Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ I Believe... ❯ I Believe... ( Chapter 1 )

Title: I Believe

Who It's By: Emerald Blue

Oh No! Look Out For: AU I guess (Cause, hey, when did any of the G-boys all stay together in a safe house? Especially after Wufei's colony was blown up.), a bit of ooc, a dash of swearing, humor (maybe), and a touch of depressing dialogue at the end and major spoilers for Wufei's episode zero though it's not entirely accurate `cause I changed some things

Anyone With Anyone?: 2+5, 3x4, and a very, very brief mentioning of a possible 1+R

 

Anti-Suing Insurance: I had a dream once that the G-boys were real and very angry with me for writing fics about them. That was probably because I don't own them, and I didn't get a chance to tell them I make no monetary profit off of this in any way before I woke up. *sigh* Stupid Bandai and Co…

 

I have nothing against Treize, Relena, or monkeys. Keep that in mind later when I use them for plot purposes (kinda).

 

Notes: Okay, I got a leetle carried away with this one, so if some parts seem too drawn out I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. Also, I apologize to anyone who's already read Wufei's past a bazzilion times, but there's all kinds of little revelations in there so I tried to make it worth your while.

 

 

I Believe

 

Chang Wufei was a practical creature. He had neither time nor the desire for such delusional frivolities as friends, and he most certainly did not believe in such delusional fantasies as love. This was something his fellow pilots did not quite understand about him, as even Heero was managing to loosen up enough to admit some feelings toward his annoying stalker woman. Quatre and Trowa finally got together after days of angsty, doe-eyed looks thrown at each other while one wasn't looking. Honestly, did no one realize they were in the middle of a war? These sickening, lovey-dovey feelings floating about were a major weakness out on the field, but no one seemed to realize this except Wufei himself.

 

Now that he thought about it, though, he apparently wasn't the only person to think this way. After all, Duo Maxwell wasn't exactly mooning over anyone in his spare time. Unfortunately, this just left him free to be extra annoying all over Wufei's privacy, play the weirdest practical jokes on him, and blabber on about everything from vehicle designs to cream puffs while the Chinese boy tried to read. The one person Wufei may have wanted occupied with a relationship was instead occupied with an excessive need to irritate.

 

As if reading his thoughts, a braided boy bounced into the room Wufei had claimed and grinned.

 

“Hey, Wu, I'm bored. Mind a little company?” Duo asked with unnatural glee.

 

“Yes, actually, I do mind. Now go away,” Wufei answered with his usual shortness, not even glancing up from the book he was reading.

 

“Great!” exclaimed Duo, cheerfully ignoring the other's answer as he settled down in the only other chair in the one person bedroom and began to study his friend intently. Technically, the room was also Duo's and Heero's, as the current safe house was way too small for anyone to have their own. They took turns using the bed, but Wufei claimed the room during the day.

 

The man was too uptight for his own good, Duo mused, always hiding out in his room or wandering out alone for hours at a time. And he was so damn secretive, his being the only past no one's managed to uncover. Granted, after one drunken night shared between Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and even Heero, none of them had any more secrets about anything. Of course Wufei, being the “pure of body” bastard that he was, refused to join the drinking, so now Duo was forced to resort to other means of prying out the secrets of his raven haired companion. He might not have felt he had to, if he didn't know Wufei knew all about his own past. Or if Duo hadn't needed the excuse to talk…

 

“What are you staring at?” The boy occupying his thoughts interrupted Duo's musings with a customary scowl. The braided boy smirked and steepled his fingers. Might as well try it the easy way first.

 

“Tell me about your past,” Duo began in psychiatrist-style tones. Wufei's scowl bordered on exasperation now. Okay, so maybe he'd tried the easy way a few times before.

 

“Really, Maxwell, must you ask me that every time you see me?” Alright, he'd done it a lot more than a few times. “It's hardly my fault you chose to divulge all your painful moments in a drunken stupor.”

 

“Ah-ha!” shouted an unperturbed Duo. “So you admit to painful memories in your past!”

 

The Chinese turned a look on him that clearly said “MORON” before continuing with extreme patience. “I believe, last time I checked, that we are in a war.” Then, as though sure he'd cut off any more conversation, Wufei pointedly turned back to his book.

 

“Oh, well then,” sighed a dramatically devastated American. “I guess there's no help for it. If you don't wanna talk…” and he got up as if to leave.

 

Thank all my gods and a few others'. Relief flooded Wufei's senses - just before his book disappeared. “Wha- Duo! Give that back!”

 

“As I was saying,” continued said boy, dangling the stolen book in front of his friend's face. “If you don't wanna talk, we'll just have to do something else.” With that, Duo took off running, Wufei close on his heels.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Out in the tiny kitchen, a blonde head jerked up from its close scrutiny of this latest attempt at Home Cooking 101. Deciding quietly to himself that he'd flunked the course, Quatre sighed when he heard the shouts running down the hall. Growls of “I swear you'll lose all you hair over this, pixie!” were followed by laughing “but Wu, readings bad for your health! I'm only doing you a favor!” before the front door slammed shut. A sound suspiciously like a snicker was heard from the table where Heero sat, and the Japanese commented, “It seems Duo doesn't give up easily after all. I guess he's going to try and annoy Wufei into talking now.”

 

“Well,” put in the uni-banged boy near the kitchen's tiny window, “I don't think Duo is actually as interested in Wufei's past as he'd like us to believe.”

 

“Why, Trowa! What a wonderfully observant person you are,” Quatre exclaimed in a fit of Pink Cheer. Winking saucily at the person he'd lovingly dubbed “boy-toy”, he turned back to the stove. Hmm, speaking of sauce… “Er, you guys wouldn't mind terribly if we went out to eat instead, would you?” Heero threw Trowa a smug “I TOLD YOU SO” look as Trowa dug around in his pocket and handed him some credits.

 

“Hey!” cried an indignant Quatre. “Did you bet on me?! How dare you have such little faith in my cooking, and blah, blah, blah. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm sorry, Trowa, but that was a stupid bet to take. You know first hand how bad my cooking is.” As the Arabian cleaned up his disaster, it was Trowa who shot the smug “AND I TOLD YOU SO” look as Heero grudgingly gave up twice the amount of credits he'd won. “And would you guys stop betting on me back there? You're gonna give me a complex.” Before the other two could stop looking guilty, Quatre spun around and asked, “Italian sound good?”

 

“Yeah, that should be interesting,” said Heero as he stood up to get ready. “You want to be the bait this time?” He asked Trowa.

 

“You know, we could try doing it the normal way and just pay for our food,” suggested Trowa even as he agreed to the plan.

 

“We can't risk being seen and blowing our cover,” said Heero reasonably.

 

“You're just saying that `cause you're bored,” shot back Quatre as he followed them out of the kitchen.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Out on the lawn, a ferocious battle ensued. Wufei, having caught the violet-eyed fool, pinned him down and was trying to bend Duo's wrist back. But the Deathscythe pilot managed to wriggle free of his captor and grabbed at a black ponytail.

 

“Say it!” shouted the American victoriously, holding firm to the hair in his grasp.

 

“Never!” roared the Chinese youth as he reached around to throw Duo off, snatching the trailing braid and wrapping it around its owner's neck. “You say it!”

 

“Wu…can't…breathe…” choked out the strangling boy.

 

“Say it!” demanded the altron pilot, though he loosened his grip a bit.

 

“Alright! I'm a…” he trailed off, muttering the rest.

 

“Louder, or the braid gets it,” threatened Wufei as he drew out a pocket knife and opened it to the hair in his hand.

 

“Ah! I'm a Piggly Wiggly Baby, I'm a Piggly Wiggly Baby! Now put that thing away!” cried Duo frantically, eyeing the blade nervously.

 

“Thank you,” and Wufei put the blade away, grinning broadly at Duo. “You know, I've never figured out how that got started.”

 

“Well, Fei, I took your book, you chased me, and then you caught me-”

 

“No, I meant the pig thing.”

 

“Oh, that. I don't know. I saw it somewhere and thought it would be funnier to get you to say that instead of mercy.”

 

“Ah, yes, but you have yet to accomplish this task, as I am always beating you into saying it.”

 

“Yeah, well, you play dirty for such an honorable prick,” complained Duo as three figures emerged from the house, dressed all in black and carrying duffel bags. Both boys on the lawn groaned when they say them, and Duo asked, “Can't you guys just do it the normal way and actually pay for your food this time?” All three gave him Wufei's “MORON” look in answer. Geeze, can everyone do that look except me?

 

“We can't afford to blow our cover and have someone tracing our accounts,” said Trowa in reply.

 

“Right, and what you guys do doesn't draw any attention whatsoever,” retorted Wufei sarcastically. “And you know tracing our accounts doesn't lead anywhere. You're just saying that because you're bored.”

 

“Your point?” asked Quatre as he loaded their jeep.

 

“Argh! Don't leave me alone with the idiotic sugar high on legs!” Everyone ignored Wufei's plea and climbed in the jeep.

 

“Bring me back whatever you're getting'!” Duo called as they drove off. When the vehicle was no longer in sight, he looked back to find Wufei disappearing into the house, the book already gone from the grass where it had landed in their tussle.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Wufei put his book away and headed toward the kitchen. It was only a matter of time before the braided food pit started annoying him for dinner, after all. Grumbling, the Chinese boy put a pan on the stove to make stir-fry, which was, unfortunately, Duo's favorite and one of the few meals they would both eat.

 

They did this to him all the time. They should know not to let Quatre cook! And then they always left him alone with Duo, though for some reason this didn't annoy him as much as it used to. When Wufei was honest with himself - which, he admitted, happened more than he wouldn't liked - he even almost maybe sort of enjoyed Duo's company away from the others. For one thing, the American was a lot less irritating, and would actually calm down enough to have intelligent conversations.

 

Tossing the skillet and starting the rice, Wufei heard Duo coming into the room.

 

“Oh, man,” sighed Duo appreciatively, smelling the meal. “I love it when Quatre cooks. It's the only time you'll make dinner. Hey, is that stir-fry?” Said food pit attempted to grab a vegetable from the pan, but his hand was slapped away before he could burn himself. “Meanie,” he muttered as he got out their paper and plastic dishware to set on the table. “So, Wu, what do you wanna do tonight? Read, talk, play a game, work on your Gundam…” maybe get laid so you're not so uptight. He told himself firmly that he hadn't had himself in mind when he thought that. Not even a little bit.

 

Wufei was silent as he served their food, thinking it over. Then he surprised them both by saying, “What kind of game?”

 

That was enough to completely distract Duo from the images his last thought had provoked. He looked up from his food, mouth hanging open in shock. Wufei would have laughed at the picture this made - bits of noodles falling back out of its cavern of doom, bits of rice managing to catch themselves around the edges - if an evil grin hadn't already worked its way onto the sneaky youth's face.

 

“Well, Wu,” Duo began, thinking fast; he hadn't actually expected the Chinese boy to pick a game. “This game is called…I believe.” Yes, that was perfect! “To play, all you need is a pencil and paper. Here's how it goes: I'll sit with my back to you and name five things I believe. For every one you don't believe, put down a tally mark on the paper.” Duo jumped up from the table to fetch the items, food forgotten. He came back and drew a line down the middle of the paper, dividing it in half, labeling one side `Duo' and the other `Wu-babe', just to annoy him.

 

“Now,” Duo continued, “at the end of three rounds, taking turns, the person with the most tally marks loses and has to do whatever the winner says.” Yeah, that'd work. This whole game was the perfect way to find out about his secretive friend. He was a friggin' genius!

 

Wufei eyed the paper Duo passed him dubiously, wondering just what had possessed him to ask about the game. He pointedly ignored his nickname on the sheet, not wanting to give Duo the satisfaction of hearing him rant. Was this a game he could win? And if not, just what would Duo make him do? Backing out was definitely not an option now. The braided boy seemed nearly ecstatic to be spending time with someone who was usually dead against any fun activities. Sure, he'd chase Duo when he took his book, but that was mostly because it gave him an excuse to beat the other and humiliate him. Come to think of it, what was he so happy about?

 

As the two boys cleared the table, Duo was asking himself the same question. Sure, `Fei was hella fun to tease, but that was pretty much the only fun thing about him. He was always pissed about something, rarely was social, and spent all the time he was around others glaring down his nose.

 

…Yet he was always around when one of their group was particularly upset, always offering his support when it was needed most. And Wufei always, always seemed to know how to make each of them feel better while still having them walk away thinking he was an uptight, self-righteous, just raving ass! Oh, yes, `Fei's mask was very good.

 

But Duo was also, despite all appearances, a patient person, and tonight he would put a giant crack in that mask. Why, though, was he so happy about to be spending time with him? Deathscythe's pilot was strongly beginning to suspect he'd developed some ulterior motives behind his excuses to be with Wufei, and he realized with mild surprise just how many he'd come up with recently. Well, now he'd at least get some answers to his many questions. And maybe he'd finally figure out what questions he was really asking…

 

“Now, then,” Duo said as they settled at the table, and he turned his chair around. “I'll go first.” Wufei readied his pencil, already knowing his side would be full of marks. “I believe…pink limos should be illegal.”

 

Wufei's eyes widened in surprise, feeling relief wash over him. If they were only speaking of frivolous matters…and he didn't even need to mark a tally. Thinking of Relena, Wufei whole-heartedly agreed about the limo. She was, according to Heero, a wonderful girl, but someone needed to bash some color sense into her head.

 

Over on his side of the table, Duo chuckled softly to himself. That's right, start off nice and easy. Don't wanna scare him away. It was a good sign that the wary look Wufei had worn since the mention of the game had smoothed out. He might actually have some fun, after all.

 

“I believe people like Treize should have a three-foot, serrated blades twisted up their ass and left there.”

 

The pony-tailed teen nearly lost enough control to snort at this statement, but still didn't mark his sheet. As worthy an opponent as Treize was, Wufei could see the justice in such an action and would even be quite willing to wield the blades.

 

And so it went. Wufei took his turn next - “I believe one of the worst things that can happen to you while sneaking up on an enemy is dried leaves and loose gravel.” - and by the end of the first round, both sides of the paper were blank.

 

“Wow, `Fei, we've got more in common than I thought. You even agreed with the egging and graffiti of the other's Gundams.” Duo sounded in awe.

 

“Well, only if they were to do an extreme injustice. Or if I was unusually bored.” Wufei added, feeling almost relaxed enough to smile. Almost.

 

Seeing the smile playing at the edge of his friend's lips, Duo danced a little happy dance in his head. The he sobered up quickly, remembering the next step to his spur-of-the-moment plan.

 

“Yeah, well, I'd say letting Q cook is an extreme injustice,” Duo muttered aloud. “Now that we've had our fun first round, it's time to begin the second, only this time it's for real.” He nearly winced at the immediately hardened features on the Chinese face, but plunges on relentlessly. “The number of beliefs is the same per person, and here we go.” Letting out a small sigh, Duo plopped down in his chair and began.

 

“I believe,” he started quietly, “that everyone needs to rely on someone, if only just for the little things.”

 

Wufei resigned himself to the inevitable and scratched his first tally. Reliance was a weakness, and so were the little things.

 

“I believe in second chances.” Another tally went down. What was the point of a second chance when you'd messed the first one up so bad no one was around to give you the other?

 

“I believe true friends are your greatest strength, love really can happen sometimes, and we might actually make it out of this war alive.” Weakness, weakness, and no chance in hell, thought Wufei with each mark. Didn't Maxwell understand? He couldn't afford to believe in anything, couldn't even hope for an end to this war that would never end for him.

 

“And…” what another one? Wufei frowned. Hadn't Duo already said five? “I believe…in you, Wufei.” The last was said in a whisper, as though the owner of such words couldn't believe he'd spoken them. They froze Wufei to the spot. Duo said - no, he couldn't really mean that! No, no, no, that was the worst thing he could've said. Scratching one more tally down with enough force to break the lead of his pencil, Wufei quickly got up and left the room.

 

“Fei! Wufei, wait!” Duo called to the retreating back. “Damn,” he muttered as the front door slammed shut. The American rose from his chair and stretched, looking down at the six marks. Why had he said that last one? He hadn't even known he believed it until the words were already out of his big, uncontrollable mouth.

 

I should probably give him a moment to cool off, he thought to himself, even as he headed for the door. Then again, maybe not

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

“This place is too damn small,” Wufei complained five minutes later when Duo found him on the roof.

 

“What did you expect? A fancy mansion?” replied Duo conversationally, walking across the shingles. “None of us have any of those available, not even Q since he was disinherited.” He paused as he reached the brooding figure.

 

“Ya know, once you ditched the game that meant I automatically won.” Wufei didn't say anything.

 

“Which means you hafta do anything I want.” Again, the raven-haired youth remained silent, though his shoulders tensed.

 

Duo chewed on his lip pensively, wondering what the best move would be. He was never gonna get this kind of chance again, and he really wanted to use this freebie to pry, but he didn't want Wufei to hate him for it. The best way to handle this, he supposed, was to just ask for something simple as a peace offering and see where things went from there. He nodded decisively. Yep, that would be the best thing to do. Damnit all, why did it have to be the best thing? He wanted to know.

 

“Well, what I want,” he moved carefully to the side of the crouching boy, mindful to keep the disappointment off his face, “is for you to come inside.” NO! I want you to tell me! His mind whined pathetically, but Duo firmly told it to shut the hell up.

 

“That's it?” Wufei asked suspiciously.

 

“That's it,” he confirmed. When relief softened the usually moody features, Duo decided it was a sacrifice for the greater good. The greater good being Wufei all wonderfully unaware about what Duo was thinking at that moment.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Back inside, Duo went straight for the couch this house came with and beckoned Wufei to sit next to him. The invited one hesitated, knowing that his game contract was already broken but feeling like he owed the other boy this, at least. He perched on the edge of a cushion, as far from Duo as he could get and still be on the same piece of furniture. He eyed his companion warily, unsure of what he would do next.

 

“You know what, `Fei?” No, he didn't. “I've never really had a friend like you before.” They were friends? “There hasn't been anyone around I could talk to for quite a while. Before I met you and the others, I was feeling pretty hopeless about life in general.” Duo was depressed? Was that even possible? “And even a little after I was really cynical. But then I got to know all of you better, and I came to realize I cared about you guys a lot. It scared the shit out of me, let me tell you. The last time I cared about someone so much they ended up dying, as you know, in their own church. But as afraid as I was about being that close again, I couldn't bring myself to hurt anyone by shutting them out. Well, at the time, most of you wouldn't have cared except Q. Still, there was something I could do to help all of you through this ridiculous mess, and I was determined to do anything possible to make sure that, if it came right down to it, you'd at least die with a lighter heart.” Wow, he'd really considered all of that? It made Wufei feel a little ashamed of his behavior toward all his team mates. But, he reminded himself, he had his reasons.

 

“So anyway, I was wrapped up in my personal mission for a while and didn't even notice that someone else was helping me look after everyone. I didn't even believe it at first, considering who it was. I mean, Quat's really good about being my sidekick when it comes to all that, but left alone he's more the serious talker type. He's good to go to for what ails ya, but not everyone likes that kind of chatter. Heero would never sit down and open up with Q, that's for sure. Everyone else keeps their eye on each other, but there was one other person in particular who could get anyone back on their feet, no matter what state they were in just moments before. They even managed to help me through some rough times, and I didn't think anyone could do that.”

 

Wufei suddenly got the uncomfortable feeling he knew who the American was talking about.

 

“Well, the guys were all seriously hurtin' after our last mission, so we had that drinking party, as you remember. Since then everyone's been feeling a million times better than they ever have, and I've wondered why you never joined us.” He'd never figure out even part of it, Wufei knew. “At first I thought you were just trying to be your usual stick-up-the-ass self. Now I'm thinking differently.

 

“I remember the morning after, how everyone else was feeling too sick to move, even me. We were exhausted from telling our tales and completely hung-over when you came out of your room.” Duo smiled a little. “I cringed, totally expecting some kinda lecture from you, but you just walked right on by the pile we'd made in the living room.” Wufei's thoughts had been nowhere near lecturing any one of them that morning, not after the night they'd gone through. “You came back out with a tray and proceeded to take care of everyone until they fell back asleep.” Damnit, he remembered that? “Well, you thought everyone fell back asleep, but I was awake for the rest of the day, watching you while you hung around to smooth the guys out of their nightmares.”

 

Wufei looked away, suddenly embarrassed. He'd been wondering why Duo hadn't had any of his own bad dreams that day. Why had the idiot been watching him, anyway?

 

“Thinking back on it, I was figuring maybe one of the reasons you didn't join us was so you could take care of us the next day.” Damnit again! How had he figured out that part of it? “That got me going back to all the times any of us were hurt, like, really hurt, and not just in a physical way. Whenever we were staying together like this, or just a few of us when you were there…well, you'd be there, ready with your snide comments and reassuring words. I feel like such an idiot not to have realized this before, but it's been such a long time since anyone bothered to care about me, like, outside of an `I want something from you' way. It was hard to notice that, underneath all your supposed convictions and righteous anger, you thought about something other than the war.”

 

Wufei kept his face averted, wondering of Duo knew how wrong he was. He didn't care about anyone. He wouldn't tell the other boy that, though. It might…hurt his feelings or something. Not that he cared.

 

Duo paused, licking his lips in apprehension, wondering where the hell this had all come from but needing to finish, to get Wufei to understand why he was always asking the questions he did.

 

“It was weird. I always knew that everyone on our team was hurting somehow, but I don't think I ever really realized how much the same thing applied to you. After that morning, though, I figured out that you were in as much pain as I was, and it was still so raw.”

 

Wufei felt a flash of anger. How dare he sit there and presume to know anything about him! He whirled around to face the other boy, hot words ready to flare off his tongue. He was stopped, though, by the look on the round face; eyes downcast, features arranged too seriously, a frown marring his forehead. He looked as sad as he'd ever looked, and Wufei saw his own sorrow mirrored on that face.

 

“Don't you see, Wufei?” Duo lifted his eyes to meet ebony orbs. “It'll eat you alive if you keep it inside. I almost made that mistake. I don't think I could bear it if you did.” What the hell was he saying? Telling anyone about what he did wouldn't make any of it better. And why, why did he care so much what Wufei did?

 

But this time, Duo wasn't wondering the same thing. He'd figured out why. He finally found the question he'd been asking all along.

 

Do you trust me enough to let go?

 

“Do you really want to know why?” Wufei asked, anger sharpening the words and taking over before he could think about what he said. He stood up, paced back and forth. “Do you really want to know what I've done?” Not waiting for an answer, he continued. “I killed my whole clan, Duo! They're all dead! Even my home was destroyed! My colony, my people, my wife…” he trailed off, the rage gone as suddenly as it had come. He stopped pacing, gaze pointed far away from the wall it was staring through.

 

“Meiran was the only family I had, you know.” But of course, he didn't. “When we were married, we were so mad at everything. We weren't really angry with each other, but, really, who else was around to blame? I scoffed at her justice as she sneered at my books. I was to be a scholar before I married.” He paused, lost in the nostalgia of childhood plans. “But now we were stuck together. I didn't mind as much as I let on. Now I had someone who wouldn't leave me, someone to talk to and spend time with. Someone who wasn't a book.” He glanced over at the braided boy, still on the couch behind him. “I was an orphan, too. I was raised at the school on my colony, and Master Long found me and decided I was a good match for his granddaughter. He started coming by when I was thirteen to train me a little in what was expected of me as clan heir, as that's who I would be after Meiran and I were joined.

 

“Master O came not too long before the wedding. He was, as I found out, hiding from the Alliance while he built a weapon to use against them. He usually had me come over to help out with it, taught me how it worked, even let me name it. The Gundam Shenlong. He wanted me to pilot it, but I would have none of it. I was to be a scholar, after all, and the learned don't fight pointless wars.” The bitterness flowed freely with each word while Duo remained silent, listening with everything he had. “Everyday I went to the hangar, O and I debated constantly about anything and everything that concerned the war.

“One day, after we were married, Meiran informed me yet again of how I should fight for justice. She backed up her words with fists as we sparred. She couldn't understand why I would want to pass up the chance to defend the weak and become an honorable warrior. She claimed to be the mighty Nataku incarnate, most powerful warrior. I laughed at her then, and won the match. She told me she knew justice wasn't real, in the saddest tone I'd ever heard her use. Later, in the hangar, I realized I hadn't convinced her of anything, that she'd always known what she said was true. I didn't figure out until much later why she had bothered defending it if that was the case. I know now it was because it was an ideal she believed in, something she wanted realized. I knew better than to believe in anything. Believing gets you nowhere.” He had to stop again as his throat grew oddly tight and his chest began to ache.

 

Duo wanted to reach out and drag the Chinese back to the couch next to him, offer him comfort, but knew if he did the boy would never finish. Several pieces were beginning to fall into place for the American, but the picture was far from complete.

 

“Well. Things weren't going as well for our colony as the elders led everyone else to believe. It was extremely old and run down, one of the first ones built in space. Nobody knew they were living in poverty because no one knew what it was like anywhere else. But some people knew. When the Alliance came to attack us, we feared any hit would blow our colony apart. When we discovered what they were really up to, though, Meiran was furious. She rushed out to defend her home in one of the Leos O had brought with him, determined to uphold the justice that didn't exist. I followed her in Shenlong, though the Gundam was far from complete. It had no weapons, no shields. All it could do was fly and perform basic combat. But like hell was I going to let my wife die out there all by herself. No matter what our differences, she was the only family I had. I wanted to protect her.” Wufei drew in a deep, steadying breath. “But she had other ideas.

 

“There was this field of flowers, the only green place on the colony, where I would go to read. Meiran often came with me to practice her martial arts, so she knew how much I loved that place. Stupid woman,” he muttered without any malice. “She wasn't supposed to care.

 

“When the battle moved too close to that field, Meiran led her pursuers out into space. I followed them out, trying to keep them from accomplishing their mission. They were trying to leak a bio-weapon into the atmosphere,” he snorted nastily.

 

“Those bastards,” breathed Duo angrily. He knew what it was like to be at the mercy of a plague.

 

“Well, I thought I'd taken care of them all, but one popped out of nowhere, bearing down on me fast. Meiran intercepted them at the cost of her mobile suit, and I had to carry her back down to the colony. The space suit she wore was crushing her ribs, and I feared I wouldn't be able to save her when she started coughing blood. But she wanted to go to that field she saved and I took her there, already knowing what her fate would be. We made peace on that field at last, and right then I loved her more than I'd ever loved anyone in my life - which wasn't so hard, as I'd never really loved anyone in any way before. She asked if she was a worthy wife, and of course I told her she was. Then she died, right there with me in our field.” Wufei closed his eyes against the well of tears that threatened to brim over, shrugging off the pull he felt from behind. “She died because I couldn't protect her,” he whispered, the shame and sorrow washing over him again, as it had that day she left him. This time he didn't resist the tug that came, and Duo was able to pull the suffering boy down beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder, wanting to do more.

 

“After she was buried,” he continued through the tears, “Master Long and O said I didn't have to be a pilot anymore, that I could go back to my studies if I wished. But I wanted…gods, I wanted so much to do something for her, to somehow erase that pain she spoke with the day justice was denounced. I wanted to make justice a reality for her, something I could give back. I wanted to be a Gundam pilot so I could save her. I renamed my Gundam Nataku, insuring that her spirit would stay with me. I needed her to stay with me.” Wufei couldn't believe he was laying out so many of his weaknesses for the other boy to hear, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. “O thought it was unhealthy for me to spend so much time at her grave, and renaming the Gundam didn't help matters. He tried to convince me to forget about her, but how could I forget the reason I was fighting? How could I forget my purpose, my justice? How could I forget my wife?” He stopped once again, unable to bite back his next comment.

 

“We would have been married a year this summer.”

 

And then he could hold back the sobs no longer. Duo pulled the raven-haired boy against him, pressing his face under his own chin and rubbing small circles on his back until the Chinese stopped hiccupping and calmed down a little.

 

Wufei felt less ashamed crying in Duo's shoulder, where at least he couldn't really be seen doing it. He managed to tell the rest of the story, how his colony self-destructed to prevent Oz from taking any secrets about their Gundam pilot. How he was unable to get there in time to stop them.

 

“The horrible flames burned up all the little kids, Duo. I couldn't stop them. It took away Meiran's resting place, so I can't even go see her anymore. Then it was gone, my home, as though it never existed.”

 

“Why wouldn't you tell me any of this before?” Duo wondered, though he thought he might already know why.

 

“I-I didn't think anyone would care,” Wufei admitted quietly, tears still streaking down his face. “I found out I was getting really close to you, and I was worried.” Duo read `scared' in the brief pause before `worried'. “I didn't want to fail someone else I c-cared about. I didn't want to be left alone again.” He mumbled the last into Duo's shoulder, and the violet-eyed boy didn't press the matter further.

 

Sometime later, Wufei realized he was laying down, sprawled halfway on top of Duo who was still making comforting sounds as he gently massaged his back and his neck, moving up occasionally to do the same for his head. His hair was out of its customary tail and hung down around his face. Wufei was too exhausted to care, and felt safe and comfortable as he hadn't in a long time. Lulled by the comforting presence underneath him, Wufei fell quickly asleep.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Duo stayed awake awhile after his friend had fallen asleep, reflecting over everything he'd just learned about the boy in his arms. He'd continued murmuring to Wufei over and over that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't have done more than he did, and that he wouldn't leave him.

 

They would have been married a year this summer, huh?

 

No wonder his poor `Fei was still grief-stricken. It had all happened within the last year, too soon still to have put it all behind him.

 

And what the hell? `Fei had been married?

 

Married and widowed, all within half a year. And that idiotic O trying to tell Wu that it was unhealthy to grieve. Stupid monkey lover should be pummeled a few times for his callousness.

 

But he'd tried to keep her spirit with him, so that he wouldn't be alone. She had been the only person he'd ever cared about. Until now, that is.

 

Duo hugged the slim form closer to him, cuddling him while he couldn't do anything about it. He hugged him for comfort, as much for Wufei as for himself, promising that he would never leave this boy alone. Even if it turned Wufei into a homicidal maniac in search of Duo's blood, he still wouldn't leave him alone.

 

Okay, his thoughts were getting a leetle weird, but hey, he was tired.

 

He prepared to go into a light dose so he would be able to wake up in case his `Fei needed any help against the nightmares. Then he smiled.

 

`Fei had trusted him enough to let go.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

The house was dark and quiet when three shadowy figures returned, triumphant smirks alighting each face. Every one of them had a doggie bag tucked under their arm, ready to sneak through the house and claim a bed for some well earned rest. The small blonde in front was the first to enter, practiced eyes scanning the front room for any danger. What they found instead nearly jolted their mouth into action.

 

Two figure were laying on the couch, one obviously asleep on top of the other, who was awake and glaring pointedly with a finger to his lips. The blonde, being an empath, immediately caught on to the obvious signal for silence and slowly backed out of the entryway to relay his news to his companions.

 

“Omigod you guys there's a Wufei sleeping on top of a Duo and the lights are all out and Duo is awake but he told me to be quiet and so I'm telling you so you don't make any surprised noises or anything when we go inside and we should probably go straight to our rooms and be very quiet and not mention any of this in the morning and Heero you get the bedroom all to yourself because of the reasons stated above okay?” When he finally started to breathe again, the other two merely nodded their assent, only brief surprise flickering across their faces at the news. They were well accustomed to a flustered Quatre.

 

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

Duo let out a quiet sigh when the others were gone, glad that Wufei hadn't woken up from the slight noise. He wrapped his arms back around the bronze-skinned youth, smiling with barely contained glee when said youth burrowed himself further against Duo's side, and waited patiently for morning to come. When Wufei woke up, they would have some more talking to do, and this time it would be about their future.