Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Teenager in Cliche ❯ Part V Teaser ( Chapter 5 )

Part V - Unfinished Teaser

 

 

To say I was really nervous would be a huge understatement. I was planning on giving Heero something I thought I'd locked safely away. Something I'd fought against with every ounce of my battered soul. Handing it over to him like this frightened me more than I'd like to admit.

 

I sat there in the overwhelming silence picking at the frayed edges of our throw pillows until I heard the key turning in the lock. I seriously considered running right then. It was a little bit of a fight, but I got that urge under control.

 

“Hey,” came his hesitant voice. I could almost feel the nervous energy in the room skyrocket.

 

“Hey,” I replied softly.

 

He didn't seem to know what to do, and he stood there staring at me for a minute or two before finally making his way over to the couch. I don't know if it was a conscious effort on his part, but he sat much further away from me than usual, his back pressed against the armrest with his legs crossed tightly in front of him.

 

He couldn't seem to look at me, and a variety of emotions played over his face; confusion, embarrassment, fear, and a few others I couldn't immediately recognize. I'd never seen Heero so unsure of himself, and that fact alone was a little unsettling. Add in the fact that he looked how I felt, well, I just wanted to get this over with.

 

After a deep breath, I decided to venture into the silence. “So I guess Trowa talked to you?”

 

His fascination with the pattern on the couch cushions didn't waver, but he managed to answer me all the same. “Yeah. Quatre talked to you, then?”

 

“Boy, did he ever.” I grumbled, and Heero did look at me then. His gaze was intense; a bastardized mix of hope and pain. I realized then how that had sounded, but I didn't know how to fix it, so I just shrugged and said, “He really knows how to drive a point home, you know?”

 

“Yeah.” He looked away again, the disquiet swirling in his cool blue eyes.

 

“Heero.” I bit my lip when he didn't look at me. “Heero, look at me.” Slowly, he brought his eyes up to lock onto mine. The depth behind them almost took my breath away. His love was written plainly on his face, as if for anyone to see, though I knew that only a handful of people could have actually seen it. His hurt and confusion was there, too, and I almost wished he would look away again. It was just too intense.

 

“'Ro, let's talk.” Talking was the last thing I wanted to do, honestly. I wanted to run to my room and sleep in my sanctuary of pillows and blankets. I wanted to hide until everything just drifted away. But those eyes swirling with emotion wouldn't let me. I had somehow made this mess, and I couldn't just wait until it went away. I wanted Heero to smile again.

 

“Okay,” he agreed. Then he just sat there, staring at me. It was obviously up to me to start the conversation ball.

 

“I…” have never been in love before. I really don't understand this feeling. It's something I've gone my whole life trying to avoid. Everyone I have ever loved has left me. I couldn't bear to lose you, too. “You…” are my best friend. You mean more to me than anyone ever has. You just might mean more to me than Solo. “I'm…” scared. Really, hugely, amazingly scared. I don't want to fuck this up.

 

I sighed in frustration. This wasn't getting us anywhere. It was a whole hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.

 

Something… understanding flashed in Heero's eyes. “Just spit it out. No matter what happens, you're my best friend. You can say whatever you need to.”

 

Well, that answered that question. He didn't want this to ruin our friendship any more than I did. It gave me the reassurance I needed to actually open my mouth, and out popped the thing that had been flitting through my mind at that moment.

 

“Do you really love me?” I flushed right down to my toes once I realized what I'd just asked. Heero was matching me nicely though, so I didn't feel too bad.

 

I saw him warring with himself over how to answer; concentration flickering behind those blue irises. I smirked a little, tossing his own line back at him. “Just spit it out, best friend.”

 

That earned me a look of burning determination, and I knew I was about to get the answer to a question I never thought I'd ask. “Yes. God yes. Duo… I've loved you for longer than I've been able to identify the emotion.”

 

The tenderness of his words was enough to bring moisture to my eyes, and I was finding it hard not to break down and cry right there. What do you say to an admission like that? “Why?” I all but whispered, yet again shocked at my voicing my thoughts without my mouth consulting me first.

 

His hand twitched as it he were going to reach for me, but he thought better of it and just pinned me with that gaze again. “What's not to love?” He said simply, the emotion tearing at a place inside me I had long thought dead. `Quatre was right' came to the front of my mind, but it didn't seem appropriate, so I just sat there gaping like a fish that just had his water sucked away right in front of him.

 

I needed to regroup, but time wasn't exactly on my side. I was half afraid to open my mouth for fear of saying something that wasn't on the script without consulting the director. It was like someone had written this whole conversation down and forgot to give me a copy. I was floundering, and the longer I waited to open my mouth, the darker Heero's eyes became.

 

“Heero, I…” I swallowed. I what? Where the hell was I supposed to begin?

 

“It's alright.” He soothed. “You can tell me anything.”

 

That was the last straw. I reached a tentative hand towards him, and he had me in his arms faster than you could say `hold me'. “This is just so hard for me…” I gasped between heavy breaths. He ran his strong hands up and down my back, calming me in a way I didn't think was possible. It was downright maternal the way he rocked me gently, swaying back and forth. “I don't want to lose you…” came out of me in a pained whisper, and I think it shocked me just as much as it shocked him. It was just a day for running off at the mouth, I guess.

 

His grasp on me turned possessive, and I swear his voice had a feral air to it. “You'll never lose me. I swear it.”

 

It was just so overwhelming. I have never known Heero to act that way over anything. He was comforting and possessive and needy all at the same time, and I found that I just couldn't hold it anymore. The dam finally broke and I was suddenly sobbing openly into his shirt even as I tried to rebuild.

 

“It's alright. Just let it out.” I was shaking and trembling in his arms, my damn tears getting the best of me despite my chagrin. He just sat patiently with me, his hands never slowing and his gentle words washing over me. In that moment, I felt like things really were going to be alright.

 

“I love you.” I breathed into his ear when I finally had my tears under control. “I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it.” He shivered then, drawing me closer. I leaned into the security he offered me with a deep seated need I didn't know I had. Some of the pressure on my soul lifted, and I was relieved in a way that reached all the way down to my bones.

 

“I love you, Duo. More than anything.” I realized then that it didn't matter if he knew all my reasons. It didn't matter because there would be plenty of time for that later. Because he'd be around for me to tell him. Because I wanted to tell him. It was a thought that shook me to the core.

 

I pulled back, trailing my fingers across his face. He looked so much younger, even more peaceful than when I had sketched him while he slept. It was something of a shock to see that look on his face. I doubted that there had ever been anyone he trusted enough to show that side of himself to. I felt honored at the same time that I felt unworthy.

 

Sometimes it's hard to remember that we're only nineteen. Or at least, somewhere around there, as neither of us really know our birth date. After everything we had seen and done, nineteen just seemed so… young. It was like catching a glimpse of what Heero would have been if he hadn't been… who he'd had to be. If he was never the Perfect Soldier. If he'd had a family in suburbia instead of a mad scientist in a lab. If I had a soul to sell, I would have damned myself to eternal suffering without a second thought just to keep that look on Heero's face.

 

But then the moment passed, and I wasn't sure how to get it back. I almost wept with loss.

 

Silence fell around us, and as each of us struggled to find something to say, the tension rose. My legs were falling asleep from the awkward half squat Heero had pulled me into, so I shifted a little to ease the pressure. Heero must have taken it as emotional discomfort because his eyes changed then. He looked down, mentally distancing himself from the situation. From me.

 

“I'm going to make some tea. Would you like some?” He went to stand, to increase the distance between us, and I panicked. My hand had latched onto his jeans before I could think about it.

 

I briefly considered saying something, asking him not to go, something to tell him how much I didn't want to lose this moment we had created, but words were inadequate, and in the end, I just pulled him towards me, locking him in a searing kiss that did my speaking for me.