Gundam SEED Fan Fiction ❯ Answers ❯ Answers ( Chapter 1 )

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Mwu gazed lovingly at the woman lying in his arms. She looked so peaceful in her slumber. Her smooth, pale face and thick, dark hair reminded him of a porcelain doll, so beautiful and delicate. A complete contrast to her commanding air during battle.

He admired her. He admired her leadership skills, her kindness and compassion towards her comrades, and the silent strength that seemed to emanate from her presence.

He admired her as a leader. There was no question in his mind that she was a competent captain. Even if she might not always think so, the fact that they’ve made it this far despite the hardships they’ve had, was all the proof that he needed.

What he admired about her the most was the fact that she was willing to accept and admit it when she was wrong, and listened and took advice from others. Even though she seemed troubled by the hard time Natarle had given her, she never really blamed her for acting that way. “She’s just doing her job,†she told him when he asked her about it. But when she wanted to, she was willing to put her foot down, and he could see Natarle respected her for that.

“Are you crazy? I can’t let you go out in this condition!â€

He’d never met anyone like her before, especially someone in the military. Sure, his superiors in the past had cared about his life, but he couldn’t help but somehow feel that they cared because he was an ace pilot, another tool to the military. She was different, like a breath of fresh air. She was kind to him and was concerned about his life. Not just the life of “Commander La Flaga†or the “Mobieus Zero pilotâ€, but also the life of “Mwuâ€.

“Iâ&# 8364;™d go search for them myself if I could, but right now, we can’t. If you were to go and not come back, I…Please stay and trust in Orb for now.â€

She was the first person to shed tears for him in a world where he viewed that most people only cared about themselves. She was sincerely considerate of her comrades and her crew, not just because they were soldiers, but she saw them as humans and cared about their lives. Mwu remembered seeing her so agonized and angry at herself after losing Tolle and Kira; and remembered how at Alaska, she took the full responsibility of the decision on her own shoulders so that no one else would be held responsible. Some would say that she was too soft to be in the military, commanding a battleship and fighting a war. So maybe she wasn’t the conventional captain, but she was capable and did her best, and took care of her crew and felt responsible for their lives—he remembered how she thanked each and every member earnestly for their help when they were in Orb—and in the end, her kindness came back to her. She persisted in wanting to find Cagalli, despite protests from the combat commander, and in turn, the young girl had helped them out. Mwu couldn’t help but think that maybe her compassion was one of the reasons they’ve made it this far, because they appreciated her kindness, and when they were given a choice, only eleven disembarked, the rest of the crew chose to stay with her.

Growing up in the military, Mwu was trained to fight; his mind had been conditioned to not question the motives for fighting, but to fight to protect oneself first and foremost. Because of this, he never really had friends, only comrades. Sure, he agonized over the deaths of his comrades—even though he may not show it—but he always managed to bury those thoughts in the back of his mind like he was trained to do, knowing that if he faltered, he could be next. Instead of thinking about the losses, he chose to let those feelings of darkness turn into anger, and use it against the enemy.

Who is the enemy anyway? He found himself asking more and more lately.

He had always avoided thinking about these things, because it was easier for him to think about the enemy as some force needing to be conquered instead of human beings just like himself. It was easier on his conscience to think that if he didn’t shoot, they would. That way, when he fought, he wouldn’t hesitate.

He didn’t want to fight, nobody did. But he felt obligated to do so because he felt he should be putting his abilities to good use. He was taught to fight because he was told to, because they needed to protect themselves. That was then, what about now? What was he fighting for now that there was no one to give him orders? For whom and what was he obligated to put his abilities to good use?

At times, he felt alone as he sat in the tiny cockpit, flying around in the vastness of space. He was trained to not think about those things when fighting, but once the fighting was over, sometimes those thoughts of loneliness would seep into his mind, thinking how small and insignificant he seemed to the world. Would anyone care or notice if he ceased to exist?

Even when surrounded by people, he felt a certain loneliness. He felt detached from the world, wary of its inhabitants and the looks they gave him, as if judging him, whispering to each other about what he couldn’t do. He often felt the ghosts of his past coming back to haunt him, jeering at him for being inadequate, and that he’d never become something great.

“Take care of him and educate him well. Don’t let him turn out like that idiot, that woman’s child!â€

Ever since he was little, the people around him looked down on him, because he was “that woman’s childâ€. They always compared him with the other boy, commenting on how much better the other boy was. They often commented about how even though Mwu was the older son, he was “unfit†to inherit his father’s fortune. His father rejected him, and his mother became ashamed of him. Mwu’s initial dejection turned to anger.

“I’ll show you, someday, I’ll become someone great, just you wait!â€

They say man’s greatest enemy is himself, and Mwu was no exception. Another reason that he chose to enlist and to fight was because he wanted—needed—to prove to them (and himself really) that he was not useless like he was made to believe, that he could make something out of himself, and that being “that woman’s child†didn’t mean that he was an idiot. He worked hard to hone his skills as a pilot, and when he earned the title of “Hawk of Endymionâ€, he silently yelled an “I-told-you-so†to his long-dead father.

“You have nothing to prove, Mwu. I like you the way you are.â€

It wasn’t until she said those words to him, that he realised how stupid and pointless all that was compared to the larger scheme of things. He had pulled her into his arms and embraced her tightly when she uttered those words, straining to hold back tears. She probably had no idea of the gravity of her words, and what they meant to him. But she was the first one to tell him that he didn’t have to pretend, that he should be living his own life the way he wanted. She was the first one to accept him for who he was as a person, regardless of what he was or what he did, or didn’t, achieve. And he felt relieved at her words, because it meant that she understood him, and he no long needed to feel wary or judged around her.

But what was it that made someone who they were? Was it their genetic code? And if so, are their personality and character pre-programmed? Who exactly was Mwu La Flaga?

“My father was an arrogant and selfish man. He died when I was little, and that was all I remember of him.â€

Before the Mendel incident, Mwu had no idea just how selfish and arrogant his father had been. And when he did find out—from the product of Al Da Flaga’s arrogance of all sources—it stirred a new fear within him. They say that the child resembled the parent. And as much as they both despise it, the fact was that Mwu was his father’s son. Did that mean that he would turn out like his father? Whenever thoughts like these crept into his mind, Mwu would shove them away like he usually did, but they seemed to constantly seep back into his consciousness. He liked to think that no, he was nothing like his father, and would never be like him, but there was always that fear. There was an even greater fear, one that came from “What if she found out?†Would she reject him and scorn him like the others?

“It’s not your fault, Mwu. You are you. Even if you carry some of his genes, you’re still your own person, with your own life.â€

Once again, he felt moved by her words. He was touched that she came to his side as soon as she could, calming his anger and chasing away his doubts with her smile. He felt comforted as she stroked his hair, lulling him to sleep. He was beginning to see what he would be fighting for.

Presently, she stirred in his arms, drawing him away from his thoughts for the moment. She let out a soft sigh, her soft breath tickling his neck.

“Mwu…†she murmured contently as she snuggled closer, her smile growing as if experiencing a wonderful dream.

He smiled at her sleeping form, thinking how wonderful his name sounded on her lips. Not many people referred to him by his first name. In fact, only three people did at the present—one of whom he didn’t particularly like. He wasn’t close enough to many people really to have them call him “Mwu†so casually. Growing up scorned by those who took care of him, and then in the strict environment of the military, he didn’t trust people easily. Although he put on a friendly façade and seemed to get along with everyone well enough, he avoided getting truly close to people, especially since they were fighting in a war, not knowing who was next to go. It was easier that way; it’d save him a lot of emotional distress.

He wasn’t the only one like that. A lot of comrades that he’d met felt the same way, creating a polite, but not really friendly environment. That was why she surprised him so much, the fact that she trusted so easily and readily. She trusted a Coordinator boy whom she hardly knew with a top military machine—given they had no other choice—when any other officer would have been skeptical, him and Natarle included. When they were in Orb, she trusted the nation and accepted their help, despite protests from Natarle. She trusted a bunch of student volunteers to help with the operation of the ship. And they, in turn, trusted their lives in her decisions. With him, she trusted and respected his abilities, and he learned to trust her decisions and instincts. Watching her, Mwu learned that it was okay to get close to people; it was okay to trust, because she’d shown him that the kindness would one day come back.

She stayed professional and strong on the battlefield, and despite her misgivings sometimes, hid her complaints until after the crisis had passed. And for that, he greatly admired her, which was probably why he’d always instinctively come to her defence against Natarle. He was surprised at how much she tolerated his laid-back attitude and gentle teasing, and that she was willing to relax around him, especially seeing how she seemed so tense around Natarle. That only encouraged him, because he wanted to hear her laugh, to see her smile. She was the first to show him love, and for the first time in his life, he wanted to love in return. Her compassion had stirred something within him, a desire for him to return the kindness. And it was that desire that inspired his actions at Alaska. He was worried about her life as he fled through JOSH-A to return to her side.

It never occurred to him that he was holding the captain of the Archangel in his arms. To him, she was just “Murrueâ€. He had learned, as she showed him, to trust and love her for who she was.

He brushed back her dark hair, gently caressing her soft, warm skin. He smiled as she leaned into his touch, murmuring happily.

She had taught him and inspired him so much, even if she didn’t realize it herself. She’d shown him the lighter side of human nature, the side that held compassion, acceptance, trust, and love.

Mwu wasn’t afraid of death, and he never really cared to think too far into the future, choosing to live one day at a time. There was no point in thinking ahead too much, because it would just be another distraction, a fantasy that he dared not to think about. No, growing up in the military, he’d learned to accept the fact that each fight could be his last. However, he, like the rest of humanity, still struggled to live, wanting to continue their existence for as long as they could. But what was he living for? Why was he fighting so hard? He never really questioned that either. However, after what he’d seen and experienced, he started to question his purpose and place in the world, and she had given him the answers. He would fight and live for tomorrow, a better and brighter future. She had given him a desirable future, and a place in the world, a place where he belonged and could return to, a place where he would always be accepted and loved no matter what.

He gazed upon her peaceful face before gently kissing her brow.

Thank you for everything…

He smiled softly. It was nice not to be alone. She was there for him, her warmth reminding remind him that he was not alone, that his life would not be lived in vain, and she’d given him a future to look forward to.

And in the end, that was all he really wanted. They would support each other, and together, they would find peace and true happiness.

The title/theme comes from AbbyKat, "Kira may be the main reason Mwu starts questioning his role in the war and his reasons for fighting, but Murrue is the one who gives him the answers to those questions."