Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Battles ❯ Why? ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Title: Battles
Sekra
None? Bring out a magnifying glass and you might come across faint hints of extra-terrestrial life on Mars. Or maybe just some 1+2 is you squint *really* hard.... Or not.
Angst, I think that's all *Looks confused* I swear there should be more, but no, there is none....
PG-13? I dunno, read it and see.
As much as the blender tells me so, Gundam Wing is not mine. I am constantly reminded of this fact by the toaster.
Spur of the moment thing. It's quite weird to tell you the truth. I mean it makes sense (Well I think it does, but then again, my thought patterns can be hard to follow...) Basically, it's just Heero having an internal discussion with himself.


~*~ +++++++++

is true peace? Really? Why am I fighting to attain something that doesn't really exist?the end of the war bring an end to all fighting? I don't think so. will still beat their wives, drunken people with still brawl out in the streets. will still be waging a war within myself.why do we try to reach out for something that will always be out of our reach? Is it because the human race is ignorant or is it because we truly believe that it will happen?
Do I really want to save something like that?at what we have done over the decades. Some might argue that it's achievement.say all we've done is reached ultimate stupidity and destructiveness.forests are all gone.are scarce out in the wild.has overcome everything.are still being fought even though they achieve nothing but bloodshed.all war is. Unnecessary bloodshed and destruction. It holds no answers.
why am I fighting in one?am I taking part in something I don't believe in?
it is what you have been trained for./
but even though it is all I have ever known, does that mean that I will continue doing it just because I have learnt nothing else?
course./
we have a new mission."
stands there in the doorway. Does he have these thoughts? Does he question what he is doing?does he simply accept it?
I the only one who wonders about why? Surely one of the others second guesses their actions. maybe it is just me.
just you./
why do the others keep fighting if they are not sure why?
same reason you do. You fight because you have to./
do I really have to? I don't even know what I am fighting for.
are fighting for yourself./
myself? I don't understand. Why the Hell would I be fighting for myself?don't see any reason to why I should be so special. Why can I not fight for someone else?
you feel nothing for anybody else./
I don't feel anything for myself either. I don't love myself. I don't hate myself. don't like or dislike myself. I feel nothing for my being so I will ask again; why the Hell would I be fighting for myself?
is war to you?/



what is fighting to you?/

is your duty?/
course. I don't know anything else.
you feel love?/
Does that feeling really exist?
if you really believe in it./
me love is just caring, is it not? What makes saying that word so special?
have never understood why saying 'I love you' to another is so hard. It is just a phrase. A string of words that mean nothing to me.is like saying you're sorry. It is a phrase that has lost all meaning. sorry for hitting you'sorry for spilling that glass of juice all over the rug'sorry for bumping into you on the street, I wasn't watching where I as going'sorry for bullshitting my way through this relationship'say it so often, for such small things that it has lost all meaning. And yet just saying it to another will make them feel better, even though they knew you really didn't mean it. Where is the logic in that?
did you hear me? We have a new mission."
heard you, but I'm still debating with myself whether or not I am going to accept it or tell those old bastards that they can take Wing's beam cannon and shove it up their asses because I am still of doing their dirty work.got grease on their hands from building the Gundams, but I. I have gotten blood on my hands.no matter what I do, it has stained my soul black.
type of mission?"
blowing up a base about 100 miles from here. The mission is for three of us, you, me and Wufei."
is it for?"
:00. You in?"

not?
why not?/

BEHIND YOU!"
hit came from behind and threw me around a bit. Blood trickled down from a gash in my forehead.
I cursed but didn't retaliate.
was sick of it. So sick to death of this fighting. I didn't want to do it anymore.stopped fighting.
the middle of a battle?/


I was no longer a part of the war. A soldier is only useful when he fights. I am no longer a soldier.am a civilian caught in the middle of a war of machinery. I put my ass in the fire, and I have no intention of pulling it out.
you plan to die in the middle of this bloodshed?/
brought hundreds of people to death in battles just like this one. It is only fair that I should meet the same end.
you want to?/
what? Die in a place like this? Die in this way? Or die at all?
either and none./
in a place like this? Well, it beats the Hell out of dying in my sleep.in this way? Why not? It is an end to a sorrowful life that I see fit.at all? Yes and no.
and no? You either want to or not./
but you are thinking in black and white terms. I do not want to die enough that I am ready to take my own life. But I do not want to live enough that I am ready to keep myself alive if it is unnecessary.is inevitable. It cannot be stopped. minute that you are born, you start to die.
you afraid of death?/
Death is the eternal sleep. It is blissful darkness that will cover you and keep you safe from the pains of living.is the end to the sadistic circle of life.
What the FUCK do you think you are doing? FIGHT you IDIOT!!"
Duo?"
looks at me live I've lost it. Maybe I have.then the question can be asked; Did I ever have it to begin with?
what exactly?/
don't know.
makes insanity?/
I do not know. How does one define insanity?it mean straight jackets and padded walls?is it jumping off a cliff down to jagged rocks below?
DO YOU MEAN 'WHY'?!?"
what is wrong with you?"
won't fight!"
fight? What the Hell do you mean 'he won't fight'?!"
mean he's just sat his ass in the middle of a swarm of enemy dolls and refuses to retaliate!"

I just don't see a reason to. If they kill me than so be it. If my comrades decide to save my behind, then that is what is going to happen. leave it up to anyone but myself. I have made my decision.
what decision is that?/

do nothing.



there you go. Pointless I know, but hey. I felt like writing it and I thought since I wrote it I might as well post it^^idea. *Shrugs* Feedback? Please, I must have feedback! *Cough*