Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Coven of the Rose ❯ Chapter 05 ( Chapter 5 )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: CRose 
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 08.26.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.7K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 08.26.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.7K | Visits: 2.1K | Status: Completed
DO NOT IN ANY WAY TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY, IT'LL GIVE YOU A HEADACHE AND CAUSE SQUIRRELS TO SPONTIANIOUSLY CUMBUST. THE SQUIRRLES ARE REBELLING…RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIVES…
AGHAAAAAAAAA!
This is my version of a Harry Potter revenge fic, but after a couple of years in Azkaban he's not quite sane anymore. He has some sanity left, but it doesn't really affect him anymore.
oooooooooo
Coven of the Rose
Chapter 05
By CRose
© 2006
oooooooooo
A glance at the clock told Hermione that it was nearly eleven at night. For the last few weeks she hadn't gotten much sleep. She couldn't help wondering what Harry was doing with himself these days. There wasn't a day that went by lately where a large scale prank didn’t go off somewhere. For the most part she didn't know what to think of his actions.
On one level she thought he was being immature and yet amazed that he wasn't hurting people. Dumbledore had promised that Harry wouldn't be in Azkaban longer than a month. That lie was proven when he stopped talking about Harry all together after people started questioning his motives for leaving there month after month.
It was always 'We need to wait' or 'Harry will take down Voldemort' and Hermione was sick of hearing about it. Even worse, Ron Weasley seemed to have convinced himself that Harry deserved to stay in Azkaban for some reason. She just didn't understand how someone could abandon a friendship after knowing someone for nearly six years.
Of course she had her theories, but she didn't want to even think about them. As a Muggle born witch she learned by the end of her third year that racism ran deep in the Wizarding World at large, especially among the Pure Blood families. Poor, Rich, or anything else a certain amount of contempt resided in them all when it came to Half Blood and Muggle Borns.
Sitting on a shelf on the other side of the room was her pensive. She was proud that she was able to make one on her own with no help from anyone. Of course she would have bought one, but after she graduated most of the stores in Diagon Alley closed their doors to her. Putting up wards to keep her, or any other Muggle Born, out of their shops.
This astounding action was completely ignored by the Ministry of Magic and her complaint was burned and trashed before she even left the office she was sent to. This was the world that Dumbledore wanted Harry to save? She couldn’t event get a job at any of the places she wanted to work. They only hired Pure Bloods to keep 'filth' like herself from ruining their society. One old fart even had the balls to tell her that she would be better off leaving the wizarding world all together.
Dumbledore ignored these actions. Pretending they didn’t even happen. Hermione sighed as she glanced out the window. She absently noted that a wizard in a green cloak was standing under the street light down below looking at her house. If that wasn't bad enough, if she didn't find a wizarding job soon she would be forced to ask her parents for help.
She didn’t want to do that. They had supported her for so long that she wanted to help them out for a change. Now that she thought about it, most of the people in the wizarding world never mentioned if they were Half Blood or Muggle Born. Instead they just did their jobs and kept their heads down. The Pure Bloods on the other hand would always shove that little fact down anyone's throat.
No matter how she looked at it, she was in deep trouble…she blinked as her mind finally processed what she spotted a few seconds before. Jumping up, she took a better look out the window and saw that the man in the green cloak was gone. In his place was a little cage sitting on the ground next to the street light. Reaching out with her magic she could sense several wards around the box to keep people away from it.
Standing up, she made sure her pajamas were in place as she vaulted down the stairs, through the living room, and out the front door. In her wake, her parents stuck their heads out of their bedroom door and wondered what was going on. She raced out to the street and spotted the box. It was wrapped in silver wrapping paper with little cartoon stags staring at her dolefully.
A little tag her name on it with a smiley face drawn beside that.
She paled a little bit as her brain reminded her that Harry and his elves wore green cloaks. Even Fred and George had one in their closet these days. Special ordered from a tiny little store at the far corner of Diagon Alley that did specialized work. She stared at the package and realized that she was scared to even touch it.
Pulling her wand, her hand shaking, she cast about a dozen detection spells. As far as she could tell the box was shrunken and had several basic spells on it. Just like one would find for a birthday or Christmas present. The wards were around the box now that she took a closer look and kept anyone but her from seeing the box at all. She could strip naked and stand there in the middle of a crowd and no one would know.
She giggled and shook her head as she put her want away. With careful movements she picked the box up and hoped it didn't blow up in her face. She still hadn't figured out how Harry was able to do things he never learned in school, but just the fact that he could do them, made her very wary. Turning around, she quickly made her way back into the house.
oooooooooo
A figure stood beside a tree blending into the shadows around him perfectly. He ware a black robe and a white death mask. From his position he could see everything that happened at the Granger residence. For the last six months his Master had him watching the house for anything out of the ordinary. Watching the Mudblood cunt walk out of the house and vanish from sight under a street light was strange enough that he should report it.
Pulling his wand, he prepared to apperated out when something caught his eye. Turning his head, he found himself staring into a floating ball with several attachments on it. It was just a little bigger than an Bludger and it appeared to be looking at him. He could feel something from it, but he couldn’t tell just what it might be.
"What the hell?"
Making a metallic humming sound, the ball slowly started to circle him, always keeping a circular piece of glass pointed at his head. The death eater raised his wand to hit it with a blasting curse when he heard a second one coming in his direction. Suddenly there weren't two of them, but a dozen, all of them circling him like vultures getting ready for the kill. He broke into a run, moving down the block. He couldn’t apperated under pressure.
The hovering balls all turned in his direction and like a swarm of over sized bees, followed him as he ran. He failed to hear the faint 'pop' or see the little green cloaked elf next to the bush. Seconds later the street lit up with a bright flash of red light as all the floating balls fired a spell at the death eater. He wasn't able to dodge as they struck him.
For a split second he felt the world slow to a crawl and then his body seemed to slowly melt away into nothing but bits of white light. The elf snapped its fingers and all the hovering balls vanished. Nodding in satisfaction, a pair of glowing green eyes flared underneath the hood of the cloak as the elf vanished. In his wake something very odd happened.
Harry wasn't sure he needed to 'punish' the muggles for his troubles, but several of his victims lived in the muggle world. So the elves were told to stir things up a bit, mix things around, and have fun. Elves being rather literal at the best of times, took this to mean that every car in the neighborhood should be moved around.
A random bit of hide and seek.
Just to put his stamp on the prank, Harry had them repaint the cars in random colors. Once that was done had all the street names changed to give directions to the nearest bathroom and nodded in satisfaction. He glanced back down the street at Hermione's house. After listening to her stick up for him at one of the Order meetings and even quit them, he figured he might as well talk to her. Of course he needed to prank her first.
Fred and George would be proud. He snickered a little as he saw a burst of magic light up her room and Tom Jones music filled the air with his seductive baritone.
"Harry Potter!" Hermione screamed.
Of course she might have been yelling about the blue hair, blue lipstick, blue eyes, and a pair of those springy alien antenna wobbling back and forth. Or how he just turned Crookshanks glow in the dark green. Really, he just couldn’t figure out just which one could have caused her to yell out like that. Really, he just wasn't sure, there were just to many possibilities.
Heh.
oooooooooo
A few minutes after leaving Hermione's house, he figured she'd find the port key in the box on her own eventually, he appeared in the trees behind a house on the outskirts of a little village. For once he didn't make a sound as he appeared, instead he popped into existence with all the grace of a platypus and performed a perfect face plant into ground.
He groaned.
Jumping back to his feet, Harry adjusted his green cloak and glanced around. Acquiring that death eater earlier had proven useful. While he didn’t know any plans specific to Voldemort himself, the man was a mine of little facts. Like how Lucius Malfoy liked Haggis, or how Goyle picked his nose, or Snape who liked to temporary sex change potions and frequent muggle bars.
Such a naughty man. Harry giggled as he turned to look at the house beyond the trees. It was brown, like a giant turd. Pure Bloods were just so hard to understand sometimes. Of course Harry was sure it probably smelled just as bad inside considering it was one of the houses where victims were kept before they were taken to the Dark Porker.
Several silent pops filled the nearby bushes and a dozen green cloaked house elves rolled out of the bushes. They formed up around Harry's legs. He glanced down and tilted his head towards the house. "Any ideas before we head inside?"
Scar still couldn't get over a human asking him for an opinion, but that didn't stop him from answering. "Perhaps we should scout the place first?"
"An excellent idea, I was just going to kick the door down."
The elves just stood there.
"I've never done it before, but it looked so easy on those TV programs my cousin used to watch." Harry muttered to himself.
As he stood there looking around a tree, the back door opened, causing all of them to freeze in place, as a familiar face stepped outside. Harry narrowed his eyes as Victor Krum lit up a cigarette and spent several minutes smoking. It only took a second for Harry to remember how Krum had used the Crucio curse on whatshername, the French chick.
"Scar, you and your team are ready?"
"Yes sir."
"Sic'em!" He hissed, pointing at Krum.
Scar turned to his team. "Plan Delancing3."
They nodded, adjusted their green robes and vanished with a pop. Harry watched the scene, even stepping into sight beside the tree where Victor could see him. It actually took him seconds to even register that Harry was there, then his eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and six howling house elves fell upon him like the wrath of God.
Before Victor could even move, he was fighting off the elves, one on each leg, one on his back, each arm, and Scar on his head trying to bite his nose off. Suddenly the elves started popping around the yard faster than even Harry could watch. Once Victor was pinned to the ground, Harry strolled over and looked him over.
"It came as quite a surprise to me when I found out that House elves are kind of like ants. They can lift over a hundred times their own body weight without magic." Harry said mildly.
"H-Harry…"
One of the elves kicked him just below the ribs. This nearly lifted Krum off the ground and Harry heard a rib break. "Quiet!"
Thump, thump! Scar banged Victor's head on the ground a couple of times and nearly knocked loose a couple of teeth.
"Now Vicky, I don’t have time to play with you right now, but my elves need a new playmate, the last one didn't really last." Harry giggled a little.
Krum paled a little. That giggled wasn't a sound a sane man would make under any circumstances. With a little pop, he found himself in a tiny room with now windows or a door. The elves were gone though so he breathed a sigh of relief. There was a chance he would survive the day after all. Then the ceiling lifted up, revealing it was a lid, and Victor could only do one thing. It was the fattest, ugliest, woman he'd ever seen in his life.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Wook at da widdle man!" She cooed and batted her eyes as she reached for little Victor.
The nightmare was just beginning.
Back at the house, Harry was surprised that no one had come out of the house with all that noise. Didn't they know he was here? He was Harry Potter, death eater hater, the boy-who-would-kick-their-asses, pudding lover! Stomping his foot, he headed for the house to get his answers, only to bounce off a ward wall a couple feet from the house.
He collapsed into the dirt with groan. "I hate wards."
His remaining elves helped him back to his feet as he took a minute to poke the ward a few times with his finger. They seemed to have created a Harry Potter Ward to keep him out of the house. How bothersome. Pulling his wand, he touched the ward and gave it a massive burst of focused magical energy. His grin spread across his face as it shattered like glass. With a wave of his hand the house elves swarmed around him and into the house at a run, their little green robes billowing behind them.
Harry hadn't had the heart to tell them that they looked like little walking fart machines. Giggling some more, he strolled into the house and looked around. The place appeared to be empty, but he was sure there was more than just Vicky hanging around the place. The Dark Lunchenloaf always had his followers work in teams of two to six people.
"Death muncher! Here death munchers! I got a little treat for you!" Harry called. "It's brown and a little sticky!"
Expanding his magic out he started to use a new magic sensing skill he'd read about the day before. He wasn't sure what he was sensing, but there was a massive amount of magic down in the basement. Eyes glowing, he pulled his hood up and walked over to the door. It looked normal enough, but it was covered in charms.
"Ha!" Harry yelled as he gave the door a solid kick. Just like he'd seen on TV.
Groaning in pain, he fell over holding his ankle in pain. "Owie! Owie! Owie!"
Harry was starting to think that all this physical stuff just wasn't for him. For a second he considered kidnapping his cousin, the Sperm Whale, from the local aquarium, but didn't feel like reversing his long term enchantments. Shrugging, he climbed back to his feet and hit the door with a blasting curse. It exploded into a hale of splinters.
Green light started shining up the stairs from the basement below. Eyes glowing again, he floated down the stairs without touching them. Once at the bottom, he surveyed the area. At some point someone that turned it into a large potions lab. Several potions were in the process of destroying themselves too. Harry ignored them as he explored around the room.
There wasn't anyone down here either. Where the hell was a death eater when he wanted one, damn it! They were as bad as cops, only showing up when you were in the shower or in bed with a hooker. Grumbling under his breath, and wondering if he should go find a hooker, Harry noticed a small door at the back of the room.
This one was open and led into a small alcove full of books. Frowning, he waved his wand at them and muttered a long Latin incantation. All the books glowed for a second and Harry nodded and walked out. From there he failed to find any death eaters as he finished searching the room, even looking in a cabinets.
Pop!
He turned to see Scar. "Find anything?"
"Yes sir, we found a hidden room."
"Any idea what's in there?"
"We couldn't get in, but we think it might be the prisoner room."
Harry nodded. "Have the team go over this room if they haven't done so already. Don't touch the books back there."
"Yes sir." Scar gave a nod.
Once he was upstairs, Harry took a second to look around. Three of his elves were standing in front of a blank wall. From the placement of the other three doors it was obvious that a door was missing. Taking a wide step to the left, he tapped the wall with his wand. With a groan the wall slowly collapsed dumped a naked teenage girl at his feet.
Of course, when your face is hidden in the shadows of a hood and your eyes are glowing like two little red suns, one doesn't look friendly. The girl screamed and fainted before he could even ask her if she was a little cold. With lungs like that she was perfectly fine as far as he was concerned. He poked his head into the room and spotted an older couple and two other girls of varying ages.
The man tried to look threatening, but that's a little hard to do when your naked. Harry levitated the girl at his feet back into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for death eaters, the morons in the black robes? I owe them an ass kicking, I made a promise."
"We don't know anything." The man snapped.
Harry waved his wand at the family and they were all dressed in leotards, blue for the man, pink for the girls. "There, don't say I never gave you anything."
Spinning on his heel, Harry stalked out of the room. He was starting to get a little irritated. That hooker idea was starting to look promising. He poked his head back into the room. "I don't suppose one of you is a hooker?"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! The older woman screamed.
"Geeze, just asking." Harry grumbled. "If you're not a hooker, then you can go home. You don't have anything I need."
"WHAT?!"
Ignoring them, Harry headed downstairs as the family ran down stairs, out the door, and vanished into the night. The teenage girl took a second to give him a wink before she left the house though. Once they were gone Harry sat down in a chair at the table. He was bored and he wasn't going to leave until a death eater came in and that was all there was to it.
Getting up he wandered into the kitchen and raided the fridge. Mmmm, fried chicken, KFC style to boot. Maybe his day was looking up after all. He'd smelled KFC before, but never actually tasted any of it. The Dursley's used to buy it just to torment him with the smell and Dudley's near orgasmic experience with the potatoes.
He was on his second chicken leg several minutes later, just taking a bite, when a man and a woman appeared in the front room. Harry wasn't to surprised that they were in death eater robes. He smirked around the chicken leg as he realized that they were facing away from him. He pulled his hood up and turned invisible.
The man said something to the woman before turning around. He looked at the mess on the table and frowned, glaring at all four corners of the room. "That idiot Krum made another mess."
"Now Avery, we finally got him to start eating his foot with utensils. We have to be patient, he is a savage after all."
"We should have just killed him when the Master recruited him."
The woman snorted and waved her wand at the table, cleaning it instantly. "Now you know those potions that he drinks keep him sane."
"From the smell of things he won't be sane for long." Avery grumbled as he sniffed the air.
"Do you think he might need help?"
"Let him suffer. It's his own problem."
The woman, who Harry didn't even recognize, shook her head and started pulling off her robe as she walked over to the stairs. "You check on his potions and see if you can save any of them, I'm going to get cleaned up."
"Yeah, whatever." Avery grumbled as he walked over to the basement door. Or where the basement door used to be. He stopped and stared stupidly at the stairs covered in tooth pick sized bits of wood all the way down to the floor. "What the hell? VICTOR!" Avery screamed in anger. "Get over here!"
"Avery! The prisoners are gone!"
"WHAT?!"
Harry yawned as they started running through the house trying to figure out what was going on. The woman suddenly touched one of the stairs the step gave a little twist, sending her tumbling forward, right into Avery. They collapsed to the floor with several rather verbal cuss words. Harry flicked his wand the whole first floor filled with smoke.
"What the heck?" Avery grumbled as he started untangling the woman's leg from around his neck. He tossed her to the side.
Harry almost snorted at the scene. He considered just casting a spell on them and leaving, but that just wouldn’t be fun. "What should I do with the two of you?"
"Who's there? I'll kill you and rip your spine from your body." Avery snarled, yanking his wand out. He glared as he tried to look through the smoke.
"Ow!" The woman said. Harry still didn't know who she was.
He appeared beside the woman and looked her over. She had a nice body, long dirty blonde hair, and was just old enough to start showing her age. "Who are you?"
She gaped up at him. "Potter!"
"No, I'm Potter, who are you?"
She pulled her wand out in a flash. "Avada Kedavara!"
Harry twisted to the side and let the spell fly harmlessly into the ceiling, where it exploded, and rained dust and debris down on Avery. Who was just standing there gapping at him like a fish. With a sigh he kicked the wand out of her hand fired a spell into her chest. She was still staring at where her wand fell when her body gave a little twitch and she shrank down into a platypus.
"Qurack!"
"Nora!" Avery yelled.
"Ah, a name!" Harry declared as he leaned back to dodge another Avada Kedavara curse.
With a wave of his hand Harry sent Avery flying across the room. "Did you know that was one of the first spells every created? It's called the Push and Throw spell. Of course, Oooker the Creator, didn’t seem to have the ability to name things. Of course this was ten thousand years ago, so I'm not to surprised by it." Harry lectured.
Avery rolled to his feet and suddenly transformed into a large sheep with horns. He charged at Harry with a loud Baaa sound. For a second all Harry could do was gape at the man's animagus form. Thinking on the fly, Harry used a quick levitation charm to send the sheep flying into the wall, where it's horns got stuck in the wood.
"Heh, keep hanging around." Harry quipped and giggled a little.
"Baaaah! Qurack rack!" The pair yelled.
"Oh, didn't I tell you? You can't change back. That would make things fair and I just can't have that at all. You have things I want to know." Harry's eyes gleamed as he slinked over to the platypus. "Now let's play a little game. I ask a question and you think about the answer and I'll read your mind! Won't this be fun?!"
He giggled again and the platypus tried to edge away from him. "No, no running away. We have so much to talk about. Like Voldemort, Tom Riddle, or the Green Skinned Weirdo! Which ever name you like the most."
"Now my dear Norma, Nancy, Nelly, or whatever in the hell your name is. Are you a hooker?" Harry took it as a no when she tried to use her beak to bit his hand off while quacking and thumping him with her tail.
"Okay, okay, sheesh! You don't have to blow your top. A simple no would work." Tossing the platypus over his shoulder, he ignored the sound of something fragile and expensive in the background as he wandered over to the still struggling sheep. It started trying to give him the 'evil eye' but Harry didn’t seem to notice.
He gave the sheep a poke and it suddenly had blue wool. "I know your depressed, but that's no reason to be so blue." He started giggling again. "Now what should I do with you? I was thinking of torturing you, maybe with fire and acid, but that's just so boooring."
"Baaah?"
"You have a point, sir! I could use magic, but after you've been tortured by the Green Skinned Weirdo there's just nothing I can do to break you and get information." Harry said sadly. "Unless you would like to volunteer some answers." He asked hopefully."
"Bah!"
"That's what I thought you would say." Harry said with an exaggerated nod and a grin. "So, for now, you can hang around, and I'll finish eating that delightful chicken in the fridge!"
The sheep sweatdropped. An amazing feat for a sheep, really, but what really impressed Harry was the platypus performing a flying leap off the table and tackling him. They rolled across the floor and down the stairs into the basement. The knife it held in it's beak was quite a surprise, but at least it wasn't a switch blade. A certain rabbit would have killed them both for that.
"Qurack! Wrack!" Norleen quacked around the knife as she held it against his throat.
"I don't suppose we could talk about this?" Harry asked.
She gave a negative quack.
"Fine, fine, just thought I'd ask." Harry said and wondered what she would do next. He could hear Sheep-Avery scrambling to free himself upstairs. "He won't have much luck freeing himself it that's what your waiting for."
"Qurack?"
"I glued his horns to the wall when he wasn't paying attention."
The platypus eyes narrowed.
Harry grabbed its tail and animal went flying again.
Thump. "Qurack (groan…)"
Sitting up, Harry decided that the death eater was going to be a problem after all. In a small annoying way that a mosquito was annoying. Raising his wand, he aimed it at her for a precise shot. "I'm sorry about this, but well, you're annoying."
The whole house shuddered a few seconds later, smoke billowed out of the basement doorway, merging with the dissipating smoke from earlier. Harry stumbled out waving a hand in front of him as he coughed. He patted the sheep on the back as he walked by and stepped out side for a minute to catch his breath. "Uh, not gonna do THAT again."
He nodded for good measure before he went back inside. "Still depressed I see."
"Bhaaah!"
"Don’t' cuss at me, I can't understand a word your saying!" Harry snapped, paused for a second, and flipped the couch over for no reason. "That'll teach you."
He then threw a table chair out one of the windows. "That's surprisingly calming, I wonder what a second story window would be like?"
Pop. "Sir."
"Ah, Scar, what can I do for you?"
"I was to remind the Master that you were on a time limit tonight."
"I was?"
The elf nodded.
"I'm drawing a blank. What was I expecting?"
"The Granger girl."
Harry blinked. "Didn't I already punish her?"
"And you left her that portkey, sir."
"Oh yeah." Harry thumped his fist into his palm and looked enlightened. "What was I going to do with her again?"
"Talk to her sir."
"I was?"
"Yes sir."
"Whatever for?"
"You didn't tell me sir."
"Well alright, but I'm gonna have to do something about this memory problem of yours." Harry said as he transformed his wand into a staff.
The elf gave him a queer look and vanished with a pop.
"Now you sir, are in luck, it seems I have something else to do so this will have to be quick. I hate not having time to plan ahead."
"Bhaahaah?!"
"Once you get free, whatever you do, DON'T GO DOWN STAIRS, got me? Good."
Seconds later bright white light started steaming out of the windows for nearly five minutes. Then as it faded, the back door opened and Harry strolled out whistling the theme to Mission Impossible. He pulled a magazine from his robe and unfolded a centerfold and gave it a good look over. He stuck it to the door with the picture faced outward, nodded, and smirked as he vanished with a thunderous boom.
Man there were a lot of squirrels around that house. And a lone cat with bright orange fur, it fell off the fence and landed as stiff as a board.
I swear.
oooooooooo
To be Continued…
Notes: That's it for now, but more will be up soon. I'm leaving you with a bit of a cliffhanger, but nothing to major. Still, whatever you do, don't go into the basment.
AGHAAAAAAAAA!
This is my version of a Harry Potter revenge fic, but after a couple of years in Azkaban he's not quite sane anymore. He has some sanity left, but it doesn't really affect him anymore.
oooooooooo
Coven of the Rose
Chapter 05
By CRose
© 2006
oooooooooo
A glance at the clock told Hermione that it was nearly eleven at night. For the last few weeks she hadn't gotten much sleep. She couldn't help wondering what Harry was doing with himself these days. There wasn't a day that went by lately where a large scale prank didn’t go off somewhere. For the most part she didn't know what to think of his actions.
On one level she thought he was being immature and yet amazed that he wasn't hurting people. Dumbledore had promised that Harry wouldn't be in Azkaban longer than a month. That lie was proven when he stopped talking about Harry all together after people started questioning his motives for leaving there month after month.
It was always 'We need to wait' or 'Harry will take down Voldemort' and Hermione was sick of hearing about it. Even worse, Ron Weasley seemed to have convinced himself that Harry deserved to stay in Azkaban for some reason. She just didn't understand how someone could abandon a friendship after knowing someone for nearly six years.
Of course she had her theories, but she didn't want to even think about them. As a Muggle born witch she learned by the end of her third year that racism ran deep in the Wizarding World at large, especially among the Pure Blood families. Poor, Rich, or anything else a certain amount of contempt resided in them all when it came to Half Blood and Muggle Borns.
Sitting on a shelf on the other side of the room was her pensive. She was proud that she was able to make one on her own with no help from anyone. Of course she would have bought one, but after she graduated most of the stores in Diagon Alley closed their doors to her. Putting up wards to keep her, or any other Muggle Born, out of their shops.
This astounding action was completely ignored by the Ministry of Magic and her complaint was burned and trashed before she even left the office she was sent to. This was the world that Dumbledore wanted Harry to save? She couldn’t event get a job at any of the places she wanted to work. They only hired Pure Bloods to keep 'filth' like herself from ruining their society. One old fart even had the balls to tell her that she would be better off leaving the wizarding world all together.
Dumbledore ignored these actions. Pretending they didn’t even happen. Hermione sighed as she glanced out the window. She absently noted that a wizard in a green cloak was standing under the street light down below looking at her house. If that wasn't bad enough, if she didn't find a wizarding job soon she would be forced to ask her parents for help.
She didn’t want to do that. They had supported her for so long that she wanted to help them out for a change. Now that she thought about it, most of the people in the wizarding world never mentioned if they were Half Blood or Muggle Born. Instead they just did their jobs and kept their heads down. The Pure Bloods on the other hand would always shove that little fact down anyone's throat.
No matter how she looked at it, she was in deep trouble…she blinked as her mind finally processed what she spotted a few seconds before. Jumping up, she took a better look out the window and saw that the man in the green cloak was gone. In his place was a little cage sitting on the ground next to the street light. Reaching out with her magic she could sense several wards around the box to keep people away from it.
Standing up, she made sure her pajamas were in place as she vaulted down the stairs, through the living room, and out the front door. In her wake, her parents stuck their heads out of their bedroom door and wondered what was going on. She raced out to the street and spotted the box. It was wrapped in silver wrapping paper with little cartoon stags staring at her dolefully.
A little tag her name on it with a smiley face drawn beside that.
She paled a little bit as her brain reminded her that Harry and his elves wore green cloaks. Even Fred and George had one in their closet these days. Special ordered from a tiny little store at the far corner of Diagon Alley that did specialized work. She stared at the package and realized that she was scared to even touch it.
Pulling her wand, her hand shaking, she cast about a dozen detection spells. As far as she could tell the box was shrunken and had several basic spells on it. Just like one would find for a birthday or Christmas present. The wards were around the box now that she took a closer look and kept anyone but her from seeing the box at all. She could strip naked and stand there in the middle of a crowd and no one would know.
She giggled and shook her head as she put her want away. With careful movements she picked the box up and hoped it didn't blow up in her face. She still hadn't figured out how Harry was able to do things he never learned in school, but just the fact that he could do them, made her very wary. Turning around, she quickly made her way back into the house.
oooooooooo
A figure stood beside a tree blending into the shadows around him perfectly. He ware a black robe and a white death mask. From his position he could see everything that happened at the Granger residence. For the last six months his Master had him watching the house for anything out of the ordinary. Watching the Mudblood cunt walk out of the house and vanish from sight under a street light was strange enough that he should report it.
Pulling his wand, he prepared to apperated out when something caught his eye. Turning his head, he found himself staring into a floating ball with several attachments on it. It was just a little bigger than an Bludger and it appeared to be looking at him. He could feel something from it, but he couldn’t tell just what it might be.
"What the hell?"
Making a metallic humming sound, the ball slowly started to circle him, always keeping a circular piece of glass pointed at his head. The death eater raised his wand to hit it with a blasting curse when he heard a second one coming in his direction. Suddenly there weren't two of them, but a dozen, all of them circling him like vultures getting ready for the kill. He broke into a run, moving down the block. He couldn’t apperated under pressure.
The hovering balls all turned in his direction and like a swarm of over sized bees, followed him as he ran. He failed to hear the faint 'pop' or see the little green cloaked elf next to the bush. Seconds later the street lit up with a bright flash of red light as all the floating balls fired a spell at the death eater. He wasn't able to dodge as they struck him.
For a split second he felt the world slow to a crawl and then his body seemed to slowly melt away into nothing but bits of white light. The elf snapped its fingers and all the hovering balls vanished. Nodding in satisfaction, a pair of glowing green eyes flared underneath the hood of the cloak as the elf vanished. In his wake something very odd happened.
Harry wasn't sure he needed to 'punish' the muggles for his troubles, but several of his victims lived in the muggle world. So the elves were told to stir things up a bit, mix things around, and have fun. Elves being rather literal at the best of times, took this to mean that every car in the neighborhood should be moved around.
A random bit of hide and seek.
Just to put his stamp on the prank, Harry had them repaint the cars in random colors. Once that was done had all the street names changed to give directions to the nearest bathroom and nodded in satisfaction. He glanced back down the street at Hermione's house. After listening to her stick up for him at one of the Order meetings and even quit them, he figured he might as well talk to her. Of course he needed to prank her first.
Fred and George would be proud. He snickered a little as he saw a burst of magic light up her room and Tom Jones music filled the air with his seductive baritone.
"Harry Potter!" Hermione screamed.
Of course she might have been yelling about the blue hair, blue lipstick, blue eyes, and a pair of those springy alien antenna wobbling back and forth. Or how he just turned Crookshanks glow in the dark green. Really, he just couldn’t figure out just which one could have caused her to yell out like that. Really, he just wasn't sure, there were just to many possibilities.
Heh.
oooooooooo
A few minutes after leaving Hermione's house, he figured she'd find the port key in the box on her own eventually, he appeared in the trees behind a house on the outskirts of a little village. For once he didn't make a sound as he appeared, instead he popped into existence with all the grace of a platypus and performed a perfect face plant into ground.
He groaned.
Jumping back to his feet, Harry adjusted his green cloak and glanced around. Acquiring that death eater earlier had proven useful. While he didn’t know any plans specific to Voldemort himself, the man was a mine of little facts. Like how Lucius Malfoy liked Haggis, or how Goyle picked his nose, or Snape who liked to temporary sex change potions and frequent muggle bars.
Such a naughty man. Harry giggled as he turned to look at the house beyond the trees. It was brown, like a giant turd. Pure Bloods were just so hard to understand sometimes. Of course Harry was sure it probably smelled just as bad inside considering it was one of the houses where victims were kept before they were taken to the Dark Porker.
Several silent pops filled the nearby bushes and a dozen green cloaked house elves rolled out of the bushes. They formed up around Harry's legs. He glanced down and tilted his head towards the house. "Any ideas before we head inside?"
Scar still couldn't get over a human asking him for an opinion, but that didn't stop him from answering. "Perhaps we should scout the place first?"
"An excellent idea, I was just going to kick the door down."
The elves just stood there.
"I've never done it before, but it looked so easy on those TV programs my cousin used to watch." Harry muttered to himself.
As he stood there looking around a tree, the back door opened, causing all of them to freeze in place, as a familiar face stepped outside. Harry narrowed his eyes as Victor Krum lit up a cigarette and spent several minutes smoking. It only took a second for Harry to remember how Krum had used the Crucio curse on whatshername, the French chick.
"Scar, you and your team are ready?"
"Yes sir."
"Sic'em!" He hissed, pointing at Krum.
Scar turned to his team. "Plan Delancing3."
They nodded, adjusted their green robes and vanished with a pop. Harry watched the scene, even stepping into sight beside the tree where Victor could see him. It actually took him seconds to even register that Harry was there, then his eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and six howling house elves fell upon him like the wrath of God.
Before Victor could even move, he was fighting off the elves, one on each leg, one on his back, each arm, and Scar on his head trying to bite his nose off. Suddenly the elves started popping around the yard faster than even Harry could watch. Once Victor was pinned to the ground, Harry strolled over and looked him over.
"It came as quite a surprise to me when I found out that House elves are kind of like ants. They can lift over a hundred times their own body weight without magic." Harry said mildly.
"H-Harry…"
One of the elves kicked him just below the ribs. This nearly lifted Krum off the ground and Harry heard a rib break. "Quiet!"
Thump, thump! Scar banged Victor's head on the ground a couple of times and nearly knocked loose a couple of teeth.
"Now Vicky, I don’t have time to play with you right now, but my elves need a new playmate, the last one didn't really last." Harry giggled a little.
Krum paled a little. That giggled wasn't a sound a sane man would make under any circumstances. With a little pop, he found himself in a tiny room with now windows or a door. The elves were gone though so he breathed a sigh of relief. There was a chance he would survive the day after all. Then the ceiling lifted up, revealing it was a lid, and Victor could only do one thing. It was the fattest, ugliest, woman he'd ever seen in his life.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Wook at da widdle man!" She cooed and batted her eyes as she reached for little Victor.
The nightmare was just beginning.
Back at the house, Harry was surprised that no one had come out of the house with all that noise. Didn't they know he was here? He was Harry Potter, death eater hater, the boy-who-would-kick-their-asses, pudding lover! Stomping his foot, he headed for the house to get his answers, only to bounce off a ward wall a couple feet from the house.
He collapsed into the dirt with groan. "I hate wards."
His remaining elves helped him back to his feet as he took a minute to poke the ward a few times with his finger. They seemed to have created a Harry Potter Ward to keep him out of the house. How bothersome. Pulling his wand, he touched the ward and gave it a massive burst of focused magical energy. His grin spread across his face as it shattered like glass. With a wave of his hand the house elves swarmed around him and into the house at a run, their little green robes billowing behind them.
Harry hadn't had the heart to tell them that they looked like little walking fart machines. Giggling some more, he strolled into the house and looked around. The place appeared to be empty, but he was sure there was more than just Vicky hanging around the place. The Dark Lunchenloaf always had his followers work in teams of two to six people.
"Death muncher! Here death munchers! I got a little treat for you!" Harry called. "It's brown and a little sticky!"
Expanding his magic out he started to use a new magic sensing skill he'd read about the day before. He wasn't sure what he was sensing, but there was a massive amount of magic down in the basement. Eyes glowing, he pulled his hood up and walked over to the door. It looked normal enough, but it was covered in charms.
"Ha!" Harry yelled as he gave the door a solid kick. Just like he'd seen on TV.
Groaning in pain, he fell over holding his ankle in pain. "Owie! Owie! Owie!"
Harry was starting to think that all this physical stuff just wasn't for him. For a second he considered kidnapping his cousin, the Sperm Whale, from the local aquarium, but didn't feel like reversing his long term enchantments. Shrugging, he climbed back to his feet and hit the door with a blasting curse. It exploded into a hale of splinters.
Green light started shining up the stairs from the basement below. Eyes glowing again, he floated down the stairs without touching them. Once at the bottom, he surveyed the area. At some point someone that turned it into a large potions lab. Several potions were in the process of destroying themselves too. Harry ignored them as he explored around the room.
There wasn't anyone down here either. Where the hell was a death eater when he wanted one, damn it! They were as bad as cops, only showing up when you were in the shower or in bed with a hooker. Grumbling under his breath, and wondering if he should go find a hooker, Harry noticed a small door at the back of the room.
This one was open and led into a small alcove full of books. Frowning, he waved his wand at them and muttered a long Latin incantation. All the books glowed for a second and Harry nodded and walked out. From there he failed to find any death eaters as he finished searching the room, even looking in a cabinets.
Pop!
He turned to see Scar. "Find anything?"
"Yes sir, we found a hidden room."
"Any idea what's in there?"
"We couldn't get in, but we think it might be the prisoner room."
Harry nodded. "Have the team go over this room if they haven't done so already. Don't touch the books back there."
"Yes sir." Scar gave a nod.
Once he was upstairs, Harry took a second to look around. Three of his elves were standing in front of a blank wall. From the placement of the other three doors it was obvious that a door was missing. Taking a wide step to the left, he tapped the wall with his wand. With a groan the wall slowly collapsed dumped a naked teenage girl at his feet.
Of course, when your face is hidden in the shadows of a hood and your eyes are glowing like two little red suns, one doesn't look friendly. The girl screamed and fainted before he could even ask her if she was a little cold. With lungs like that she was perfectly fine as far as he was concerned. He poked his head into the room and spotted an older couple and two other girls of varying ages.
The man tried to look threatening, but that's a little hard to do when your naked. Harry levitated the girl at his feet back into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for death eaters, the morons in the black robes? I owe them an ass kicking, I made a promise."
"We don't know anything." The man snapped.
Harry waved his wand at the family and they were all dressed in leotards, blue for the man, pink for the girls. "There, don't say I never gave you anything."
Spinning on his heel, Harry stalked out of the room. He was starting to get a little irritated. That hooker idea was starting to look promising. He poked his head back into the room. "I don't suppose one of you is a hooker?"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! The older woman screamed.
"Geeze, just asking." Harry grumbled. "If you're not a hooker, then you can go home. You don't have anything I need."
"WHAT?!"
Ignoring them, Harry headed downstairs as the family ran down stairs, out the door, and vanished into the night. The teenage girl took a second to give him a wink before she left the house though. Once they were gone Harry sat down in a chair at the table. He was bored and he wasn't going to leave until a death eater came in and that was all there was to it.
Getting up he wandered into the kitchen and raided the fridge. Mmmm, fried chicken, KFC style to boot. Maybe his day was looking up after all. He'd smelled KFC before, but never actually tasted any of it. The Dursley's used to buy it just to torment him with the smell and Dudley's near orgasmic experience with the potatoes.
He was on his second chicken leg several minutes later, just taking a bite, when a man and a woman appeared in the front room. Harry wasn't to surprised that they were in death eater robes. He smirked around the chicken leg as he realized that they were facing away from him. He pulled his hood up and turned invisible.
The man said something to the woman before turning around. He looked at the mess on the table and frowned, glaring at all four corners of the room. "That idiot Krum made another mess."
"Now Avery, we finally got him to start eating his foot with utensils. We have to be patient, he is a savage after all."
"We should have just killed him when the Master recruited him."
The woman snorted and waved her wand at the table, cleaning it instantly. "Now you know those potions that he drinks keep him sane."
"From the smell of things he won't be sane for long." Avery grumbled as he sniffed the air.
"Do you think he might need help?"
"Let him suffer. It's his own problem."
The woman, who Harry didn't even recognize, shook her head and started pulling off her robe as she walked over to the stairs. "You check on his potions and see if you can save any of them, I'm going to get cleaned up."
"Yeah, whatever." Avery grumbled as he walked over to the basement door. Or where the basement door used to be. He stopped and stared stupidly at the stairs covered in tooth pick sized bits of wood all the way down to the floor. "What the hell? VICTOR!" Avery screamed in anger. "Get over here!"
"Avery! The prisoners are gone!"
"WHAT?!"
Harry yawned as they started running through the house trying to figure out what was going on. The woman suddenly touched one of the stairs the step gave a little twist, sending her tumbling forward, right into Avery. They collapsed to the floor with several rather verbal cuss words. Harry flicked his wand the whole first floor filled with smoke.
"What the heck?" Avery grumbled as he started untangling the woman's leg from around his neck. He tossed her to the side.
Harry almost snorted at the scene. He considered just casting a spell on them and leaving, but that just wouldn’t be fun. "What should I do with the two of you?"
"Who's there? I'll kill you and rip your spine from your body." Avery snarled, yanking his wand out. He glared as he tried to look through the smoke.
"Ow!" The woman said. Harry still didn't know who she was.
He appeared beside the woman and looked her over. She had a nice body, long dirty blonde hair, and was just old enough to start showing her age. "Who are you?"
She gaped up at him. "Potter!"
"No, I'm Potter, who are you?"
She pulled her wand out in a flash. "Avada Kedavara!"
Harry twisted to the side and let the spell fly harmlessly into the ceiling, where it exploded, and rained dust and debris down on Avery. Who was just standing there gapping at him like a fish. With a sigh he kicked the wand out of her hand fired a spell into her chest. She was still staring at where her wand fell when her body gave a little twitch and she shrank down into a platypus.
"Qurack!"
"Nora!" Avery yelled.
"Ah, a name!" Harry declared as he leaned back to dodge another Avada Kedavara curse.
With a wave of his hand Harry sent Avery flying across the room. "Did you know that was one of the first spells every created? It's called the Push and Throw spell. Of course, Oooker the Creator, didn’t seem to have the ability to name things. Of course this was ten thousand years ago, so I'm not to surprised by it." Harry lectured.
Avery rolled to his feet and suddenly transformed into a large sheep with horns. He charged at Harry with a loud Baaa sound. For a second all Harry could do was gape at the man's animagus form. Thinking on the fly, Harry used a quick levitation charm to send the sheep flying into the wall, where it's horns got stuck in the wood.
"Heh, keep hanging around." Harry quipped and giggled a little.
"Baaaah! Qurack rack!" The pair yelled.
"Oh, didn't I tell you? You can't change back. That would make things fair and I just can't have that at all. You have things I want to know." Harry's eyes gleamed as he slinked over to the platypus. "Now let's play a little game. I ask a question and you think about the answer and I'll read your mind! Won't this be fun?!"
He giggled again and the platypus tried to edge away from him. "No, no running away. We have so much to talk about. Like Voldemort, Tom Riddle, or the Green Skinned Weirdo! Which ever name you like the most."
"Now my dear Norma, Nancy, Nelly, or whatever in the hell your name is. Are you a hooker?" Harry took it as a no when she tried to use her beak to bit his hand off while quacking and thumping him with her tail.
"Okay, okay, sheesh! You don't have to blow your top. A simple no would work." Tossing the platypus over his shoulder, he ignored the sound of something fragile and expensive in the background as he wandered over to the still struggling sheep. It started trying to give him the 'evil eye' but Harry didn’t seem to notice.
He gave the sheep a poke and it suddenly had blue wool. "I know your depressed, but that's no reason to be so blue." He started giggling again. "Now what should I do with you? I was thinking of torturing you, maybe with fire and acid, but that's just so boooring."
"Baaah?"
"You have a point, sir! I could use magic, but after you've been tortured by the Green Skinned Weirdo there's just nothing I can do to break you and get information." Harry said sadly. "Unless you would like to volunteer some answers." He asked hopefully."
"Bah!"
"That's what I thought you would say." Harry said with an exaggerated nod and a grin. "So, for now, you can hang around, and I'll finish eating that delightful chicken in the fridge!"
The sheep sweatdropped. An amazing feat for a sheep, really, but what really impressed Harry was the platypus performing a flying leap off the table and tackling him. They rolled across the floor and down the stairs into the basement. The knife it held in it's beak was quite a surprise, but at least it wasn't a switch blade. A certain rabbit would have killed them both for that.
"Qurack! Wrack!" Norleen quacked around the knife as she held it against his throat.
"I don't suppose we could talk about this?" Harry asked.
She gave a negative quack.
"Fine, fine, just thought I'd ask." Harry said and wondered what she would do next. He could hear Sheep-Avery scrambling to free himself upstairs. "He won't have much luck freeing himself it that's what your waiting for."
"Qurack?"
"I glued his horns to the wall when he wasn't paying attention."
The platypus eyes narrowed.
Harry grabbed its tail and animal went flying again.
Thump. "Qurack (groan…)"
Sitting up, Harry decided that the death eater was going to be a problem after all. In a small annoying way that a mosquito was annoying. Raising his wand, he aimed it at her for a precise shot. "I'm sorry about this, but well, you're annoying."
The whole house shuddered a few seconds later, smoke billowed out of the basement doorway, merging with the dissipating smoke from earlier. Harry stumbled out waving a hand in front of him as he coughed. He patted the sheep on the back as he walked by and stepped out side for a minute to catch his breath. "Uh, not gonna do THAT again."
He nodded for good measure before he went back inside. "Still depressed I see."
"Bhaaah!"
"Don’t' cuss at me, I can't understand a word your saying!" Harry snapped, paused for a second, and flipped the couch over for no reason. "That'll teach you."
He then threw a table chair out one of the windows. "That's surprisingly calming, I wonder what a second story window would be like?"
Pop. "Sir."
"Ah, Scar, what can I do for you?"
"I was to remind the Master that you were on a time limit tonight."
"I was?"
The elf nodded.
"I'm drawing a blank. What was I expecting?"
"The Granger girl."
Harry blinked. "Didn't I already punish her?"
"And you left her that portkey, sir."
"Oh yeah." Harry thumped his fist into his palm and looked enlightened. "What was I going to do with her again?"
"Talk to her sir."
"I was?"
"Yes sir."
"Whatever for?"
"You didn't tell me sir."
"Well alright, but I'm gonna have to do something about this memory problem of yours." Harry said as he transformed his wand into a staff.
The elf gave him a queer look and vanished with a pop.
"Now you sir, are in luck, it seems I have something else to do so this will have to be quick. I hate not having time to plan ahead."
"Bhaahaah?!"
"Once you get free, whatever you do, DON'T GO DOWN STAIRS, got me? Good."
Seconds later bright white light started steaming out of the windows for nearly five minutes. Then as it faded, the back door opened and Harry strolled out whistling the theme to Mission Impossible. He pulled a magazine from his robe and unfolded a centerfold and gave it a good look over. He stuck it to the door with the picture faced outward, nodded, and smirked as he vanished with a thunderous boom.
Man there were a lot of squirrels around that house. And a lone cat with bright orange fur, it fell off the fence and landed as stiff as a board.
I swear.
oooooooooo
To be Continued…
Notes: That's it for now, but more will be up soon. I'm leaving you with a bit of a cliffhanger, but nothing to major. Still, whatever you do, don't go into the basment.