Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Conversations of snow ❯ Chapter 1
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Sekra aka Pixie 
Heero wonders about his worthyness in his relationship with Duo. Why is it that the braided pilot loves him so much?
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.25.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 543 | Status: Completed
Heero wonders about his worthyness in his relationship with Duo. Why is it that the braided pilot loves him so much?
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 09.25.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 543 | Status: Completed
Title: Conversations of snowSekra (aka Tikki)1+/x2, Shounen ai, angst, sap, language, me eating peanuts (Yes, this is a warning. Because if I choke you're going to have to save my ass)PG-13? I think. *Shrugs* Nothing naughty in it 'cept swearing.I think I'm in denial. But however I look at it, the conclusion is the same. There just isn't enough money in my bank account for them to belong to me. It's a shame; really, I could use the money.Is this really necessary? OF COURSE I want feedback!This fic has nothing to do with snow. Just thought you ought to know that. Meh. Oh, and it's after EW if you really want to know.
Indicates Heero's thoughts ~~
I wonder what he sees in me. After all I've done, what I am, how on earth could he love me? At first I didn't believe him. I was never taught in the ways of humanity but I had learnt a few things from society.
. At our age, love is meant to be a fairy tale.
. We are young and stupid.
. Males are not supposed to be attracted to other males.
yet, none of those unspoken rules seemed to apply to Duo. His feelings were years older than he, himself. He didn't care that I was of the same gender. That I had killed. Everything I had done, he forgave me before I had even done the act itself.
feel so lucky, to have this perfect angel of death with me. How many people can say that Shinigami cares for them? But as lucky as I am, it only brings light to how unworthy of his love I am. feel like a leech, living off his happiness and humour. My fear is one day I will drain him of everything that makes him Duo. That if he stays with me too long, that he will fall into my darkness .~~
watched as his lover stared out of the window. Heero would sometimes get into these moods, where he would be so deep in thought, he would just stare at nothing. The braided American would love to know what he was thinking, had even asked a few times. The only answer he would receive would be a sad expression and a mumbled, unconvincing "nothing." the moment, the Japanese boy was watching as snow slowly covered the outside. Sighing, Duo approached Heero and slung his arms around his neck lazily. "What's up koi?"tensed for a split second before relaxing. "Hn, I must be slipping, I didn't detect you."I just got better at stealth." what's up?"
I am unworthy. Why should he care at all? I just don't understand. I care for him deeply, but that is because he is Duo Maxwell. The happy, laughing baka that stole my heart. There is so much to him that I couldn't resist falling for. And he may argue that he loves me for me, like I do for him, but I know it can't be true. What is there about me to fall for? I cannot name a single quality about myself that would even give a dog a reason to like me, let alone him.~~
Duo watched as Heero's attention drifted away again, much like the snowflakes that were falling outside. Sighing, he squeezed his arms around his lover tighter, just enough to get his attention.haven't answered my question koi."Just thinking."yeah, thinking about what?" Duo shifted until he was sitting on Heero's lap and pressed a quick kiss on his lips.
Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe he simply wants me around for physical interaction. It would be so much more simple if that were the case, but no. I know he is deeper than that. It was so unfair of me to even consider that to be the reason he sticks around. Arg! I don't deserve him, that is just what I mean! I should never think that poorly of this angel. What does it say about me? It says that I'm pathetic. I can't even grasp the concept of love, he should have someone much better than me. But until he does find that someone that is everything that I am not, I will be with him. Because I cannot bear to be without him and in a way that I don't understand, I don't think he could bear to be without me. That sounds so, I don't know, up-myself? To say he couldn't be without me. He is strong, he would recover. I am just using it as an excuse to stay, to cover my own weakness.when did I get so dependant? When was the point where I decided I couldn't go on without my braided love by me? It is so damn unfair for me to be doing this to him! We fought for peace so hard, sacrificed so much, and all I can do is hold him back from living. All I do is serve as a reminder of the killing and destruction we had to do. When I look into those boundless violet eyes of him, I can almost see the reflection of explosions as he remembers them. I put him through more hell than he claims. presents is a burden on him. I have no place living and yet I cannot find a place with Death.~~
"I've got to go chop some more firewood Duo. I won't be long."stood up to let Heero up and watched as his Japanese lover walked out of the door, grabbed the axe and walked out into the snow.didn't miss the single unshed tear glistening in the corner of his cobalt blue eyes.
threw all the anger he felt for himself at the innocent piece of wood, successfully breaking it in half with more force than was necessary.did it over and over again, each time with more violence. Each time cursing at himself.
Damn it. Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT!!~~
The axe dropped from his hand and he sunk to his knees, resting his head in his hands. The cold snow soaking through his jeans in next to no time.
I am so weak. When did this happen? When did I become so fucking WEAK?! I can ask myself as much as I want, the answer will always be the same even if I don't want to acknowledge what it is.happened when I fell in love with Duo.let myself be emotional, the soldier let me down, this should not have happened! I do not regret my feelings for Duo, I just wish I didn't have them. And more importantly, I wish they were never returned.~~
"Heero?" Duo approached the kneeling figure slowly, his shoes making prints in the freshly fallen snow. "What's wrong?"jumped as Duo's voice came from behind him. He hauled himself of the ground and turned to face the American.don't give me that shit. Something's up, what is it?"it's nothing Duo. Let's go inside."sighed in defeat and followed Heero into the house.
He's so beautiful, I wonder if he notices? It's a classic case of beauty and the beast. It makes me wonder how he can even bring himself to touch me. The moonlight on his pale skin makes it almost glow, he looks like a supernatural being from the heavens; or the depths of Hell like he claims. Shinigami, why are you with me? ~~
brushed aside the chestnut bangs and traced Shinigami's jawline.
Can I really leave you? It would be for the best, but still, could I? I don't know what I would do without you, curl up and die. But I know what you would do, you would be sad, but free. Free from me. But is that a good thing? I don't know, I'm so confused. Why are feelings so hard? Now I know why I repressed them for so long, because I don't know how to deal with them. I hate J for that, take my humanity from me for sixteen years, then bang - no war, here have it back now. It's like growing up seeing only black and white, then all of a sudden colour appears in you vision and you have to figure out what is what. I think green is red and love is sadness.wonder what your thoughts are; do you think me unworthy of you also? Are you around just to make sure I don't self-detonate again? Because without you I think I might. The only thing I know is to fight and to love you. Take my love away and all I'm left with is fighting, and the war will be with myself.~~
Yuy turned his gaze from Duo's face to out the window just above their bed. The full moon was just visible through the dark grey clouds, it's brightness somewhat dimmed.pulling back the covers, he slipped from the bed careful not to wake the figure sleeping beside him. Donning a thick coat and boots, the Japanese ex-pilot opened the window and with a last look behind him, he climbed out, the snow softening the sound of his boots landing on the ground. Tucking his hands into his jacket pockets, he headed in the direction of his motorbike and after mounting it, he took off.
watched as his love slipped outside, a wet trail made it's way from the corner of his eyes and down his cheeks when he heard the bikes engine start and roar into the distance. Hoping more than anything, Heero would come back to him.knew something was wrong, the events of the day more than enough evidence. But Heero was so stubborn and closed off, the old habit of dealing with everything himself never left his lover and it made it difficult for Duo to act appropriately. How is one to fix the problem when one doesn't know what the problem *is*?his hands over his face roughly, the braided American made his way down to the kitchen, and more importantly; the coffee pot with the intention of waiting until Heero came back.
~~What kind of person am I?! I knew he was awake. I *knew* it and I still left. What must he think of me? Does he think I won't come back? Will I go back? I don't know! Damn it! I don't know anything! have to go back. It would be so unfair to him if I didn't. If I walk through that door, he has a right to know it is the last time.am not going to leave him! I have to stop thinking like that!what did he do to deserve me? All the killing, fighting, bloodshed, non of it equals the punishment of being stuck with Heero Yuy. Would it be better if I just left him until I could understand emotions? Would I be able to stay away for that long? am I? In denial? I know it won't work. It's only because of Duo that I got this far. He thawed me out in a matter of speaking.
It makes me wonder what I would be like if it wasn't for him. What would I be like, still the perfect soldier? Would I be living in seclusion, away from everything? Just shield myself from humanity? Isn't that what I've been doing all my life? Duo, he is the only one I allowed close, the other pilots, Relena, after the war I left them. Just pulled myself away from their existence. That does not bother me, what plays on my mind is I dragged Duo along with me.~~
Heero tried to remember the last time Duo had seen the others. Quatre had often invited them around, almost every month. The first few times, after Heero stubbornly refusing to go, Duo had gone without him. But as time went on, the invites were declined and the friendship between them and the other couple dwindled. Now Quatre contacts them only a few times a year if they're lucky. Wufei had never been close and even though Heero worked at the Preventers with him, words were barley spoken and they gave each other no more than second glances.
~~I have taken his life away. And I highly doubt I'm enough to replace it. No, I don't even come close to what I have stolen from him. He has lost so much and if I stick around he will only lose more. I can't do that to him. But I can't leave him, everyone he has ever loved has left him, I can't do that to him either! Damn, either way I'm going to hurt him. That is something I_don't_want to do! Jesus fucking Christ, why didn't I die in the war before I felt anything?~~
Pulling over, Heero dismounted the bike and shoved his hands in his pockets. Dawn was breaking, an orange glow making it's way through the clouds. The fallen snow on the ground reflecting the colour. Heero gazed in wonder at the sight before him, this was what he had fought so hard for. Not only so mornings like this could continue, but so he could see it. The only thing that could have made it better would be observing the sight in Duo's arms.
poured his fourth cup of coffee before sitting back down at the table. "Please come back Heero." He sighed before downing the entire mug and resting his head in his hands. He just didn't understand what went through Heero's head. They were everything to each other, Duo thought they were happy together. Maybe he was mistaken. Heero had always been good at hiding his feelings, just like he was. Was it possible that his Japanese lover had been lying about his feelings since day one? But then why was Heero still with him? He left, Duo reminded himself, he left last night and he hasn't come back. Did he leave for good? Duo didn't think he could survive if Heero left him. Sure, others he had loved came and gone, but Heero. There was just something about him that Duo couldn't live without. Dragging himself up from the wooden table, he headed for the bathroom.was lathering shampoo through his hair when he heard the telltale squeak of the front door opening, a second later, Heero's voice filtered through the noise of the shower. Informing the American that he was back. Turning off the water, Duo grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself before running out and flinging himself onto Heero.
I wonder if he'll yell at me. Or forgive me. I know I only left him unsure for one night but it seems like years. Our hearts, they're so fragile. The slightest wave and they shatter. It comes from being unloved. So unused my heart is to the feeling it is still trying to adapt. I wonder, does Duo understand that? Is he suffering the same thing? God, if I hurt him... If I can't make it up... I swear I'll kill myself. ~~
Heero staggered backwards as a mass of hair and soapsuds attached themselves to his waist and chest. Unsure of what to do, Heero just stood like a statue, waiting for the onslaught of questions and anger Duo was sure to deliver him. And he was not disappointed. Naked - save the towel around his waist - Duo pulled back and looked Heero straight in the eyes. Pain, rejection, happiness, anger, the emotions swirling in those violet depths went straight to Heero's heart like a knife. He had upset his beloved, and he didn't know how to reverse his actions.
"And where the fuck did you go? Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was that you weren't coming back?! What is wrong? Can't you tell me? Heero, I love you! I trust you! Tell me what is bothering you! I cannot help you if you don't confide in me! It doesn't work that way!"
I don't know what to tell you. I just don't know. I cannot tell you all my doubts and fears. What if you realise that my words are true? And that I am not worthy of you? That you can do better than me? You will leave. And I will be lost. What will I do? what kind of person am I? To deceive the one I love to keep him with me. To make him believe that I am worth his love. How bloody selfish can I be?~~
"........"
~~Jesus, say something! Don't revert to silence like you always do! He *knows* something is on your mind, you let him see it! God, how can I do this to him? How the fuck can I be so cruel to this angel? I feel like I've just ripped off his wings of love and trodden on them. Ground them into the dirt like I did his heart, the rest of him soon to follow.~~
"Duo....... I.... I don't......... I'm not..... "
longhaired teen watched Heero try and find the words to tell him. It was so confusing to see him like that. Heero never spoke unless he had his speech all planned out. And now? The former pilot's vocabulary seemed to have been torn from his throat. Duo reached out and placed a calming hand on Heero's shoulder, and immediently felt Heero tense. Confused by this reaction more than anything, Shinigami took a step back and stared.
the fuck is wrong with you?"
~~Such a normal, standard question isn't it? Doesn't it deserve the normal, standard answer of 'Nothing, I'm fine'? Even if it's a lie? Why can't I understand stuff like this? I used to be able to fall back on silence and the cold shoulder, why can I not do that now? I don't have a problem ignoring anybody else, only him. It was the same in the war, but I had something to occupy my wondering thoughts. I had fighting. Now... Now I have none of that and all my thoughts wonder unleased in my mind. And in the middle is Duo.~~
Duo watched as his lover drifted away again. His blue eyes focusing on nothing, seeing nothing. The American would have loved to know what was going on inside of Heero's head.
"Heero. Heero! Oi."
asked you a question."
gave him a weird look, then a faint smile before lowering his face to Duo's, their lips lightly brushing. "Nothing, It just took a while for me to realise something..." And with that said, he kissed his braided love fully, with barely restrained passion. Breaking for air, Duo turned his violet eyes on Heero.
what did you realise?"
gave another smile before answering.
no matter what, love conquers all. That I shouldn't question everything and most of all, Aishiteru Duo."
across the screen* "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" Trowa and Wufei go past* "Get your ass back here!!"them with peanut shells* "Back off!! I'm armed!"appears on screen* "So are we."*Hides in the corner of screen* "They're just pissed of because they didn't get a role. Attention-seeking bossy, murderiiiiiiiiiiiiiing ITA!!! GEROFFME!*Dragged off screen*walks back on and bows* "All we wanted was a mention."voice is heard in the background* "You did get a mention Quatre!" so I did..."Ah... Feedback anyone? *Looks hopeful*
Indicates Heero's thoughts ~~
I wonder what he sees in me. After all I've done, what I am, how on earth could he love me? At first I didn't believe him. I was never taught in the ways of humanity but I had learnt a few things from society.
. At our age, love is meant to be a fairy tale.
. We are young and stupid.
. Males are not supposed to be attracted to other males.
yet, none of those unspoken rules seemed to apply to Duo. His feelings were years older than he, himself. He didn't care that I was of the same gender. That I had killed. Everything I had done, he forgave me before I had even done the act itself.
feel so lucky, to have this perfect angel of death with me. How many people can say that Shinigami cares for them? But as lucky as I am, it only brings light to how unworthy of his love I am. feel like a leech, living off his happiness and humour. My fear is one day I will drain him of everything that makes him Duo. That if he stays with me too long, that he will fall into my darkness .~~
watched as his lover stared out of the window. Heero would sometimes get into these moods, where he would be so deep in thought, he would just stare at nothing. The braided American would love to know what he was thinking, had even asked a few times. The only answer he would receive would be a sad expression and a mumbled, unconvincing "nothing." the moment, the Japanese boy was watching as snow slowly covered the outside. Sighing, Duo approached Heero and slung his arms around his neck lazily. "What's up koi?"tensed for a split second before relaxing. "Hn, I must be slipping, I didn't detect you."I just got better at stealth." what's up?"
I am unworthy. Why should he care at all? I just don't understand. I care for him deeply, but that is because he is Duo Maxwell. The happy, laughing baka that stole my heart. There is so much to him that I couldn't resist falling for. And he may argue that he loves me for me, like I do for him, but I know it can't be true. What is there about me to fall for? I cannot name a single quality about myself that would even give a dog a reason to like me, let alone him.~~
Duo watched as Heero's attention drifted away again, much like the snowflakes that were falling outside. Sighing, he squeezed his arms around his lover tighter, just enough to get his attention.haven't answered my question koi."Just thinking."yeah, thinking about what?" Duo shifted until he was sitting on Heero's lap and pressed a quick kiss on his lips.
Maybe I have it wrong. Maybe he simply wants me around for physical interaction. It would be so much more simple if that were the case, but no. I know he is deeper than that. It was so unfair of me to even consider that to be the reason he sticks around. Arg! I don't deserve him, that is just what I mean! I should never think that poorly of this angel. What does it say about me? It says that I'm pathetic. I can't even grasp the concept of love, he should have someone much better than me. But until he does find that someone that is everything that I am not, I will be with him. Because I cannot bear to be without him and in a way that I don't understand, I don't think he could bear to be without me. That sounds so, I don't know, up-myself? To say he couldn't be without me. He is strong, he would recover. I am just using it as an excuse to stay, to cover my own weakness.when did I get so dependant? When was the point where I decided I couldn't go on without my braided love by me? It is so damn unfair for me to be doing this to him! We fought for peace so hard, sacrificed so much, and all I can do is hold him back from living. All I do is serve as a reminder of the killing and destruction we had to do. When I look into those boundless violet eyes of him, I can almost see the reflection of explosions as he remembers them. I put him through more hell than he claims. presents is a burden on him. I have no place living and yet I cannot find a place with Death.~~
"I've got to go chop some more firewood Duo. I won't be long."stood up to let Heero up and watched as his Japanese lover walked out of the door, grabbed the axe and walked out into the snow.didn't miss the single unshed tear glistening in the corner of his cobalt blue eyes.
threw all the anger he felt for himself at the innocent piece of wood, successfully breaking it in half with more force than was necessary.did it over and over again, each time with more violence. Each time cursing at himself.
Damn it. Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT!!~~
The axe dropped from his hand and he sunk to his knees, resting his head in his hands. The cold snow soaking through his jeans in next to no time.
I am so weak. When did this happen? When did I become so fucking WEAK?! I can ask myself as much as I want, the answer will always be the same even if I don't want to acknowledge what it is.happened when I fell in love with Duo.let myself be emotional, the soldier let me down, this should not have happened! I do not regret my feelings for Duo, I just wish I didn't have them. And more importantly, I wish they were never returned.~~
"Heero?" Duo approached the kneeling figure slowly, his shoes making prints in the freshly fallen snow. "What's wrong?"jumped as Duo's voice came from behind him. He hauled himself of the ground and turned to face the American.don't give me that shit. Something's up, what is it?"it's nothing Duo. Let's go inside."sighed in defeat and followed Heero into the house.
He's so beautiful, I wonder if he notices? It's a classic case of beauty and the beast. It makes me wonder how he can even bring himself to touch me. The moonlight on his pale skin makes it almost glow, he looks like a supernatural being from the heavens; or the depths of Hell like he claims. Shinigami, why are you with me? ~~
brushed aside the chestnut bangs and traced Shinigami's jawline.
Can I really leave you? It would be for the best, but still, could I? I don't know what I would do without you, curl up and die. But I know what you would do, you would be sad, but free. Free from me. But is that a good thing? I don't know, I'm so confused. Why are feelings so hard? Now I know why I repressed them for so long, because I don't know how to deal with them. I hate J for that, take my humanity from me for sixteen years, then bang - no war, here have it back now. It's like growing up seeing only black and white, then all of a sudden colour appears in you vision and you have to figure out what is what. I think green is red and love is sadness.wonder what your thoughts are; do you think me unworthy of you also? Are you around just to make sure I don't self-detonate again? Because without you I think I might. The only thing I know is to fight and to love you. Take my love away and all I'm left with is fighting, and the war will be with myself.~~
Yuy turned his gaze from Duo's face to out the window just above their bed. The full moon was just visible through the dark grey clouds, it's brightness somewhat dimmed.pulling back the covers, he slipped from the bed careful not to wake the figure sleeping beside him. Donning a thick coat and boots, the Japanese ex-pilot opened the window and with a last look behind him, he climbed out, the snow softening the sound of his boots landing on the ground. Tucking his hands into his jacket pockets, he headed in the direction of his motorbike and after mounting it, he took off.
watched as his love slipped outside, a wet trail made it's way from the corner of his eyes and down his cheeks when he heard the bikes engine start and roar into the distance. Hoping more than anything, Heero would come back to him.knew something was wrong, the events of the day more than enough evidence. But Heero was so stubborn and closed off, the old habit of dealing with everything himself never left his lover and it made it difficult for Duo to act appropriately. How is one to fix the problem when one doesn't know what the problem *is*?his hands over his face roughly, the braided American made his way down to the kitchen, and more importantly; the coffee pot with the intention of waiting until Heero came back.
~~What kind of person am I?! I knew he was awake. I *knew* it and I still left. What must he think of me? Does he think I won't come back? Will I go back? I don't know! Damn it! I don't know anything! have to go back. It would be so unfair to him if I didn't. If I walk through that door, he has a right to know it is the last time.am not going to leave him! I have to stop thinking like that!what did he do to deserve me? All the killing, fighting, bloodshed, non of it equals the punishment of being stuck with Heero Yuy. Would it be better if I just left him until I could understand emotions? Would I be able to stay away for that long? am I? In denial? I know it won't work. It's only because of Duo that I got this far. He thawed me out in a matter of speaking.
It makes me wonder what I would be like if it wasn't for him. What would I be like, still the perfect soldier? Would I be living in seclusion, away from everything? Just shield myself from humanity? Isn't that what I've been doing all my life? Duo, he is the only one I allowed close, the other pilots, Relena, after the war I left them. Just pulled myself away from their existence. That does not bother me, what plays on my mind is I dragged Duo along with me.~~
Heero tried to remember the last time Duo had seen the others. Quatre had often invited them around, almost every month. The first few times, after Heero stubbornly refusing to go, Duo had gone without him. But as time went on, the invites were declined and the friendship between them and the other couple dwindled. Now Quatre contacts them only a few times a year if they're lucky. Wufei had never been close and even though Heero worked at the Preventers with him, words were barley spoken and they gave each other no more than second glances.
~~I have taken his life away. And I highly doubt I'm enough to replace it. No, I don't even come close to what I have stolen from him. He has lost so much and if I stick around he will only lose more. I can't do that to him. But I can't leave him, everyone he has ever loved has left him, I can't do that to him either! Damn, either way I'm going to hurt him. That is something I_don't_want to do! Jesus fucking Christ, why didn't I die in the war before I felt anything?~~
Pulling over, Heero dismounted the bike and shoved his hands in his pockets. Dawn was breaking, an orange glow making it's way through the clouds. The fallen snow on the ground reflecting the colour. Heero gazed in wonder at the sight before him, this was what he had fought so hard for. Not only so mornings like this could continue, but so he could see it. The only thing that could have made it better would be observing the sight in Duo's arms.
poured his fourth cup of coffee before sitting back down at the table. "Please come back Heero." He sighed before downing the entire mug and resting his head in his hands. He just didn't understand what went through Heero's head. They were everything to each other, Duo thought they were happy together. Maybe he was mistaken. Heero had always been good at hiding his feelings, just like he was. Was it possible that his Japanese lover had been lying about his feelings since day one? But then why was Heero still with him? He left, Duo reminded himself, he left last night and he hasn't come back. Did he leave for good? Duo didn't think he could survive if Heero left him. Sure, others he had loved came and gone, but Heero. There was just something about him that Duo couldn't live without. Dragging himself up from the wooden table, he headed for the bathroom.was lathering shampoo through his hair when he heard the telltale squeak of the front door opening, a second later, Heero's voice filtered through the noise of the shower. Informing the American that he was back. Turning off the water, Duo grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself before running out and flinging himself onto Heero.
I wonder if he'll yell at me. Or forgive me. I know I only left him unsure for one night but it seems like years. Our hearts, they're so fragile. The slightest wave and they shatter. It comes from being unloved. So unused my heart is to the feeling it is still trying to adapt. I wonder, does Duo understand that? Is he suffering the same thing? God, if I hurt him... If I can't make it up... I swear I'll kill myself. ~~
Heero staggered backwards as a mass of hair and soapsuds attached themselves to his waist and chest. Unsure of what to do, Heero just stood like a statue, waiting for the onslaught of questions and anger Duo was sure to deliver him. And he was not disappointed. Naked - save the towel around his waist - Duo pulled back and looked Heero straight in the eyes. Pain, rejection, happiness, anger, the emotions swirling in those violet depths went straight to Heero's heart like a knife. He had upset his beloved, and he didn't know how to reverse his actions.
"And where the fuck did you go? Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was that you weren't coming back?! What is wrong? Can't you tell me? Heero, I love you! I trust you! Tell me what is bothering you! I cannot help you if you don't confide in me! It doesn't work that way!"
I don't know what to tell you. I just don't know. I cannot tell you all my doubts and fears. What if you realise that my words are true? And that I am not worthy of you? That you can do better than me? You will leave. And I will be lost. What will I do? what kind of person am I? To deceive the one I love to keep him with me. To make him believe that I am worth his love. How bloody selfish can I be?~~
"........"
~~Jesus, say something! Don't revert to silence like you always do! He *knows* something is on your mind, you let him see it! God, how can I do this to him? How the fuck can I be so cruel to this angel? I feel like I've just ripped off his wings of love and trodden on them. Ground them into the dirt like I did his heart, the rest of him soon to follow.~~
"Duo....... I.... I don't......... I'm not..... "
longhaired teen watched Heero try and find the words to tell him. It was so confusing to see him like that. Heero never spoke unless he had his speech all planned out. And now? The former pilot's vocabulary seemed to have been torn from his throat. Duo reached out and placed a calming hand on Heero's shoulder, and immediently felt Heero tense. Confused by this reaction more than anything, Shinigami took a step back and stared.
the fuck is wrong with you?"
~~Such a normal, standard question isn't it? Doesn't it deserve the normal, standard answer of 'Nothing, I'm fine'? Even if it's a lie? Why can't I understand stuff like this? I used to be able to fall back on silence and the cold shoulder, why can I not do that now? I don't have a problem ignoring anybody else, only him. It was the same in the war, but I had something to occupy my wondering thoughts. I had fighting. Now... Now I have none of that and all my thoughts wonder unleased in my mind. And in the middle is Duo.~~
Duo watched as his lover drifted away again. His blue eyes focusing on nothing, seeing nothing. The American would have loved to know what was going on inside of Heero's head.
"Heero. Heero! Oi."
asked you a question."
gave him a weird look, then a faint smile before lowering his face to Duo's, their lips lightly brushing. "Nothing, It just took a while for me to realise something..." And with that said, he kissed his braided love fully, with barely restrained passion. Breaking for air, Duo turned his violet eyes on Heero.
what did you realise?"
gave another smile before answering.
no matter what, love conquers all. That I shouldn't question everything and most of all, Aishiteru Duo."
across the screen* "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" Trowa and Wufei go past* "Get your ass back here!!"them with peanut shells* "Back off!! I'm armed!"appears on screen* "So are we."*Hides in the corner of screen* "They're just pissed of because they didn't get a role. Attention-seeking bossy, murderiiiiiiiiiiiiiing ITA!!! GEROFFME!*Dragged off screen*walks back on and bows* "All we wanted was a mention."voice is heard in the background* "You did get a mention Quatre!" so I did..."Ah... Feedback anyone? *Looks hopeful*