Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Guide to Surviving the Planet ❯ Your Reason for Your Quest ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Sesshy is sexii 
Lesson One
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 391 | Status: Completed
Lesson One
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 06.19.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 391 | Status: Completed
Hello again and welcome to our first lesson of the guide. Now I bet you think your just going to go pick your weapon and start on your quest? Well, not only are you way ahead of me, you have already screwed up. Ahem, the first step is to pick a reason why you are going to go on a journey. Make it note-worthy, important, something that people will remember you by through the ages. If your going to go on a quest simply because somebody stole your ice cream, follow my advice carefully. Get sober, take some asprin, then proceed to hit yourself over the head with a hammer, take some more asprin, and keep doing this until you have forgotten why you are doing this to yourself. If it worked for Reno, it will work for you. As I was saying, ask yourself some of these questions to see if any of your greatest goals are potential quest starters.
Questions
1. Are you out for vengence?
2.Are you seeking a long-lost relative or friend?
3.Has someone threatened to kill you over 100 times and you know it's the same person but you can never find them and all you know is they enjoy sending you messages written in fresh blood on parchment, that is rolled up and tied to a flaming arrow that makes impact on the northern wall of your room at 6:38 p.m.?
4.Are you in great financial debt because apparently that bet you made six months ago failed? You know, the one about the chocobo becoming extinct? You poor pitable sap...
5.Are you searching for great mythical lore or some really "special" treasure from great legends?
If these questions are a bit too...specific for you, here are two very easy ones that will get you going in almost no time. I, by the way, cannot guarentee that.
Do you want to be a hero?
Do you want to become a villian?
I must tell you although I can give you good tips for being a villian, I cannot help you , oh say...take over the world or lead a world wide genocide. If that sounds very appealing to you, I suggest you pick up another of Sephiroth's books. It is called "I'm evil. The only real question here should be why WOULDN'T I massacre the entire village, set it a flame afterwords, turn away slowly while laughing evilly and then throw a convient mog at the remaining doorway that somehow managed to stand after all of that chaos. How do YOU answer that one!"
As you can tell, Sephiroth thinks he is counter spiting my book that he thought was spiting him despite the fact "I have no idea what he is talking about"... That poor man lost more than his eyebrows from that fall. Not to mention two back teeth...ew...
The only reason he is having an inferiority complex is because my book is easily outselling his TWO books. HA! WHO IS THE FAN FAVORITE NOW! I'm very sorry you had to see that...
Um, going back to the main subject at hand, you also won't be able to become the ultimate hero. You can however become that by reading my autobiography which will begin selling in stores starting in the next 6 minutes and 37 seconds.
Now after you have contemplated on what your journey should be we are ready to move on to the next part. Gil. You need quite a bit of this before you can even get into lesson two which is about finding your weapon/fighting style. Your probably thinking,"But Cloud, I can't fight so how am I gonna get any gil!" I have a very simple answer to that. It's called a JOB. You may have to do many odd jobs but you will get the money you need ...eventually... The following is a list of jobs perfect for these kind of events.
1.The stables: Yes, cleaning chocobo stables will probably suck alot but at least you may learn some interesting facts about the chocobo and you will get to see them ALOT. Better get a good look because it will be a very very LONG time before you ever step foot near one again. We will not cover that until further in the guide. Besides, you'd probably set the damn thing on fire mistaking it for an enemy the first couple times.
2.Materia shops: Even if you know squat they will let you in there anyway. All your doing is selling equipment because quite frankly, if I remember the fool who tried to summon Shiva, you will be the cause of the second apocalypse if you attempt anything more than "status affecting spells"... dear lord those suck...
3.Recycling: Have you been to Midgar or are an inhabinant than you have seen the countless glass bottles hanging around... It's a sad sad site when you have to meet the drunkards who try to molest you but it's worth it in the end. Trust me, if you think you have it bad READ my life story... I'm never going to feel the same about a wig again...
4.Tifa's Seventh Heaven: Tifa is always lookin for people to help throw drunks out her doors. Just don't tick her off. According to Scarlet, Tifa's got a mean right hook.
5.Tour guiding: Come on. You know you want to! If you know great history of towns such as Nimbleheim then go for it! Just don't go into the mansion and go to the bottom floor. Um, a certain gunman doesn't really like company, unless you happen to know him and REMEMBER to call out your name if you do. And that people is why Cid got shot in the ass. Again. You think Vincent would recognize his voice by now...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes lesson 1. Simple and straight to the point.I hope to see you for lesson 2: Finding your inner place and outer place.
Questions
1. Are you out for vengence?
2.Are you seeking a long-lost relative or friend?
3.Has someone threatened to kill you over 100 times and you know it's the same person but you can never find them and all you know is they enjoy sending you messages written in fresh blood on parchment, that is rolled up and tied to a flaming arrow that makes impact on the northern wall of your room at 6:38 p.m.?
4.Are you in great financial debt because apparently that bet you made six months ago failed? You know, the one about the chocobo becoming extinct? You poor pitable sap...
5.Are you searching for great mythical lore or some really "special" treasure from great legends?
If these questions are a bit too...specific for you, here are two very easy ones that will get you going in almost no time. I, by the way, cannot guarentee that.
Do you want to be a hero?
Do you want to become a villian?
I must tell you although I can give you good tips for being a villian, I cannot help you , oh say...take over the world or lead a world wide genocide. If that sounds very appealing to you, I suggest you pick up another of Sephiroth's books. It is called "I'm evil. The only real question here should be why WOULDN'T I massacre the entire village, set it a flame afterwords, turn away slowly while laughing evilly and then throw a convient mog at the remaining doorway that somehow managed to stand after all of that chaos. How do YOU answer that one!"
As you can tell, Sephiroth thinks he is counter spiting my book that he thought was spiting him despite the fact "I have no idea what he is talking about"... That poor man lost more than his eyebrows from that fall. Not to mention two back teeth...ew...
The only reason he is having an inferiority complex is because my book is easily outselling his TWO books. HA! WHO IS THE FAN FAVORITE NOW! I'm very sorry you had to see that...
Um, going back to the main subject at hand, you also won't be able to become the ultimate hero. You can however become that by reading my autobiography which will begin selling in stores starting in the next 6 minutes and 37 seconds.
Now after you have contemplated on what your journey should be we are ready to move on to the next part. Gil. You need quite a bit of this before you can even get into lesson two which is about finding your weapon/fighting style. Your probably thinking,"But Cloud, I can't fight so how am I gonna get any gil!" I have a very simple answer to that. It's called a JOB. You may have to do many odd jobs but you will get the money you need ...eventually... The following is a list of jobs perfect for these kind of events.
1.The stables: Yes, cleaning chocobo stables will probably suck alot but at least you may learn some interesting facts about the chocobo and you will get to see them ALOT. Better get a good look because it will be a very very LONG time before you ever step foot near one again. We will not cover that until further in the guide. Besides, you'd probably set the damn thing on fire mistaking it for an enemy the first couple times.
2.Materia shops: Even if you know squat they will let you in there anyway. All your doing is selling equipment because quite frankly, if I remember the fool who tried to summon Shiva, you will be the cause of the second apocalypse if you attempt anything more than "status affecting spells"... dear lord those suck...
3.Recycling: Have you been to Midgar or are an inhabinant than you have seen the countless glass bottles hanging around... It's a sad sad site when you have to meet the drunkards who try to molest you but it's worth it in the end. Trust me, if you think you have it bad READ my life story... I'm never going to feel the same about a wig again...
4.Tifa's Seventh Heaven: Tifa is always lookin for people to help throw drunks out her doors. Just don't tick her off. According to Scarlet, Tifa's got a mean right hook.
5.Tour guiding: Come on. You know you want to! If you know great history of towns such as Nimbleheim then go for it! Just don't go into the mansion and go to the bottom floor. Um, a certain gunman doesn't really like company, unless you happen to know him and REMEMBER to call out your name if you do. And that people is why Cid got shot in the ass. Again. You think Vincent would recognize his voice by now...
And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes lesson 1. Simple and straight to the point.I hope to see you for lesson 2: Finding your inner place and outer place.