Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Emotional Suicide ❯ How's Life? ( Prologue )

'Emotional Suicide: Prologue; How's life?'

By: Dark Deity

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing Characters….and so on. I also don't own Fuel's Hemorrhage (in my hands)

[…]: AN

'…': Character's thoughts

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So, there she was, Relena Darlian Peacecraft. She'd been sitting on here bedroom balcony for a half hour now and all she seemed to be able to do is wonder. What, or rather who, her thoughts were about were not surprising. She hadn't seen him for three and a half years, and for some reason she still thought about him. She knew why but after that first year she started to deny it. She said that she was over him, and occasionally said her previous feelings were not as they appeared. They were, as she stated, just a prolonged 'close to love' schoolgirl crush. To tell you the truth that's what it was for about the first six moths. After the second year of knowing him she knew she had fallen for someone she just couldn't have. Of course she still loved him, and his Prussian blue eyes, but she refused to admit it now, for the fact that there was no longer any point. She hoped that after the first year of denying her love, maybe the feeling would diminish, but they didn't, not even after two years of denial, and three years of loneliness.

So here she sat, thinking about Heero Yuy. Her thoughts usually lingered around the same topics; Where he was, how he was doing, did he ever lover her, and what it was like to be him. Lately it was the last of them that caught her mind. She wondered what it was like not to feel, or rather be able to hide how you felt. She longed to know how to block out emotions and only concentrate on a certain goal, or task at hand. She would undertake any training it took if it meant that she could block out her love for Heero. It wasn't that she hadn't dated in the past three years. She had. But most of them just didn't provide the excitement she wanted, it was either that or they were complete jerks.

She had become the Vice Foreign Minister of the E.S.U.N., in place of her adoptive father, and had been taking college courses, now in her sophomore year. Her job as VFM was only part time. She worked with a now close friend. Quatre. She and Quatre worked the position together. With that in common they were always seeing each other, leading to their close relationship. Her and Quatre would have most definitely dated if it hadn't been for their job association. Either way, though they became very close friends. She had been the one to recommend him for the job, knowing of his business knowledge and his position of importance on his colony. He was a perfect pick. He was one of two people that she couldn't convince about her 'no-longer-there' feeling for Heero. The other was Noin.

Noin and her brother, Milliardo, had gotten married the year before and their marriage had provided the perfect occasion for all to be reunited; Noin, Milliardo, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Sally, Lady Une, Hilde, Dorothy, Catharine, and of course Relena. The only one that wasn't present was Heero, to no ones surprise. The wedding was beautiful, and to Duo's satisfactory, had plenty of good food.

Duo and Relena had also become good friends. They hadn't dated, but in Hilde's mind, the word 'yet' should be added at the end of that statement. Duo and the other two former gundam pilots [not including Quatre for he already had a job, Heero, well that would be obvious, and Milliardo had become the ruler of the Cinq Kingdom, leaving Duo, Trowa, and Wufei] had become Preventers. Duo and Trowa had, to her contentment, had become her bodyguards. It was Duo who had tried to help her get over Heero the most, and had always been around, one way or another, to cheer her up. She felt safe with both Duo and Trowa. They both shared a guest room in the Peacecraft Mansion. Duo enjoyed his job as her bodyguard [personal bodyguard might I add] just as Trowa did. The only reason she and Duo had a better friendship than she and Trowa was the simple fact that Trowa was still trying to get over his always remote and stoic self that was formed during the war. But he was succeeding. He talked, and participated in conversations, more often and occasionally showed emotional features on his face… occasionally. As far as Relena was concerned her best friends were Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Noin, and Hilde.

To no ones surprise, Hilde and Duo became a couple, but didn't last after a month or so, they were to good of friends. After the White Fang incident and then the Mariemeia affair she and Hilde had become close friends, with Duo by their side most of the time. They usually went to movies, concerts, and out to eat. Every meeting was always casual, and they would talk about every thing from Hilde's business, to how silly Duo was acting that morning. The only topic that was steered clear of, was Heero. Ever since she started denying her feelings for him she wouldn't talk about him, with some people anyway.

Relena got up and walked over to the railing of her balcony and looked down, briefly, at the beautiful garden below, then turned her head upward to look at the sky. On Earth the sky was natural, not artificial like the ones of the colonies. Stretching her body up she brought her arms up behind her then let them fall behind her head.[In a position that Duo would sometimes walk in, or sit in while being bored] She brought her hands under her Honey blonde hair and placed them on the back of her neck. She felt around till her fingers fell upon a thin chain. Tracing the chain with careful hands she brought out the rest of the necklace revealing a heart shaped locket. The locket, upon further inspection was a glossy black, with a gold and silver dagger, pointing toward an emerald. The locket was given to her as a gift from Duo, Trowa and Quatre for her 19th birthday. If you were to open the locket it would unfold to show four areas to place pictures. Two slots were its original front and back, and the other two folded out diagonally. She hadn't put in any pictures yet but she figured when she did they would be of the ones who gave her one of her most prized possessions, and then of, well she didn't know who else.

She dropped the necklace once again and focused her gaze on the black sky above her, admiring the moon and stars that could be seen. Although she found the sight breath taking, she couldn't help but wonder if Heero was up there. 'There you go again Relena, thinking of Heero. Your becoming pretty damned pathetic'. With that she sighed, and turned to go back inside.

When she had entered her room once again, there was a knock on the door. Relena didn't need to ask to know who it was. She walked steadily to the door and opened it. 'What the…' There was no one there.

"BOO!!!" came a voice beside her along with a tug at her hair. Promptly, Relena let out, involuntarily, a somewhat loud yelp as she almost hit her head on her doorframe from jumping. Breathing heavily she looked to her left and stared wide-eyed at a set of cheerful violet eyes. "Hey Lena," came a very cheerful greeting from none other that Duo Maxwell. **smack** Relena gave a deserving smack to the back of Duo's head, then giving a good yank to his yard long braid, made of chest nut hair. "OWWW, what the hell was THAT for?"

"You know very well what it was for Duo Maxwell!" Relena tried desperately hard to make that sound serious, but failed miserably in the end, giving way to a flood of giggles.

"Okay, I'm sorry Lena-chan, forgive me?" Duo then gave Relena his all-famous puppy eyes, only to make her roll her eyes and nod.

"Yeah, I forgive you, c'mon in," she said tilting her head toward her room. With that Duo nodded and walked in as Relena shut her door behind him. "Make yourself at home, kay. I gotta change. I'll be right out."

"Don't I always make myself at home?" He said with a grin.

"Yes, I suppose you do," she answered as she made her way to the bathroom with her clothes. "Oh, and Duo, don't even think about picking out a C.D. till I'm back. Don't get me wrong, I do like 'Nonpoint', but not when I'm goin to bed, kay?"

"Sure thing, Lena," was Duo's response, along with a grin. With that settled, Relena went into the bathroom to change. Duo sat down in the chair next to her bed, before getting up again to turn the recliner into a flat bed. Before he went to the closet to get a blanket and two pillows, he thought better of it and went to the bathroom door.

"Hey Lena, can I sleep in here tonight instead of that plastic chair out side your door?" he waited a few seconds for her response.

"Go ahead Duo, you know where everything is," came Relena's muffled response from the other side of the door.

"'Kay, thanks" Duo said making his way to the closet to retrieve the blanket and pillows. Duo picked up the blanket, letting it unfold and laid it down on top of the recliner/bed, and then threw the pillow at the top. Having taking care of all the sleeping matters for now, he gave the room a good look over. At the moment he was basically in the corner. In front of him was the, now, bed that he was going to sleep on, and beyond that was a night table with two remotes on it, and after that was Relena's bed. Its comforter was a night sky blue, which unless you had enough light, looked black. The king size pillows, there were four, were black and white. Looking pass the bed was another night table. This one had only one thing on it: a picture of Trowa, Quatre, himself, Wufei, and her brother Milliardo.

Duo thought back to that day. Relena had insisted that they all go out to eat, then a walk in the park. All the girls came along as well. It was one of those rare times when all were together at one time. When they all got to the park it was starting to get dark. When Quatre had commented on the sunset Relena had remembered her camera was in her purse. She had told all the guys to get together in front of the setting sun next to a large tree, to take the picture. To this day Duo still wasn't sure how Relena had convinced Wufei to get in that picture but she did. He smiled at the memory. He remembered how she also took a picture of the girls too, then managed to get a passer-by to take one of the whole group. Once again he smile at the memory.

Getting back to reality he continued his look over the room. After the table was a wall with three posters on it. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself at what was on each poster. All were of different bands. Who would have thought a pacifist would love heavy metal, rock and punk. The first poster was a group shot of '3 Doors Down', the second was a 'Metallica', with the group name, the on the bottom was a single shot of each band member. The third was 'Slipknot' poster with the group symbol and numbers on it. ' I guess having to keep a calm façade all day, all-the-while playing pacifist, keeps one restless. The music is probably the only thing keeping her from goin nuts, being constantly nice to everyone all day.' With those thoughts he smirked at his next, 'The next thing you know she'll be head banging to let out stress' He could have laughed at the thought. It seemed so impossible he couldn't imagine it.

His eyes going past the posters and around the wall, he started to walk towards the bed, which he practically fell onto when he sat on the end. His eyes still wandering, he observed the bathroom door on the side, the closet door across from it, and the door he came in beside both. His eyes, traveling past the corner that opened up into the main room again, came by, then past, another closet this one having all her VFM outfits and belts in it. A few feet away from the closet was Relena's vanity. In its draws were her casual clothes that she wore on every day type of days. On the desk-type part was the other picture from their walk in the park. The one with all the girls in it: Dorothy, Catherine, Hilde, Relena, Noin, and Sally. Also on the desktop was a brush and the bear Heero had given Relena for her 16th birthday. Heero was one subject he didn't want to think about at the moment.

Moving past the bear, he came to a desk, much smaller in comparison to the one in Relena's office. On it was her vid-phone, computer, and a light. When Duo first started working for the Peacecrafts, he couldn't figure out why she didn't have a TV, and why she would bring her work into her room when her office was across the hall. He later found that it wasn't. It had only games, her thoughts, and a built in TV and DVD player. To him that was a relief: 1… now he knew that Relena wasn't a complete workaholic, and 2… he could watch TV and movies when he got too bored, although, that didn't happen much. After the desk was the stack on shelves that made the main entertainment for him and Relena, and probably Trowa too. The radio and CDs. The shelves went along one wall, went diagonal in the corner, then went across the other wall. In the middle of it all was the actual radio, on the sides were the speakers along with, on the left, CDs, and on the right, DVDs. Because of that one feature, he loved this room the most, out of who knows how many rooms on the floor, never mind the house. The balcony and its doors were next, which basically took up the whole wall. As he turned so he was facing the opposite direction than he started his eyes fell on a black couch that had two green blankets hanging off the sides.

Duo got off the bed and went out to the balcony and opened the doors. He walked over to the railing, leaning on it with arms apart, hands clasped, he looked up to the stars. Upon thinking how beautiful they were he heard the bathroom door open then shut. He turned to see Relena coming into the main bedroom, clad in a black silk sports bra and knee length shorts. Her hair was down, as opposed to her braid that she usually wore pacifist princess self, but the way she wore it when she was the VFM. Relena no longer wore her hair in the childish fashion as she used to with the two braids on the sides that met in the middle. She looked so much more beautiful now. She had all the right places filled in, all her curves fully visible. Just as Duo noticed his jaw hanging to the floor Relena joked, "Um, Duo, you might want to pick that up. How do you expect a girl to kiss you with your jaw dragging?"

He quickly snapped his mouth shut, nearly biting his tongue that was starting to hang along with his jaw. 'Geez, all I need now is to start drooling and the picture would be complete' he scolded himself.

"So, how's this look? Hilde talked me into buying it this morning." Relena asked, a bit shy, as she turned around so he could see the back as well.

"You…you look beautiful" He stammered out, still trying to figure out if she was the same girl who wore the loose pants and long shirt the night before. As he walked toward her he decided to add, "You should buy more like that, it suits you."

"Why, thank you Duo," she said as she stepped forward and held one arm out to the side so she could look, or try to look, down her back. "Hey Duo, how 'bout you go read off some CD's while I shut the curtains?"

"Kay, 'Jousan" he said smiling. 'So she sill wears the locket eh?'

As they made their way to the other end of the room Relena said, "Ever since you found out that O'jousan was the translation for 'miss' you've added that to my list of AKA's. How come?"

"I dunno, I guess its because you are a miss, but since I know you more than formally I wanted it to sound more of a…" he trailed off trying to find the right word.

"An endearment?" She finished for him.

"Yeah, I guess that would be right. To me O'jousan sounds more casual than 'miss', but even more casual with out the O part so I called you Jousan instead."

"Kay, I was just curious" she responded as she closed the curtains on her balcony doors. Walking over to her bed she glances at Duo looking over the CD's with a somewhat familiar grin on his face… it had letters in it… and they spelt T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

As she was starting to become concerned, for her own safety, he turned towards her with a stack of CD's in hand. He sifted through the CD's he read off their names… "Umm… Korn, Disturbed, Nonpoint, Slipknot, Godsm-"

"DUO!" she cuts him off, "You know very well that I only can listen to those bands during the day… especially when stressed. I can't sleep listening to METAL, try rock or something." She sits on the edge of her bed waiting for him to continue, but with bands of a softer tone.

"Alright, I've narrowed it down to these; Linkin Park, Fuel, 3 Doors Down, and Savage Garden… What will it be Lena?" He replaces the Metal CD's, and holds on to the Rock ones awaiting her answer.

"Oh, god-" she starts to say but is cut off by Duo.

"Yes?" Duo replies to her unintentional call

"I don't mean you!" she says with a chuckle, "Give me a sec, I gotta think…" After a bit she replies, "Fuel"

"Kay, right away 'Jousan" He replies to Relena, while putting away the other CD's and inserting the Fuel one. As Relena starts to lie down and fluff pillows 'n such, Duo skips ahead to track 2. As the music starts Relena is comfortable lying on her stomach while Duo walks over to his 'bed' and lies down on his back with his hands behind his head. As both shut their eyes the lyrics begin…

Memories are just where you laid them

Drag the waters till the depths give up their dead

What did you expect to find

Was there something you left behind

Don't you remember anything I said when I said

As Relena listens to the lyrics, her mind drifts a bit. She starts to think about her life and how she ended up where she was. She realizes something; she wouldn't change a thing. As she lies there thinking about how she used to be, her thoughts seek target on a common visitor in her mind, 'Heero, where are you?' she grimaces as she reprimands herself, 'You've got to stop thinking about him Relena. You're holding yourself back. You have all the wonderful friends, and there's bound to be at least one or two guys out there that's decent and a little bit fun. Why sit here and let them pass by, just let him go. If he doesn't want to remember the fact that you love him, well then, so be it.' Just to counter her last thought the lyrics say…

*(Chorus)

Don't fall away_ Leave me to myself

Don't fall away _And leave love bleeding in my hands

In my hands again_ And leave love bleeding in my hands

In my hands_ Love lies bleeding

(End Chorus)*

During these last lyrics Duo opens his eyes and looks out the balcony doors. While looking at the stars his thought wander a bit. 'Here I am, yet again. One of these days I'm gonna go out a get a girl. I haven't been out on a date in about a month. Yep, that's exactly what I'm gonna do when Trowa gets back from his month off to be at the circus. I'm gonna go out and find SOMEONE to go out with. Hey anyway, Lena's probably gett'n sick of me any way' he grins at his new found plan. Then as an after thought, he thinks with slight humor, slight ego, 'Like she could ever get sick of ME' Once again a grin blossoms.

[Music plays for 13 seconds before lyrics start again]

After hearing those last lyrics Relena gives a sigh 'Oh who am I fooling, I'll always have Heero in my head' She turns her head towards the balcony, then down after hearing some kind of rustling. Eyes widen, a gasp is heard 'Oh. My. God. [the irony, isn't Duo a god, *_~]I swear I've seen that torso before, but NOT in the glory of moonlight.' Duo had just sat up and took off his shirt. 'I guess there's hope for me after all. If the hound dog in me is still there, I believe Hilde and I are due to a visit at the beach' With her plan forming in her mind she can't help but smirk.

Hold me now I feel contagious

Am I the only place that you've left to go

She cries her life is like

Some movie black and white

Dead actors faking lines

Over and over and over again she cries

'Funny this. Relena used that first line one time when she didn't think she could take not having Heero anymore. Then I used the next line towards her. Funny thing is she only smiled. I guess that was all the answer I needed' Duo's thoughts started to go back to the night that Relena started to thrash about in her sleep.

She was crying furiously. "HEERO!!!" On instinct, then worry he got up and ran to her. As he got closer her mind let out the first thing that came to her, a lyric. "Duo," she whispered, then look straight into his eyes, with her tear streaked ones, "Hold me now, I feel contagious" His eyes searched in hers, wondering if that's what she wanted.

She looked up at him, pleading eyes, needing comfort. He said the only thing he could, "Am I the only place, that you've left to go?" Her eyes glittered slightly with her smile as she understood his question. With that he held her while she cried, more. She would stop every once and awhile, then start again, then again. After she stopped Duo looked down at her, her next statement he was not expecting.

"Don't leave me alone. Love hurts to much for me to wallow in my own pain, while helping others through theirs." As she said what she did, she added another lyric, or two, "And leave love bleeding in my hands. Love lies bleeding. It hurts to much for me to go through alone Duo."

"Shh 'Jousan, I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay as long as you want me, okay?" With his smile punctuating his question, more like statement, she couldn't help but smile back. Giving him one last hug she returned to a more peaceful sleep, while he sat next to her combing her hair with his fingers till he was once again drowsy.

'That was about two years ago. She denies it, but she's still not completely over him, one day she'll find someone, and she'll be happy. I just hope it's soon.'

(Chorus*)

And I wanted

You turned away

You don't remember

But I do

You never even tried

[Music plays for seconds before lyrics start again]

Don't fall away…[does chorus once more]

As the last lyrics start to fade, and then the music both fall into a most generous sleep. Relena with Hilde at the beach checking out guys, as duo stands in front of Relena… and starts to strip, and Duo with a reenactment of that one night, except it goes farther than just that last hug…

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[Thanks for reading. Please review. I accept constructive criticism as well. I'd like to get some opinions about the prologue. I figured it'd be good for you to know what's happening in the lives of our favorite characters. This fic is most definitely gonna be LONG, and it will be a HYxRP, sooner or later, expect laster. Thanks again for reading… Dark Deity]

An added little bonus…

When both wakeup the next morning to the sound of an alarm clock, they both groan… 'And I was just getting to the good part…' Relena and Duo simultaneously think to themselves. One looks at the other and blushes slightly. As Relena thinks 'I think Duo's gonna have to come to the beach with us' Duo thinks 'I wonder if she looks that good in a bikini'…