Thousands of Butterflies

by KatiKat

There was a knock on the door to his room. Yuki raised his eyes from the book he was reading. He pulled his bookmark out from the back of the book and put it between the pages he had read last, then turned in the chair.

"Come in," he called.

The door slid to the side revealing...

"Haru?"

The black and white haired boy looked nervous, but a strange determination had settled in his eyes as he looked at his cousin through his bangs. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him carefully.

"Can I... can I talk to you for a moment, Yuki?" he asked.

Yuki stood up. "Yes, of course," he agreed. Whatever his cousin wanted to discuss, it was making him uncomfortable. In an attempt to reassure Haru, he moved to the bed and sat down on the edge. Yuki then patted the empty space next to him, inviting the younger boy to sit down.

Haru crossed the room and hesitantly sat down next to Yuki. He was quiet for a moment, clasped hands pressed between his knees. He wasn´t looking at the violet eyed boy, his eyes were glued to the carpet.

"What´s wrong, Haru?" Yuki asked after a while, gently so as not to spook the other boy.

"It´s... do you... are you so disgusted by me?" Haru asked hesitantly, his voice low.

"Huh?" Yuki raised his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

Haru shrugged. "It´s just... I love you-"

"Haru-" Yuki tried to jump in, but his cousin wouldn´t let him.

"-but you have never thought about me in that way, have you? You wouldn´t even consider having a relationship with me." Finally he lifted his eyes and looked at Yuki. "Are you so put off by me? By my love?"

He sounded so utterly miserable that Yuki didn´t even think about turning it into a joke or snapping at him like he usually did. "That´s not it, Haru, really. You don´t disgust me. It´s just... it´s just that I don´t think you really love me." He raised his hand to silence any protests. "And if it is true... I... I´m not..." his voice trailed off.

"Gay?" Haru finished the sentence for him.

Yuki looked away but nodded. "Yeah."

"And how do you know?"

"Huh?" Yuki turned back to his cousin, the look in his eyes confused. "What do you mean?"

Haru turned his body towards Yuki, lifting his left leg and sitting down on it. "I mean - have you ever been in love? Have you kissed somebody? Did you make love to them?"

Yuki blushed. These were pretty personal questions Haru was asking. "Err... it´s not that easy. The curse and the whole touching thing..." he waved his hand vaguely.

"Does that mean that you are a complete virgin where sex is concerned?"

Yuki turned away and blushed even more. "Haru... I don´t think this is any of your business-"

"Allow me to kiss you," Haru interrupted his violet eyed cousin.

"What?" Yuki looked back at him, totally shocked.

The white haired boy nodded as if deciding on something. "Let´s make a deal. You let me kiss you and if you don´t like it, I will never bother you again," he suggested.

"Haru..." Yuki trailed off. His cousin looked really determined. It was obvious he was setting everything on the turn of this one card. At first Yuki had thought it was ridiculous and was determined to say no. But now... Yuki always felt uncomfortable when Haru chased after him and this was a perfect opportunity to get rid of the problem. He would let Haru kiss him, he would tell Haru he didn´t like it and Haru would leave him alone. The possibility that he might actually like the kiss never even crossed his mind. "Okay, Haru. I agree."

The younger boy blinked, looking at him in surprise. "Really? You do?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes. But if I tell you that I don´t like it, you will never ever bother me again. Agreed?"

"And you will not cheat?" Haru asked with suspicion.

Yuki shook his head. "I swear." He wouldn´t have to since he was absolutely positive that he wouldn´t like it.

"Okay, agreed," Haru nodded. He raised his arms and laid them on Yuki´s shoulders. Then he turned him a little so that the older boy was facing him. Haru raised Yuki´s head with one hand then slowly, oh so slowly lowered his head, giving Yuki plenty of time to pull away. He didn´t though.

Yuki closed his eyes as he felt warm lips descend on his. It was a gentle gesture, nothing harsh, forceful or demanding. Haru´s lips were so soft and velvety. He felt one of the white haired boy´s hands move to the back of his neck while the other caressed his cheek with his thumb. A strange sensation, like the fluttering of thousands of butterflies, settled in his stomach. A feeling of warmth spread in his chest. He felt safe... loved... wanted... like never before. Strange...

When Haru finally moved away, Yuki kept his eyes closed for a moment. The wonderful feeling was disappearing slowly and he felt like crying. He wanted to feel it again. With all of his mental power he tried to hold onto sensation but finally, inevitably, it vanished.

Yuki opened his eyes and looked at Haru, who was watching him intently, expectantly. Yuki could swear though, that there was something sad in those deep gray pools. Startled, he realized that Haru was expecting to be rejected. He didn´t think that Yuki could ever love him but he had had to try, even though he could end up with only one kiss as a memory for the whole of his life. For the cursed ones love only once in their lifetime. Yuki didn´t doubt Haru´s feelings anymore. Haru loved him with all his heart, mind and soul...

When Haru´s eyes started to darken with pain and disappointment, Yuki realized he had to make his move now or never. For any moment now, this road would close forever. He had never known that there could be something like this... such a warm feeling, he craved more. Now that he had learned of it... and because he promised not to lie... he moved, carefully lying his head down onto Haru´s shoulder. He fisted his hands in his cousin´s shirt and closed his eyes. He couldn´t say it, he just couldn´t. But if he showed it...

For a moment, the completely surprised and shocked Haru froze. Then slowly as if still not quite believing his luck, he put his arms around Yuki and sighed deeply.

"I... I don´t know what to do," Yuki whispered, years and years of loneliness hiding behind his words. "I´m not... good... with these things..."

"Things?" Haru asked just as quietly.

"Y´know... touching... intimacy... I haven´t been hugged since... I don´t even remember when it was," he admitted, his eyes still closed. It felt so good. He would have never suspected that he craved the human touch so much.

"It´s okay," Haru whispered, caressing his back gently. "We will move at your pace. We don´t need to rush things," he assured Yuki and kissed the top of his head.

"And what if... what if it doesn´t work out?"

Haru shrugged. "Then we will know that we at least tried."

Yuki nodded slowly. He didn´t know if he loved Haru, but he liked the way it felt being in his arms. And if it didn´t work out... he would at least have some memories that would warm him when he felt lonely...

Yuki had been lonely for so long... but now he didn´t have to be anymore.

The End