Fan Fiction ❯ On My Mind ❯ Theoden: This is Freedom? ( Chapter 1 )

On My Mind: `This is Freedom?'

 

 

 

"Breathe the free air again, my friend."

 

Free. As if this prison I am in now can be called freedom. But unlike the prison before, the prison of a spell, this is of my own making. And I have no one to blame but myself.

 

Fate has not been kind to me. But I have held up my burden of rule as high as I can. A king can never show fear. But now, in the few minutes of quiet I have gained, I can be afraid.

 

I can lose hope. I can forget my visions of the future. I can finally give a brief release to the frightened, anguished old man inside of me. Gamling will be back before long, and I shall have to hide my true self and become a king again. But he is not here yet, and I can finally voice the thought that has been haunting me since Gandalf broke Saruman's spell.

 

I miss Grima.

 

I hate him. I hate Grima for what he did to my beloved kingdom. Rohan was so strong once, and he undermined that strength by undermining Rohan's king. He banished my closest ally, my nephew Eomer. He lusted after my niece, Eowyn. He ruined so many lives.

 

At the same time, I miss him. I miss his closeness, his counsel. For so long, I felt he was the only one I could trust. The relief he gave me was beyond words. No longer did I have to worry about rules and responsibilities. I no longer had to bear the burden of leadership, and the absence of weight on my shoulders was glorious.

 

I did not care if the world fell apart around me, which it did. I sat in my comfortable void as crops failed, horses died, and the minions of Sauron and Saruman ravaged my land. As if from a great distance, I watched Grima exile Eomer, and my nephew being dragged screaming from the hall. I dimly heard Eowyn telling me Theodred, my only son, was dead.

 

Grima is no longer here, and I have left a peaceful paradise for a cold reality.

 

My kingdom is in shambles. I have lost my people's trust, although they do still follow orders. Eowyn seems glad that I have been restored, but I can still see darkness in her eyes. Only the Valar knows where Eomer and the Rohirrim are, although Lord Aragorn assures me he is alive.

 

And my son is dead.

 

My dear Theodred, who looked more like his mother with each passing day. He did have a full life, but he should not have died like this. He should not have died protecting my kingdom. I should have been me whom the orcs killed. Not my only son. Anyone but him.

 

However, in one way, I am glad Eomer and Theodred are not here to see this. They did not see us running to Helm's Deep like frightened dogs. They did not see Hama, Eogern, and others killed by wargs. They did not hear Lord Aragorn, back from the dead, give us the words that will kill us.

 

An army of Uruk-hai, bent on destroying us.

 

I have no illusions about our fate. The kingdom of Rohan is about to be annihilated. Even as I speak words of support to my men, I think they can see the despair in my eyes. They can hear the hopelessness in my voice.

 

But we are the horse lords of Rohan, and we will not surrender to the evil of Saruman. I know that if every man and boy dies tonight, the women and children will defend our way of life. We will survive, even if we only do so in the songs of elves.

 

I hope.