?"

"Well, Ashley is visiting her grandmother, and Alicia is with her, and Dean is away on a drama trip."

"Drama? They have drama trips?"

Keri shrugged. "I really have no idea. Personally, I think he's eloping in Holland."

"Why Holland?"

"Because that's the only place they allow same sex marriages." Keri giggled. "Dean's a dear, but his boyfriend is hot!"

I blinked at her, then shrugged and shook my head at 'Vika, who just giggled faintly.

Keri laughed as well. "Anyway, you can sleep here tonight. Nicolai and Alexes are on the other side of the hallways, and I'm right next door."

We nodded, and she slipped into her room, quietly bidding us goodnight.

Our room was quite small, as it was only meant for one person, but the bed was big.

I sat down on it. "I guess we got Dean's room then."

'Vika grinned. "Keri didn't want to give up her room, and Alexes and Nicolai claimed the only room with two beds."

"Is their room as small as this?"

"No." 'Vika pouted. "It's got two beds in it, 'Rica. What do you think?"

I blinked at him, surprised. "What's wrong with you?"

He scowled at me. "Nothing! Everything! If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, just shut up!"

And 'Vika crawled into bed, covered his head with the covers and stayed silent.

I blinked in surprise at the huddled shape. "'Vika? What's wrong?"

"Everything!"

I pulled down the edge of the blanket; 'Vika's hair was messy already. "What do you mean?"

"Our plan didn't work, we're going back tomorrow, I still don't know anything about Kindle or Cerise and Alexes said-" he cut himself off suddenly.

I sighed and lay down besides him. "I know our plan didn't work. Maybe we should just give them another chance. After all, if at first you don't succeed…"

"Yea, yea." 'Vika grumbled, and he pulled the covers down enough so I could slip my legs under them.

"'Vika, I can't tell you about Kindle or Cerise. It's too complicated, and I don't really understand it all. Besides," I grinned at him, "you wouldn't believe me."

He turned to face me. "Try me."

I sighed, the grin faded. "I can't, 'Vika, I just can't. I want to, really I do, but it's just not possible."

'Vika pouted at me, and I smiled at him. He looked away, rolling his eyes. "Oh, all right. But if they hurt you, I kill them, and then you tell me, okay? After all," he looked back at me and smirked, "it's only right to want to know whom exactly you killed."

I giggled. "Too true. Now. What did Alexes say?"

'Vika flushed and averted his gaze again. "I can't tell."

"Did he make you promise not to?"

"Yea…"

"Was it about me?"

"Sort of…"

"Was it mean?"

He looked at me wide eyed, shocked. "No! I wouldn't let him say anything mean about you!"

I believed him. "Well then… was it about us?"

"Yea…"

I growled. "Damnit 'Vika! You aren't helping me here!"

He laughed and hugged me. "Oh, shush already. Let's go to sleep." He yawned, and I wasn't so sure it was fake. "I'm tired."

I yawned as well, and shifted closer. "You do know that I'm… not going to… let this drop…"

"Yea…"

"Yes, your highness." It was spoken out through gritted teeth, and a clenched jaw.

There was mud and dirt all over me, but when I had tried to wash it off, it became grime and dried, rusty red blood. I smelt awful, the stench of death and ash all around me and on me.

I looked decidedly out of place in the clean, decorated throne room, with its clean drapes, and lush plants bordering the walls. Even the tops of the pillars which, it was rumoured, hadn't been cleaned for hundreds of years due to their immense height, were probably cleaner than I was.

Then again, mostly everything probably was.

"Arical Flennyewen! Are you listening to your king?"

I answered through gritted teeth, trying not to taste the mud and blood that was coating my teeth. "Yes, your highness."

"Tell me what your king just said."

"Your highness wishes the peasants to be obliterated come sundown. Your highness wishes their deaths by the sacrifice. Your highness," and I almost choked on the words, but that would have been suicide. I took an invisible second to gather myself. "Your highness wishes Arical Flennyewen to bring proof of the sacrifices."

He nodded, his white-rimmed eyes staring straight through me. "Then go. Do what your king commands."

I bowed, properly, not like Kindle always did to the princess, with my eyes lowered and my neck exposed. I could feel Kindle's heated gaze on my bared skin, and heard a soft whisper.

I straightened up and walked out backwards, never turning away from my king, as that was a mark of disrespect that could be punishable by death. My king had lost a lot of new, badly trained servants that way.

I was scrubbing and scrubbing myself, having declined the offer of the washing maids, as I was still unsure about myself enough to want no one to see my naked body.

The door opened, and I stopped, keeping still in case she didn't want me to move.

"Arical," she purred, and I lowered my eyes respectfully, even though she was my age. "Turn around, Arical. Let me see you."

I shivered as the cold air touched my wet skin, and I turned slowly.

Cerise smiled coldly. "Arical, Daddy says you must leave now."

I nodded. It would be fatal to talk back when she didn't want me to.

"Let me wash your back, Arical. You're still bloody."

I clenched my jaw and stayed silent. She came forward. "Are you scared of me, Arical? Don't be scared. I wont hurt you. You're beautiful. I love you."

Those precious three words sounded emotionless, coming form her.

She took the sponge that was being held loosely in my hand. "Turn around, Arical."

I obeyed, and she started gently swiping the sponge down my back, humming a tune softly. It was the Song of Sacrifice.

Kindle was waiting for me when I arrived, and I folded my newly achieved wings carefully, not wanting to damage them.

The love of flight was a dangerous addiction. If you lost your wings, you would be desperate for them. Your shoulders would hurt, but it wouldn't even begin to compare to the ache in your mind, your heart, your soul. You could quite willingly jump off a tall building, just for the thrill of the air rushing past you, and the wind singing in your ears again. It would kill you when you landed.

Kindle smiled at me. I think he liked me. "Welcome. This is training day number three hundred and sixty five. As such, you are now prepared to make your first sacrifice to our king. Will this be your first kill?"

He was grinning at me.

I stared at him, or rather, at a point just behind him. It was the respectful thing to do. "No sir. I killed my first on day one hundred and nineteen."

He blinked at me, obviously surprised. "And this is your first sacrifice?"

"This will be my first close sacrifice."

"Ah." He replied. Then he grinned at me suddenly. "Just remember then, that close killing isn't so different from far killing. You control fire, don't you?"

I nodded.

"So do I. But this, you do know, is a required physical sacrifice? You aren't allowed to use elements."

I nodded again and he tossed me a sword carelessly.

"See how that feels. Good?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. You see that village down there?"

Kindle pointed down, to the bottom of the hill where there was a small community, with a few farmhouses.

I nodded.

"You will have to kill all the younglings and old ones, before you can burn the others. There are twenty-five younglings, and ten old ones. If a peasant steps in the way of your killings, you may not use fire. Clear?"

I nodded.

Kindle smiled again happily. "Good. I can see you're going to make an excellent addition. You may begin. Go."

It was chaos. It was torrents of blood that splattered onto me, into me, and around me. It was the fear, the horror, the disgust in the eyes of the old ones that made me feel dirty. It was the resignation and anger in the peasants' eyes that made me feel wrong. It was the trust and the sudden pain in the younglings' eyes that made my heart break.

I hadn't known that close killing would be like this. I hadn't known that if you didn't have the lucky control of elements, this was what happened. It hurt.

It hurt, and my back began burning.

Why should my back burn? I whirled around, and there was Kindle, his face lit up and shadowed in the flames he was holding in his hand.

His hand was pressed to my back, and a sudden wind swept across the valley, littering the ground with my feathers and the blood.

All the blood. It was horrific. It was exhilarating. It broke my heart, and fulfilled it at once. I tried not to look in their eyes as I killed, and some of the pain left.

There were screams, and shouts, and the sickening sound of penetrating flesh and blood and bones with hard, heavy steel. The sucking motion as my hand yanked the sword out of each stomach, through each neck, and across each body was funny, in a really bizarre way.

It had almost become a game.

I was a killer. A murderer, hired by My King, specifically for the death of peasants who had not really done anything wrong.

I was one thousand years old. In mortal years, that would have been ten. And I was an assassin.

Then, unwillingly, my gaze caught and held the eyes of the last youngling. A youngling that had startlingly green eyes, and pitch-black hair tied back into a small ponytail. He looked like me. The small lips parted soundlessly, and I screamed for them…

I woke up, drenched in sweat with tears pouring down my face, leaving hot trails that cooled my heated skin.

'Vika was the first thing that I saw, and he bore such a strong resemblance to that last child, I screamed again.

He pulled my close, and hugged me tightly, crying with me, the soothing words catching in his throat, on his tongue.

'Vika comforted me when I was too frightened and overwhelmingly sad to comfort him, when he must have been feeling just as bad.

He began rocking me, and I buried my face into his shoulder as we rocked together, my arms coming up to hold him as well.

Keri burst in, and then, a few seconds later, Nicolai and Alexes as well.

Keri was wearing a small nightgown, thinner than was decent.

Alexes and Nicolai were both wearing towels, held up around their waist.

I took one look at them, and moaned into 'Vika's shoulder, preferring my face there anyway.

Despite my dazed and upset state, I had put two and two together, and for once, hadn't come up with twenty-three.