Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Two Souls Intertwined ❯ Not There ( Chapter 6 )

Two days ago one of my friends had to have heart surgery. He is 25 and so young. It shocked all of us especially his fiancé Kara. I sat with her the day he went into surgery, I attempted to keep the conversation light hearted but eventually it turned serious. One moment she was laughing with me, and the next she looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I can't imagine life without David. I just…” she paused for a moment and just shook her head, eyes full of tears. David is fine, but I am still haunted by the look in her eyes and it has made me question my relationships with people… this fic is the result.

 

Warning!! Spoilers for episode 25!

 

#24. 'Not there'

 

He looked across the office where she sat. Engrossed in her daily routine she didn't even notice him staring at her. Eventually she would look up to see if he was doing work or if he was slacking, but for the moment he could observe her unhindered.

 

At the moment she was studying a document as if all mysteries of the world were contained in it. Forehead creased and a look of determination in her eyes, she began to scribble notes on the page. That was Hawkeye for you. She never did anything halfheartedly even if it was something as simple as paper work. She did everything with a passion.

 

It was her passion that had first drawn him to her. The way she picked a goal and stuck to it. He knew that with her as a part of his team, he would definitely make it to the top. If he fell, she would pick him up and force him to move forward. And fall he did, very often.

 

Right now, he was close to falling. He was hiding it very well but the death of his friend Maes Hughes was eating him alive. He felt guilt unlike anything he had ever felt. Not even the deaths of the Rockbells had affected him as much. Roy couldn't help but feel that he was the cause. If he hadn't been so self centered, if he hadn't asked Hughes to investigate….

 

Now, he was plagued with even more guilt. What if his other men were killed because of him? Could he handle it? What would he do if he lost Riza… He choked back bile at that thought.

 

Leaning back in his chair he closed his eyes. The memories and guilt threatened to overtake him. Taking deep breaths he tried to steady himself. He mustn't let anyone know how torn he was right now.

 

“Sir, are you alright?” Her voice broke into his thoughts and he realized that he must have been thinking to himself much longer than he remembered.

 

“Yes Lieutenant, I'm alright. I'm just thinking.”

 

“Your thinking about him again, aren't you?”

 

Surprised, Roy stared at her. What to say to her statement? Lie? Or tell her the truth. Taking a deep breath he decided on the latter. “Yes. Have I been that obvious?”

 

“Only to those closest to you. We have all been pretty worried about you sir.” She stared at him from across the room for a moment. Standing, she walked toward him and stood in front of him. A small smile settled on her lips.

 

“I know that we don't usually talk about personal things, but if you need someone…” She paused for a moment, unsure of herself. “I'm willing to listen to you. Despite the façade I present to everyone, I am a very good listener.” Smiling Roy watched the expressions on her face. As she had spoke her last sentence she had almost appear vulnerable.

 

He considered her words for a moment. He had always gone to Hughes with his problems. He was keeping all of them bottled up now, and he knew that it was not good for him. But at the same time, he was unsure of sharing them with her. Over the years, the same passion that had made Roy want her for his team had made him… well want her. To cross the line beyond professionalism might be a dangerous move. If he could keep her as the Lieutenant in his mind, and not Riza, he could control himself.

 

“If you would rather not Sir, I understand as well. I had just hoped you would want to talk about it. I myself haven't actually had a chance to talk to anyone about it. But, I understand if you want privacy.” And with that, she started to walk away.

 

With out a second thought, Roy reacted. He leaned forward and grasped her arm. “No please! It's just hard. I wouldn't mind talking about it a little.”

 

Surprised she glanced down at his hand and smiled. “I'm glad.”

 

Roy cleared his throat and removed his hand. Leaning back in his chair he stared at the ceiling. Maybe if he didn't look at her, he would be able to speak.

 

“I've been an awful mess since he's been gone. We were friends for such a long time, I don't think I realized what it would be like if he wasn't there. I used to talk to him about everything. He was the saint and I was the sinner. He always had a way of kicking me in the ass and making me see what was right. But he always did it in a tricky manner that would infuriate me. It was his game to see if he could get a rise out of me, and at the time I didn't realize it, but I was a fond of that game as he was.”

 

Smiling Riza nodded, “Yes, he was always doing that. Even I had to smile sometimes with his tricks. He was a wise man though, once you looked past his role of a clown.”

 

“I miss him Hawkeye. But more than that, I have begun to wonder what kind of leader I would be. I let my best friend die. I can't bear to think that anyone else might die because of me. I don't know what I would do if I lost another one of my men. All because of my damn selfish vision” Tears threatened to clog his vision and he closed his eyes to fight them back.

 

“Sir that is an insult! This is not just your selfish vision. It is the vision of many. We all would gladly die for you. I would gladly die for you.” During this outburst she moved closer to him and crouched in front of his chair so she was eye level with him. “I hope you understand that.”

 

Opening his eyes, Roy stared at her for a moment. In her eyes he saw something he hadn't expected. A mysterious emotion filled her amber gaze that made him want to run and end this conversation right now before it was to late to turn back. “That is what I worry about. You say that but what about me? I would gladly die to make sure you lived Hawkeye. I couldn't…” Roy trailed off before he said too much. He was already much to close to revealing emotions he wanted to keep hidden.

 

“You couldn't what sir?”

 

“It's not important. We should get back to work.” He moved to pick up a stack of papers trying to ignore her, but as his hand moved forward, she copied his earlier action and grabbed his arm.

 

“Please, I want to know.” He looked down at her arm and then at her face. Her eyes were shinning with unshed tears. How he hated that she was almost in tears. His Riza. He had lost Hughes but he still had her. How would he feel if he did lose her and never got the chance to tell her how much she meant to him? Suddenly the thought of that possibility happening seemed worse than anything imaginable.

 

Leaning forward in his chair he cupped her face with his hand and looked her straight in the eyes. “I… I couldn't bear it if I lost you too. I couldn't bear if I lost two people who were special to me. It is hard enough not to have Hughes around, but I think I would die if I didn't have you. I can't imagine life with out Riza… I can't imagine you leaving me and leaving me here all by myself. I would fall apart.”

 

During his speech her eyes had widened and she had begun to cry, silent tears that streamed down her cheeks.

 

“Please don't cry Riza.” Reaching into his desk he pulled out a handkerchief and dried her tears. Once he was done he leaned his head against hers so that their foreheads touched. Emotion ran through both of them and for a while they stood in that position, enjoying the feel and closeness they shared.

 

“I feel the same Sir.” Pulling back, Roy whispered to her, “Call me Roy. Just this once. I don't want to be your superior right now.”

 

Smiling she leaned forward and whispered in his ear. “I feel the same way about you Roy Mustang, so if it suits you, how about we both try our best not to die?”

 

“I think that sounds like a good plan.”

 

 

Thanks for reading. Sorry, I didn't put in anything physical in this one, although I will probably get yelled at by Sinstra for another great smut opportunity missed. Sorry lady! Much love goes to all who have reviewed. I honestly only excepted to get one or two reviews, to have so many comments on this story has been a blessing. (I hope this also sates all of you who have asked me for longer chapters!)