Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Because of You ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )

Because of You

Sequel to: This I Promise You

Written by: Chocho

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Summary: A new baby. An autobiography. A funeral. A pregnancy. A shocking discovery and a woman with a grudge. And that's just this month.

Chapter summary: Part one of Todono Ranmaru's Wake. Shuichi comes face to face with his grandmother, who he has not seen in nearly twenty years. Will she welcome him with open arms?

Warning: Angst, m-preg, language, sex

Source: “The Japanese Way of Death: A Funeral in Sapporo” written by David Aldwinckle. You can find it at: www.debito.org/JPRIjapanesefuneral.html

 

***

 

Chapter 5

 

It was a nondescript white shingled single-story building with black trim. “Ozaki Funeral Home” written in large black script on the façade was the only factor that differentiated the building from the other homes in the neighborhood. That and the sea of black top surrounding the building that was already half full of vehicles. A one and a half car garage sat silent and forlorn on the other side of the lot.

 

Nobody ever looked twice at a funeral parlor. People pass them every day and never think twice about them. With their empty parking lots, they give the impression of being just like any ordinary building waiting sitting vacant for new tenants, but everything changes once a family is in need of one. Suddenly the forgotten building is thrust back into the limelight and everyone suddenly remembers that it is indeed a funeral parlor.

 

Eiri pulled into the parking lot, passing a large white sign with “Todono” painted in large black characters. As Eiri circled the lot to find a spot closest to the door, he passed an older couple strolling towards the funeral parlor. As etiquette demanded, the man was wearing a black suit and tie with a white button down dress shirt. His companion, who was most likely his wife, was wearing a long black dress, black stockings and a pearl necklace. Both were clutching Buddhist beads. No red was allowed at funerals, for that color was indicative of a celebration. Eiri always wondered about that. While people attending a funeral could not wear anything with red on it, women were allowed to wear red lipstick. Did a rose by any other name not smell as sweet?

 

Eiri had dressed in a black suit as well, but in lee of a white shirt, he had chosen a light green one and had forgone a tie. He was not a big fan of them. Besides, Kira had spit up on the only black tie he had. Unlike him, Shuichi was wearing a tie, though worn loosely. He was not too fond of ties either, though he could wear a choker for hours on end. Go figure. Shuichi had decided not to wear a white shirt either. Nor was he was wearing a suit coat. Instead, he had on a black button down dress shirt.

 

Finding a spot, Eiri parked and cut the engine. Sitting back, he glanced at his partner, who had been quiet during the entire ride. He reached out and gripped Shuichi's hand lightly.

 

Shuichi jumped, startled, but continued to stare blankly out the passenger side window.

 

“What's up?” Eiri asked his partner softly, his thumb playing with the gold band with its inset pink gem. Shuichi remained silent for so long Eiri thought he was not going to say anything.

 

“I think that was my grandfather's half brother and his wife,” Shuichi said. He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Eiri's.

 

Eiri blinked, confused, until he realized Shuichi was talking about the couple he spied earlier walking through the parking lot. “He looked a little too young to be your grandfather's brother.”

 

“Half-brother,” Shuichi corrected. “But you're right. I always thought so, too. Grandpa Todono must've been in his mid-seventies and Uncle…Satoshi,” he finally remembered, “was maybe half his age.”

 

“Half?” Eiri repeated incredibly. “How the hell did that happen?”

 

“Grandpa is the oldest and from what I've been told, Great Grandpa had an affair with some chick. She got pregnant.” He paused. “When Uncle Satoshi's mother passed away, Great Grandma took him in and raised him.”

 

Eiri blinked, amazed. “Your grandmother took in the child her husband had with another woman?” he repeated slowly, not sure he heard his husband correctly.

 

Shuichi shrugged. “That's what my mother told me.”

 

Times sure had changed. If he were in her shoes, Eiri was not sure if he would have done the same thing.

 

“I've only seen him a handful of times,” Shuichi continued in his monotonous voice. “He runs several businesses in Osaka.”

 

Eiri squeezed his husband's hand.

 

“I don't want to do this,” Shuichi admitted after several long minutes of silence. He turned and glanced at Eiri, his eyes shinning with unshed tears.

 

Eiri reached out with his free hand and brushed the back of his hand across Shuichi's cheek.

 

Lifting their intertwined hands, Eiri placed a chaste kiss on Shuichi's knuckles. “Do you remember what I said last night?”

 

[“Maybe you were scared,” Eiri answered before he had time to think about it.

 

Shuichi pulled back and searched his lover's face. “Of what?” he sobbed, tears coursing down his face.

 

Eiri shrugged. “You haven't seen him in how many years?” Eiri fingered Shuichi's hair. “Nobody could blame you for being scared about facing him after all these years, especially after the way the two of you parted. Your grandfather basically disowned you and all because you followed your heart and not the leader. Twenty years is a long time, Shu.”

 

“But-!”

 

Eiri hushed him by placing his finger over those soft, kissable lips. “Stop it, Shu. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Okay? Remember what I said earlier? Things happen.”]

 

Shuichi nodded. He did remember, but unlike last night, he could not find comfort in those words. A stray tear trickled down his face.

 

Eiri brushed away the droplet with his knuckle. “Let's go.”

 

Shuichi nodded and stepped out of the car. Shutting the door behind him, he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, staring at his new, shiny black shoes. From behind him, he heard the familiar beep-beep as Eiri locked the car and set the car alarm. He looked up as Eiri stepped up besides him, holding out a hand. Shuichi smiled up at his husband and grabbed his hand. Together they walked towards the funeral parlor.

 

 

As they stepped over the threshold, they were met with a sudden blast of cool air that raised goosebumps all over Shuichi's body. Eiri, unfazed by the overtly cool interior, glanced around and took in the surroundings quickly.

 

The interior of the building was floor to ceiling wood paneling. There was only one window at the far end of the hallway and it did not cast much light in the building. The already heavy, gloomy atmosphere seemed even more so with the absence of the bright morning sun. A red runner ran down the center of the hallway. On either side were small square end tables with a lamp and faux floral display decorating it and a chair, which sat next to the table. Both matched the décor.

 

Eiri could hear soft murmurings coming from down the hall. He assumed that was the Todono party because he had not seen any indication of any other funerals taking place.

 

As he continued deeper into the depths of the unknown, he was jerked backwards. Coming to a halt, he blinked in confusion and turned around to glance at his husband. The singer was pale and his hand was shaking within his. “Shuichi?” he called softly, coming to stand before him.

 

Shuichi blinked and shook himself, startled back to the present.

 

Eiri reached out and smoothed a hand over Shuichi's soft black hair down his face. He smiled softly down at the man. “What're you thinking about?” he asked, cupping Shuichi's cheek.

 

Shuichi returned Eiri's smile reflexively. He covered Eiri's hand with his and leaned into the comforting touch. “Trying not to,” he admitted.

 

Planting a kiss on Shuichi's forehead, Eiri chuckled. “Come on.”

 

Nodding, Shuichi let Eiri pull him down the hall.

 

Eiri caught sight of two men standing outside the open double doors of the parlor, speaking and occasionally chuckling. When they saw Eiri and Shuichi they inclined their heads. Eiri nodded back. The one on the right looked a little familiar, but he could not place him.

 

Frozen, his mind blank, Shuichi stared through the open doors. He could see his grandfather's closed coffin. It was draped in a gold-embroidered fabric. A photograph of his grandfather was sitting atop the coffin with black ribbons tied diagonally around the frame. Shuichi choked back a sob. He tightened his hold on Eiri's hand, jerking the older man to a halt once again as his vision distorted behind a shroud of tears. Unconsciously, he stepped closer to Eiri.

 

Eiri gazed down briefly at Shuichi and then up at whom he assumed was Todono Ranmaru, Shuichi's infamous grandfather. Shuichi had not been kidding when he said he inherited his looks from him. In the picture, Todono looked every day his seventy-some odd years. He had a shock of thick grey hair slicked back. His steely purple eyes were hard, but at the same time, they seemed to sparkle with mischief and smile out over his family. His face was lined and his jowls loose. He had a grim expression on his face, but it seemed more mocking then real. But despite the time worn appearance of the man, Eiri saw much of his Shuichi in Todono. It was like looking at an aged photograph of his lover. The exception being that Shuichi, besides being a homosexual, was also a metrosexual. He was very picky about his personal appearance. Todono, on the other hand, was all masculine. No plucked and shaped brows. No touches of eyeliner, foundation or lip-gloss and no manicures, pedicures or facials for this man.

 

On either side of the coffin, there were two vases overflowing with white lilies and another flower he could not identify.

 

“They were what my grandparents had at their wedding,” Shuichi whispered from besides him.

 

“Huh?” Eiri turned towards his husband in confusion.

 

Shuichi jerked his chin towards the far side of the room. “The flowers.”

 

“Hm.” Eiri nodded.

 

Gulping, Shuichi took a deep breath and forced his feet to move. One step at a time, he told himself. Just put one foot in front of the other. They stepped into the soft hum of the large chair-less parlor filled with a sea of black clad people.

 

As Eiri followed Shuichi towards the coffin, he grew conscious of the fact that they seemed to be the center of attention. People were watching them openly, whispering and pointing. Some were looking at them with open disgust and contempt. A few had blank expressions on their faces. Then there were those who obviously recognized who Shuichi and he were. Their eyes bugged out of their heads and their mouths were like giant gaping black holes. He heard a few not so suppressed squeals, a round of gasps and some sputterings from behind them that sounded like their neighbors car. He took them all in nonchalantly.

 

When Shuichi suddenly let go of his hand, Eiri turned to watch as his partner strolled through the crowd in a hypnotic trance that parted as if he were Moses. He followed silently.

 

In front of the coffin was a table with two tall lit candles and between them was an incense box, about the size of a shoe box, which was divided in two. The left side was smoldering and the other side held some sort of incense that looked like pepper. Another box sat on the table holding stick-incense. Next to it was an ash filled urn. In front of the table was a cushion.

 

Eiri watched as Shuichi walked up the table, his eyes never leaving the closed casket that held the empty shell of his beloved grandfather and knelt on the cushion to pay his respects. After a moment's hesitation, Eiri stepped forward and knelt besides him. Shuichi turned towards him and smiled gratefully. Eiri smiled back.

 

Together the men took a pinch of the peppery incense, bowed and deposited the incense in the burning side of the incense box. They repeated this two more times before they steepled their fingers in prayer. Then they each took an incense stick from the second box and held them up to the candles to light them. With their free hands, Shuichi and Eiri flapped the flame to extinguish it, making it smolder and stuck the incense in the urn among the others. They allowed the fumes to drift back towards them. It is said the smoke has a purifying effect, shooing off any wandering spirits that might otherwise follow you home.

 

Eiri pushed to his feet with a grunt. Seconds later, Shuichi stood up and stepped back beside him. He grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together.

 

“Thank you,” Shuichi whispered.

 

“For what?”

 

“For being here.” Shuichi tipped his head up and stared into Eiri's golden eyes. “This means a lot to me that you're here with me.”

 

“Idiot,” Eiri snorted. Dipping his head, he brushed their lips together. He ignored the startled gasps echoing around them. When he pulled back, he smirked at the light blush that covered his husband's face. He was so damned cute. “Why wouldn't I be?”

 

“Itoko-chan,” a sudden cry rose behind them.

 

Curious, Shuichi and Eiri turned and watched a pair of identical twins push their way through the gathered crowd. Shuichi smiled widely. “Kei! Kai!” he cried, throwing himself onto his cousins.

 

Eiri rolled his eyes, sighing.

 

Shuichi's identical twin cousins, Shiro Kei and Kai. They also happened to be his husband's ex-bandmates. After K left Bad Luck, Fujisaki replaced him as the bands manager and Kei and Kai were recruited as new band members, along with their American exchange student friend Michael. When Bad Luck disbanded, the twin's concentrated full time on their side project, a band they formed with a couple of their high school buddies. They had been signed to an independent record label and were doing pretty well from what he heard from Shuichi. The music they did was not the pop/rock/dance that Bad Luck was known for. Instead, they were a rock band that fused traditional Japanese sounds into their music. They were not half bad.

 

“Eiri-san.”

 

Kai's voice snapped him out of his retrieve. “Shiro,” Eiri greeted with a small nod.

 

“Hey, there, Eiri-san,” Kei greeted as he and Shuichi pulled apart.

 

Eiri inclined his head in greeting to him.

 

“We were surprised when we were told you were here,” Kai said, turning towards Shuichi.

 

Shuichi's face fell. He nodded. “I just wish I would have come sooner,” he whispered.

 

Eiri was not sure if Shuichi had meant for them to hear that. He studied his husband with a deep frown. He still felt guilty.

 

Kei and Kai studied their cousin sympathetically.

 

“Anyway,” Shuichi cried happily, his mood transforming, “what about you guys? I thought you were supposed to be on tour?”

 

“We are,” Kai affirmed with a nod.

 

Shuichi stared at his cousin in confusion.

 

“We decided to cancel the next few concert dates and reschedule them,” Kai explained.

 

“Wow. They let you do that?” Shuichi asked in wonder.

 

“The guys understood. They were cool with it.”

 

Kei rolled his eyes with a snort. “They were, but nobody else was. I mean canceling several shows at the last minute and then trying to fit them onto the schedule somewhere? Especially, when the arenas were already booked?” Kei shook his head. “Our manager was pissed!”

 

“Were you able to pull if off?” Shuichi asked.

 

“Of course!” Kei assured brashly.

 

Shuichi was amazed. He never would have been able to get away with that back when Bad Luck back in the day. Neither K nor Fujisaki would have allowed it. He had to admit he envied his cousins. Speaking of which…

 

“Hey, have you guys heard from Michael?”

 

Kai nodded. “Yeah. We talked to him the other day.”

 

“He told us to say `hi' and to send along his condolences,” Kei added.

 

“That means he feels sorry for your loss,” Eiri clarified for his husband.

 

Shuichi turned to glare at his blond writer. “You think?” he retorted.

 

Kei and Kai chuckled.

 

Eiri stood back, smirking. “So, how's the guy doing?” he asked, turning away and trying to ignore his husband.

 

“Not bad,” Kai answered. “Anzu and he will be celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary next week.”

 

“Well,” Kei drawled. He exchanged a look with his brother. “They would be anyway.”

 

Shuichi gave his husband one last evil glare before turning towards his cousins. “'Would be'?” He looked from one of them to another.

 

Kei and Kai nodded.

 

“It's just a trail separation for now,” Kai said.

 

Shuichi's eyes widened in shock. “They're separated? Oh, man. That sucks. What happened?”

 

“You heard about how Anzu had a miscarriage?” Kei asked his cousin.

 

Shuichi nodded. He remembered Michael calling him in the middle of the night a couple months ago. The man had been a complete and utter wreck. He knew exactly how the man felt. Losing a child is never easy.

 

“Yeah, well, Anzu still hasn't been able to…ya know, get over it.”

 

“That's understandable,” Eiri said.

 

Shuichi looked over his shoulder at his husband. They exchanged a knowing look.

 

Kai nodded. “Yeah, well, she blames Michael.”

 

“What?!” Shuichi stared wide eyed at the man in shock.

 

“Yeah,” Kei nodded. “You know how he's been working hard to start up his own production company right?”

 

Shuichi nodded. For awhile after he returned home to the States, Michael just spent time with his family, but then he began to get restless. So, he started working for a small independent record label as a studio musician and producer. He even helped co-write several songs for a couple of the bands under contract with the record company. Then, over the last couple of years, he had been talking about starting his own company.

 

“Anzu claims that because he's been spending so much time working…” He left the rest unsaid.

 

That made absolutely no sense, but then Anzu was grieving.

 

“She just needs time alone to grieve and think things over,” Eiri told them. “She lost a child. That's not a small thing. This'll either bring them closer together or will be what breaks the camels back.”

 

Shuichi frowned dejectedly. First Hiro and Ayaka, then Maiko and her husband and now Michael and Anzu. He had to admit, he felt guilty that his marriage was still going so strong, that his relationship with Eiri was like a fine wine. It gets better with age.

 

Eiri knew what his husband was thinking. Why Shuichi had to feel guilty about everything was a mystery to him. He hardly ever felt guilty and felt the need to apologize even less so. What was the point of apologizing or having remorse for something that you could not help or take back no matter how much you wanted to? What is done is done. What is is. And Shuichi will always be Shuichi, no matter how idiotic or mystifying he may be.

 

Shuichi lifted his head and smiled up at his husband when he felt him start rubbing his back. Sighing, he leaned against Eiri's side.

 

“Anyway,” Kei continued, looking around. “Where're the mini-brats?”

 

Eiri smirked.

 

“At Hiro and Fujisaki's,” Shuichi said.

 

“We'll have to stop by while we're in town,” Kai said.

 

Shuichi brightened and nodded, smiling. “Sure! The boys would really like that. We could have a barbecue, or something.” He turned pleading eyes towards his husband. “What do you think, Eiri? Could we?”

 

Eiri sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

 

Shuichi squealed. “Oh,” he suddenly cried, his eyes wide. “You haven't seen Kira yet, have you?”

 

Taking that as his cue, Eiri took out his wallet and pulled out a picture of his three brats.

 

“Nope,” Kai shook his head. “He's gotta be pretty big by now, huh?” He took the picture Eiri held out.

 

Shuichi giggled, nodding. “He's so adorable!”

 

“Oh, wow!” Kei exclaimed. “Kei-kun and Kane-kun look more like you now then they did the last time we saw them,” he told Eiri.

 

“Don't they?” Shuichi giggled. He slid his husband a sly glance. “You should see them when they're all together!”

 

Eiri glared at his husband.

 

“They've gotten so big,” Kai said.

 

“They're like weeds,” Eiri snorted.

 

Shuichi giggled.

 

“You can easily tell which twin is which,” Kei said. “Keitaro-kun is the conservative one, right?”

 

“Yeah and Kane is the small flamboyant one,” Eiri agreed with a nod.

 

Shuichi smacked Eiri's arm. “Eiri! How can you say that about your own son?”

 

“Easily,” he snorted. “It's true.”

 

Kei tossed his head back and roared with laughter.

 

“And this little guy is Kira-kun?” Kai asked.

 

Shuichi beamed. “Yep.”

 

“Wow. He looks nothing like his brothers.”

 

Kei glanced over his brother's shoulder and blinked. “You're right. He looks like you, Shu,” he said, looking from the picture to Shuichi and back.

 

Shuichi blushed.

 

“So,” Kai started, as he handed back the photograph. “Do any of the boys…” He lowered his voice and leaned towards Shuichi and Eiri, so as not to be overheard. “Ya know…are they…?”

 

Shuichi knew immediately what his cousin was asking and shook his head. “Keitaro and Kane are normal five year old boys.”

 

“What about Kira?” Kei asked.

 

Shuichi shrugged.

 

“We don't know yet,” Eiri answered. “We wanted to wait until he was a little older to go in for a test.”

 

Kai and Kei nodded.

 

A sly grin crept onto Kei's face. “So,” he asked, “any plans for more children?”

 

Shuichi blushed hotly. He swatted his cousin. “Kei!”

 

The drummer laughed. “What? I just asked.”

 

Eiri smirked. More children, huh? He would not mind having a daughter, actually.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the crowd shifting aside. He looked up, curious as to what was going on and watched as a small woman stepped through the crowd. She was small like Shuichi with dark eyes and salt and pepper hair that was pulled back into a neat ponytail. Instead of a dress, she was wearing black dress slacks, a white blouse and a black suit coat. A strand of pearls was clasped around her neck. Her face was lined and heavy with sorrow, but there was carefully concealed hope as well. She was staring at Shuichi longingly.

 

“Shuichi?”

 

Shuichi froze. His laughter choked to a halt and his smile slipped off his face. His eyes got real wide.

 

Kei and Kai glanced over their shoulders and stepped aside.

 

Eiri laced his and Shuichi's hands. He noticed instantly that Shuichi was shaking again.

 

“O-obachan,” Shuichi whispered, stuttering.

 

Eiri eyed the woman once more. So this was Shuichi's grandmother. He glanced at Shuichi. He had tears coursing down his face. He wondered what was going through his baka's mind.

 

“Shuichi,” Grandmother Todono whispered. She stepped forward and held out her arms. Like her grandson, she too had tears in her eyes. Now he knew where Shuichi and his mother got it from. Family trait. That meant the boys would probably catch it. Damn.

 

Shuichi glanced up at him through tears filled eyes, silently asking him what he should do. He nodded once. Shuichi gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go and racing towards his grandmother. He flung himself at her, sobbing. As Grandmother and Grandson embraced, crying openly, a wave of applause rippled throughout the parlor.

 

Eiri smirked. Much to his chagrin, his eyes misted and his throat tightened around a sob.

 

“This was a long time coming,” Kei explained, stepping up besides Eiri.

 

Eiri nodded, never taking his eyes off his husband.

 

*

 

He had been so scared, scared of facing his grandfather again. Like Eiri said, they had not parted on the best of terms. Things were said on both sides. Grandfather Todono had not liked what Shuichi was, what he had become and where his life was heading. He wanted to mold and shape Shuichi into his likeness, but Shuichi just could not allow that. In order for him to be who he wanted to be and not what someone else wanted him to be, in order for him to wake up in the morning and be able to recognize the man in the mirror, he had been forced to sacrifice someone who was so dear to him.

 

He had been scared of being here today, scared of what everyone would think of him and his presence. What would they think of him, his husband, and their lifestyle? Of his decision to not hide who he was? To be so open with both his homosexuality and being a hermaphrodite? What would they all think of his being here at his grandfather's wake?

 

He had been so full of guilt, guilt for deciding not to return his grandfather's call, guilt for not taking the hand offered. Whether it was to propose a truce or to plead with him one last time to “stop this insanity”, it must have taken a lot to swallow his pride and take that first step. He felt guilty for acting so…childishly, for being too scared to make one little phone call, guilty for letting his fear cloud his mind. If only he would have…If he just would have…he might have been able to…He felt guilty for not being there to say goodbye.

 

“I wasn't sure if you'd want me here,” Shuichi confessed, crying.

 

“What?” Grandmother Todono gasped, startled. She pulled away and searched the face that looked so much like her Ranmaru's. His face was twisted in a mask of shame and dread. “Oh, Shuichi!” She held her grandson tightly, refusing to let him go, unable to let him go. “Why would you even think something like that?”

 

Shuichi sobbed loudly and tightened his hold on his grandmother. Did she mean…? Was she saying…? “Is it…really okay for me…to be here?”

 

In that one sentence, Grandmother Todono knew that her grandson had been suffering just as much as her Ranmaru had been all these years. Her hold on the boy tightened. “Yes,” she sobbed in a silent whisper. “Yes, it is.”

 

Another loud sob and the knot around Shuichi's heart started to unravel.

 

“He was so proud of you,” his grandmother whispered.

 

Shuichi blinked, unsure and confused. He pulled back from his grandmother, wiping his snot and tear filled face on his shirt sleeve. “What?” he asked, his sobs lessening as he tried to make sense of what it was she said.

 

“Your grandfather.”

 

Fresh tears welled in Shuichi's eyes.

 

“It hurt him to say all those things,” she was saying.

 

Shuichi immediately knew what she was referring to and to tell the truth, the same could be said for him as well.

 

“After you stormed out of the house that day, he ended up crying himself to sleep.”

 

Shuichi gasped. That surprised him. Todono Ranmaru? Crying? That was like saying Lucifer went to Church. He pulled away and stared incredibly at his grandmother. “Yeah, right.”

 

She nodded with a smile. “He loved you, Shuichi. He thought of you as a son.”

 

Tears started to flow freely down Shuichi's face.

 

“And all he wanted was for you to be happy. He had your best interests at heart.”

 

Shuichi knew all that, but it did not lessen the hurt or the betrayal he felt at how his grandfather treated him the last time he saw him.

 

“Growing up,” his grandmother was saying, “music used to be Ran's passion, but unlike you, he folded under the pressure and allowed himself to be turned into his father and his father before him. He conformed to others expectations.” She smiled at him and fingered his long black hair. “He didn't want that for you, but he knew how unpredictable the music industry was. There were no guarantees and he didn't want you living out on the street. Your grandfather wanted you to be financially secure. He wanted your future to be a sure thing and mapped out. That's all.”

 

Shuichi choked out a sob. A stray tear slid down his face.

 

She looked over her grandson's shoulder at the tall, blond haired man and smiled softly before returning her gaze to Shuichi. “Yes, he was against your relationship with Yuki-san,” she admitted. She watched her grandson's face falter. “Mostly, I think, because he was scared.”

 

Shuichi sniffled and looked at the older woman in shock and disbelief. “What? Scared? What was he afraid of?”

 

“Of losing you. Of what you being involved with a man would mean.”

 

Shuichi did not need any clarification this time. He knew what she was getting at.

 

“Ranmaru grew up hating who he was. He was ashamed and embarrassed. A man was a man. Admitting to something like this made you less than a man. He was old fashioned and traditional that way. But you. You knew what you were, who you were and you refused to pretend to be anything else. You were proud and happy and did not apologize for being something other than normal.”

 

Tears trickled down Shuichi's face. The knot loosened a little bit more.

 

“And he understood.”

 

Shuichi stared at his grandmother through tear blurred vision. “What?”

 

Grandmother Todono smiled tenderly. “He understood. But because he was so proud…It took him years to finally get up the nerve to ask your mother for your phone number and then another several to actually call you.” She pulled Shuichi into a tight hug. “He loved you Shuichi and did not blame you for anything.”

 

The knot unraveled completely and fell away. Shuichi buried his face in his grandmother's shoulder and sobbed. The guilt and fright that had been weighing heavily in his heart and soul vanished, leaving him feeling lighter and better than he had in a very long time.

 

***