Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Eyes Cold As Death ❯ Twelve ( Chapter 12 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Eyes Cold As Death

Chapter 12-- Remembering

Quatre trudged down the dilapidated stairs in search of Duo. He was supposed to take Duo out to lunch today, and he had been asked to pick Duo up from HQ, instead of meeting him somewhere. Quatre still wasn't sure why he had wanted-no, needed-to come down so badly, but here he was, cringing before scarred concrete and pretending that it didn't bother him with the others beside him. He pulled his over shirt tighter around him as if fighting off cold and made his way to Duo's office. He knocked on the partially open door, hearing Heero's and Duo's voices from inside.

"They're going to be here in less than a week, and we still only have four pilots. How the fuck are we going to defeat them?" Duo's voice sounded resigned.

"The same way that five fifteen years boys defeated Oz."

"There were five of us. Now there's only four."

"We will have many difficulties, but in the end…"

"What? We'll die?" Duo paused. "I haven't been afraid of death until I became friends with Quatre. I don't want to leave him." Quatre knocked louder; embarrassed that anyone would care for him that much. Duo pulled the door open wider. "Quat!" Quatre offered a small smile.

"Hey, Duo. You ready?"

"Just about." Quatre looked at Heero, scrutinizing his profile.

"I can fight, you know." Both Heero and Duo stopped what they were doing. He could feel Duo's eyes boring a hole in the back of his head as Heero burned a hole in his face. Heero slowly nodded as if the action took interminable exertion.

"You piloted Wing well." Duo made a protesting noise that was a cross between a cough, a gasp, and a squeak. Quatre nodded at Heero's statement. He knew it was not a compliment.

"No no no no no. There's no way in fuck you're gonna let Quatre fight." Quatre threw a sideways glance of indigence at Duo. "Sorry, man, but he can't remember anything!" Heero nodded again.

"Quatre, you were using ZERO, though. You were under the influence of the ZERO System. You might not pilot Sandrock as well."

"NO!" Duo cried out.

"Duo, please." Heero continued. "I don't think it would be a good idea-before you even suggest it-to let you use the ZERO System again." Duo slipped a hand over his shoulder, the touch actually calming Quatre.

"Hey, its not that we don't trust you or your abilities, it's just that…the first time you used the system, you couldn't handle it. I know you can't remember that, but trust me, it was something you have always regretted. I don't want to see you regret anything else-or worse." Quatre nodded.

"If you need me, I am here." Quatre gazed at both in turn. "Whether you want me or not." Heero stood, stretching his hand out for Quatre to grasp.

"If we need you." Quatre smiled.

"Hey, who knows, maybe I'll get my memory back in time for the battle." Duo slapped a hand on his back, laughing.

"Unfortunately, buddy, I'll probably be keeping you too drunk for that to happen." Quatre giggled as Duo threw his coat over his shoulder. "Ready to out-drink Shinkami?"

"Fuck yea!"

"Bye Heero."

"See you at home, Duo. Bye Quatre." Duo sputtered.

"Hello! I'm just going to lunch."

"Exactly, and you won't be back because you will have drank too much." Heero laughed, shaking his head. "Go. I don't mind. Really." Heero shooed them out the door as Duo turned bright red.

"So I drink a lot." Duo flipped the now closed office door off and moved down the hall. "Wanna get the tour before we go? I know you didn't get it yesterday."

"Sure!" Duo led the way back up the ruined stairwell. They turned down the hall a short way before taking one of the many branches from the main hall. They turned down the first subsidiary and into a vast room of cubicles housed by various people. Duo gestured wildly.

"These are people who do something." Duo scratched his head. "I know it's important, but I don't remember." He shrugged. "Oh well." They walked through the mass of fake offices toward a friendly door smiling from the far wall. Duo pointed. "That's the break room." Quatre shook his head.

"Why am I not surprised that you know the break room?"

"I'm a growin' boy!"

"No, you're a pig." Duo shrugged again as they entered the snack room.

"So, I'm a pig." They walked straight through, eventhough Duo looked longingly at the various vending machines and refrigerators that lined the walls. However, as soon as they stepped out into the following hall, Duo waved a dollar bill triumphantly in the air and sprinted back into the Earth-bound heaven. Quatre followed, laughing as Duo stood, hunched over, face scrunched up in indecision as he contemplated whether to stuff his face with sugar or salt. Quatre sat down at one of the round tables to wait for Duo. He watched with barely controlled amusement as Duo, in slow motion, giving himself every opportunity to change his mind, pressed one of the buttons to finalize his choice. One 'ker-plunk' later, and Duo was holding his prize like a lost child.

"What'd you get?" Duo grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

"Chocolate."

"Ah," Quatre nodded his head in approval, "the most important food group in Duo-land." Duo nodded enthusiastically. Duo broke into the package.

"Ready to continue." Quatre gestured ahead and followed Duo, once again out of the break room. They stepped into a dimly lit hall-at least it wasn't as brightly lit as the rest of them.

"This is where all of our Intelligence members are." The hall was in perfect balance eventhough the office doors were offset from each other, having door face wall and wall face door. There were no windows, and the doors were close enough together as to have made it impossible for the offices to be any bigger than the cubicles they had passed earlier. The walls were not white, though they really had no color to them, and the doors were outlined with gray metal. This hall was deserted-had no life. At least the other places had people milling about, shooting the shit with each other as they put off work for as long as possible. This hallway had not a soul drifting among its stark lines.

Most of the doors were closed, and of the few that were open, there weren't any that were wide open. It was as if everyone had secrets they wanted desperately to keep. But then again, this was Intelligence. A door further down the hall opened abruptly and was pushed shut again as a phone rang. The door didn't click shut, however, and it bounced slightly open. Duo and Quatre were silent as they traversed the hall, sounds of a muted conversation pulling them through the hall. As they approached the end of the hall, Quatre found his eyes locked onto the door that had bounced open, and his ears involuntarily picked up sounds from the heated conversation held within. He couldn't hear the words being spoken, but the voice seemed familiar-he just couldn't put his finger on it.

Duo was saying something in hushed tones as they drifted down the hall, but he could no longer pay attention. As they past the door, he could hear the steely female voice within-wordless, but threatening.

"Believe me, it is not up to Gundam pilot standard. Hell, getting onto their floor at Preventer HQ took over seven months."

He blinked at the voice repeating itself in his head, as more unintelligible nonsense drifted from behind the open door.

"I hope that you weren't planning on seeing your friends, again."

Quatre stopped dead in his tracks, staring with wide unseeing eyes. He could feel his breath hiss in and out of his body. He clutched at his head.

"Ask him why Gundam 03 is currently attacking another base."

"No." He pulled at his hair, scraping his fingers violently along his scalp.

"Good morning, my pet."

"No!" He was now hearing someone else's voice-someone sinister. He sank to his knees, no longer a privy to his surroundings. He looked straight through Duo's concerned face.

"Scream for me."

Duo's arms wrapped around him, but he bucked against them, clawing at the now twisted face. He was no longer in HQ-he was in a bloodied room, with only a small metal table as decoration. He fought against his captor.

"Jezebel should see this. She's got a sick sense of humor. Now scream."

"NO!" Quatre wailed, shaking as the voices continued to haunt him.

"Scream, my pet."

"Sally! I need you to meet me in your examination room!" Duo's voice punched its way through the hazy layers of Quatre's mind. "It's an emergency!" Quatre felt his eyes roll back, and his head wobble. He opened his mouth to scream as memory after memory began flooding his head. The pain of an interrogation, the burn of alcohol down his throat, the feel of fighting in Sandrock. He tried to vocalize his pain, but nothing would come out, and eventually all he could see and think, was black.

______________________________

Darkness graduated into light, and soon, colors and shapes were discernable, as well as touch and sound. He felt himself smile as he could hear children's laughter in the distance, quickly coming closer.

"Uncle Quatre! Uncle Quatre!" Those high voices of innocence called to him and he smiled and took their hands. "Look at what we've found!"

Swirling lights and colors swept over the scene as he was whisked to another place. He could make out the dark hull of a sleeping colony slowly seeping away from him. He turned to find the blue and white marble of Earth hanging impossibly in the night sky. He glanced down at his controls, watching them melt into documents that he abruptly began signing. He set the fountain pen down and looked up at the face of his sister Amelia.

"It's all yours." He clasped his hands together and rested his chin on them as he watched Trowa sitting across from him staring uncomprehendingly at the paper in his hand. "Problems, Trowa?" He teased. Trowa glanced up and his scowl turned into a smile as his hair grew into a thick braid.

"Come on, Quat! I wanna go." Duo tugged at his hand, pulling him out of the door. Wufei put his arm around his shoulder as he shifted through time again to slam his side into the hard, rocky surface of the asteroid the Gundams were stored in. Heero gazed at him long and hard before nodding and turning around to address Relena….

______________________________

"Duo, stop pulling. I'm fully capable of walking to the car myself." Quatre whispered, his voice gaining strength as he sweated on the examination table. Duo held Quatre's hand while Heero and Sally bent over the shaking form. Wufei kept vigilance at the foot of Quatre's bed. Quatre continued speaking in his coma as Trowa burst into the room.

"Father! Stop being unreasonable. You know I have to go…I'm fighting because I think it's the right thing to do, and if that means that I'm disowned, well, then, so be it." Everyone turned to Quatre's feverish ravings.

"Put your hands down, I'm the one that surrendered. Remember?" Trowa's eyes widened.

"Relena, I don't think that I should be involved in this project. I'm not that good with women, and, well…Dorothy…"

"Gee, that's so original, Duo…. Sister of a motherless goatwhore." Duo giggled, a laugh sounding too much like a sob.

"Wufei, if you don't stop all of that polishing, you'll wear out your blade completely, and then where would you be." Wufei's lips moved in what might have been the response.

Quatre's eyes snapped open, wide and unseeing, staring up at the ceiling.

"FATHER! NO!" His arm reached for the ceiling tiles and his cries echoed throughout the room.

"Yes, Heero, Duo's here. Yes, he was too drunk to get home on his own, and I was too tired to take him home, so I brought him back here. Of course I cut him off! Heero, you're too worried for your own good."

"I just care, Quatre." Heero whispered, closing his eyes as the memory came back to him.

"No! The Gundams do not exist!"

"Abdul, how long would it take to rebuild five Gundams?"

"Goddamnit, Duo. You're an ass! Fuck, Guinness takes like thick shit."

"Don't make me order you one, then." Duo intoned.

"All I said was to give Heero a sloppy kiss when you see him next, seesh!"

"Looks who's talking, Romeo." Duo words were broken whispers and Heero put an arm around his shoulders.

"I feel good, duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, I knew that I would…" Heero and Trowa both winced. A sultry grin spread across Quatre's face.

"Mmm, Trowa. That felt so good." Trowa blushed, recognizing the tone of voice.

"Leave me…Save yourself, then save me." Duo's face drained of all color.

"No." Duo's white lips formed.

"I'll stay alive with them. Don't know if I can running…They need me. They want me. Give them what they want. I'll keep them busy…. Go. Get back to HQ. Get reinforcements. Come back and get me. I'll be fine."

"no." Duo whispered, shaking his head violently. "NO!" He screamed, but Quatre remained staring sightlessly at the ceiling.

"Please. Get out for me…Remember." Quatre's hand formed in the air as if it were holding a gun. He turned his head and his hand raised, pointing the gun at something between Trowa's and Sally's shoulders. "Go."

"I hate you." Duo sobbed.

"I hate you more." Quatre's voice became a rough whisper. His arm dropped, and he bolted upright in bed, screaming. "TROWA!" Quatre looked to the side, his hands held out in front of him, twitching. He grunted, and his hands jerked to the right. "Kill me and hurry and save Trowa!" Trowa shook his head.

"Not that. You weren't supposed to remember that." Trowa's wrecked voice grated out. Quatre fell back onto the bed panting. His eyes blinked a couple times and he raised a shaking hand to his forehead. Quatre's lips pulled back into a grimace, and his hand rubbed his temples. He moved his hand away from his temples, blinking rapidly. "Quatre?" Trowa's voice was uncharacteristically small. Quatre said nothing as he pushed himself into a sitting position. His hand reached out to Heero. Slowly and deliberately, Quatre reached for the gun that was tucked into Heero's pants. Quatre's fingers wrapped around the butt and gently pulled the gun out of the waistband. Heero was too dumbfounded to stop him.

Quatre swept his legs over the side of the bed and hopped down, quickly checking the gun for ammo and clicking the first bullet into place. He silently stalked toward the door, a look of pure hatred marring his face. Trowa stepped in front of him, blocking his way to the door.

"Quatre? What's wrong?" Trowa took hold of Quatre's arms. Quatre's eyes narrowed and he jerked violently away from Trowa, breaking the light hold.

"Get out of my way." It wasn't necessarily the words that scared everyone so much as the tone. And the glimmer in Quatre's eyes that showed he had only room for one emotion-hatred. Trowa would later remember becoming more frightened at the Quatre that stood before him than at the Quatre that faced him and Heero in Wing ZERO all those years ago. Hopefully this confrontation would go better than the last one had.

"Quatre, please talk to me." Quatre growled savagely and threw himself at the door. Heero and Duo grabbed his arms causing the gun to drop unnoticed to the floor.

"NO!" Quatre screamed out, a burning inferno of rage blazing in his eyes. He struggled against Heero's and Duo's grip, straining as a wild animal would. Trowa cupped his hand over Quatre's cheeks.

"Talk to me, Quatre." Quatre's eyes filled with angry tears as he struggled to get free.

"Four years! She fucking stole four years!" Quatre screamed, raw anger and pain scratching his voice. "Four years I can never take back." His muscles flexed and quivered as they strained against an iron grip, and Trowa found himself staring dazedly at the coils of muscle shifting underneath taught and sweaty skin. "Who knows where we could have been!"

Everything went slack. Quatre became limp. Heero and Duo serving now only to hold him up. Trowa moved forward, slipping his arms around Quatre's torso, pulling him into an embrace. He stroked Quatre's hair, whispering words of encouragement.

"But you're here now." Quatre wailed into his chest, pouring out his sorrow, betrayal and pain. He clutched Quatre closer to him, silently offering strength.

"Four years. Four years." Quatre's knees buckled, and he pulled Trowa down as he sank to the floor. "She took away four years." It seemed all that Quatre could say. Trowa didn't know whom Quatre was referring to, and a quick glance around the room revealed that no one else knew either. He sat, cradling Quatre, in the middle of the room with Wufei holding Sally to his chest off to one side, as Heero gently rubbed Duo's back on the other side. Trowa slowly began rocking Quatre back and forth, fighting the stinging tears that threatened to fall.

He didn't know how long Quatre's sobs lasted, but eventually, they began to quiet. And once everything was silent, Quatre leaned back from Trowa's embrace with grim eyes.

"I'm sorry." Trowa shook his head and smiled at Quatre.

"There's no need." Quatre remained out of Trowa's embrace.

"I'm sorry for forgetting you." Trowa opened his mouth to speak, but Quatre continued. "I'm sorry that I flinched away from you, and I'm sorry that I tried my damnedest to not trust you."

"You can't be blamed."

"I love you, Trowa."

"I love you, too." Quatre sidled out of Trowa's reach.

"How?" Trowa cocked his head.

"What do you mean?" Quatre stood up, briefly turning his back on Trowa.

"How can you love me? How can you love what I've become? I can't even love myself." Trowa stood up, reached for Quatre.

"What happened to you was not your fault." Quatre turned broken eyes to him.

"Are you so sure?" It was a whisper, but it echoed through the room like a crash. "I know what happened to you as a child. I remember what happened to me on that mission, and I know that you still loved me. But it's different now."

"How? What makes this any different?" They had forgotten about everyone else in the room.

"I've been the whore for an entire base, and an entire city." Trowa flinched at the words Quatre spit out.

"You are not a whore." Quatre spread his arms wide.

"Am I not?"

"Whores give themselves. You did not give!" Quatre turned away.

"I wasn't always forced, Trowa." Quatre spun back around angrily. "I did give myself sometimes." Trowa couldn't find his voice. Quatre staggered and Trowa reached out to steady him. "For food, for drink or for safety. I bargained with what I had."

"I don't care. I still love you." Quatre tried unsuccessfully to pull away.

"How can someone love me if I don't love me?" The question was more to himself rather than anyone else. But Trowa still deigned to answer.

"Then how did you love me?" Quatre looked at him with sorrowful tears. Trowa was griped in a panic. "Don't leave me, Quatre. Oh God, don't leave me." Quatre staggered once more, clutching at Trowa. A sad smile spread through the tears.

"How could I? How could I?" Quatre's eyes rolled back into his head and he crumpled in Trowa's arms. Trowa sank to the floor, unable to hold himself up, crushing Quatre to him.

"I love you. That's all I know. All I know."

______________________________

"I know who the mole is." Heero looked sharply at Quatre who was currently being examined by Sally. He had passed out in Trowa's arms for only a few moments, the emotional strain of getting his memories back being too much to handle. No one spoke of the scene between Quatre and Trowa. It was best left in the past. Plus, it was a scene no one should have witnessed.

"Who?" He had spent almost a year looking for any clue that might lead him to the mole, but he had found none.

"Jezebel. Her name is Jezebel." Heero began typing the name in the search engine on his laptop. He had brought it down purely by accident when he had heard of Quatre's collapse. And now he was furiously searching for anyone with the name of Jezebel as the computer balanced precariously upon his knees.

One match.

Heero's eyes gleamed with unholy light and he slowly beckoned for Wufei.

"What?" Wufei stood behind him, arms crossed over his chest as he gazed down at Heero's computer. Heero turned to Wufei, knowing that he would appreciate his thoughts.

"Quatre knows who our mole is." One eyebrow arched over Wufei's dark eyes. "I've found her." Obsidian eyes sparkled. "I want to kill her."

Wufei smiled.

______________________________

Jezebel returned from lunch, opening her office door. She stepped inside the cramped hole and immediately moved to her desk. She pulled her chair out from under her desk as her eyes drifted over the contents on her desk.

Her eyes roamed again.

And again.

She passed her hand over the neat piles of paperwork on her desk, almost reverently. Her hand hovered over the last stack and she shook her head and sat down. Something seemed different. She shook her head again, everything was in order.

Maybe it was something she ate.