Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Things the Fruits Basket Characters Would Never Say ❯ Things the Fruits Basket Characters Would Never Say ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

25 statements that you will never hear! . . . Yeah, I wrote this at 3 am o-o and I'm so bored, that I actually amused myself. Had fun, though. Enjoy yourselves.



Things the Fruits Basket Characters Would Never Say


Yuki: Ayame. . .I would like to try on one of your dresses sometime.


Kyo: Oh man, I'm starving.
Shigure: Be patient, Kyo. Tohru will be home soon enough.
Kyo: *already making a meal* Say something, Shigure? I can't hear you over the bacon sizzling.
Shigure: . . .?
Kyo: Want somethin'?


Kyo: Y'know, Yuki. . . I just wanted to say. . . That is. . .
Yuki: Don't worry, Kyo. You can tell me anything you want. Here, let me get us some Ice Cream to snack on while we're chatting.
Kyo: Thanks Yuki, you're a great friend.


Kyo: Shigure, I have a problem.
Shigure: Then tell me, Kyo.
Kyo: Er. . .well. . . I still wet the bed. . .


Tohru: Would you like something to eat, Kyo?
Kyo: SHUT UP!
Tohru: FUCK YOU, BASTARD!
Kyo: GOD! I LOVE you when you're angry!
*making out commences*


Kagura: Hey, Kyo?
Kyo: Let me guess. You love me, right?
Kagura: What? Oh, no. I'm over you. Akito is such an ANIMAL in bed!
Kyo: *horrified*


Yuki: *crying* Oh Shigure, it's horrible!
Shigure: What is? Hatsuharu's dumped you? SCORE! More for me!
Yuki: . . .


Shigure: *singing in his head* Highschool boys! Highschool boys! All for me, highschool boys!


Akito: Hatsuharu. . .
Haru: Yes, Akito?
Akito: Think anyone will miss us for ten minutes? *suggestive glance*
Haru: I don't think so. . .but only if Momiji can come along. . .
Akito: It's a deal. Oh Momiji. . .
(A/N O-O GROSS XD)


Momiji: Hey Tohru, wanna take a bath?
Tohru: Sure, that would be great!
Kyo: Jesus! NOW who's the perv! This kid's one year younger than us!
Tohru: Yeah, I'm well aware of that, Kyo.
Kyo: . . .


Ayame: Oh, Shigure, your gaze is so very intense. It sends tingles down my spine. . .
Shigure: This gaze is only for you, Aya. . . .YEAH!
Ayame: . . . You mean we weren't being serious?


Uo: Hana. . . What do you have to say about that Momiji kid?
Hana: Hell if I know. My hair's broken. . . Won't do that. . .sticking up. . .thing. . .


Kyo: My New Year's wish is to find the woman of my dreams. . .
Aeryn: *appears curled up on Kyo's lap* Hey there hot stuff. . .
Kyo: Oh my God! You DO exist!
Aeryn: You'd better believe it, Sugar! *molests Kyo*


Tohru: I know a few moves myself . . . Uhh. . . Right-Straight! *punches Kyo's shoulder*
Kyo: . . . You suck.
Tohru: Fine then, how about THIS?! *uppercuts him off the roof*
Kyo: *lands on a woodpile* Oh God! My spleen!


Kyo: *monologue* Oh, if only Yuki would know how much I adore him. If only he knew how much he haunted my increasingly erotic dreams. I can barely stand it. I want to feel his lips against mine, his hands on my hips, his-
Shigure: KYO! Inner monologues aren't supposed to be spoken out loud!
Tohru: . . . o-o
Yuki: *horrified*


Hatsuharu: Damn it all. . . I think I'm turning heterosexual. . . *shrugs* Hey, Tohru. Wanna go somewhere a bit more private? *winks*
Tohru: Hell yes! *drags Haru off*


Tohru: *hiding in a closet* Kagura. . . Do you think they'll find us in here?
Kagura: Probably not. I just need to get away from Kyo. He's so clingy. . .
Tohru: Yeah, Yuki keeps trying to impress me. It's getting rather annoying. . .
Kagura: Pretty pathetic, actually. . .


Hatsuharu: If I wore a tie, It wouldn't chage who I am. If I had no peircings, wouldn't mean I'm 'nice', and if my hair was black, it wouldn't stop me from kickin' your ass!
Student Coucil President: Back, you heathen! *flashes badge*
Hatsuharu: Ooh! Shiny!


Kyo: No! I refuse! I will not be swayed by your sweet words!
Tohru: How about if I give you some chocolate? *holds out chocolate*
Kyo: . . . Damn you, you sneaky bitch! *munches chocolate*


Yuki: *studying himself in the mirror* Hmm. . . I think I need to cut down on Tohru's cooking. I'm getting flabby.


Kyo: Tohru. . . I want you to tell me something. . .
Tohru: Alright.
Kyo: Be perfectly honest, okay?
Tohru: I promise I will.
Kyo: Do these cargo pants make my ass look big?
Tohru: . . .


Kyo: *singing in the shower* I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty and gay!


Ayame: Well. . . That's odd. . .
Shigure: What is it?
Ayame: Dunno. I just like hearing myself talk. I have a funny voice! *giggles*


Tohru: Shigure. Don't you ever just shut up?


Mii: Shigure. You're fired. Yay! Now we can have an affair!
Shigure: Oh, HELL! *begins furiously writing next 500 pages*