Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ lon lon ranch CENSORED! ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: I don't own . . . now what was that again?

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[next morning, somewhere in the sky]

Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waitress: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: AAAAAAAA . . hey, who are you?

Waitress: Good morning. I'm your personal waitress. The Great Deku Tree sent me. Want some coffee?

Ganondorf: Can I get tea instead?

Waitress: Sure. Milk, sugar?

Ganondorf: No, thanks.

Waitress: Here you are.

Ganondorf: Thank you.

Waitress: You're welcome. Bye!

Ganondorf: Good bye.

Waitress: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! !!!!!! [falls down]

Ganondorf: Strange . . . [falls down and drinks his tea] Now . . . where was I? Oh, yeah . . . I think I just said; AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[he finally lands somewhere on the ground]

Ganondorf: Ouch. Very big ouch again.

[he looks around]

Ganondorf: Damn. Where am I? And where's Link??

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! !!!!

[Link falls onto Ganondorf]

Ganondorf: Huge ouch once more.

Link: Please don't apple kill me!!

Ganondorf: I must admit that I've been playing with the thought of doing so, but-

Voice: Daddy!! Daddy!! The aliens! The aliens!!

Link: OH MY GOODNESS!!! WHERE???? [hides behind Ganondorf]

Ganondorf: -_-*

[two people run up to Ganondorf and Link]

Talon: Hiya. I'm Talon, this is Malon, my mentally deranged daughter. W-E C-O-M-E I-N P-E-A-C-E!

Ganondorf: -_-**

Malon: Daddy, Daddy!

Talon: Shut up, Malon. I'm trying to find a husband for you!!

Malon: o_o*

Talon: Hello my dear aliens! This planet has an old tradition; Whoever lands on it must stay and marry the first girl he sees.

[Link covers his eyes]

Malon: But Daddy, they-

Talon: Cut it Malon! (to Ganondorf) Well, you've seen my beautiful and mentally deranged daughter. Now come with me and marry her!

Malon+Ganondorf: -_-***

Ganondorf: Erm, thanks but actually I'm not-

Talon: He speaks our language!!! Malon, isn't that great? You've finally found a husband who speaks your language!! He's perfect!! Except that he's a green alien, but-

Ganondorf+Malon:

I'M NOT AN ALIEN!!! I'M GANONDORF, THE SEXY GERUDO KING!!!

HE'S NOT AN ALIEN!!! HE'S GANONDORF, THE EVIL GERUDO KING!!!

Talon: So what?

Ganondorf+Malon: -_-************

[and along comes . . . ]

Ingo: OH NO! It's Ganondorf! The evil Gerudo King!!!

Talon: Why do I get the feeling, that I've missed something?

Malon: Don't worry daddy. You haven't missed anything. You're just stupid and senile, remember?

Talon: Oh yeah, right. I knew that it was something like that . . . thanks, Salon.

Malon: My name is Malon, daddy.

Talon: Daddy? Who?

Ingo: Erm . . . I guess I'll bring him to bed and prepare his pills.

Malon: Good idea, Ingo.

Talon: Ingo? Who's Ingo?

[Ingo goes away and drags Talon with him]

Malon: So . . . . you were saying?

Ganondorf: (thinks) Damn . . . I need a plan . . . what would Link do? [looks at Link, who's talking to the grass] Okay, okay . . . I guess he's not such a big help, so . . . . what would the great and mighty Ganondorf do? (says) FOOLISH MORTALS!!! I CAME TO CONQUER YOUR FARM, ENSLAVE YOUR FAMILY AND EAT YOUR HORSES!!!

Malon: *gasp* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: (thinks) Yay! (says) MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Malon: Oh please mighty Ganondorf, don't conquer our farm! Don't enslave my family! And don't eat the horses!!

Ganondorf: Why not?

Malon: Because they suffer from mad cow disease.

Ganondorf: o_O

- silcene -

Malon: Erm, anyway. (heroic voice) You can have me, but don't harm my family!!

Ganondorf: You??

Malon: Yes. I will sacrifice my body to you, though you will never possess my soul.

Ganondorf: Eh?

Malon: -_-*

Ganondorf: What am I supposed to do with the body of a 12 year old farm girl?

Malon: I might seem young and innocent, but I've already (pervert content - CENSORED) and I know how to (CENSORED!!) and I'm pretty good at (CENSORED!!!). And recently I learned how to (CENSORED!!!!!)!

Ganondorf: O__________________________O

Malon: Well?

Ganondorf: I . . . erm . . . I . . . . was . . . . actually . . . only . . . . looking . . . . for a phone box.

Malon: Pff . . . virgin.

Ganondorf: o_O**

Malon: Okay, okay. Leave LonLon Ranch and turn left at the next tree.

Ganondorf: Erm . . . thanks. [runs away]

Malon: (to Link) Hello sweetie! Have you ever (CENSORED!!!!!)?

Link: O_____O [runs after Ganondorf]

Malon: Males . . . prude cowards . . .

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Chapter 7 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Tante Theodoras Tee - German tea extraordinaire! and

Queenie û