Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy 7 Bloopers ❯ More Bloopers! ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Final Fantasy 7 bloopers

Hello! Angelstar18 and Monkeyman here to bring you more FF7 bloopers. Monkeyman is Dragon in the story, while my character Stardust hangs out with Sephy and mess around in the control room. As mentioned before, flames will be used to make s'mores. Thanks to the people who reviewed and said they liked it, we're proud to say that we were very happy! Again, these are not in order, so don't get upset. This is just for fun. We don't own the FF7 cast, although I wish I owned Sephy and Cloud... *sigh*

Monkeyman: And I wish Aeris was mine!

Angelstar18: Maybe if we ask Squaresoft nicely, they'll let us have them for awhile.

On with the show!

Chapter 2: More bloopers!

(Aeris death scene take one)

Director: Roll tape! Let's do this correctly people, okay?

FF7 cast: *shifty eyed* Okay....

*Stardust starts the music for Aeris and reaches for a box of tissues*

*Aeris kneels on the altar. She looks up at Cloud and smiles as holy light shines down from above. Just then Sephiroth comes down, cape fluttering, and runs her through. Aeris falls forward, ribbon coming undone and the white materia bouncing off into the water. Yuffie leaps up and dives after it. Cloud looks at Sephiroth and then back at Aeris, then back at Sephiroth and blinks.*

Cloud: You got some serious problems, man. You don't just kill someone to summon a giant meteor to destroy the earth, man. I mean, come on, that's just rude, man.

Sephiroth: *looks at Cloud and starts sobbing* I know, but it's not all my fault. See, when I learned I was just a science experiment, I just went nuts, and there was no turning back. But what really scared me was that Vincent is my father, by a blood test.

Vincent: I AM NOT YOUR FATHER!!!!!

Director: CUT! Cut, Cut, and Cut! *looks at script in his hand* Sephiroth, Hojo is your father, not Vincent.

Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Vincent: Lucrecia, you didn't!

Lucrecia: Nope, it's just a silly rumor that Hojo spread around so he could claim he got some, when the truth is, he's still a virgin. *Nods matter of factly*

*Everyone starts laughing their heads off*

Hojo: *sulks* Nobody was supposed to know that. *laughing insanely* Just wait! I'll show you all!!

Vincent: We already know you're a sick weirdo, so I'm gonna put you out of your misery. Who in their right mind would inject a foreign lifeform into innocent people? *pulls out shotgun and shoots Hojo*

Director: Vincent, was that necessary?

Vincent: Yes. He deserved it anyway, making monsters out of people.

Director: The things I do for money.....

(Aeris death scene, take 2)

*Again Stardust starts the music*

Director: Cut! where's the white materia? *looks around and sees Yuffie whistling innocently and holding some thing behind her back* Grrrr...Yuffie, give it back, now!

Yuffie: Never! * jumps into the lake*

Director: Dragon, go get her, before I kill her myself.

Dragon: Gotcha! *dives into the water. After a few minutes he comes back with Yuffie under one arm and the materia in his other hand*

Yuffie: Oooooh, you're so strong. *bats eyelashes*

Director: Did you do that just so Dragon would go get you?

Yuffie: *rolls eyes innocently* Maaaaaaaaayybee!

Director: Argggggggghhhhhhhh!

(Aeris death scene take 24)

Director: Okay, lets try this with Dragon and see how it goes. Action!

(*Aeris kneels on the altar. She looks up at Dragon and smiles as holy light shines down from above. Just then Sephiroth comes down, cape fluttering, and runs her through. Aeris falls forward, ribbon coming undone and the white materia bouncing off into the water. Sephiroth pulls his sword out and looks at Dragon with a smirk on his face. *)

Director: Okay, good…

(Dragon holds Aeris in his arms)

Dragon: We just met a short time ago, and I've already fallen in love.

*Sad, sweet music plays as everyone on set starts to tear up*

Dragon: I hardly knew you, and yet you've touched my heart like no other person has ever done before. Goodbye, sweet angel. *Bends his head and kisses her*

Everybody including Sephiroth: *starts sobbing*

Director: *sniffling* It was perfect! Only, you're not supposed to cry, Sephiroth! Evil villains don't cry, dammit!

Sephiroth: But it's just so touching! And I`m human too, you know.

Everybody else: YEAH!! GIVE HIM A BREAK, MAN!

Director: *sighs* Whatever. *Turns around and notices Dragon is still kissing Aeris* Okay that's a wrap! You can stop kissing her now!

Five minutes later…

Aeris: *panting* Wow! Dragon, you sure can kiss!

Dragon: *whispers something in her ear*

Aeris: Oooh, okay!

*She gets up and links arms with Dragon. They both head towards Dragon's trailer*

Director: But- Aw, screw it. We'll do it tomorrow.

*Stardust comes outside holding the radio*

Guys, I think you should her this..

*She turns the radio up to full blast*

Announcer: A severe thunderstorm is brewing tonight please stay indoors and do not go outside.

Stardust: You know what that means. We gotta stay the night here guys.

Everyone except Aeris and Dragon: DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aeris and Dragon: *smile evilly* hehehehehehe * everybody looks at them strangely* We mean, awwww Damn it!!!

(In the middle of the night)

Dragon: *goes to get a snack and stumbles upon Aeris's top follows that to her bottom then to her bra then to her underwear and finally to her trailer. *

Aeris: *standing there with nothing on motions him in*

Dragon: *drooling, goes in her bedroom*

*But Barret, Cid, Red XIII, and Sephiroth couldn't sleep and noticed Dragon going into Aeris's trailer so they followed to see what was happening so they peeked through the window and saw them going at it*

Barret: *with head crammed into the small window* DAAAAAMN!

Cid: Hey Red got any popcorn?

Red XIII: How in the hell do they do that?!?!?!?

Sephiroth: GET OUT OF MY WAY I CAN'T SEE.

Red XIII, Barret, and Cid: Back up you girly faced freak.

Sephiroth: Hey that hurt!*Pulls out masamune, and everyone backs away nervously. Then Sephiroth sticks his head in the window and everybody crams back in*

(Meanwhile)

Vincent: I can't sleep, damn it. *Thinks to himself* I wonder if I can steal Tifa's heart. Goes over to her trailer and knocks on door*

Tifa: Hey you can't sleep either.

Vincent: No I can't because of this DAMN RAIN!!!!!*Walks in and starts smooth talking her and well, you know what happens*

Cloud: I want some ice cream.*walks into Tifa's trailer for some ice cream and walks right by them making out. He gets his ice cream and walks back to his trailer. Then he stops, realizing what he just saw*AAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next Day……

(Aeris death scene take 33)

Director: Do this right, please, or I'm gonna &*%(*% you all!

*Aeris kneels on the altar. She looks up at Cloud and smiles as holy light shines down from above. Just then Sephiroth comes down, cape fluttering, and runs her through. Aeris falls forward, ribbon coming undone and the white materia bouncing off into the water. Sephiroth pulls his sword out and looks at Cloud with a smirk on his face.*

Director: Maybe we'll actually get this correct for a change…

*After the boss fight with Jenova Life, during which Cloud, Tifa, and Cid muttered some things that can't be repeated here, Cloud picks up Aeris*

Director: Good, good...

*Cloud walks down the stairs and then tosses Aeris into the water, causing her to almost drown*

Director: Cut! Cloud, you're supposed to walk into the middle of the lake and gently lay her on the surface. Then you step back with your hand on your heart. Is that so hard to do?

Aeris: *gasping for breath* What the *&@*&$*@(^ were you thinking, you *censored* moron,?

Cloud: ^_^ I thought it would liven things up a bit.

Aeris: No, you're just jealous of me and Dragon aren't you?

Cloud: Nooooooo, I just felt like doing something different. >:) *evil smile* And besides what do you see in him? I'm much cuter by far! *strikes a macho pose*

Dragon: You spiky headed little.. *cracks knuckles*

Aeris: Oh puh-leeze. You can't have every girl on set drooling over you now can you Cloud?

Stardust: I'll drool over him!!

Sephiroth: What about me?

Stardust: I still love you.

Cloud: Stardust, you don't count. Besides, Tifa likes me better than Dragon, right Tifa?

Tifa: *staring at Dragon* I haven't a clue what you just said. *drools*

Cloud: ;_; But still, you didn't answer my question.

Aeris: *smiles dreamily* He's nice, caring, sweet, funny, and-*starts giving explicit details*

Everyone: EEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!! WE DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THAT!!

Dragon:*laughs*

Director: Okay, now that we know more about Aeris's sex life than we needed to know, let's just forget about this for now. We'll do this later when I can get those awful images out of my head. *staggers off set looking sick*

(In front of Shinra HQ scene, take one)

Tifa: We need to find another way. Right Cloud?

Cloud: Wrong! Let's bust on in!!

Barret: Now you're talking!

*They barge in the front, only to see the guards sitting at a table playing poker*

Guard #1: I see your five and raise you ten.

Guard #2: I see your ten and raise you twenty!

Cloud, Tifa and Barret: *sweatdrop*

Director: I see myself getting ready to admit myself to the nearest mental hospital...

FF7 cast: YAYYY!! GOODBYE DIRECTOR!!

Director: Not just yet however.

FF7 cast: DAMN IT, WE ALMOST HAD HIM!!!!

(In front of Shinra HQ scene, take 8)

Tifa: Okay, so like, if we bust in the front we'll probably have to fight a few robots, and that is so annoying. Besides they'll never notice if we sneak in the back way.

Barret: …. I hate stairs and I refuse to climb them. I'm going in da front way. And ain't none of ya'll gonna stop me!

Cloud: But Tifa's got a point about the back way….*smiles thoughtfully for a minute* Hmmmm, okay Tifa, let's leave the scaredy cat alone and head up the stairs. He puts his arm around her waist and Tifa follows suit. They walk off into the so called back way with their arms round each other and kissing occasionally*

Director: Cut! Okay that's it! I am officially gonna hurt all three of you! *rolls up sleeves* You can't keep your hands off each other, you can't get your lines right, and you can't or won't behave on set, so this seems to be the only way to make you understand. *Walks onto set and disappears**Sounds of fighting are distinctly heard. Then the words "Final Heaven!" are yelled and the director comes flying out*

Everybody: What the hell? *Cloud and Barret come out covered in bruises. Tifa appears without a scratch on her, blowing on her knuckles*

FF7 cast (except Cloud and Barret):*cheerleader style* GO TIFA! GO TIFA! GO TIFA! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Director: *groans weakly* Ta-take five, people. *faints*

(Off set)

*You see Aeris and Dragon sneaking off to Dragon's trailer*

Cid: And just where the &(@*(%^ are you two going?

Aeris and Dragon: *together* To the snack machine.

Cid: Oh, I'm sorry the snack machine would be that way.* points the opposite way they're going and smiles in the "nice try" way.*

Aeris: *Smiles nervously* Right, how silly of us. *curses under her breath*

Dragon: Damn it man, can't you just pretend you didn't see anything?

Cid: Nope. *Lights up cigarette* Cuz I know exactly what you're gonna do and the director just got admitted to the hospital. They say he'll be in a coma for a while. *Smirks*

Aeris: How terrible. *Snickers*

Dragon: Yeah, how terrible. *Snort*

*All three crack up*

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Cloud and Tifa go pay a visit to the director at the hospital. As you can guess, it won't turn out too well.

Cloud: Hey, Tifa? You think he'll forgive you for hitting him with Final Heaven?

Tifa: Probably not, considering he's most likely in a full body cast. But just think, we don't have a director anymore since this one's in the hospital.

Cloud: Ooooh, you're right! Shall we declare a party once again?

Tifa: Nah, better wait to see what he's got up his sleeve first. And just think, we've almost broken the record for most directors quitting or being injured.

*They arrive at the Director's room, which ironically is room number 151* (Don't you just love little catches like that?)

Director: *Who is indeed in a full body cast and barely able to move* Oh god, not you. Go away!

Cloud: Well that's not very nice! And after we came by especially to see you. Tifa made a present for you.

Tifa: *holds out apple pie, which just happens to be the director's favorite. It slips out of her hands and lands on the director's face*

*General chaos ensues, and the director hits the call button to remove them from the room. Half an hour later Cloud and Tifa head back to the studio*

Cloud: That was fun. We must pay him a visit again soon.

Tifa: Yes, we must indeed do this again soon.

*Cloud's mouth twitches, and both end up laughing all the way to the studio*

Monkeyman and Angelstar18: Thank you and we hope you liked our bloopers. We don't know if we'll write more but we're pretty sure we will. We're also brewing something else up, so be on the look out. *evil laughter*