Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Indecision ❯ Indecision ( Chapter 1 )

Indecision

 

Tohru stared out her bedroom window, her mother's picture in hand. She had been living with the Sohma's for over a year. Now at seventeen she was stuck at a crossroad in her life.

 

A year can really change a persons feeling and she was now in love. That would be perfect if she wasn't in love with two separate guys. Kyo of Yuki? The indecision hurt more then anything else, aside from losing her mother of course. She wasn't sure if either of them had feelings for her, and that only brought out further dilemmas.

 

Tohru sighed and banged her head on the wall. “Mom, if only you were here. You always gave the best advice.” Tohru opened her window and felt the autumn breeze encircle her. A quiet voice was heard in the wind. At first Tohru thought she was hearing things but the voice persisted.

 

“Fond memories.” The woman's voice whispered repetitively. Tohru could have sworn that voice was her mother's. She took it as a sign and did what it said.

 

“Memories, huh?”

 

*~*I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended to soon*~*

 

The memory that registered was immediately of Kyo. It had happened a few months ago in June. It had been raining slightly that day, spitting really, and she couldn't find Kyo anywhere. He usually stayed inside during rainy days but he wasn't in the house. Finally her search led her to the roof.

 

Kyo was sitting there facing the horizon. The water hit his head in regular intervals. Tohru approached him and sat beside him. He glanced at her but didn't truly acknowledge her presents.

 

“Kyo-kun, you'll get sick if you stay out here. What are you doing?” she inquired.

 

“Just thinking.” was his simple reply.

 

“Oh.” Silence overwhelmed them but it somehow felt comfortable.

 

*~*You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed*~*

 

Finally Kyo spoke. “Why is it that the rain is always associated with sorrow?” It was a question Tohru would have never expected to hear from the cat. It seemed as if he was almost defending the rain.

 

“I suppose it's because it further upsets the depressed.” Tohru reasoned. “Why?”

 

“Well I like it.” Kyo announced. This really confused Tohru.

 

“But you said before you hated the rain! You said your spirit must have hated it so that's why you do too! You always get so mad when it rains.” Kyo shook his head.

 

“Well a part of me hates the rain but I do like it in small doses. Every once and a while it's nice. It brings a calm to me. The feel of it hitting me makes me feel so at peace. It's almost like my sins are washing away with every droplet.” Tohru was shocked to hear him say something so serious and deep.

 

“I never thought of it that way Kyo-kun. That's very enlightening. Where do you come up with that?” Tohru gave him a genuine smile and Kyo just nodded again.

 

“I had a lot of time to think about it.”

 

*~* In places no one will find

All your feeling so deep inside*~*

 

“When? What do you mean?” Tohru inquired.

 

“Remember, I left to train in the mountains. Like I said before I had my master but all in all I was alone. I had time to think of a lot of things in my meditation.”

 

“Were you lonely?” Kyo blinked at her question and seemed to think for a minute.

 

“Yes.” He finally answered, though his voice faltered. A sure sign he hadn't wanted to answer that.

 

“Then why did you do it?” This time Kyo snorted.

 

“How many times do I have to tell you? The rat! That rat ruined my life. I'm an outcast because of his belligerent tricks.”

 

“Well I wouldn't say belligerent.” Tohru objected but Kyo was to far into his rant to hear her.

 

“No one in the Sohma family truly respects me! One day I swear I'll kill that Yuki and I'll be back in the zodiac. I don't want to be alone anymore.”

 

Tohru couldn't believe all these pent up emotions he had. A deep pain hit her at hearing his confession. He didn't want to kill Yuki just for revenge, he wanted a home. Because of the rat he may never have one in the zodiac family yet he still had to bare the curse.

 

“Why didn't you ever tell anyone this before?” Tohru whispered. Kyo looked at her, great emotions in his eyes.

 

*~*It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry*~*

 

“Because no one understands.” He replied. “Not to mention I've never trusted anyone enough to tell them before.

 

That meant he trusted her at least and that was enough to make her happy. Still he was hurting and she had never really known. He had kept such a tough exterior that she never saw past. A clever mask he had placed on to hide the horrors tainting his heart.

 

“What if I told you I understood?” Tohru leaned on his shoulder and stared up at him. “As long I'm here, you'll always have a place to belong.” A flutter of a smile crossed Kyo's lips. His eyes closed for a minute and when he opened them Tohru could have sworn she saw tears.

 

Tohru thought of when she had found out his secret, his true form. She had admitted to being scared but said she still wanted to be with him. She wasn't lying to make him feel better like he had thought, she was serious. She loved him so much and right now his pain was her pain. She wanted to kiss away his tears but instead she stayed silent and motionless.

 

“I'm going inside. Stupid rain, I hate it!” Kyo snarled as he stood up and stomped off the roof. Tohru knew that was just an act to cover what she had just seen.

 

*~* It was Late In September

And I've seen you before

You were always the cold one

But I was never that sure*~*

 

Tohru shook off the memory and put her mom's picture back on her side table. “I think I'm going to go for a walk. Be back soon mom.” Tohru needed to clear her thoughts. All that kept running through her head was images of Kyo.

 

She walked through the clear forest contently. It was a gorgeous September afternoon. The sun was shining and birds could be heard singing from all around. A perfect atmosphere for anyone in a dilemma like herself.

 

Her thoughts, against her discretion, went back to Kyo. Maybe one day he would be able to open up. He acted so distant and cold, what she wouldn't give to hold him in her arms and tell him how she felt. The curse hurt her but she was sure it hurt him even more.

 

How did he live the way he did? How did he possibly manage it? He had to be cautious ever day of his life. God forbid his arms wrap around someone. And without his bracelet he would transform into something far worse then just a little kitty.

 

Tohru brought her hand to her head and rubbed her temple. She could never empathize with him but she could sympathize. She would never know how painful this curse was but she'd always be here if he needed it. No matter what he chose to hide from her she'd accept it if it meant he'd feel more secure.

 

*~*You were all by yourself

Staring at the dark gray sky

I was changed*~*

 

Tohru broke through some trees and came to a small clearing not far from the house. She was surprised to see Kyo sitting in the center of it, the wind whipping through his hair. His eyes were gazing at the sky and not moving. She assumed he must be thinking again.

 

She decided to approach him and he turned around as soon as he heard her footsteps. The look on his face was enough to make Tohru nearly break into tears. He looked so anguished. She tried to put on a smile for him but she couldn't muster one this time. She simply went to sit beside him.

 

Kyo's face turned back to the sky when she sat down. “Hi.” At least he acknowledged her existence this time.

 

*~*In Places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside*~*

 

“What's wrong?” she had to ask him. Even if he didn't answer she just had to.

 

“Just thinking.” A race of de ja vu hit her when he replied. It was like that day on the roof, but would it end the same?

 

“About what?” she questioned.

 

“Nothing.” Exactly what she had expected him to say.

 

“If you don't tell someone what's bothering you, nothing gets resolved. It's not a good idea to keep things bottled up, it only hurts you in the end.”

 

“It's sometimes more painful to say” Kyo countered.

 

“Why don't you just try it this once.”

 

*~*It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry*~*

 

“Well since you're in the mood to share, why don't you tell me why you are here?” Kyo suggested. Tohru shrugged.

 

“I was just taking a walk. The fall air helps me think.”

 

“And what were you thinking about?” Kyo assumed he had backed her into the same uncomfortable corner she had tried to do to him, but she answered without hesitation.

 

“Indecision.” That single word, the dreaded word. It left a bad taste in Tohru's mouth.

 

“Indecision how?”

 

“It doesn't really matter. My problems are miniscule compared to yours. Now tell me what's bothering you.” Tohru insisted. Kyo sighed but he did answer her this time.

 

“I was thinking about when I was alone.” He admitted. At that moment tears welled in Tohru's blue eyes. They cascaded down her cheeks in neat little waterfalls. She didn't expect them, and she couldn't stop them.

 

“But your not alone anymore.” She sniffled. Kyo noticed she was crying and got a panic stricken face. He clumsily wiped away her tears with his thumb.

 

“Why are you crying Tohru?”

 

*~*I wanted to hold you.

I wanted to make it go away.

I wanted to know you.

I wanted to make your everything, all right…*~*

 

“Your hurting Kyo-kun. I want to help you! Every day you pretend you're a big tough guy but deep down the pain is consuming you. It must have been terrible to be alone, but I don't know how to help you. Your pain is so fierce I can feel it just by sitting here with you. Your hesitancy to admit to people you need condolence is just going to eat away at you till you are nothing! Please Kyo-kun open up!”

 

“Don't worry about me.” Kyo huffed. “I'm not worth the shed of tears.”

 

“Yes you are!” She insisted. “ I want to stop the ache that's slowly increasing! I love you Kyo and you're my friend. I just want you to be finally happy.” There she had said it.

 

*~*I'll always remember…

It was late afternoon…

In places no one would find…*~*

 

“Tohru… I.”

 

“Please tell me what I can do to make it stop.” Tohru lunged towards him to hug him but he stopped her. He grabbed her wrists in a single one of his hands and kept the pinned to her lap.

 

“Tohru you can't!” Kyo scolded, hand still firmly holding her wrists but not enough to hurt her. Tohru shook her head back and forth as more tears spilled down her cheeks.

 

“I don't care if you transform! You may be ashamed of it but I like you anyway! As a human, as a cat, or even as a beast. None of that will change how I feel about you Kyo-kun! Nothing!” Tohru tried to break free of his hold but he was too strong. She looked into at his face to see his motives and saw raw pain, pain he wouldn't let her cure even though she wanted to so bad.

 

*~*In places no one will find

All your feeling so deep inside*~*

 

Kyo ran his free hand through his hair. “I always kept everything to myself. I never wanted anyone to know I had feelings; it would have ruined my image. I thought it was safer that way. Maybe… just maybe I was wrong, and … I need you.” His hand made it's way to her face and he cupped her cheek.

 

Tohru wanted to say something but she was too moved by his speech. His hand wiped away more tears before they fell and a whisper of a smile appeared on his face.

 

“I always pushed you away. Never let anyone get close really.”

 

*~*It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes*~*

 

Kyo chuckled a little bit and leaned in more. “I guess I'm an idiot sometimes.”

 

Tohru was shocked when his lips touched hers. A kiss that was meant to express everything he was having such a hard time saying.

 

His hand remained constricting her wrists and she was glad because at that moment she wanted to hold him close. Nothing would ruin a moment quite like him turning into a cat.

 

Kyo broke the kiss and outlined her jaw with his finger. She had never seen him acting so kind and sweet but she had always known he had it in him.

 

“You know, I never believed in love before, I thought it was bull.” Kyo confessed. Tohru laughed and sobbed at the same time making Kyo smile.

 

As she gazed at him, she knew her indecision was over. `Yuki may be sweet but Kyo needs me. And in my heart I know I need him too.'

 

“What about now? You believe in it?” she knew the answer but she asked anyway.

 

Kyo smirked and leaned his forehead on hers. “Absolutely. The moment I saw you cry.”