Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Each Painful Sunday ❯ Each Painful Sunday ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy are from Gundam Wing, the property of Bandai. Black Sunday was written and belongs to Cold.

~I had this wonderful idea for a music video for this song and the funny thing was, I created a mental video so every time I listened to this song, I would envision this video playing in my head, hitting every beat and effects coming into play. The sad thing is that I cannot find an anime that would fit what I have envisioned so I decided to try to write it down. So this is a Songfic and though this will be my first, I hope it will come out ok.

Please let me know, if and when you hear this song you can remember and see this story play out in your head. It would probably be a little hard at imagining if you don't know the song (SO GET IT CAUSE ITS GREAT) but they lyrics should at least help convey the meaning of the story. An AWESOME way to read the story is to let the song play when the lyrics appear, then you read the read, song play, read… it's how I did it and it sounded great. But that will be my goal as I write. The story will be broke up but it will all come together at the end.~

*Lyrics are in italics*

Each Painful Sunday…

Images flash of all those happy times we were together; the times where all I could see was your wonderful smile, even when you were so content that you cried.

You in my arms, hugging me and telling me you loved me.

You, running to me as you give me that smile… that was only for me.

Me, gliding my fingers through your shaggy brown hair, feeling the softness of those smooth strands as they kissed my fingertips.

The days where we would sit on the couch, snuggling and enjoying our limbs intertwined.

Those priceless memories, those golden days that I would never forget… but it all had to end and I miss see your smile and the light of your blue eyes.

~I can't breath at all~

I gasp for breath as I come out of my reverie. I push the pause button on my remote to the stereo. I never changed the disc, the one you created and dubbed your favorite songs of all time. I couldn't help but listen to it; perhaps it would make me feel better…

~It hurts to think that a sound could heal my wounds~

I never understood why. Why did it have to end up this way?

~feeling I've been betrayed~

Sunday…what a day… what a nightmare. Each and every Sunday I pray to enlighten my soul, to repent the wrongs that I have made in my life. I have my faith and prayed for those I miss and to those I love dearly but why does this have to happen to me?

~Black Sunday still burns you in my thoughts~

Sunday… a day where I'm supposed to feel light and refreshed… why does it have to be dark now? Why do my thoughts have to be so dark and clouded of you and that regretful choice?

~I can't sleep at all~

Night after night, visions of you and… just you fill my dreams. Memories of when we were, thoughts of what we could have been, haunts me and hurts every living fiber of my body and soul.

~Now you're gone away~

I lay there trying to sleep but my eyes keep opening and seeing that empty bedside, the spot you always slept in. You called that spot because you were closer to the door and were alert even when you slumbered. You were alert for me and protected me…why couldn't I do the same for you?

I continue to envision what happened and think about the times that we were together as I hug my pillow tight.

~I can't fake this anymore~

I torture myself every night as I try to remember the way you felt up against my body, as my arms were wrapped about your waist. The vision of your body fades… and no matter how much I hug my pillow, it could never replace you, the one I love.

~Guess I could blame it all on God's game~

I live on questioning myself, why did I continue to pray and to hold onto this cross that Father Maxwell gave me if it's not going to protect the ones I love. Why couldn't he protect you? Out of all the times that we could've died, during the war and throughout those suicidal missions, why was it now that you had to leave me; that God has taken you from me?

~or explain what my life's for~

I am a child that was born on the streets and was trained to kill and complete missions like you were… That was my soul purpose in life and after that, I questioned myself… What will I do now? But because you were there, because I fell in love with you, my life was to live for you, to be there for you. You were my everything, Heero. You were the air that I breathe. What do I live for now that you are gone?

~Caught in a winters rain~

And here I am, walking that same path we chose. Watching the snow filled sidewalks and the cold rain shower down on me. It looks exactly like it did that day and now I am looking down at the spot where you last lied. It gets to me and I can't stop crying. I can't stop missing you! I don't even remember what you were trying to tell me!

~I can't remember a word you said~

I drop to my knees, unable to stand and ask why. Why does this happen? Why must I hurt so badly? Why can't you just walk up to me now and pick me up? Ask me why am I crying? Tell me that you love looking into my violet eyes, so clear and beautiful. Tell me to stop and I will…

~Take away my fear please hold on to me~

I wrap my arms around myself as I rock back and forth on the sidewalk. My body is shivering and quaking. My mind is tired and numb. Who is there for me now to catch me when I fall?

~I'm falling~

I'm falling away from life but I guess it doesn't matter because life took everything away from me. Everything that was important for me to stand up for.

~Falling~

No one cares why should I?

~I will trade it all for another day just to feel you and your warmth~

How many times should I ask for you back? Would once more be enough? I exhale as I wrap your favorite blanket around my shoulders and sit in front of the fireplace. I remember that was one of the things we loved to do together; to feel each other's warmth during the cold days of winter. I never got too warm because I could never get enough of you. That warmth of yours made me feel safe and you told me that you loved it too. Sharing our warmth was something we found to be comforting during the war on those unbearably, freezing nights. If I could only have one day with you back, just one, I would tell you I love you, and ask you to take me with you.

~but even pictures fade~

But that will never happen. No matter how long I look at your picture, stare into your beautiful blue eyes, no matter how much I pray, I'm still alone; Continuing living in this empty world without you.

~Black Sunday still burns you in my thoughts~

At my job, people try to consol me for my loss. Telling me that I must move on but they don't know it like I do. They don't know that every passing Sunday, I feel like I'm reliving that day. I have so much running through my head that exhaustion is the only reason I sleep. And even in sleep, I never rest.

~I can't see at all did you fly away~

Is it a possibility that this was just all in my mind? That this never really happened? Remember all those jokes I played on you? Heh, could it be that you're really playing one on me? Come on out then, the jokes up. My eyes are watering again and everything is going blurry. Lately that's all I've been able to see life as. The road I was supposed to take was clear because you would be with me by my side. But now how am I supposed to choose when you're not there for me, when you flew away to heaven?

~Did the stars shine bright for you~

The moon was beautiful when I first saw it on Earth with all the stars twinkling around it. Yeah, you and I could say that we were there before but just staring at it was great, especially when we did it together. When you're strong arms were securely wrapped around me and you're lips touched my neck lightly. You are the hero of this world. My lover, my life belonged to someone important. I start laughing because I remember what you said. You told me that you were a nobody without me. No one is going to care or remember who you are a few years in the future except me. You were only important because I loved you… and that's why we were complete. We were important to each other.

~Guess I could blame it all on God's game it was fate that carried you ~

God did always have a say of how he wanted things to happen, huh? Even though I visit church every so often, even if I'm here now, I can't change his mind. I question my faith all the time. Why did Father have to dedicate his life to you if you weren't going to protect him? Why do I continue in believing in you when have done nothing for me? But let me light these candles anyway. It used to be only three…now I have to light four for Father, Sister, Brother and Lover. My family.

~Caught in a winters rain~

Again, the same lovely snow and the cold rain. I tried to forget and here I am walking past the point that ended my life and yours. Step after step, my eyes glued to the ground and I feel that this will be the day that I could move on. This will be the day that I could-

~I can't remember a word you said~

Flashes of your hand waving in the air, flashes of your beautiful smiling face yelling out to me causes my throat to tighten and my eyes to sting. My legs failed to support me and I just can't, I can't forget the days with you by my side. I can't continue on!

~Take away my fear please hold on to me~

I need you there, I need your support! I need to feel your arms wrapped around me because my own are not enough. Please just be there!

~I'm falling

Falling~

There are the time when rage over took my being; where I couldn't resort to crying because I had no more tears to shed.

Rage over took me at work when I angrily swiped my arm over my desk and knocked everything to the ground

Where I yelled and flipped over the table with all the newspapers about your reported death.

When I slammed my fists down on the kitchen table, breaking the glass as it shattered everywhere.

After I showered and stared at myself in the mirror, I saw a memory flash before my eyes as you appeared behind me and I punched the image, breaking the reflection of what wasn't there anymore. I dropped to my knees crying out to the one who took you away. Who took everyone I ever loved away from me.

~You always take away~

Father Maxwell

~Take away~

Sister Helen

~Take away~

Solo

~Take away~

Heero…

~Caught in a winters rain~

And I can remember it so vividly. I told you, I live the day over and over. It was like any Sunday since, where the snow covered the rooftops and sidewalks. The rain started lightly, creating slush on the streets. You were across the street and I was waiting for you to come to me. I was happy to see you, you were so ecstatic about the gift you have just received in the store that you came running out to see me. I knew you were happy because of the joy in your eyes. They've never seemed brighter. You ran to me, waving your hand in the air to catch my attention, but my eyes were always on you, my dear love.

~I can't remember a word you said~

You were yelling at me, telling me something but I couldn't hear you from all the loud sounds of the busy traffic near by. But you ran to me, you ran and I began to walk towards you only to see those bright lights coming by so fast. There wasn't usually traffic on this road and who knew that some manic would decide to race down the road, disobeying the street signs. And you knew that moment too as you brought your hands up to shield the bright light that filled your vision and hoped that you could survive yet another encounter of death.

~Take away my fear please hold on to me~

But it seemed that you used up all of your lives because your eyes never opened up to me no matter how much I begged and pleaded. No matter how much I clutched onto your limp body and cried for you. No matter how much I yelled out and wailed my pain for you to wake up… you never showed me those beautiful blues eyes again…

~I'm falling~

"Heero! Don't leave me! Heero, God, Please don't leave ME!!!"

~Caught in a winters rain~

There was a crowd there but I didn't know. I was too busy crying and trying to wake you up. The temperature dropped, but I couldn't feel it, I was too numb.

~I can't remember a word you said~

People were pulling me off of you, yelling at me but I couldn't understand them. Why should I when I couldn't hear you when you tried to speak to me.

~Take away my fear~

But as I dream of that same night, exactly how it played out something was different from how exactly that night went. When they finally pried my hands off of your body, I keep seeing you, as a ghostly form, walk up to my kneeling, broken hearted body and hugging me.

~Please hold on to me~

You were crying with me. And the funny thing was, I kept smelling you, Heero. That actual night, I kept feeling your warmth and it actually felt like someone was there that moment. I don't know why I didn't just die with you that exact same moment, why I didn't run and jump off the bridge that was near by. I was just there howling in agony, breaking into thousands of pieces and wishing that this wasn't happening

~I'm falling~

And I think about it constantly. What if I killed myself? What if I just jumped off this bridge? What if I run in front of a car? What if, what if…

~And I'm falling~

But I can't. All I can do is sink down to my knees and cry. All I can do is sink down to my knees and pray.

~And I'm falling~

I keep working everyday as I grow older. I keep thinking of you everyday until the day that I will be with you again.

~I'm falling~

And now I wonder on my dying day if you will be there for me when I go. It's funny how long I have lasted without you and thinking of only you. They were there to take care of me, the guys, but they weren't you.

~And I'm falling~

Blackness envelopes me and I don't see anything anymore. No bright light, no gateways to heaven. No stairs… nothing. I guess my life wasn't good enough to go with the man upstairs. My name was true after all. I am Shinigami. Everyone I loved died so why would I go to heaven with them?

~Fall…~

"Duo"

My eyes open to that of blurriness and I see someone hovering above me. Wasn't I dying? Don't tell me that they brought me back to life… I thought I…

My vision cleared but it was wrong. This couldn't be… There was an angel looking down at me and smiling that beautiful smile that I missed for so long; those deep blue eyes so rich and prominent against the whiteness.

"I missed you, love." I started to cry because I knew where I was. I was right where I belonged. With Heero.

"I missed you my whole life."

~~*~~