Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Relena CAN'T Cook ❯ Chapter 3

Relena Can't Cook! Part 3
Disclaimer: Look at all of my other fics, the same one applies.
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Two weeks later the remaining Gundam pilots decide to check up on poor Quatre who is in the mental hospital at the moment...

Duo: Hey Quatre!
Quatre: Who are you? *looks at his Duo UFO catcher doll[1] and starts doing the voice for it*
UFO Duo: That's your friend Duo!
Quatre: Really?
UFO Duo: Yeah!
Quatre: Oh...*turns to the real Duo* Hi!
Duo: Ok...
Wufei: What the hell have they been giving you?
Quatre: *turns to his Wufei UFO catcher doll* Who's he?
Wufei: Oh my god!
Duo: *looks at Quatre's collection of G-boy UFO catcher dolls* Cool! He has all of us! I guess we can go then!
UFO Wufei: INJUSTICE! That's Wufei!
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!! Let me kick his ass for that!!!
Heero: Not just yet...
Quatre: Uh...you're...Heero...right?
Heero: Uh...yeah...
UFO Heero: He can't be me!
Heero: Ok Wufei, you can kick his ass now...
Wufei: Yes!
Duo: Hey! Don't do that!
Wufei: *stops in mid punch* Why the hell not, Maxwell?
Duo: Uh...I don't know...*thinks...* Nevermind, go on...
Trowa: Hey, what's going on?
Wufei: *about to hit Quatre again* Where the hell were you?
Trowa: *blush* Nowhere...

Just then, a cute nurse enters the room and goes over to Trowa...

Nurse: Oh yeah, here's my number, Trowa-chan...
Trowa: Uh...thanks...
Duo: Nowhere, eh?
Trowa: Nowhere special...
Duo: Yeah...Uh huh...
Nurse: Oh...so THOSE are your friends...
Duo: Are you sure you want to go out with Trowa?
Trowa: SHUT UP!!
Duo: I'm just saying...
Heero: Just shut up, Duo...
Nurse #2: Hey! Who are the cute guys?
Duo: Will you go out with me?
Nurse #2: Um...I wasn't talking about you! *points to Wufei* I was talking about HIM!
Wufei: *getting ready to punch Quatre again* Huh?
Nurse #2: You're sooo cute!
Wufei: Leave me alone, weak onna!
Nurse #2: *devilish grin* And if I don't?
Wufei: I will kill you!
Heero: Hey! Go find your own pick up line!
Wufei: Huh? What "pick up line"?
Heero: What you just said! Wait a...oh shit!
Duo: Oh, so THAT'S how you get all them chicks!
Relena: *enters the room* Huh? What chicks?
Quatre: *looks at Relena* AHhhhhh! Keep her away!!!
Relena: Huh?
Quatre: Leave, you evil beast!
Heero: I know Relena's cooking isn't the best but no one, I mean no one, calls her an evil beast! * kicks the crap out of Quatre*
Duo: Oooooo, so Heero does care about Relena!
Heero: *stops* Die, Duo! *runs after Duo*
Nurse #1: You know, Trowa you're really cute...
Nurse #2: Hey! Trowa-chan is mine!
Nurse #1: No, he's mine!!!!
Trowa: Oh god...
Nurse #1: I said he's MINE!
Trowa: Please! I can go out with both of you!
Both Nurses: REALLY!?
Trowa: Uh...yeah...
Duo: *trapped in a corner* You know, I didn't mean that right, Heero?
Heero: Must kill Duo...
Duo: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Relena: Oooook...first I'm called an evil beast...now Heero is kicking the crap out of poor Duo...

Under a table we see Quatre and his UFO gundam pilot dolls...

Quatre: Why are they fighting, Trowa?
UFO Trowa: Don't worry about it...
UFO Wufei: Winner, you are a weakling!
Quatre: *starts to cry* That was mean!
UFO Duo: Ignore Wu-man...
UFO Wufei: MY NAME IS WUFEI!!!
UFO Duo: Whatever!
Quatre: At least Relena isn't here...
UFO Duo: Yeah, her food tastes terrible!
UFO Heero: I heard that! *gets into a fight with UFO Duo*
Quatre: Now both Heeros and Duos are fighting! What else can happen?
UFO Relena: *appears holding a little tray of food* Hey guys! I made some food for you!
UFO G-boys + Quatre: AHhhhhhh!!
UFO Relena: What? Don't you want a taste?
UFO Heero: Uh...it can't be that bad...*eats some of UFO Relena's food and after a minute falls*
The remaining UFO G-boys + Quatre: SHE KILLED HEERO!!!!!!
The real Relena: Who killed Heero?
Quatre: Ahhhhhhh!!!!! YOU!
Relena: Huh?
Quatre: Get away from me!
Relena: Ok...

Heero and Duo stop fighting and the nurses bandage them up. Trowa tried to stop the fight but instead got caught in it. THAT led up to the two nurses fought over who should bandage poor Trowa up.

Heero: I'm hungry...
Duo: Me too!
Wufei: I need something to eat also...
Relena: Really? I have some--
Wufei, Heero, and Duo: NOooooooooooo!
Heero: You aren't that good of a cook, Relena...
Wufei: *mutters* That would be an UNDERSTATEMENT, Yuy...
Relena: But Hee-chan! I made your favorite cookies!
Duo: Heero! Nooooo!
Heero: *thinking* Must...not...eat...cookie! Must not eat the damn cookie!*outloud* LEAVE ME ALONE!
Relena: Hee-chan doesn't like my cooking!
Wufei: Weak onna! NO ONE DOES!
Relena: *starts to cry* Hee-chan hates me!
Duo: No, only your cooking...
Relena: I hate you HEERO!
Heero: *thinking* Must not eat evil cookie!*outloud* NO!!!
Trowa: *tired of all the fighting* I'll eat the cookie!

Everyone in the room looks at Trowa...

Nurse #1: Trowa-chan is soooo brave!
Trowa: Yeah, whatever...*takes one of the 'evil' cookies...* Yay...my favorite...toxic cookies...

Trowa looked at the poisoned cookie with nuts in the middle of it. Trowa examined the cookie long and hard before he dared to take a bite out of it. A few minutes later, Trowa became brave enough to actually put the deadly cookie in his mouth. At first, it tasted pretty good. Ten seconds later, it tasted like garbage...Trowa quickly swallowed the terrible food and was knocked out instantly.

Relena: Oh well, another failure! I better start making something else...*Relena left the scene as if not one thing happened...*
Heero: We're going to have to put Relena in a straight jacket or something....
Duo: I agree with you on that one...

Under the table, Quatre and the UFO G-boys are trying to revive UFO Heero...

UFO Duo: That bitch killed Heero!
Quatre: Even if she did that wasn't very nice to say Duo!
UFO Wufei: Oh shut up, Winner!
UFO Trowa: Wufei, shut up...
UFO Wufei: INJUSTICE! I don't need to!
Quatre: Will you two stop fighting?
UFO Wufei and Trowa: OK!

Yay...more Relena-bashing! Please review!
-ChibiChibi-chan
[1] UFO catcher dolls are just like those stuffed toys in machines that you see in arcades. An example of a UFO catcher doll is the stupid Tuxedo Mask doll Mamoru/Darien is always trying to get out of the machine in Sailormoon. The dolls are super deformed versions of the characters...really cute!