Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy: The chronicles of Four! ❯ Why's there a party in the Earth Cave!? ( Chapter 12 )

All right! More craziness for you! But first I have to clear some mail up… (opens mailbag) Alls, they got the Mystic Key when they woke the prince in Elfland up, I just forgot to write that in. Sorry about that. Chad, I think everyone who read this was surprised by BM's reaction to Melmond. Jason, I fell off my chair a few times writing that stuff. That's why I refused to not put it in! Jenni, is BM really helping the town? Or is it just an excuse to kill stuff? Anyway, I don't own FF or 8-bit!

 

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Smoke billowed from what used to be a cheerful little town. But now all that was left were piles of rubble, and three guys watching it all. Well, two, actually. Fighter had passed out from over-Bum Rushing everything, and the armor guy was crushed from a falling tower.

 

“So, I'm guessing we just got deported.” Black Belt said, a sweat drop rolling down his head as he looked at the destruction.

 

“Well, there's nothing to deport you from anymore.” Sabin replied, “Your friend here smashed the Deportment Office, and basically everything else, so you won't suffer any punishment. And my leader said that it'd only be worse if we sent your friend to another town, because he might Bum Rush that one too.”

 

“Wait a second. Your leader? Who are… or… were you guys? Some kind of secret organization bent on good will and peace?” Black Belt asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“How did you know!” Sabin exclaimed happily, “Actually, we're more of a cult based on peace than an organization, but you get the idea.”

 

“…Whatever. So, did your leader say what you should do with us?” Black Belt asked.

 

“Yeah, he said if you both could help me rebuild the town, he'll let you stay here for free.” Sabin replied. Black Belt looked at Fighter for a minute.

 

“Well… Fighter's pretty much dead right now, so… think we can use him as a temporary beam for a house?” Black Belt asked. Sabin shrugged and picked Fighter up.

 

“Hey, it saves us time from building a beam, so I say do it!” he exclaimed, and sat Fighter upright against a rock.

 

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Meanwhile, our heroes were tramping down a dusty, lifeless path towards the south, to the Earth Cave. No monsters could be seen except for a few wraiths, which Black Mage immediately killed with Fire2. Little did he know they walked up to them to sell them some supplies.

 

“I know the Melmond Forest is supposed to be quiet, but this is unreal.” Thief whispered, tiptoeing across the ground. And it was true. There was no running water, and the wind didn't make a sound as it rolled across the dead land.

 

“You call this a forest? It's nothing but a patch of dry dirt!” Black Mage spat, kicking a rock up, “Dry dirt and potential fire hazards that used to be trees.”

 

“Even if we defeat the vampire, do you think the land will begin to grow back when we do?” White Mage asked, as they continued on, “Do you really think one vampire could've caused this? Especially knowing that the fiend of Earth isn't too far away from him?”

 

“Only way to know for sure is to kick that vampire's sorry ass.” Black Mage grumbled.

 

“About that. How exactly do you intend to fight it?” Red Mage asked, “I've heard legends that vampires aren't weak to any specific kind of magic except those of the Harm series and of fire. And our physical strength won't kill it, either.”

 

“I see your point, but I have PLENTY of Fire2 spells. I ain't afraid.” Black Mage replied confidently, strolling to the south until Thief stopped him, “What now, moron?”

 

“Don't you see the fork in the road? Which way are we supposed to go?” Thief asked. Black Mage stopped walking and looked around. They'd been talking so much that they'd come to a crossroad. One way went west, the other went southeast.

 

“Well, the west has a closer cave. I'll just pretend we need to go there.” Black Mage said, and began walking down the west path. A sweat drop appeared over White Mage.

 

“Are you insane!? What if there are boars or wolves in that cave!?” White Mage called, but Black Mage ignored her, “Are you listening?! Dr. Unne said to go SOUTH! BM! Get back here! UGH! YOU ARE SO HOPELESS!” She huffed and stormed off after Black Mage. Red Mage and Thief just looked at each other and gulped, then followed White Mage inside. But they barely got inside in the first place. The cave was very small, and very crowded with rocks.

 

“This is the Earth Cave, huh?” White Mage asked, annoyed that Black Mage got them lost again.

 

“Shut up. There's enough crap here to convince ME it's the Earth Cave.” Black Mage stated. Thief covered his nose.

 

“Speaking of crap, what's that awful smell?” Thief asked, “Smells like 100 Mad Ponies came and took a dump in here all at the same time!” Even Red Mage covered his face with his hat from the horrible smell. But as they walked deeper to find the source of the stench, they saw a huge titan blocking their way.

 

“What are puny humans doing in my cave?” it roared, making the ground rumble with every word. Black Mage pushed Red Mage to the front.

 

“Um… We were wondering if this was the Earth Cave.” Red Mage replied.

 

“Earth Cave? Me no hear of Earth Cave. What puny man talk about?” The titan grumbled, stroking its rock-hard chin in thought, “This my cave of treasure. But I no let you in without a ruby.”

 

“Fine. Why would we want your stupid treasure anyway?” Black Mage asked.

 

“I have Treasure of the gods. They powerful weapons to kill bad men. But me no like you, so you don't get treasure.” The titan replied, making Black Mage chuckle.

 

“Listen, slave, do you really want to cross us? We're the Light Warriors. We haven't the time or patience to deal with your inferior intellect. Now step aside.” Black Mage said.

 

“Are you sure you know what you're doing? He could flatten us!” White Mage hissed, but Black Mage ignored her.

 

“Me no understand PUNY man. Me confused.” The titan whined, “Me no like being confused!” He started to stomp around like a little kid.

 

“Hmmm. Let me put it into words even YOU understand. You stupid, me smart. You dumb, me strong. You loser, me winner.” Black Mage boasted. The titan roared and pounded on his chest.

 

“YOU INSULT ME! ME MAD! ME SQUASH PUNY HUMANS! ROAR!” The titan roared, picking up his club. The four quickly ran out before the titan's club smashed down on them. When they got out, White Mage immediately smacked Black Mage with her staff.

 

“Are you mentally retarded!? That was a TITAN! He's at least 100 times our size! Don't you know any better!?” she screamed. Black Mage rubbed his head angrily as he glared up at her.

 

“Is it MY fault those lesser mammoths are so damn retarded?” Black Mage asked, “No! Therefore, why should I get blamed for that thing trying to kill us for merely pointing out a straight fact?” A blue streak appeared across White Mage's head, and she was sure her veins would pop right there.

 

“Um, I thought you were the one who insulted the Titan.” Thief said, tilting his head with confusion, “I mean, if you did insult the Titan, I'm really not surprised that it tried to hit us. I don't blame the poor thing.” Red Mage opened up a small book he kept in his pack.

 

“Besides, ever since the Banned Giant Act in '47, all forms of giants have been more hostile. We should've been more careful.” Red Mage said, “If we hadn't run, that Titan could've smeared us all over the walls.” Black Mage tapped his foot impatiently.

 

“Technicalities set aside, I still think I was right. Anyway, I guess it wasn't so bad to run. Besides, we still need to get to the Earth Cave. That horse-crap scented cave can wait.” Black Mage said, walking down a dirt path, only to stop immediately in front of another cave with a sign reading “EARTH CAVE!”

 

“Wow, that's really anticlimactic.” Black Mage said flatly, a large sweat drop rolling down his head.

 

“At least it makes our jobs a little easier.” White Mage responded, shrugging and walking into the cave with Thief and Red Mage. Black Mage cursed and wandered in too. Inside was very dark, and it took a few minutes for everyone to adjust to the light. When they could see, they saw that the earth actually looked like it was in good condition.

 

“Yeah, this has got to be the Earth Cave.” Red Mage said. Black Mage laughed harshly.

 

“Gee, really?! Tell me, what gave it away? Was it the huge amount of EARTH in here or the sign outside TELLING us this is the Earth Cave!?” Black Mage spat, throwing his arms up in frustration. White Mage leaned on her staff.

 

“Well, think about it. The earth here looks in great condition as compared to Melmond.” She said, raising her eyebrow, “And if you can't remember, you're the one who said you'd give the vampire a thorough butt-kicking.”

 

“And I still intend to! God, you people get on my nerves!” Black Mage cried, walking towards a left path. Red Mage looked at the map and screamed like a schoolgirl, tackling Black Mage down. Black Mage glared angrily, “What was that for!?”

 

“BM, that's the Hall of Giants! You'll be flattened!” Red Mage shrieked. Black Mage, however, wasn't too convinced.

 

“I think if there were Giants down here, we'd see them. Now let go of me or I'll use Fire2 on you.” Black Mage threatened. Red Mage let go of his robes, and Black Mage proudly strolled into the hall, only to be smashed by a giant wooden club a second later.

 

“No giants down here, huh?” White Mage asked mockingly. Black Mage tried to get up, but fell back down again.

 

“I think they broke my spine…” He whined.

 

After a long trek through the halls, no help from the fact that everyone had to carry Black Mage, our heroes finally got to the second floor.

 

“Hey, do you guys hear that odd bumping sound?” Thief asked, as they walked deeper through the cave.

 

“I thought it was the bumps on BM's head throbbing.” Red Mage admitted, “Though as we go deeper, it IS getting obnoxiously louder.” Red Mage opened a door to a room as they passed, and nearly passed out. A bunch of Bulls, Trolls, and Giants were DANCING! Black Mage woke up from the loud music, and screamed.

 

“What the hell are you guys doing?!” he bellowed, making everyone stop and look at him.

 

“Well, the Vampire who lives here was throwing a huge party, so we were just dancing and mingling. Did you guys want to join us?” A gargoyle asked, holding up a bowl of chips. White and Red Mage just looked at each other. Thief shrugged and walked in, stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth.

 

“Thief, get back here!” Black Mage yelled, “And no, we DON'T want to join you! We're the Light Warriors! You guys should be busy fighting us to the death, and yet we find you dancing and having fun!” The monsters just raised their eyebrows confusingly as Black Mage began to list reasons of why what he just saw was so wrong.

 

“Listen, if you guys don't like the party, you can tell the Vampire about it and he'll fix it.” A Troll told them. Black Mage was about to say something, but White Mage quickly covered his mouth.

 

“And where is the Vampire?” Red Mage asked.

 

“Oh, he's on the third floor. You'll know you're close when you see some disco lights flashing through the floor.” A giant replied. The four smiled nervously and bolted away from the room as fast as they could go. Soon, they heard even louder music, and the floors began to light up like the Giant said they would.

 

“This is weird. Are you guys SURE the Vampire is causing the earth to rot? It just seems like he's throwing a party.” Thief stated, as they all walked down the stairs. Glitter machines and disco lights dotted the hall of the third floor, and the sounds of jazz music could be heard as the four walked closer to a very intricately designed door. Red Mage knocked on it a few times, but it didn't open.

 

“You are such a freaking idiot.” Black Mage said, and blew the door down with a Fire2 spell, “FREEZE, FOOLS!” The Vampire turned around and screamed.

 

“Heavens! You four scared me! I thought all of the guests were upstairs, partying!” the Vampire said, his fake jewelry gleaming. Sweat drops appeared over everyone's heads.

 

“Um… We're not guests. Are you the one terrorizing Melmond?” White Mage asked. The vampire looked slightly confused, then snapped his fingers.

 

“Oh, THAT! Well, I was about 50 years ago, but I guess I've forgotten!” he exclaimed, “I thought I took that spell off the earth.”

 

“Well, you didn't. And now we're going to kick your sorry butt because of it.” Black Mage replied, starting up another Fire2 spell. Red Mage and Thief drew their swords, and White Mage began to cast Harm2. The Vampire laughed.

 

“Oh no you won't! Prepare to be DAZZLED by my beautiful smile!” The Vampire said, flashing the four a wicked smile. However, soon the Vampire would realize what a stupid mistake he'd made.

 

“EW! Your teeth are rotting!” White Mage screamed.

 

“And your breath smells bad!” Thief added.

 

“And your voice sounds funny. We're not dazzled.” Red Mage ended, blinking.

 

“Not dazzled!? How can this be? I'm simply DAZZLING! That's my nature!” The Vampire panicked, pacing back and forth.

 

“Uh, dude, just look in a mirror.” Black Mage said, annoying pointing to the mirror behind the Vampire's chair. The Vampire quickly rushed to the mirror to see his reflection, and screamed bloody death.

 

“HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE!? Not only am I ugly, I'm non-existent!” The Vampire cried, not realizing that vampires didn't have a reflection, “This is unreal! I can't be this way! I simply MUST be beautiful!”

 

“Time to face the cold, hard facts. You're hideous. It's a curse, my friend, but we all must deal with it at some point.” Black Mage said with fake pity. The Vampire screamed.

 

“NO! I… I can't take it! I'm… I'm…” The Vampire never finished his sentence, because at that moment, his brain exploded from mental and emotional overload, leaving a headless, lifeless body, which fell behind the chair.

 

“Well, that was easy.” Black Mage shrugged, and opened the chest in the room, “What!? This isn't a crystal! It's just a stupid red jewel! What the hell are we gonna do with this?” Black Mage angrily threw the ruby at the wall, and Thief caught it.

 

“Hey! The titan back in Crap Cave said he liked rubies. Maybe we're supposed to give this to him and HE gives us the crystal of Earth!” Thief exclaimed hopefully.

 

“And maybe you're a moron. Like a big buffoon like that has a crystal.” Black Mage mumbled, “Oh, whatever. Let's just get out of this stupid cave before I set it on fire like Elf… er… I mean, before the rot of the earth collapses it.” With that, the four left the disco-themed room.

 

“But still, where is the Earth Crystal?”

 

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Well, at least they slayed the Vampire! But where's the Earth Crystal? Where's Lich? And why do they have to go back to Crap Cave? Why did I name it Crap Cave, anyway? And what about Sabin and BB? Anyway, find out the answer to most of these questions in the next chapter. So what are you waiting for! Click that Review button!