Always

By Andrea Sinisterra

Angst

AU: Hello people. A short little fic. A sad one for a change. Please review, I ask you humbly... no, actually, I PLEAD you humbly.

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This romeo is bleeding

But you can't see his blood

It's nothing but some feelings

That this old dog kicked up

The pouring rain outside her windows pounded with force against the crystal panes, lightning contrasting the cold raindrops that flooded the earth. Such a dark day. Just like her thoughts.

It's been raining since you left me

Now I'm drowning in the flood

You see I've always been a fighter

But without you I give up

It's been nine years of raindrops-- nine years of solace. Nine years since he died. She always wondered if he had ever been happy... if he had been happy when he was with her-- the short time he got to spend with her. She had been happy, deliriously happy, actually.

A smile tugged her lips. Even after so many years, she could still remember how it felt to have his arms around her. The times he snuck into her bedroom, sliding under the covers, seeking warmth; how she used to press her cold toes against his always warm skin; her cold fingertips, running over the smooth muscles of his chest and abdomen; the softness of his hair tickling her nose when he leaned down to give her her goodnight kiss.

She sighed.

Now I can't sing a love song

Like the way it's meant to be

Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore

But baby, that's just me

A tear slid down her cheek, her fingers playing with the band of gold on one of them. He was planning to propose the day he was murdered. Yes, murdered, not killed. Anyway, it still hurt, didn't matter how, the bottomline was that he was ripped away her, from her arms, when three bullets made contact with his body... three bullets meant for her.

Apparently, he had seen the shooter aiming at her. She remembered clearly being shoved behind him, his fingers bruising her arms as he held her. His arms aiming and shooting with perfect accuracy, but not able to evade the retaliation. His body had fallen backwards, heavy as lead, pushing them down to the pavement.

The people had gathered around them, blocking the sun and the frantic bodies of the preventers. Her first reaction had been to press firm hands on the two bullets wounds on his chest, trying to stop the flood of blood. His hand dropped the gun, and reached for his pocket, a velvet white box in his bloodied fingers had rendered her numb.

Now your pictures that you left behind

Are just memories of a different life

Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry

One that made you have to say goodbye

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair

To touch your lips, to hold you near

When you say your prayers try to understand

I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

She hadn't cried. Not when he coughed blood, or when his eyelids turned heavy on him... not even when he said he loved her. Because trully, honestly, she had been certain he was going to survive. He wasn't suppose to die. He was supposed to take her out to dinner that night, woo her and ask her to marry him, there, in front of everyone. She was supposed to cry and launch herself into his arms... they were still supposed to do many things... surely he couldn't die yet.

If you told me to cry for you

I could

If you told me to die for you

I would

Take a look at my face

There's no price I won't pay

To say these words to you

But... he had died. And she had cried. She hadn't wanted him to see her cry. A soft smile touched her lips. She remembered accepting his ring, smiling down at him when she returned her vow of love. And then, he had brought her face down for a kiss. He didn't close his eyes, and neither did she. They had kissed tenderly, in front of everyone, looking into each other's eyes... for the last time.... His lips had stilled against hers. And she knew he was gone, but she couldn't seem to take her lips from his.

Her hand reached for the gun and had pressed the cold metal against her temple, smiling down at him.

Well, there ain't no luck

In these loaded dice

But baby if you give me just one more try

We can pack up our old dreams

And our old lives

We'll find a place where the sun still shines

She hadn't had any luck. Someone had snatched the weapon from her cold fingers, at the same time as the paramedics lifted his cold heavy body onto a stretcher.

There were two things in her life that she would remember forever: a song he had dedicated to her when they were sixteen and his eyes, the last time she had seen them, they had seemed so much deeper and bluer than ever before.

And I will love you, baby - Always

And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

A sound at the corner of her room caught her attention, and she smiled when she saw her daughter-- *their* daughter walk forward and embrace her, her head of chestnut locks resting on her shoulder.

Relena looked down at her daughter's deep blue eyes-- the same eyes her father had.

I'll be there till the stars don't shine

Till the heavens burst and

The words don't rhyme

You see, Heero? See how beautiful our daughter is? She has your eyes and your hair. Oh god, love... how much longer do I have to wait? I don't think I have enough strenght left; I know I want to be with you... but I swear when I look at her, and I see those big blue eyes looking at me with so many questions, it makes me feel alive... it's exhilarating this feeling of parenthood. Oh, how I wish you were alive so she could meet you; let her see how wonderful a father you would have been... Oh, Heero, why did you have to die!? Don't you see how much I need you? How much I still love you? I am being strong. Everyday, I wake up and reach to your side of the bed, but you're never there. Why do you haunt me in my dreams? It's ironic and contradictory, really: Wanting you so much to be alive and still hating you for leaving me... I just wish... I don't know what I wish for... I'm just so tired of fighting alone, you know? I guess I just wanted to thank you for saving my life that day, because you also saved our daughter's life. You gave her life. I just wanted you to know that. And for that I'll be forever grateful. There are not several days, but several eternities still left before I can be by your side... I, someday, one day, after our daughter grows and gets to know completely what wonderful parents she had, what a beautiful and loving existence she has, when that day comes, I shall give up and cease the fight. But only after an eternity with my daughter.

After that, my love, I'm all yours.

I know when I die, you'll be on my mind

And I'll love you - Always

** Song by Bon Jovi