Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ My True Self ❯ My True Self ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Title: My True Self
Author: Sefarina Malaika
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5
Warning: Language, violence, depression, yaoi, some angst, rape
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Gundam Wing...dang it!

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My True Self
By: Sefarina Malaika

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quatre walked into the living room, paler than usual. "Has anyone seen Duo lately. I went up to his room and it was empty."

Everyone shook their head; none of them had seen the braided baka since the night before, at supper.

"He probably got lost in the woods or something. I wouldn't put it over him." Wufei commented.

"Wufei that was harsh." Quatre scolded.

"Well it's true, he probably got caught up with looking around that he just decided to camp outside." Wufei rebuked.

"What ever. I'm going to go look for him. I'll be back later." Quatre announced as he walked out the door.

It was nice out. Early spring was now his favourite season, after moving from the desert to a cooler environment. Just after the snow melted but never to hot. He never got enough of it. Today he wasn't really paying attention though. He hadn't seen Duo since the night before. After Duo had stormed out of the room to his sleeping quarters, everyone had decided to let him have some time to calm down. Duo hadn't left his room at all that night.

When morning came along, he didn't come down for breakfast, or for lunch. He'd missed super too. Which in his case was very unusual. Quatre wasn't exactly sure what they had argued over the night before. But one moment they were eating peacefully and the next Duo was out of his chair and storming out of the room.

"Duo where are you?" Quatre said as he walked through the woods.

Quatre made his way down the trail that led through the forest. Once he had entered the cover of the tree's he glanced around for any signs of Duo.

Back at the safe house the three boys left in the room looked at each other. Wufei and Trowa turned their gazes towards Heero.

"What?" Heero asked annoyed as he glared back at his two companions.

"Nothing, nothing at all." Wufei muttered as he went back to reading his book.

"I am not the one that turned around and called him a weak, useless, unreliable, defenceless, undependable, Onna of a Gundam pilot last night at supper, which might I add made him storm off in the first place Wufei. So don't you even think of blaming me." Heero stated, glaring at Wufei's head.

"Hn, Yuy you really are dense. He was fine when I said that to him. And might I add he turned around and called me a man less, justice seeking but not finding, self-loving, weak bathroom hog of an Onna. He stormed out because you told him to shut up because his chatter was useless and a waste of time." Wufei stated with out looking up from his book.

Trowa nodded his head in agreement with Wufei but didn't say anything himself.

"What are you talking about Wufei?" Heero glared at the boy.

"If you can't figure it out then I am NOT going to tell you. Maxwell and myself may verbally spare all the time but we are still good friends. You'd be surprised and amazed at what he confides in me." Wufei stated.

"Figure what out?" Heero asked threateningly.

"Using that tone on me will not make me answer you. I gave my word to Maxwell and I don't plan on breaking it." Wufei closed his book, got up from the chair he was sitting in and walked out of the room before Heero could question him any further.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo sighed. Getting out of the house wasn't too hard; he'd just waited for everyone to go to bed, and then climbed out of his window. They all had separate rooms this time around, so he didn't have to worry about anyone finding him, let alone stopping him from leaving.

"Stupid Heero and his stupid comments. Well fine if he thinks I'm so useless, I just wont bother sticking around. Isn't that right Deathscythe?" Duo had slept in his Gundam most of the night and had taken off early with Deathscythe, away from everyone. The Gundams were hidden a good distance away from the safe house, so he hadn't worried about the others hearing him leave. "Well ol' buddy, it seems that we are going solo again. They think I talk too much and I waste time, fine. They wont have to worry about me anymore." He wasn't so much mad at Wufei; he knew that his friend didn't mean what he said. He'd shot back his own piece of mind too. All in good humour though. If it hadn't then he wouldn't have told him about his crush on Heero.

The control panel of Deathscythe began to beep and Duo hopped into the cockpit. "What is it boy? So they found you missing huh. Don't want them to track you and find us, so…" with a few quick typed codes, Deathscythe went into stealth mode and the tracking was cancelled. "Heh, that was defiantly not Heero. They gave up way to fast, well I could be wrong, he just might not care. Oh well can't do to much about that now can I. Lets get moving buddy. Maybe we'll get a mission or something." Entering a few more commands and codes Deathscythe was walking further away from the safe house and the people he cared most for.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once Quatre had returned from finding Deathscythe gone and had caught his breath, he'd found his computer and began a perimeter search for the mecha.

"Quatre? What are you ding koi?" Trowa asked as he walked up to the blond boy.

"I'm searching for Deathscythe, it was gone when I reached the Gundams." Quatre replied.

"Deathscythe is gone? I wonder why none of us noticed." Trowa muttered to himself.

"Damn!" Quatre hit the chairs armrest.

"What?"

"I had him, and then the signal disappeared. Duo must have gone into stealth mode."

"Hm, you need to calm down, Duo obviously doesn't want to be found. Let it alone, forcing him to come back wont make him stay. Come and eat some supper." Trowa pulled on Quatre's hand.

"Alright." Quatre sighed as he shut down his computer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the kitchen Wufei put the finishing touches on the Raman noodles and set it on the table as quarter and Trowa walked in.

"Smells good koi." Trowa said as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"Thanks." Wufei beamed.

"Lovely." Quatre added as he sat down across from Trowa.

"You to kind." Wufei muttered in mock disapproval.

"We know." Both replied.

"Hn, eat." Wufei smiled as he handed the two each a plate.

"Where's Heero?" Quatre asked.

"Don't know. I haven't seen him since lunch." Wufei answered.

"I'm right here." Heero said as he walked into the kitchen and sat down. "Smells good."

"Thanks." Wufei replied as he handed a plate to Heero and sat down beside Trowa.

"Hn."

The rest of supper consisted of the three lovers chatting among themselves and Heero sitting in silence.

'Hn, they seem so happy, why wont the talk to me. Wait of course they wouldn't, Duo was always the one to talk to me during meals.' Quatre mentioning something about the Gundams made Heero snap out of his thoughts. "What about the Gundams?"

"Oh, um, Duo took Deathscythe and left." Quatre replied.

"He what? Why would he do that?" Heero asked calmly.

Wufei snorted, "You are dense Yuy. Why do you think he would?"

"Because he's irresponsible and a baka."

"No Heero, he left because you all treated him like an expendable moron. And don't even look at me. I may have said something's but Maxwell and I are best friends and we know our limits. I know why he left." Wufei put in.

"Why?" Heero asked.

"It's not my place to say."

"Dammit Chang! Don't play games with me." Heero stood up.

"I'm not Yuy. If you want to know, you'll have to ask Duo himself. He asked me not to say anything and no I did not know that he was going to leave, other wise I would have stopped him." Quatre bowed his head. "Besides, why do you care so much Yuy, you're the one that is always saying that we are better off with out him."

"I don't care, but he may be jeopardizing one of our missions." Heero got up and walked out of the room.

Quatre watched as Heero left then looked at Wufei, "Why did Duo leave Fei?" He asked softly.

"Because of Heero."

"But what did Heero do to him?"

Wufei sighted and looked at Trowa, the two gave each other a knowing look and Wufei continued. "He left because of the way Heero treated him, let me finish before you say anything Quatre, I'm surprised that you never noticed, especially with your space heart, that Duo likes Heero."

"No I never noticed; that's why he left is because he likes Heero and Heero treated him like something insignificant?" Quatre asked.

Wufei nodded.

On the other side of the wall Heero stood there in shock, Duo liked him? And all I ever did was say harsh things to him. It's my fault he's gone. I've got to find him before he gets to far away. Heero pushed off the wall and took off towards the front door. Thinking of grabbing his jacket on the way out just in case it got cold, Heero slammed the door in his haste, startling the three left in the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo looked around, the hanger that he'd found was a couple of hundred meters away from where he'd hidden Deathscythe and seemed to be abandoned. "Well I guess I better go check it out. Stay put buddy, I'll be right back." With that Duo hopped out of the cockpit and sprinted towards the base.

Upon entering, the base, as Duo suspected was abandoned. He walked through one of the open doorways and came face to face with then Oz soldiers all holding guns and pointing them at him. "Shit."

"Shit is right pretty boy. Put your hand in the air and don't try anything funny pilot02." The Oz officer in front of him ordered.

Duo's face didn't reveal that he confirmed what the man had said. Heh, he may wear the joker's mask most of the time but when he wanted he could turn colder than Heero at times. He hated that part of himself, even though it was his true self. Yes, the ever so happy Duo Maxwell was actually even colder then Heero Yuy the perfect soldier, the only difference was that Duo could cover up that part of himself with a smiling mask. Inside he had been dead for a long time. Heero had changed that, but now he was dead again.

Smiling coldly at the guards, he let himself be handcuffed as well as thrown into a small cell. "Don't worry pretty boy, I'll be back later."

Waiting for them to leave, Duo tested his restraints. "Damn, must be their new design. Well it shouldn't take me to long to get out if this."

The click of the handcuffs greeted Duo an hour later. "And these were their new models." Shaking his head, Duo checked the door for any sound, not hearing any he began his work on the door's lock.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heero flew above everything in Wing, scanning for Deathscythe. He knew that installing Deathscythe's configuration codes while he was in stealth was a good idea.

Finally pin pointing the mecha, Heero landed beside it and made a peripheral search for Duo. Not finding any trace of the boy, Heero moved closer to the base, leaving his Gundam beside Deathscythe.

As he approached the hanger that he had spotted, Heero heard some guards approach him. Jumping behind a bush he waited for them to pass. To his dismay the two men decided to stop right in front of him.

"Have you seen the new prisoner?" One of them asked.

"Yes, Sanders is going to enjoy that one." The other replied.

"He's so lucky. That kid was sure nice looking. I wouldn't mind taking him; he looks like he'd be real tight. That ass was so nice, and all that hair."

Heero saw red. They were talking about Duo. They would pay for that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo almost had the lock on the door open, when he heard the voice of the officer that had put him in here coming closer.

"Damn. I almost had it." Duo rushed back to one of the back corners and replaced the handcuffs. Just as the final click of the cuffs resonated, the cell door opened.

"I told you I'd be back pretty boy." Sanders smirked as he walked in and closed the door behind him. "Don't worry, it wont hurt…to much."

"Stay away from me." Duo stated harshly.

"Now, you are in no position to be ordering me around pretty boy." Sanders pulled out two more sets of cuffs and put one around Duo's legs and the other around his arms beside the other pairs as he tightened them. "This room has a camera in it. I watched as you un-cuffed yourself. I don't' need you getting free while I'm having fun. But don't worry. It's not on right now." Grinning sadistically, the man pulled Duo onto his hands and knee's and positioned himself behind the boy.

Duo shuddered mentally as he felt the man's hard member on his buttocks. He did not want this to happen again. He'd had enough of it on the streets. He was practically in the same situation as he had been then, no control over what happened. He began to test his restraints while trying to ignore the rather large and hard bulge on his backside.

"Calm down pretty boy. This wont hurt to much any ways." Sanders commented as he unbuckled Duo's pants and pulled them down to his knees. After he finished with Duo's pant's he took his own off and positioned himself at Duo's entrance. "Take a deep breath pretty boy." And with that the man pushed forcibly into Duo.

As the man continued to thrust rather aggressively into him, Duo continued to fumble with the handcuffs. Holding in his whimpers of paint all the while. God it hurt. Slowly his mind began to slip into that sweet but horrible oblivion where it had resided for many years before he'd met Heero and his friends. Duo mentally shuddered; he did not want to go back into that place again. He had to get out of here before that damn Oz officer did too much damage.

Well there was one good thing about this situation, if that was possible, he'd already figured out how to open the cuffs, so it would take him less time to get out of them. Unfortunately Sanders decided that then was an extremely good time to jam himself even harder into Duo's sore bottom. Duo had to refrain from yelling out loud from the pain.

Come on Duo, you can put up with it, just don't retreat into your mind. You don't want to do that. Finally getting his hand free, he worked on his feet. It would do him no good to fight back without the use of his legs. Sanders didn't notice, as he was to focused on thrusting even harder and faster into Duo.

After his feet were free, Duo lifted one and kicked the man in the shin. Sanders yelled out in pain as he climaxed into Duo's ass. "You little shit. What the fu-" Before he could finish the sentence Duo back kicked him in the jaw and he promptly passed out.

"Heh, where are they getting these guys?" Duo commented as he pulled his pants up. Wincing from the pain. Opening the door to the cell, Duo dashed rather awkwardly down the hallway. Avoiding the guards on duty Duo made his way to the exit and dashed towards the gates. Just as he made his way out the door however, he ran into a figure, looking up he came face to face with Heero. Oh great now I'm going to get it.

"Are you alright?" Heero asked.

"What do you want Heero, and why are you here?" Duo asked as he began to look around to make sure that no one was around.

"I came to rescue you, but I guess you took care of that for me." Heero replied.

Duo stood there dumfounded, Heero came to rescue me, why. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you come to rescue me, it's not like you had to or that it was part of one of your missions. Heck it wasn't even one of my missions to come here. So why are you here?"

"Because I want to and because," suddenly Duo collapsed from the pain in his buttocks that he had been previously ignoring. "Duo, what happened? What did they do to you?" Heero asked as he bent down to help Duo get up again.

"Heh, nothing that's never happened before. Let go of me Heero I'm fine." Duo pushed Heero's hands away as he righted himself once more. "Let's get out of here before they notice that I'm gone."

Heero gave Duo a final worried glance and followed him to the gates where they made haste of they're escape.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quatre looked at Trowa and Wufei and then back at the door. "Quatre, don't worry, Heero will be back." Wufei soothed.

"It's not Heero that I'm worried about Fei. It's Duo."

"Duo will be fine as well. And don't worry, he will come back when he is ready."

Trowa nodded his head in agreement with Wufei. "He's right little one. Duo will return when he is ready."

'Hopefully that will happen before he goes back to being the cold hearted masked jester. That is not something that they need to know about Duo and I'm sure he doesn't want them to know about it either. God Heero if you have any sense in that brain of yours you will take it easy on him. You've already broken his heart once. If your going to help him don't do it again. Duo wont be able to stop himself from reverting back to his old self. I've seen it once, thank god I was able to help him out of it, I wont be able to do it again.' Wufei looked to the door as it opened to reveal two figures standing in the dark.

"Heero! Duo! You're back!" Quatre enthusiastically exclaimed as he rushed to envelope his two friends in a hug.

"Heh, not for long anyways." Duo muttered to himself.

Heero looked at him sternly as he comprehended his words. "We need to talk." He pointed to his room with the nod of his head.

"Yeah whatever. Make it quick." Duo replied. "Hey Fei. It's good to see you again." Giving his friend a genuine smile, Duo followed Heero down to the silent soldier's room.

Once the two of them were in the room, Heero closed the door and looked at Duo. "So Heero what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Why did you leave?"

Duo gave him a hard look and sighed. "You mean Fei didn't tell you?"

"What does Wufei have to do with any of this?"

"Heh so he didn't tell you, well he's a good friend. I wouldn't expect anything less from him."

"You still haven't answered my question Duo." Heero stated as he looked at Duo.

"What question, the one about why I left. I didn't know I had to ask permission to leave when I wanted to. Heh, I guess I was wrong. And well if you really want to know I left because of you."

Heero looked at him, his expression never changing. "What?"

"You heard me I left because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Yes. If you weren't such an ass to me all of the time, and treated me like shit. I wouldn't care. But no you had to; whether it was subconsciously or consciously, go out of your way to treat me like a child. Well guess what Heero I'm not. I've been through so much shit in my life that it's not funny. And just as I began to develop a new hope you went and completely obliterated it. Oh thanks for that by the way."

"Duo, what are you talking about?"

"You never did figure it out did you. No I suppose you wouldn't. Well maybe this will be of a little help. A guy can only take so much shit before his heart brakes and realises that the one person he cares for hates his FUCKING GUTS!" Duo shouted as he turned to leave. "Now if you will excuse me I have some where else to be and it is not here."

"Duo wait." Duo paused as Heero grabbed onto his arm and made him sit on the chair in front of Heero's laptop. Duo winced as pain shot through his body once again. 'Damn that Sanders, he sure did a number on you Duo my man. It's never hurt this bad before, although normally you would have retreated into that little place in your head. Why you didn't this time I do now know but maybe it's a sign.'

"Are you alright?" Heero asked as he saw Duo wince.

"I'm fine." Duo replied tersely.

"Your in pain." Heero pointed out, "What did they do to you in there Duo?"

"What do you think they did Heero? They are a bunch of perv's that wanted a good time and I was just so lucky to be one of them's type. Use your brain and think. What do you think they did?"

Heero felt a jab of pain in his chest, as he was enlightened as to what happened to Duo. "Are there any internal damages?" He asked.

"I don't know. It wasn't exactly something that was on my top priority list of things to do. Mainly getting out of that place was."

"Stand up." Heero commanded softly.

"Why?"

"Because I need to make sure you are not bleeding internally and that there is no severe damage to your rectal area. That's why."

"No way buddy. You are not going into my nether regions just so that you can assess if I'm able to fight or jeopardize any missions."

"Dammit Duo this isn't for a mission. I need to know that you are ok. I need to know for myself." Heero stated.

"Why Heero? Why do you need to know so badly if I'm ok or not. What's it to you if I am?"

"Because…"

"Because what Heero?"

"Because I care for you."

Duo snapped his mouth shut, he'd been ready for some excuse about how he had to know for some stupid reason involving his mission. But that had caught him off guard.

"You care for me?" Heero merely nodded his head. "I care for you too Heero."

Heero looked up at the Violet eyed boy and smiled slightly. "We need to make sure that you are fine. Come here. I promise to be gentle." Heero stretched out his hand and Duo reluctantly took it. He winced again as he got up. Heero pulled him into the adjoining bathroom to the bedroom and made Duo stand in front of the sink. "Stand still." Heero commanded as Duo began to fidget. "I wont hurt you I promise." Duo counted from one to ten and then back down to one as Heero pulled his pants down from behind and began to check for any damage. "You have some bruising on your hips. It should go away in a few days. As well as on your thighs." Heero slowly parted his buttocks apart to inspect the outside. There was a little bit of blood that was now dried but other then that it appeared to be it. Heero stood up and turned Duo to face him. "Duo I need to check inside of your…" He trailed off as he looked away from Duo.

"It's ok Heero, I trust you, and you wont hurt me. And it is necessary. Just be gentle please." Duo asked almost pleasingly.

"I will. Is there any kind of oil or lotion in here? I don't want to hurt you any more than you already are and without lubrication it will hurt." Heero asked.

"Yeah it's on the lower cabinet." Duo motioned to the doors underneath the sink. Heero nodded as he opened the door and found some Vaseline. It would have to do. Applying a generous amount, Heero parted to two globs again and began to insert a finger. Duo whimpered slightly but that was it.

"Duo relax. I'm not going to hurt you." Heero inserted the first one completely and then added another finger and began to check the inner membrane for any lacerations. Finding none Heero sighed with relief. Removing his fingers, he inspected them for blood. Finding only dried, Heero began to wash his hands. "You are not injured. That is good. Come and lay down, you look tired. I'll go get you something for the pain the lessen it." Heero stated as he pulled Duo's pants up again and gently led him back into the bedroom. "Lay down, I'll be right back."

Duo did as he was told and laid down on his side as to not aggravate his aching backside anymore than necessary.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heero re-entered the living room where he'd left the other three. "How is he Heero?" Quatre asked.

"Hn, he will live."

"Yuy, can I speak with you in the kitchen for a moment." Wufei asked.

Heero nodded and followed the Chinese man. "What is it?"

"What happened to him? And I swear if you don't tell me I will seek justice on your ass Yuy." Wufei demanded.

"He was raped Chang. That damn Oz officer raped him and Duo's upstairs right now trying to deal with it on his own because you are asking me incompetent questions while I could be up there helping him to get through this. Now is there anything else you would like to know?" Heero asked as he found the painkillers.

Wufei's face paled at the mention of Duo's treatment but then regained his composure. "Just one more thing Yuy. Why did you go after him? And don't tell me that it was because of the mission, this time there was no mission involved."

Heero paused in his motion to get a glass of water. "Because I care for him Chang, that's why."

"You better, and you better stick to it cause if you don't you will be dealing with an extremely pissed off best friend." Wufei stated as he grinned before walking out of the kitchen.

Heero sighed and made his way up to his bedroom with the painkiller and water. Opening the door, he slowly walked towards the bed and knelt down beside Duo. "Duo are you awake?" Duo made an unintelligible sound. "Duo, wake up a bit more, I have something for the pain. Come on, this is going to hurt but you have to sit up to take this stuff." Heero instructed.

Groaning, Duo slowly sat up and winced as he was fully seated on his ass. Heero saw the discomfort and gently lifted the braided boy off of the bed slightly. "Here take this. You'll feel better afterwards."

Duo took the glass of water and little pill and swallowed both. "Thanks." He managed to reply. Heero smiled slightly before he gave Duo a quick kiss on the cheek and laid the boy back down on his side. "Good night Duo."

"Stay."

"What was that?" Heero asked as he heard Duo say something.

"Stay with me. I don't want to be left alone. I am I wont be the me that you know but a me that I don't want to be. Please stay with me." Duo pleaded.

"Alright Duo, if that's what you want." Heero moved Duo over slightly before he himself got into the bed and grasped the braided boy in his arms. "Go to sleep Duo, I'm here for you."

"Thank you." Duo murmured as he fell asleep on Heero's chest.

"Your welcome." Heero answered the already asleep boy as he kissed him on his forehead before he himself fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Quatre opened Heero's door to see if he was going to come down for breakfast but paused. He was greeted with the site of both Heero and Duo asleep on the bed. Duo was using Heero's chest as a pillow along with the rest of his body with his arms around the boy's chest, while Heero was holding the boy close to him.

Looking towards Heero's face he came face to face with an awake Heero that was glaring at him. Mouthing his question and receiving a shake of the head, Quatre closed the door and went back downstairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later Duo woke up to find himself laying on something very warm. Looking up he found himself being examined by a set of deep Prussian blue eyes.

"Ohayo." Heero commented to Duo.

"Ohayo to you to." Duo replied as he snuggled closer to Heero. His body protesting to the movement, making him wince in pain.

"Daijoubu desu ka?" Heero asked, concern overtaking his features.

"Hai. Just a little sore, that's all."

"Do you want some more pain killers?" Heero asked as he shifted to get up.

"No, I'll be fine. What time is it?" Duo asked as he pushed off of Heero's chest.

"10:30 in the morning."

Duo groaned. "Did we miss breakfast?"

Heero chuckled. "Yeah, Quatre came about an hour ago to see if I was coming down. I don't think he was expecting to see you lying on top of me."

"No I suppose he wouldn't. Lets go see if they saved us anything." Duo suggested.

Heero nodded as he got up and turned to help the braided boy, whom he'd come to care for.

Duo gratefully accepted his help as he cautiously stood up. The two made their way down to the kitchen in one piece. As Duo seated himself down, Heero looked for something to eat for the both of them.

"Why good morning." Wufei said from the door.

"Morning Wu, how's it going?" Duo asked cheerily.

"Not bad, and yourself Maxwell, how are you today?"

"Better. Hey did you guys save anything from breakfast?"

"Yes, it's in the fridge. Quatre and Trowa have gone shopping for supplies, I'll be outside doing my katas if I'm needed." With that Wufei left the room and went into the back yard.

"So Heero, what's for breakfast?"

"Hn, eggs, bacon, ham and toast."

"Sounds good, um Heero, are we ya know…" Duo trailed off.

Heero looked at the boy as he paused at what he was doing. "Are we what Duo?"

"You know together?"

"Yes I suppose we are." Heero nodded.

"Great! Oh Heero…"

"Yes Duo?"

"You're the best you know that right."

"I do now Duo." Duo smiled as he waited for his meal to be ready.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a few weeks Duo had recovered completely. Heero hadn't left his side unless of course there was a mission that he was needed for.

Duo was in heaven, for the first time in a really long time he was happy. He didn't have to force his smiles or good humour. Heero actually cared for him.

Duo sighed as he walked down the street towards their new safe house. Heero had gone on a mission yesterday and was due back later on that day, so Duo had gone for a walk to pass the time. Turning the corner Duo stopped in his tracks, in front of him were Heero and Relena. The royal bitch's hands were all over his Heero, and they were both locked in a kiss, one extremely passionate kiss.

Duo felt his heart go cold, how could he? No it wasn't Heero's fault; he was just to stupid to realize that he'd been played, hard.

Forcing himself to smile again, Duo walked towards the two, gave them one glance and turned towards the house. His emotions completely shut down again. Walking into the house, he walked by Wufei who gave him a puzzled look, which turned to pure anger, not directed at him, and he continued on to his room. Having one thought in mind, he was leaving, and this time it was for good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heero pulled away forcibly, that stupid girl would not leave him alone. Looking to his right he caught a glimpse of a long braid entering the house and began to panic. Duo had seen him, he had to explain.

"Heero, where are you going?" Relena demanded.

"Leave me alone Relena." He stated flatly.

"But don't you love me?"

"No I don't."

"You have to. You kissed me."

Heero turned and glared at her. "I did NOT kiss you. You kissed me. Now leave me alone." Heero ran up the stairs. Opening the door, he was confronted with a non-to pleased Wufei.

"Yuy, what did you do to him? I warned you not to hurt him Yuy. You have absolutely no idea what you have done."

"What are you talking about Chang?"

"I'm talking about Maxwell. What did you do to him to make him have that look on his face?"

"Relena kissed me, I guess he came down the street at the wrong time." Before he could elaborate, he was punched in the jaw.

"You moron! Yuy do you have any idea what that did to him?!" Wufei was pissed.

"I didn't want it to happen Chang, she caught me by surprise." Heero tried to explain.

"You don't' have to explain yourself to me Yuy, I'm not the one you hurt. I'm going to tell you this only because my friend's emotions mean more than anything right now and they are on the line. Duo Maxwell is one cold SOB."

"Don't talk about Duo like that Chang, what kind of friend are you?!" Heero rebuked.

"Let me finish Yuy. When I first met Duo, he had no emotions, and I don't mean he was just hiding them like you do, I mean he had NO emotions. There was nothing there, he was just a vessel. He was cold, heartless and didn't give to shits about whom he killed. Mind you he was very good at hiding that fact with the jokers mask. He even had me fooled at one point until I walked in on him accidentally while he wasn't wearing that damn mask. I took a while for me to get him to open up to friendship. Finally I did get him to become my friend. It was a battle hard won. I swore that I would never let him go back to being like he was. It's extremely scary to see Duo Maxwell with no emotions Yuy.

"Last time I saw him like that was just before he took off on us all. He hadn't fully converted to his old self but he was half way there, and you are very lucky that he didn't go back fully while that guard was raping him. I know all about his past, he told me about it. Did you know that he lost his emotions at the age of ten. He's been walking around like that for five years now Yuy. Right after the Maxwell church massacre, he was raped and used repeatedly for months. Yuy, you just fucked up royally. If that look that I saw on his face when he walked in is the look I think it is, we may have lost the Duo Maxwell that loves everyone. And just to let you know before you start wondering, the emotions that he's been displaying the past while were all real. He was not faking those.

"You better pray that there is still hope to get him back before it's too late Yuy. If not, I will never forgive you." With that Wufei walked away, leaving a startled Heero behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo, he had to get to Duo before it was too late. Dashing up the stairs to his bedroom, Heero opened the door and found it empty. All of Duo's belongings were gone from his room. Closing the door, he ran towards Duo's room. Please still be there, please still be there. Opening the door, he came face to face with a blank expression.

"Duo, thank god you are still here. I need to talk to you. What happened out side was a mistake. Relena -" Heero paused in his explanation. Duo hadn't even blinked.

"Move Yuy." Duo ordered blankly, making Heero shudder.

"Duo you have to listen." Heero tried again.

"No I don't. I don't care what your excuse for making out with the bitch is. Now move." Duo looked at Heero with no expression. As Heero gazed into the violet-eyed boy's eyes, he found nothing. Duo's eyes were blank, there was nothing. Oh gods no don't let me lose him. I can't lose him.

"Duo please listen to me."

"You know Yuy, you are really irritating. I have places to be and one of them is not here. Now move." Duo repeated.

"Duo I love you." Heero blurted out. "I don't want to be with out you, you're everything to me."

Duo looked at him with a blank expression. "You know Yuy, that may have made me shiver with delight about thirty minutes ago, but not now. You blew it. You had your chance. You're lucky I came back with you and stayed the first time. It won't happen again. Now move I'm getting impatient." Duo replied as he began to move around a stunned Heero.

Heero moved in front of him, and was punched in the gut. "Don't get in my way. I wont stand for it. I've put up with shit like that for far to long. Now I'm big enough to not have to put up with it and I wont." Duo crouched down to a kneeling Heero. "You know Yuy, I was actually happy to be with you. I like you a lot, which is to say a lot for you cause other than Wu-man, everyone was dead to me. I didn't care. You had a good thing going and you fucked up. But you know what it doesn't bother me. Mind you for something to bother you, there has to be some sort of emotion in you doesn't there?" Duo got up again and began to walk towards the door.

Heero grabbed onto the boys hand. "Please Duo. I didn't kiss her, she kissed me. I didn't want it to happen. She caught me off guard. I didn't want her to kiss me Duo, you're the only one I've ever wanted to kiss." Heero pleaded with the emotionless boy. Duo paused in his motion to leave, then continued on. "Duo, please don't leave me." Heero strained painfully.

Duo turned to look at him blankly. "Who would have ever thought that the great Heero Yuy would resort to begging some one to stay with him. I'm sure everyone always expected me to be the one. Boy are the roles reversed here aren't' they." Duo stated, no humour tinted his comment.

Heero was on the verge of tears. "Duo I'm sorry, please one more chance. Just one more. If I fuck up again I wont stop you from leaving but you have to believe me. I did NOT want to kiss her. Please come back to me." He pleaded.

Duo looked at him as if he were giving the idea some thought. But did not reply. "Duo come back to me, I don't want to be alone any more. You are my saviour, my hope, and my life. That's how much I love you. Please believe me."

Slowly Duo began to come back. Very slowly the blankness in his eyes began to dissipate. Looking at Heero, who had made his way to his feet once again, Duo left that little corner in his mind that he'd retreated to when he'd been younger. "Do you mean that Heero? Do you need me that much to survive."

At Heero's nod, he came back even more. "Tell me Heero, have you ever been in a state where you really truly had no emotions, that nothing ever got to you, that you just gave up on giving two shits on whether some one decided to fuck you? Cause I have and I hate it. When some one is in that state of mind, they feel absolutely nothing, no pain, no love, no anger, no affection, nothing. Absolutely nothing, and it's a living hell. And yet it is so easy to retreat to again and again.

"Wufei saved me once, and then you saved me again. This time your are extremely lucky to have saved me from my true self again. But I'm warning, if you fuck up again Yuy, I will not hesitate to retreat back there again. There is no pain in that little part that I seclude myself to. And even though I hate it, I will still go to it. Promise me Heero that you wont hurt me because next time even you're please and spouts of love won't bring me back." After Duo finished a slight smile crossed his face.

Heero nodded his head. "I promise Duo, I wont hurt you again, not if I can prevent it. But I swear I did not kiss her, she kissed me. I got back from my mission early and the others had told me that you had gone for a walk, so I wanted to surprise you. I was going to meet you outside on the steps, then she showed up and just grabbed me." Heero explained as he looked at Duo. "Please forgive me Duo. I never wanted it to happen."

"Heero if I didn't forgive you I would already be gone and you would never find me again." Duo replied soberly.

Heero smiled and grabbed the braided boy into his arms for a hug. "I'm sorry and I love you."

"I love you too Heero." Duo replied as he dropped his bag and returned the embrace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~OWARI~ (?)

A/N: Should I continue this or leave it where it is…I can't decided…maybe some one can help me…leave it end like that or continue? Please review and help