Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ A Time for Reflection ❯ Tidus' Anguish ( Chapter 1 )

Author's Note: This chapter is from Tidus' POV.

Chapter I: Tidus' Anguish

I really didn't know what to think about all of this. Everything happened so fast, and it left my head spinning in virtually every direction. I had to leave so quickly and so abruptly that I didn't even get to tell her that I loved her as much as she loved me. By then, I couldn't even speak.

It brings me so much sadness to see her from my little spot on the Farplane. I see her on the pier in Besaid, whistling out toward the cool, clear ocean in between her sobs. It has become a daily ritual for her, and it takes all my strength to keep going in this supposed "blessed" place for the deceased.

I had a dream the other day after I had to see Yuna on that pier like I had so many times before. I dreamt that I woke up in the water, right off the shore of Besaid. I was tucked in a ball, almost like a fetus is in a mother's womb. Something woke me up; it was the sound of someone whistling. I stretched underwater, and I started swimming toward the surface. And then I woke up.

The only thing that keeps me going in this forsaken place is my loved ones that are not among the living. I have reunited and come to terms with my old man, and I've even beat him in blitz ball a few times. He blames it on his old age, but I just think that I'm getting better than him. I spend a lot of time with Auron here, and he provides a great deal of comfort in my pathetic state.

Of course, I can't forget Braska. He tells me how wonderful I was for Yuna during the short time I was with her. He honestly believes that I will somehow leave the Farplane to be with her. He said that if I happen to return to Spira, I better find her and marry her, or else. I told him that it would be my honor to marry Yuna, my love. I would do it without question.

Whether anyone believes it or not, it's not just about Yuna. It's also about everyone that I knew and loved on our journey. Wakka and Rikku had this way of making me laugh hysterically with the goofy, almost stupid antics they tried to pull. They would then laugh hysterically at my goofy, almost stupid antics, as would Yuna.

Lulu and Kimahri didn't talk very much, but when they did speak, their words were teeming with wisdom well beyond their years. All I can say is that I miss them, and I'm always thinking back to the memories I have of our pilgrimage, our story.

Auron told me that he regrets saying that it was my story. I agree with him… I regret calling it my story during the time we spent together. It was everyone's story, Spira's entire story. Being as selfish as to call it my story was wrong. It caused Yuna too much pain in my last moments with her. Some people may call it Yuna's pilgrimage, and the historians will probably call it that, but I call it ours and will not think of it in any other way.

Was I really just a dream? I don't think so. A dream has no emotions, no love, no thoughts… they are nothing more than a short-lived memory that visits a person in their sleep and leaves when the sun wanders over the horizon. A dream is fleeting, and I know that I am not. I continue to exist.

I know that what little physical contact I had with Yuna on our pilgrimage was electrifying. Every touch that I could give her or that she could give me in our few private moments was total bliss. That night in Macalania, where we got to show each other how much love seeped through every fiber of being in our bodies was wonderful. I cannot, and I will not forget that moment, or any other moment that we shared.

That is why I know I'm not a dream. I feel like I completely belong in the living world. I belong there just to be with her, because the world's saviors deserve something better than this.

So, I continue to ponder this one paradox in my existence: If I am not a dream, and if I deserve to be in Spira, why can't I be? Why can't I snap my fingers and return to my place in Spira with the person that I truly love? I believe that I can, just like Braska believes that I can.

All of this leads me to ask myself this question.

Is this a time for reflection?

Should I just accept my fate? No, I don't believe so… I can't believe it. I'm determined that I will be back in Spira some day, relaxing on the beaches of Besaid with the person I love. I will be there on a day of total happiness, on the day of Yuna's wedding. It's because I will be the groom. I don't want it any other way.

It's only a matter of time before I can become one with her again, because I believe it's what destiny has in store for us. On the day that I return to Spira, I will thank the Farplane, the place that I loathe so much at this moment, for bringing me back to spend my life with the person that means everything to me.