Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy 7 Bloopers ❯ Final Fantasy 7 Bloopers ( Chapter 1 )

Final Fantasy 7 Bloopers (rated PG-13 for language violence and everything else. (Affairs included)^-^

This is a fic by Angelstar18 and Monkeyman, who are both obsessed with Final Fantasy stuff. The FF7 cast belongs to us!! *wicked laughter* Squaresoft: They belong to who? *gives us death glares* Okay okay okay, jeez some people just can't take a joke. The FF7 cast does not belong to us sadly. But the bloopers do!! Oh the power! *lightning flashes in the background*

Monkeyman: Angelstar18, how the hell did that happen? *Angelstar18 shrugs* I dunno.

Hello and welcome to the Final Fantasy 7 bloopers. Me and Monkeyman here are part of the story as new characters. Monkeyman is Dragon, while Stardust is an original character created by me. We're both evil minded, and love to create chaos, so beware!! You have been warned.

Monkeyman: You mean you're evil minded, not me.

Angelstar18: Oh really? What about all those Aeris pics you drool over on the 'net, hmmmm?

Monkeyman: That's beside the point! And what about you, Kuja, and Zidane, huh?

*Both walk off bickering*

Note: Some of the story may be changed. (But that's the fun of bloopers, right?)

On with the show!!!! *Evil laughter*

Angelstar18: As everyone knows, every game has a few mistakes. Spelling, censored language, deleted scenes, you know, all the things that make it fun to write fics like this. Let's look at some of them shall we? Note that these are in not in order. Flames will be used to.... make s'mores! ^_^

Disc One "mistakes"

(First mission of the game)

Cloud: *holding on to a pole with Barret pulling on him*

I don't wanna go! I wanna live, and besides that, explosions are scary!! *Cries*

Barret: Who cares fool?!?!? You're gonna live and you're gonna do this right, or else I'm gonna put a bullet in your spiky headed ass!!!

Tifa: *off stage* Cloud, you big wuss.

(Take two same scene)

Cloud: *too scared to move*

Director: *Raises megaphone* Cloud!!!! Move your *BLEEPING* arse!

Cloud: *runs off crying* You're mean! And you yell too much!

Director: Hold on a freakin minute, THIS AIN'T THE REAL

CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the hell is he?!?!? Someone go check his trailer.

Tifa: Okay, you asked for it. *goes over to Cloud's trailer and opens the door* HOLY SH-*covers eyes*

Barret: *runs up to the trailer, and sees the real Cloud and Yuffie going at it hot and heavy* AWWW, I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT!!! I THINK I'M GONNA GO BLIND ,COVER IT UP NOW, CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tifa: She's five years younger than you Cloud. And besides that, you sicko, I'm your girlfriend!!

Cloud: *looks up * But-

Yuffie: Darn, I almost had the materia sewed in his underwear!

Tifa: *blinks* Materia sewed in his underwear? So THAT"S what happened to all my summons! *growls and pulls on boxing gloves*

Cloud: Yuffie, you traitor!! *sees Tifa headed in his direction* uh-oh.. *takes off running like mad*

Director: Good grief!! Can't you even do one simple scene right?

FF7 cast: Uh, no.

Director: Cut! *sighs*

(Take one train scene)

Director: Now this time do it right. Film's expensive you know? Roll tape!

*Barret flips off the train and motions for Cloud to follow. He stands there waiting for about five minutes. Cloud doesn't show up.*

Barret: Grrrr...Where is he? *Walks around train and sees Cloud chatting with Aeris*

Cloud: So how bout it? Think Cid will notice?

Aeris: Definitely! *Grin*

Barret: Notice what? That you ain't doing your damn job right?

Cloud: Oh, are we rolling? *Pulls out sword and gets into fighting position*

Director: *slaps forehead* Why me? We haven't done a single thing right, and it's only the first day!

(Motorcycle scene take one)

*Cloud and co. smash through the window and land on the road below*

Director: Yes! Good, keep going!

*Tifa, who is still peeved at Cloud, floors the gas pedal and rams into the motorbike, forcing him off the road and into one of the Shinra bikers next to him which results in a major pile up*

Tifa: *gets out and stands on the hood of the car, laughing maniacally* There's a new main character in town, and her name's Tifa Lockheart!!

*Cid comes out of the shadows and throws the Venus Gospel at her, which goes through her shoulder knocking her off the truck and out cold*

Everyone else: YAYY!!!! *They applaud Cid, who bows and steps back into the shadows*

Director: *looks aggravated*CUT! ARRRGGHHH! *turns to Vincent and Sephiroth* Call the *bleeping* paramedics and tell them we have an emergency.

Cloud:*lays on the road twitching under the motorbikes*

Yuffie: *pokes him* Is he dead? If so I get his materia! *grins widely*

Everybody including the director: NO! YOU DON'T GET ANY OF HIS MATERIA!!! Yuffie: *goes off into a corner and sulks* Meanies...

(Boss fight with the Guard Scorpion, take one)

Cloud: Barret! Don't attack while its tail's up! It'll counterattack with its tail laser!

Barret: Got it!

*Just then the guard scorpion stands on its hind legs and starts doing the Macarena*

FF7 cast: What the hell?

*They hear giggles coming from the control room. Cid walks over and pokes his head in*

Cid: Could you kindly stop playing with the #%&%^(@$ controls, Stardust? That goes for you too, Sephiroth.

Stardust: *innocently* I didn't do anything…

(Boss fight with the Guard Scorpion, take five)

Cloud: Barret! Don't attack while its tail's up! It'll counterattack with its tail laser!

Barret: Got it!

*Instead of regular boss music playing, Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady" starts playing*

Cloud: Now that's what I call boss music!!

*Cloud and Barret proceed to kick the Guard Scorpion's ass to Kingdom come*

Director: *blinks* Okaaaay…

(Meeting Vincent Take one)

Director: Okay Vincent, in this scene you'll be in a coffin for a little bit. Can you deal with that?

Vincent: No...

Director: Too Bad! Roll tape!

*Cloud, Red XIII, and Yuffie open the coffin*

Yuffie: Ohhh, Vinnie! *jumps into coffin and attempts to make out with him*

Vincent: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN, GET HER OFF ME!!!

Director: CUT! *in a dangerous voice* Yuffie, let go of Vincent, or I'll give him permission to blow your brains out.

Yuffie: *reluctantly lets go* Damn, I never get to have any fun.

Sephiroth: Well maybe if you didn't try to sleep with every guy on set, we might consider 'having fun' as you put it.

Yuffie: Oh shut up, Mr. I'm a big bad science experiment. Now go away, you're scaring the cast.

Sephiroth: *cries* You don't know what it's like being called a freak because you're different! *sobs* It's not like I asked for this, you know. Those words were hurtful, mean, cruel and uncalled for!

*Stardust comes out*

Oh poor Sephy, I love you. *baby talking* It'll be awight. I'll be glad to have "fun" with you.

Sephy: Really?

Director: Stardust, what are you doing out here? You're supposed to be in the control room, not out here!

Stardust: Give me an hour's break and I'll be as good as gold for the rest of the scene, I promise! *halo appears above head*

Director: ....Okay. <I'm gonna regret this>

Stardust: Thank you!! *grabs Sephy and runs off*

Director: Thankfully, he's not needed for another five hours.

(Take 22 same scene)

Director: For God's sake can we get it right this time?!?!? Now that we took Yuffie out of the party, it might be easier since she can't pounce on Vincent anymore. Thanks Aeris! *Aeris flashes him a thumbs up, while Yuffie struggles to get loose, tied to a chair* Roll Tape!

*One winged Angel starts playing, and everyone looks at the control room*

Stardust: Sorry! ^^; Sephy, leave the buttons alone. I'll let you push the next one, okay?

Seph: *sulkily* Okay..

*Music starts, correct theme playing this time*

Cloud, Barret and Red XIII go to the basement and opens Vincent's coffin. What they see sends them into shock, fear and horror.

Vincent: *is snuggling with a Barney doll and muttering in his sleep* I love you, you love me, we're a hap-

Cloud: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

Barret: The horror... make it stop, please make it stop!!

Red XIII: I think I'm gonna be sick...*runs off to the bathroom*

Tifa: *disgustedly* And to think I slept with him...

Cloud: You what?!?

Everyone: O.O

Vincent:*Jerks awake and sees everybody staring at him* WAIT, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!! *Hides doll behind his back and pulls out Death Penalty* Any smart remarks about this and I'll blow your head off.

Cloud: Really Vincent, I thought you were the more mature type. Seriously, though- *Vincent leaps out of his coffin and chases Cloud, shooting at him the whole time*

Director: Cut!! *Breaks down and cries* Whatever I did to deserve this I'm sorry! I can't work like this!! *Runs off set*

Cid: Well, the director's gone, so that's a wrap! *Pulls out a bottle of tea* Okay everyone, you know what that means.... *evil grin*

Everybody else: PARTYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Director number 150 is outtta here!!!

Stardust: The rest pretty much went down like this: Cloud tried to hit on Aeris and got smacked clear across the set, Tifa laughed so hard she nearly passed out, Sephiroth and I supplied the booze and party music, *wicked chuckle*, Yuffie chased Vincent all over the set,(cause somehow she got loose) Barret and Red XIII went off to the Gold Saucer and Cid had a date with Shera, so he left them, and finally Cait Sith passed out from drinking too much wine.

(Next Day)

New Director: O.O;; What the hell went on here last night?! *spies everyone laying around, hung over* Is there anyone who isn't hung over that can tell me what the *bleep* happened?

Cid: *walks in with Barret and Red XIII in tow* Simple enough. They had a *(#)**@$) party, ya #%#^^ idiot.

Director: Yeah well, we got a game to make, so hop to it.

(Take one of the Wall market scene)

Aeris: Okay, now that we have our dresses, we can go rescue Tifa, okay Cloud? Cloud? *looks around and notices Cloud is missing*

Cloud: WHOOO HOOOO!!!! *runs off in nothing but boxers*

Stardust: Ooooo, this is something you don't see everyday! Now if he was just minus the boxers....*drools for a moment, then whips out camera and starts taking pictures* Hey Sephy, whaddya say we use these as blackmail?

Sephiroth: *laughs evilly* I got a better idea, let's create a website with them!

Everyone: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Director: Cut! *sighs* Anyway, since Cloud is acting like a moron, we have a new character to take over.*Dragon walks out. He has black spiky hair, midnight blue eyes, is wearing a white t-shirt, dark blue jeans, and black boots*

His name is Dragon, and he's available too, ladies, so be on your best behavior.

Aeris, Tifa, and Yuffie: HE'S SO HOT!!!! *drooooooool*

Dragon walks around and shakes hands with everyone. He and Cloud give each other evil looks. Tifa blushes, Yuffie faints, and Aeris just stares at him. Dragon stares back for a moment, then shakes hands with Vincent and Sephiroth.

Vincent and Sephiroth: You here to get rid of Cloud?

*Dragon nods* I think we'll get along just fine, heheheh.

*As Dragon walks by Aeris he slips her a card that reads, "Meet me by the lake after this scene is over." Aeris nods and grins*

Cloud: *suspiciously* What'd you give Aeris?

Dragon: *innocently* Nothing.

Director: Okay, people. Let's take it from the top. Annnnd action!

(Wall market scene, take 2)

Aeris: Okay, now that we have our dresses, we can go rescue Tifa, okay Cloud?

Cloud: I can't believe I'm doing this...

Aeris: You DO want to save her, right? So get moving!

* They do the entire scene perfectly, causing the director to leap about with joy*

Camera man: We got it, boss! All of it!

Director: Really? There is a God after all! *Sings the hallelujah chorus* 30 minute break everyone! Whoopee!! *Celebrates happily*

(Boss fight with Aps, Take one)

Director: Annnd action! *Aeris is nowhere to be seen*

Tifa: Hey, where's Aeris?

Cloud: While we're on the subject, where's Dragon?

*Dragon appears, looking very disheveled. His face is covered in lipstick marks, his shirt is inside out and half buttoned the wrong way, and his hair is mussed*

Aeris: We're here! Sorry it took so long but we had a few problems. *Her ponytail is coming undone, her skirt is held on by three buttons on the top, and her bra is peeking out in places*

Director:*groans and buries face in hands* I don't wanna hear about it, just get yourselves dressed properly, please? Tifa, you go with Aeris and Barret, you go with Dragon cause I don't trust Cloud not to kill him, and I don't trust myself not to kill them both, so good riddance. * pulls out a bottle of whiskey and starts chugging it straight* <First day with the new character and already Aeris is marking her territory.>

Tifa: So, what was it like? Is he good?

Aeris: *grins widely*

Barret: So, how was she?

Dragon: *very wide grin*



Okay folks, that's all for now, but there's more coming! Next time on Final Fantasy 7 bloopers, Aeris death scene mistakes, and more disk one bloopers! This is the result of staying up till 3:30 for three and half days to finish this. Hope you enjoy!

Monkeyman: And by the way if you're curious on who Dragon is it's me!!!!

Angelstar18: If you're wondering about some things in here, just ask and we'll tell ya! And remember, Pepsi and evil minds don't mix!!