Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Dying Thoughts ❯ dying thoughts ( One-Shot )

DYING THOUGHTS

By blinkie

"Why have I done this?"

The question is a festering wound in my mind which I soothe with idealistic answers: loyalty, duty, a burning desire for change. Each time someone asks me, those are my answers.

Homura asked me, and I answered.

Zenon asked me, and I answered.

I recall Tenpou, in his present incarnation as Hakkai, asked me, and I answered.

You may guess which answers are fitting to each question. Observe: it is the same question with different answers.

And if Tentei Himself asks me, why, I would state all the abovementioned answers, and they would still be appropriate, ne? Should each person in the whole world ask me, I have an answer.

But when I ask myself this question, I am unable to respond. My true heart whispers the answer, yet my false one silences it with a shout. I breathe a sigh of relief, yet a whisper of the whisper reverberates in my ears. The whisper conjures a memory of the sad golden eyes of a boy forced to be a man too early.

Nataku-sama

I hesitate to acknowledge that you are the reason I forever turned my back on Heaven, for I know you would not approve.

But I have done this for you, in your name; as atonement for my sin 500 years ago.

My sin of indifference to your tragic plight, despite knowing the cruel fate that awaits you.

And as I feel my life slipping away, my emotions are in chaos. Anger and shame at failing to avenge you; regret for taking you for granted. But happiness overrides them all, for I will soon return to you.

I hope.

Author's note: May I share a bit here? I've been on a "Shien high" lately. What attracts me to him is his voice (in the anime), his grace, his mystery, his loyalty. Plus, he's cute too. ^_^ He's the silent type with many secrets. A very intriguing person to write about. <sigh> but I can't write yaoi about him. It's very difficult to picture him in such situation. I don't want to mar his 'clean' image.

This is my second Shien fic. A partner perhaps to "Fatal Bond", though quite different from it. Here, Shien hesitates to acknowledge that Nataku drove him to rebel against Heaven while in "Fatal Bond", vengeance for Nataku is Shien's driving force.

This is dedicated to Akin Sijin, Lady Ravenshadow, enervate, and Saiyukifan. Thank you for your touching reviews in "Fatal Bond". Such inspiration they were! And again, to all the Shien fans out there. I hope you liked this!

Love,

blinkie