Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Dark Reflections ❯ Dark Reflections ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Dark Reflections
By Angel Love

Author's notes: This song just screamed Duo at me the moment that I heard it. So this is my poor attempt to capture what is going on behind the joker's mask.

Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own Gundam Wing or 'Angel Boy' by Tim McGraw. I merely borrowed both to write this fic.


It was sunset at one of the many beaches on Earth. Standing at the edge of the incoming waves was a young man dressed mostly in black and a long braid going down his back.

It wasn't unusual to see him there. For whenever he was on Earth he would often be found on a beach. The ocean awed him with its beauty. What was unusual was the hunch in his shoulders and the haunted look in his violet eyes.

~ My mother said there's only one way
Sweet angel boy narrow and straight ~

Duo was lost in his thoughts. They first took him to the woman that represented his mother. The nun at the Maxwell Church had treated him more like a son than any other person he had ever met in his young life.

He could remember all of the pranks that he would pull in order to stay with her and Father Maxwell instead of moving in with a foster family. But all of his efforts were in vain because they were taken away from him too.

~ Time it has passed teachings they fade
Now her angel boy has gone astray ~

Before they died they tried to teach him that it was not necessary to fight. And that God always cares for his children.

Duo closed his eyes in a futile attempt at trying to block out the pain. But he could still see the Sister dying in front of him. Urging him to live a good life and telling him that both she and the Father loved him.

But instead of going on with their beliefs, he embraced the God of Death and took up arms. He stained his hands with more blood than either of them could ever imagine. And carried around more guilt than someone his age should.

~ I've held the hand of the devil
Felt his breath on my skin ~

He thought briefly of the time he had become Shinigami. At the time it was to keep Deathscythe from becoming a weapon of mass murder. But it still killed too many people. He knew that he made the right decision not to go through with Operation Meteor. But part of him felt as if he has made a deal with the devil and he would never regain his soul.

~ Dip me into the water wash me again
Can I still be forgiven for all of these things ~

Only that part of him wished that he could go back and chance the path that his life had taken. But then he knew that millions more would have died in vain. But he couldn't help but wish for his innocence back. Wish for redemption of his lost soul.

~ Or have I gone too far now
Have I lost my wings ~

But he knew that no amount of longing or wishing would cleanse the blood from his hands. He was Shinigami. He was the bringer of death. He took the lives of many. All in the name of peace.

~ I found the priest I spoke my mind
Asked if I'd sinned one too many times ~

Duo's mind drifted back to a conversation that he had only an hour before. He had been wandering aimlessly and somehow found himself standing at the entrance of a Catholic Church. He stared at the doors for a long time before he found the courage to walk inside.

Standing alone at the podium, setting up for his next sermon, was the head priest of the church. He looked up at the sound of footsteps. He was started by the sight of the young boy in front of him. He had never seen such haunted eyes before. He gestured to the front pew and was relieved when the boy only hesitated a moment before going to sit down.

They sat on the pew for a few moments before Duo slumped in the pew and let out a tired sigh. He looked up at the priest through his brown bangs, his violet eyes speaking volumes of his pain. His voice was a shaky whisper. "I am a gundam pilot."

Then slowly he told the priest his story. When he had finished he was staring down at his hands, picturing all of the blood he had spilled covering them. "Will I ever be forgiven?"

~ He said my son you're only a man
Then I said sir you don't understand ~

The priest gently put his hand on the shaken boy's shoulder, in an effort to bring him some comfort. "Many have died in wars, my child. You are not guilty for all of the bloodshed."

Instead of the calming effect that it should have had on Duo, it only made him more upset with himself. His eyes looked up at the priest, tears were brimming along the surface. "You don't understand."

~ I've held the hand of the devil
Felt his breath on my skin ~

His eyes unfocused, his mind losing itself in the memories. "I can still hear their screams when my scythe penetrated the armor of their suits. I killed men for the simple reason that they stood in the way of achieving peace."

~ Dip me into the water wash me again
Can I still be forgiven for all of these things ~

His eyes slowly focused on the priest again. "Will God understand that I did it all with the colonies in my mind. That I couldn't let them suffer, so I can down here to Earth and committed mass murder. I killed thousands to save them."

~ Or have I gone too far now
Have I lost my wings ~

He whispered, "And I did it all in the name of Shinigami. I turned my back on God and embraced death. How does he forgive that?"

Duo got up and quickly strode out of the church, never once looking back. If he had he would have seen the sad look upon the priest's face as he watched him leave and heard him whisper, "He forgives all, my child."

~ God help us all for what we have done
We've lost our way we can't find the son ~

Duo dropped his head in his hands at the memory of the priest. He didn't know what had brought him there in the first place. But he did know that the old man didn't understand the guilt that he carried in his heart. He only knew of five men that could understand that. Five very lost men, like him, trying to find themselves in this new world of peace.

~ We made our beds we seal our fate
Is there still time or is it too late ~

The six of them, the gundam pilots and Zechs Marquise, had shed enough blood in their lifetimes. And each carried the weight of that knowledge around with them.

Now each was trying to make up for the lived they had taken by keeping the peace in their own ways and finding their souls in the process. But the question was, were they capable of doing it?

~ We held the hand of the devil
Felt his breath on our skin ~

Like him, Milliardo Peacecraft had taken on another name and used it as a shield as he fought. He became Zechs Marquise in act of revenge. He turned his back to the pacifist teachings he had as a child in order to have his revenge on the man that murdered his family and caused him to be separated from his sister.

His revenge ended up driving him insane and he tried to destroy the Earth. But somehow in the end, he realized what he was doing was wrong and did his best to rectify the situation he had put into motion.

He was so ashamed of his actions, he allowed his sister and the woman who had devoted herself to him, Lucrezia Noin, to believe that he had died in the explosion he created with Epyon.

But Duo had to give Noin credit. She never believed that he was dead. She knew that he would return when the time was right.

And return he did. He came back as Preventer Wind, in an effort to keep another Milliardo Peacecraft form being born.

And when it was all over, Duo could remember Zechs looking over his shoulder one last time at his sister. His eyes showing the longing and the self-hatred that he held. He wanted to be with his sister and offer her all the love he had to give, but he couldn't allow himself to touch her, for fear that he would taint her. So he turned and boarded the shuttle to Mars. Giving Relena another gift by helping her out with her teraforming project.

And right behind him was Noin. She wasn't about to let him walk away from her. And she was determined that she would help the Lightening Count to regain his soul.

~ Dip us into the water wash us again
Can we still be forgiven of all of these things ~

It still surprised him that Quatre Winner was a gundam pilot. Quatre had never lost his kindness through out any of the events that had happened in the last few years.

But Duo could still remember the pained look that the young pilot had after every battle that they finished. Quatre felt each death deep inside his soul.

He emotions were strong. He had even developed a bond between all of the pilots. Somehow bringing them all together and getting them to fight together. Which had not been an easy task. Heero, Trowa, and Wufei preferred to fight alone, no matter how much they were outnumbered.

Then after all of the fighting stopped the first time, Quatre became a delegate for the colonies, continuing to fight in a different way to obtain the peace. He continued to do so even after one of the meetings that he was supposed to be attending was blown up before his eyes, in an effort to kill him and put the world in ciaos. They people that were after him, wanted the gundams, so after they were defeated Quatre came up with a plan to get rid of the gundams. He said it was because they were no longer needed. But Duo knew that the Arabian couldn't bear the thought that someone would try to use them against them and destroy the peace they had fought so hard for.

Even now Quatre worked hard running his father's colony and worked as a colony delegate, working closely with Relena in keeping the peace between the Earth and the colonies.

~ Or have we gone too far now
Have we lost our wings ~

One of the more lost ones of the lot of them was Heero Yuy.

Heero had never known a life beyond fighting and killing. It had taken a lot of badgering on Duo's part to get Heero to tell him about Odin.

It struck Duo odd that the man had told Heero to follow his emotions, but never took the time to help explain those emotions to him, leaving the young boy to figure it out on his own.

It left Heero almost completely cold and heartless. He killed anyone and anything that stood in the way of his mission. Everyone except Relena.

Duo could still remember the brief look of relief that passed through the other's blue eyes when he prevented him from killing her that day on the docks. It wasn't until much later that Duo had figured out just how much impact that the Dove of Peace had on the Perfect Soldier. He knew that in his own way Heero loved her, but he also knew that Heero would never act on those emotions. Because like Zechs, he was afraid of tainting Relena's innocence. Thus condemning himself to life of solitude.

Heero had disappeared without a trace after the incident with Mariemaia. But Duo knew that he couldn't be far away from Relena. The young man had taken it upon himself that he would be her protector.

~ We held the hand of the devil
Felt his breath on our skin ~

Another very lost soul was Chang Wufei, the pilot of Nataku, as he called it.

Wufei had been a scholar. Unlike the rest of them, he didn't volunteer to be a pilot. He fought it until he lost his wife. And then he fought in the memory of her, even naming his gundam after her.

And at the ending of the first war, Wufei became lost in himself and his ideals of justice. He couldn't accept the actions that were taken to achieve the peace they had attained. So he was easily coerced by Dekim Barton's promises. It was only Heero's words of killing the little girl and her dog that woke him up. He finally saw all of the suffering that the soldiers were causing. And finally he was able to embrace the peace that was offered to him.

Now he worked for the preventers, along side Sally Po. He still fought for peace in his own way, but now he did it for the right reasons, instead of it being a mission of revenge and justice.

~ Dip us into the water wash us again
Can we still be forgiven for all of these things ~

There is one other man that has only known fighting his whole life like Heero, Trowa Barton.

Trowa was raised to be a mercenary in a rebel army. And then he watched helplessly as his makeshift family was killed because of a young girl that he had saved and befriended. A young girl betraying them in order to save her own family.

Trowa was not supposed to be the pilot of Heavyarms. That happened by chance. But he was right in his decision to take over as its pilot. His steady and sure fighting was a great help in the fight for peace.

Trowa hid his pain behind the mask of a clown, but in doing so he also found a life that was different than fighting. After killing so many people and knowing only loneliness, Trowa had found a home in which he could belong. Catherine took him in and treated him like a brother, taking care of him when even he couldn't remember who he was. And it wasn't found out until recently that she was indeed his sister, lost from him when they were just children. And Duo knew that with Catherine's unconditional love, Trowa would put his demons to rest.

~ Or have we gone too far now ~

Duo smiled slightly to himself. Each of them had blood stained on their young hands, and nightmares to deal with. Each of them had worked so hard to find a peace within themselves. Somehow Duo knew that they would eventually find what they were looking for.

But what about him? Would he be able to put the past behind him?

~ Have we lost our wings ~

"Duo?"

Duo turned to see Relena. He tried to put his joker's mask over his face to hide the pain he was feeling as he looked at her.

Her beautiful golden hair was loose for once and swaying with the ocean breeze. Her long white skirt flowed down to her ankles, gently curving over her curves. And her pink tank revealed just a tiny bit of her stomach.

Relena's face softened as she looked at him, a small smile coming across her face. "There is no need for the mask, Duo," she said gently.

"Six," Duo corrected to himself silently. "Six people that can understand how I felt."

Relena had never taken up arms, but many people had died in her name. In fact towards the end, he was sure that all of them fought for her ideals. Even now, Duo would do anything for her if she would ask. He had fallen for her at the same time as Heero, and just like Heero, he had never done anything about it. He was afraid that if he let her love him, then she too would disappear.

~ Have we lost our wings ~

Duo wasn't aware of his own tears until she reached up and gently wiped them away, offering him a sweet smile again. "We all have our demons and fears, Duo. But sometimes we need someone else to help us get over them."

She smiled at him again. "I love you, Duo. Let me help you," she whispered.

Duo nodded mutely and walked into her open arms, burying his face in her soft shoulder and began to cry. His broken soul was beginning to mend.

Relena rubbed his back, letting him cry. When he stopped, she whispered, "You still have your wings, Duo. All of you still have your wings."