Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Because of You ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

“Because of You”

Sequel to: “This I Promise You”

Written by: Chocho

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Story summary: A new baby. An autobiography. A funeral. A pregnancy. A shocking discovery and a woman with a grudge. And that's just this month.

Chapter summary: While working on his autobiography, Shindou Shuichi receives some devastating news.

Warning: Angst/death, m-preg, mentioning of rape, language, sex

Sources/Notes: Gravitation manga Vol. 4

 

***

 

Chapter 1

 

At an ungodly hour, the mansion appeared to be as silent as a tomb, but on closer inspection, soft snoring could be heard from the master suite. The rustling of sheets as someone tossed and turned in their sleep floated down the hall from another bedroom. Light seeped out from under the closed door at the end of the hallway. The sound of soft, but incessant tapping of keys echoed in the silence of the home.

 

While his family slept, Shindou Shuichi worked on the story of his life.

 

It was something he had been thinking about doing for quite a while now. Eiri would never write an autobiography or allow anyone else to write one about him, because little bits of his life were always showing up in his stories. When a new Nittle Grasper biography came out shortly after Bad Luck retired six years ago, everybody started wondering about a Bad Luck biography.

 

One by one, all six members of Bad Luck were approached and one by one, they all turned the offer down. None of them wanted anything to do with a biography. Bad Luck had been about the music, not about using events that may or may not have happened in order to out sell Nittle Grasper, even though K did just that on several occasions. What happened outside of the music was of no one's concern and they all wanted to keep it that way, especially now that they all had families. They wanted to keep their children safe from scorn and ridicule and keep them, most of all, out of the spot light as much as possible. They wanted to give them as much of a normal life as they could.

 

Of course, that had not been the end of that, as much as they all hoped it would be. It was not more than a month later when Eiri heard rumors through his editor, Mizuki Kanna, about an unauthorized biography in the works. Eiri used his connections and influence to put a stop to that right away.

 

But, unlike the others, Shuichi had not drifted off into obscurity. He was, after all, the famous gay front man who was having an illicit affair with the one and only Yuki Eiri. Now they were “married” and had children. It seemed like there was always something in the tabloids about them. It all got to be rather redundant after a while, because it was the same crap every time, but people ate every little bit of it up.

 

One time, Shuichi lost his wedding ring while doing the dishes and the press had a field day. Rumors of a divorce spread like wild fire. The tabloids claimed they had been given copies of the divorce papers from a “reliable source close to the couple” that listed the reason as “infidelity”. They even had a “confession” from one of Eiri's “mistresses”. Bunch of idiots conveniently forgot that it was not legal for same sex couples to marry in Japan. So even if Eiri and he did split, there would be no divorce papers to sign. The ceremony they had in the living room of their old apartment had been a civil union, a promise made to each other, which was what a marriage ceremony was. It just was not recognized in the eye of the law, but why nitpick?

 

Another time, Shuichi tripped over Keitaro and Kane- who were wrestling in the middle of the living room- and ended up bashing the side of his face against the coffee table. Of course, a huge bruise formed and rumors of Eiri being physically abusive spread like wildfire.

 

The most annoying part of the tabloids had to be dealing with family and friends who storm over acting as if they were the ones who had been wronged, demanding to know what the hell was going on. Talk about redundancy. You would think they would have learned by now that all the shit the press flung around were nothing but lies.

 

It was like the paparazzi had nothing better to do than to put one and one together and get five, but that was exactly what got him into really thinking about the offer made by Eiko Publishing- which happened to be the same company that published Eiri's books. With all this crap the press seemed to always get from “reliable sources close to the couple”, maybe it was time to set the record straight.

 

Another reason why he chose to write his own biography was because there were some things he had pushed to the back of his mind, things he purposefully decided to forget and not speak about, ever. These things he had not dealt with. Being gang raped by Sourpuss was one of them. It was something he just wanted to forget had ever happened, but unfortunately, it was always there in the back of his mind, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

 

Writing about an experience can help you get through things when all the kind, comforting words and touches do nothing but leave you feeling even more lifeless and out of touch with reality than before. It helps you express on paper what you could not admit either to yourself or to others. Writing about an experience or event lets you understand something you had never realized before. It allows you to delve into the deepest depths of your mind that you had neglected and start to untangle the snarled knots. Writing this autobiography would help to erase the pain, whether he had it published or not.

 

When Shuichi went to Eiri with the idea of writing an autobiography, the writer had not been too pleased. He expressly forbade Shuichi from going through with it. Eiri went so far as to call his publishing company and demand in no uncertain terms that they not publish anything they may receive from Shuichi, but Shuichi was unwavering about this. All he had to do was remind Eiri that there were tons of other publishing companies out there and all of them would kill to get their hands on a Shindou Shuichi biography. Eiri had been none too pleased about that either and had stormed off in an angry huff.

 

Writing the book was harder than he thought it would be. Some events he could not remember too clearly. Other times, he was not too sure who said what. But other things, he could remember as clearly, as if they just happened...

 

[After being chased out of the subway by a legion of crazy fans, I found myself at my rival's apartment, who ironically enough, was now my savior. I owed him big time. Who knew what would have happened if he had not been there?

 

“Hey, thanks for coming to my rescue, Sourpuss! I was wrong about you! You're not so bad after all,” I slurred drunkenly.

 

Aizawa laughed and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. “Thanks, Shindou-kun! It makes sense that we should be allies in this crazy business.”

 

“That was my first time being chased by a mob. I kind of liked it,” I laughed.

 

We clink beer cans in a sort of toast.

 

“Yeah,” Aizawa echoed. “Never gets old either!” The lead singer of Ask studied me for a moment. “It's fun being famous, isn't it?” he asked me with all trace of laughter gone, but there was still a hint of amusement in his voice.

 

“I'd say so,” I agreed with a laugh, but then I really thought about that. Was it really all fun and games? My smile drooped and I placed my beer can down, swung my legs- which were going to sleep- out from under my butt. “There's a downside,” I admitted truthfully. “When you're famous, everyone is watching you. Still…I realized something today. You always have to hide. Even to just go to the movies or to get groceries. Or when you're dating…” I dropped my face into my hands, as a well of misery constricted my heart. My white button up shirt fell down around my arms, but I did not have the energy to fix it. “Why would anyone want to put themselves through that? No wonder celebrities always end up dating each other!”

 

“Let me guess…that Yuki cat dumped you, right?”

 

My body tensed. Slowly, I lifted my head and stared at him with wide eyes. I was stone cold sober now. What did he just say?

 

Aizawa smiled at me, but this time that smile was not as innocent as it was earlier. No, it was as sinister as it always had been. “Heh…Well, you know, he seemed like he was pretty hard to get along with anyway. It's hard enough to date in this insane lifestyle without the guy being a total pill, as well.”

 

I sat down with a hard flop and stared at him in shock and terror. “…How do you know about me and Yuki?” As soon as those words left my mouth, I realized that had been the wrong thing to say. I clasped my hand over my mouth, but it was too little too late.

 

“I didn't really. I wasn't sure until you said that just now.” He stared at me behind a flop of his bangs, a sly smirk on his face. “I never would have thought you'd be that gullible.”

 

All I could think was, Oh, shit! People have always told me I have a tendency not to think and that that it would get me into trouble some day. As the door behind Aizawa opened with a silent flick, I had a bad feeling that day was now.

 

“I can't wait to see the juicy exposé in all the tabloids!”

 

The door flew open to reveal two guys who could not be much older than I was. They both had smiles just as sly as the one on Aizawa's face. My heart started beating triple time in my chest. Terror froze me to the spot and stole my breath. I could do no more than stare at the men with wide horror filled eyes. Something told me I should get the hell out of there, but the link connecting my brain with the rest of my body had gone on its fifteen minute break. I could do nothing.

 

“Thanks for waiting guys,” I heard Aizawa say. His eyes never left mine. His smirk morphed into a sinister, self-satisfied expression. “It's time to earn those dollars. Take care of him.”

 

And before I knew what was happening, the men rushed me. The one with the long hair grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms behind my back with one arm. The other hand covered my mouth.

 

The one with the hat knelt in front of me. My eyes grew wide as sudden realization struck me. This was not happening! God, please, no! Please let this be a dream!

 

“Nnmph!”

 

In vain, I tried to free myself from their grasp, but their hold on me was too tight. The man kneeling in front of me slid one hand under my shirt, groping my chest and tweaking my nipple. I squirmed futily. I did not want their filthy hands touching me! His other hand was teasing the button of my jeans…]

 

Shuichi threw himself from the desk and the laptop with a violent shudder. His chair rolled backwards and smashed against the wall with a loud thud. The jarring impact sent a jolt through his body.

 

He panted heavily, his chest rising and falling and his breathes coming in wheezing gasps. His pulse was racing. He could see them mocking and sneering at him, see that twisted gleam in their eyes and hear that insidious laughter. He could feel their cold, calloused hands as they ripped and tore him to shreds...

 

Shuichi swallowed repeatedly as bile filled his mouth. Feeling suddenly lightheaded, he dropped his head between his knees and took slow, even breathes. His whole body was shaking. Tears were overflowing from his eyes. He covered his head with his hands, squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed quietly as the ache and pain washed over him.

 

*

 

Eiri opened the door and was greeted with an incredible sight. The master suite was enveloped by the soft glow of virtually hundreds of candles. A strong, but sweet bouquet filled the air. The white gauze curtains danced gently in the night breeze that fluttered in through the open patio doors. Eiri's golden eyes swept across the master suite. His breath hitched. His eyes went wide. His pulse started to race. He licked suddenly dry lips. He was hard instantly as he gazed at the prone figure lying prostrate in the middle of the bed. Surrounded by a mound of pillows and atop the feather down quilt, the gorgeous pink gem on the left ring finger and the twin diamonds in his ears sparkled in the candle light.

 

“Shuichi.”

 

Shuichi's legs were bent, his knees pointing at the ceiling. His legs spread wide in open invitation, displaying himself in all his fine, wanton glory. His black shiny locks fanned out around his head like a halo. Those incredible lilac eyes sparkled and watched Eiri openly. His eyes shinned as they gazed at him.

 

Unsure how he got there, in the next instant, Eiri found himself between Shuichi's legs, their hips grinding together, their twitching cocks locked together in an erotic dance. Eiri's hands were planted on either side of his husband's head holding the upper half of his body up. He felt Shuichi's small, slender hands gripping his upper arms tightly. His heart swelled as he took in the incredible man beneath him. He smiled down at the mother of his children.

 

“I love you, Shuichi,” he whispered as he caressed the side of his lover's face.

 

Shuichi beamed, his whole face glowing.

 

Eiri lowered his head, holding his lips centimeters from his partner's soft, parted lips. He dipped his head, his face looming closer, closer, and…

 

A sudden cacophony of noise assailed the writer's senses. He flew off his husband, his heart in his throat as a stampede of elephants burst through the bedroom door with loud hyena cackles.

 

“Daddy! Otokasan,” they screeched at the top of their lungs as the bedroom door burst open.

 

Eiri cursed. Flopping on to his back, he drew the covers that had somehow pooled at the foot of the bed to cover Shuichi's and his nakedness. He loved his children more than life itself and would gladly walk through the fires of hell for them. He would die to protect them, but was it so hard to have some alone time with his husband?

 

Kane and Keitaro raced to the foot of the bed, both screaming at the same time, each one trying to speak over the other.

 

He stared at the ceiling as his sons' screaming match escalated. He prayed to Buddha, or any other god or spiritual being that was listening, to help him. Lifting his head, he propped up on his elbows and studied his boys.

 

Kane, the youngest, had tears streaming down his pale face from golden hazel eyes. His long blond hair was mussed into a giant rat's nest. He was wearing jeans and a pink button down dress shirt. Eiri wondered dryly as his studied the boy which parent he took after. Keitaro on the other hand was wearing a pair of tan kakis and a white stripped button down shirt. His spiky blond hair looked as if the kid had not bothered to comb it.

 

Eiri groaned and rubbed his temples as the beginnings of a headache pulsed to life. As if things could not get any worse, above the screams of the twins was a sudden sharp, high pitched wail from the nursery. Eiri groaned, sobbing pitifully to himself. Dammit all to hell. Now Kira was awake. There went the rest of his hopes of some alone time with Shuichi.

 

Speaking of which, the brat had been uncharacteristically silent. Shuichi could not stay quiet to save his life, especially when it came to his children. The singer babied them within an inch of their lives. He turned towards his husband to ask for a little help…and blinked in surprise.

 

Sitting up, he glanced around the room. “Shuichi?”

 

Shuichi was gone. His side of the bed was neatly made as if he had not just been there mere moments ago.

 

Three set of lungs screaming like it was going out of fashion continued to resound through the house. Eiri's head was spinning. He could not think. Growling, Eiri yelled angrily, “Enough!”

 

Then everything was gone. Kane, Keitaro, Kira and their head splitting cries vanished. The bedroom with its candles and incense and bed piled high with so many pillows and a quilt so soft and fluffy, you sank in it…it was all gone. And Eiri found himself in a sea of blackness. There was nothing but a black nothingness all around him.

 

Before he could even contemplate what the hell was going on, something started tugging on his legs, yanking him downwards. There was nothing he could do to fight against the pull.

 

Eiri jerked awake, his body twitching with the impact of hitting ground that he could not remember, but knew had happened. Dripping in sweat, he stared wide eyed at the ceiling, panting heavily. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing and slow his racing heartbeat.

 

Rubbing his face, he sighed and turned to gaze at his sleeping husband, one of his favorite pastimes, but like in his dream, the other side of the bed was still neatly made.

 

Eiri blinked stupidly and stared at the empty bed. Frowning, he flicked his gaze towards the clock. It was three in the morning. The first thing that popped into his head was that Shuichi went to check on the children, but when he noticed that the baby monitor was gone, Eiri knew that could mean only one thing. Growling lightly, Eiri sat up, flung back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He started to push himself off the bed when he heard the door to the bedroom open with an unnaturally loud click in the absolute silence of the house. 

 

“Daddy?” came the soft half asleep voice.

 

Eiri recognized the voice immediately. “Kane, what're you doing up? Don't you have school in the morning?”

 

The boy threw open the door and raced across the room, his bare feet silent on the thick carpet. Shuichi braided Kane's long hair before the boys went to bed and it bounced against his back as he ran towards him. Eiri watched as his son crawled towards him, his nightgown getting caught under his knees a few times.

 

“Daddy,” Kane said as he sat in his father's lap. Golden hazel eyes locked together.

 

“What?” Eiri hugged his arms around his son loosely.

 

“Otokasan is crying in the study.”

 

Eiri blinked. “He's what?”

 

“I had to go potty and get a drink and I heard him crying.”

 

Eiri sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. “Damn,” he muttered. His suspicions had been right.

 

“Daddy?” Kane looked up at his father questioningly.

 

He knew this was going to happen. It was exactly why he was against the brat working on that damn autobiography. “You're getting heavy,” Eiri grunted as he stood up, with Kane in his arms. “Did you go potty?”

 

Kane nodded. “Uh huh. I got a drink, too. I was really thirsty.”

 

“Okay. Think you can put yourself to sleep by yourself while I go check on your otokasan?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Alright.” He gave his son a quick hug and kiss before setting him down. “Now, off to bed.”

 

The boy raced across the hall towards the room he shared with his twin brother, but stopped and raced back towards his father. Eiri watched him with a raised eyebrow. “Night, Daddy,” he cried, hugging his father's leg before racing back to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.

 

Eiri chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

 

His merriment subsided as he realized his night was far from over. This was going to suck big time. The last thing he needed was to stay up all damn night trying to comfort his husband, especially when he had a train to catch in a few hours to Kyoto.

 

Mizuki-san, his editor/agent, set up a lecture at Kyoto University and then an in-store appearance the next morning at the school bookstore for him. She claimed he agreed to this some time ago, though Eiri had no memory of doing so. What he did remember was specifically telling her not to schedule anything for him until further notice when he learned Shuichi was pregnant with Kira. He refused to leave Shuichi alone during his pregnancy. So many things could go wrong, even more so with Shuichi because he was male. Kira was now three months old, but he was still reluctant to go on a business trip and leave Shuichi home alone with the boys, because his legs have a tendency to give out every once in a while. If that were to happen when he was carrying Kira…Eiri shuddered at the thought.

 

Mizuki promised he would not be gone for more then two days at the most. It was two days too long in his opinion, but agreed to do it just this once, though he warned her that if she pulled this kind of shit again, he would fire her.

 

As Eiri made his way to his English inspired study, he could clearly hear the sounds of crying and they were not the usual “why-aren't-you-paying-attention-to-me-I-hate-you” tears. No, these were real tears filled with so much pain and sorrow; it shattered Eiri's heart to hear them.

 

He reached for the doorknob and slowly opened the door. The sound of the crying got louder. Stepping into the study, he took in the sight before him. Shuichi was sitting in the expensive leather chair, which was backed against the wall and nowhere near the desk. His laptop was open on the desk. The screen was filled with text Eiri assumed was the beginnings of the brat's biography. Shuichi was hunched over, his face buried in his hands. His small, lithe body- which had just regained its pre-pregnancy figure- shook as sobs racked his body.

 

“Shuichi,” he called softly.

 

Startled, Shuichi gasped and jumped. His heart beating a mile a minute, he stared at his husband in the doorway. Sitting up, he wiped his tear and snot filled face with the back of his hand. Sniffling, he rolled his chair back to the desk. “I'm sorry,” he hiccupped. He cleared his throat of another sob. “Did I wake you?”

 

“No,” Eiri said truthfully from the doorway. “Kane did.”

 

Shuichi nodded. He bowed his head and stared at his fingers in his lap. He did not have the courage to look at the computer screen and reread what he just wrote. He knew he let it happen to protect the man he loved with all his heart, but he wanted nothing more than to just forget that it had ever happened. He wanted to be honest with his fans, though. That was the whole point of writing the autobiography. His fans stuck by him through everything, supported him in everything he did. They made him what he was, but at the same time, he had never really talked about it to anyone. Yes, Hiro, Eiri and Seguchi knew bits and pieces about that horrific event, but he had not told anyone everything, not even the psychiatrist he went to for a short time. His parents did not even know that he had been raped. He wanted to save them from living through the hell he had been forced to endure. He did not want their pity, shame, disappointment or sympathy.

 

He was afraid, though, of what would happen when it got out. What would his fans say? God, what would his parents think? Would they think he had been at fault, that he had not been “pure” enough to stop it from happening to him? That his lifestyle meant he deserved what happened to him? That it was his punishment? That he had brought shame down upon all of them? Hiro and Eiri both assured him it had not been his fault, that he not done anything wrong, but sometimes, he still felt as if maybe there was something he could have done differently.

 

Eiri saw the emotions flicker across his husband's face and felt his heart breaking. Pushing away from the door frame, he walked across the room towards the singer. He grabbed the back of the chair and twirled it around so that he was face to face with his husband. Kneeling before the chair, he grabbed Shuichi's chin with one hand while the other one clasped Shuichi's cold, clammy hand.

 

“Look at me, Shuichi.” He reached up and brushed away a stray tear that traveled down Shuichi's cheek. He stared deeply into his husband's purple eyes. “Shuichi, this was why I didn't want you to write this stupid book.”

 

Shuichi lowered his eyes and nodded.

 

“But I understand why you want to.” Eiri stood up and pulled his husband to his feet. He kissed the top of Shuichi's head as he enveloped the tiny man within his arms.

 

Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri's waist and hugged him tightly. He rested his head against Eiri's chest. Immediately, he felt a feeling of serenity wash over him and he sighed, relaxing in the warmth of his husband's arms.

 

Eiri caught sight of the text on the screen. He frowned, feeling a renewed surge of anger wash over him. His hold on Shuichi tightened in response. “It's not your fault,” he whispered. “You know that, right?”

 

Shuichi said nothing.

 

Eiri stepped back and lifted Shuichi's chin. “Right?”

 

Shuichi turned his head away, freeing himself from Eiri's hold. This was something he did not want to think about anymore. It hurt too much. It was like a black hole inside of him that continued to grow, threatening to suck him and everything around him inside it. If he ignored it long enough, it would go away. Talking about it made it real and he wanted more than anything for it to be nothing more than a dream.

 

Before Eiri could say anything more, the silence of the mansion was shattered by the sudden ringing of the phone. He glanced at the clock on the shelf across the room. Who the hell would be calling now? It was not even three-thirty in the goddamn morning.

 

Glad for the distraction, Shuichi walked over to the desk and grabbed the phone mid-ring before it woke up Kira. Kira had fallen asleep right after dinner last night and for the first time seemed to be sleeping through the night. Then over the baby monitor came soft whines of protestation that turned into loud angry cries even as they listened. Damn, he thought. I knew it was too good to be true. He glanced at Eiri over his shoulder. “Eiri, could you…?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Thanks,” he told his husband as the man walked out of the office towards the nursery. Then he remembered the phone in his hand. “Hello?” he asked feeling suddenly tired. He rubbed his aching eyes. All he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep until he had to wake the boys up for school. He covered his mouth as a huge yawn seized him.

 

“Is Shuichi there?” asked the soft, strained voice over the line.

 

“This is he,” he yawned.

 

“Shuichi? It's Mom.”

 

Shuichi blinked, confused. He was suddenly wide awake. His mother usually never called. If she wanted to come over and see him or her grandchildren all she did was just drop by. They were home nine times out of ten most days. Even if they weren't at home, it was not like she did not have a key. But his mother had never called in the middle of the night before. He wondered what was going on.

 

“I'm sorry I woke you,” his mother apologized, sniffling.

 

“It's fine,” he assured her dismissively. “I was up anyway.”

 

“…Grandpa,” Mrs. Shindou choked. She cleared her throat.

 

Shuichi's grip on the phone tightened.

 

“Grandpa…passed away.”

 

He lessened his hold on the reliever and blinked stupidly, a frown on his face.

 

“He passed away in his sleep,” his mother was saying. “He didn't suffer. They said he went quickly. He just…fell asleep and didn't wake up.”

 

Shuichi suddenly felt numb and cold. His legs gave way and he collapsed to the leather desk chair with a painful thud. He stared blankly at the laptop.

 

“Shuichi,” his mother called softly over the line after a few moments of silence. “Are you okay?”

 

Am I okay, Shuichi repeated to himself with a mental laugh. I just found out my grandfather is dead! Of course, I'm not all right! Aloud, though, he said, “Yeah.” He was surprised to hear how even and emotionless he sounded.

 

“The funeral will be on Saturday. Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Shuichi said automatically.

 

“I love you, Sweetie,” his mother's voice cracked.

 

“Okay…Bye,” he squeaked as his chest tightened.

 

Shuichi hung up the phone and slapped a hand over his mouth as he started to sob. His vision blurred behind a thick veil of tears. Burying his face in his hands, he tried in vain to muffle his sobs as a well of sadness and guilt washed over him.

 

He was not sure how much time passed when a sound to his right caught his attention. Tears streaming down his face, he lifted his head and saw his husband standing in the doorway, Kira, wrapped tightly in a white blanket, sucking forcibly on a bottle of milk in his arms.

 

“Shuichi,” he called softly. “What's wrong? Who was that?”

 

“Mom,” he sobbed.

 

Eiri stepped slowly into the study.

 

“My…grandfather…died?”

 

***