Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Promise ❯ Promise ( Chapter 1 )

It hurts, sometimes. To watch them together. I feel as if I'm being stabbed repeatedly, every time I gather a glimpse of them. I try, desperately I try, to be the friend I promised. To love and support him no matter what…no matter with who. But all the pretty promises can't take away the pain. It's still there, deep inside me, covering by a smiling lie.

 

I don't' want to hear about them, from others or from their own lips. I have the urge to press my hands over my ears and run screaming ever time someone opens their mouth. I know it's wrong but it's almost as if that's the only way I can block out the pain, drown out the words with my own screams.

 

I never do it though, I just smile and laugh.

 

Like a good friend.

 

A friend willing to stand beside him and support him.

 

Like a friend that isn't slowly dying inside.

 

My face feels constantly wet. My eyes burn. But still the tears don't fall, even though I know they're there. Invisible even to the sight of the one who sheds them. I can't let them fall, even though it feels like they already have.

 

The blood isn't visible either, even though I know it's there. Just like the tears, unseen as each drop slides down my chest and stomach. A ghostly feeling. It's so odd, how you're heart can continue to beat even when it's shattered into a billion pieces, a heavy, weighty, bleeding lump in your chest.

 

My hands stills hake when he stands too close, still itch to touch him…but now it's to shake him and scream instead of pulling him closer.

 

So I don't touch him. I just smile.

 

And I am happy for him…don't I look happy?

 

The smile is perfect, no cracks.

 

No tears, no blood.

 

No pain.

 

What a foolish little lie for a foolish girl.

 

In the end there is only pain. Pain as he walks away, pain as he loves another, pain as he smiles and laughs and tells everything I don't want to hear about a relationship I don't want him to have. Pain as he tells me how much he loves someone else.

 

And he KNOWS I love him. He should KNOW how much it hurts.

 

But I promised. I promised to be his friend first and to support him in anything, good or bad. And I knew this day would come when I made the promise.

 

I just didn't think it would hurt this badly. I thought I could walk away, that the smiles would be honest, that I wouldn't care.

 

Foolish, foolish little girl.

 

But I'm HIS foolish little girl.

 

I never wanted to be owned, but find myself bound to him. No matter how much it hurts, I'm still here. No matter how painful, I'm still watching. I'm still here to smile and laugh and listen to every juicy detail that he explains with relish and often heated remembrance.

 

Because I promised.

 

Because I love him.