Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Coven of the Rose ❯ Chapter 04 ( Chapter 4 )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: CRose 
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 08.26.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 2.3K | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 08.26.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 2.3K | Status: Completed
DO NOT IN ANY WAY TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY, IT'LL GIVE YOU A HEADACHE AND CAUSE SQUIRLS TO SPONTIANIOUSLY CUMBUST.
This is my version of a Harry Potter revenge fic, but after a couple of years in Azkaban he's not quite sane anymore. He has some sanity left, but it doesn't really affect him anymore.
oooooooooo
Coven of the Rose
Chapter 04
By CRose
© 2006
oooooooooo
Plans for revenge swirled through Harry's mind as he sat before the fire rereading a book on rituals. He knew that because of the prophesy that he needed to prepare for his fight with Voldemort. Training he was beginning to realize Dumbledore never gave him.
Supposedly he was ready to fight The Dark Clucker, The Dark Log, or any other name Voldemort wanted to take. Surprisingly Azkaban and the Dementor guards allowed him to understand things on a different level than ever before. Before Azkaban Harry wouldn't have questioned anything Dumbledore told him, just like everyone else.
But now things were rather different. For example, not ten feet away five snakes were playing a rather interesting game of twister. They gave a whole new meaning to 'left hand blue'. This and many other things didn't even cause him to blink anymore, he just accepted it and moved on, or joined in if it looked fun.
He had Rita running scared, Fudge was reaping his reward, and his relatives were at St. Mungos spell reversal area. It would take them most of the week to undo those spells. His Uncle the Baboon was still flinging various items at people. It took them hours to subdue him after he left the yard with over a dozen Aurors chasing after him.
Closing his book, he got up and put it back on the shelf. He figured that he'd read over three quarters of the books available so far. Swishing his robe to the side he moved over to the Book of Knowledge. Even after all this time he couldn’t get the book to open. His frustration with was the only reason he hadn't gone and gotten his revenge.
There had to be a way to get into the thing. He was sure it was full of completely delightful spells. He'd figure the password out one of these days, but right then he needed to take care of is next project. With the Dursley's out of the way and safe, so to speak, he didn't need to hold back anymore.
As much as he hated the jerks, he didn't want them dead. Maimed, clawed, paralyzed, and screaming in pain, sure, but not dead. That would be a waste of effort. He pulled his wand out and started pointed it at the floor. The tip flared with bright light and series of symbols and lines started etching themselves into the floor.
He spent the next two hours double checking his rune sets to make sure he wouldn't be killing himself. The ritual he had in mind wasn't that dangerous, but it did have some nasty side effects if everything wasn't perfect. After sweeping the snakes out of the room, he carefully sat down in the middle of the his rune tower and flared his magic.
Back in school he took the time to teach himself the basics of Ancient Runes and Hermione was more than willing to help him study for that. Of course she had no clue that he went far beyond what the school taught. Using his finger, he started to trace runes in the air, each one of them representing an element that would flare with energy and vanish after being drawn.
The very air around him started to hum with powerful magic, but his wards held perfectly. Grinning, he conjured a bowl of warm water and stuck his hands into it. The magic around him flashed into a ball of pure magic and suddenly collapsed backwards right into his body.
Gritting his teeth, he ignored the pain as the ritual started to do what he wanted. He could feel his core altering just slightly and his body filled with power. Sweat glistened on his body as his muscles started to define themselves and strengthen. His eyes flared and started to glow a bright green. By accepting a side effect like that and adding it into the ritual, it made sure something random didn't happen.
Rising gracefully to his feet he looked at the ceiling of the chamber, opened his mouth, and said "Aaarach!"
Magic exploded out of him in a wave of force traveling faster than light as it passed through the walls and crossed the country in under a second. No one would noticed the wave of magic unless they were looking for it. In the Ministry certain employees were hiding under their desks as an alarm went off. No one responded to it though, everyone was still suffering through the flatulence attack.
Deep in the Riddle Forest a little snake head popped out of a bush as the magic wave crossed over. A few seconds later a six foot long snake rose out of the bush with a pair of wings on its back. Its eyes lit up with a green glow that matched Harry's eyes and it vanished with a pop.
Reappearing in front of Harry a few seconds later. "Master." It hissed.
"None of that Master, crap." Harry said in parsletounge.
The snake gave him a weird look. "…"
"Exactly, call me Harry. I've got a little job for you if your up for it."
"Of course…Harry."
Harry grinned. It was so nice to hear a snake call him by name. "Now your unique talents are perfect for this little project. Oh, and what's your name?"
"Quint." The snake hissed.
"Excellent Quint, Now here's what I want you to do." Harry started explaining and it wall all the snake could do not to fall out of the air.
Eyes twinkling, Harry waved as the snake flew off, before walking to the kitchen whistling a little tune. He took a few minutes to drink down a butterbeer, freshly 'borrowed' from a local store, and headed for the potions lab. After his ritual he knew he would need a pain potion within a few hours.
oooooooooo
Harry appeared, his green hooded robe fluttering around him, ominously. A large amount of wind flowed around his body, swirling through out the entire room. Sending everything in sight flying into the air, and this of course caused quite a mess inside the first floor of the Daily Prophet building. Desks were stuck high up in the walls, chairs were hanging from the ceiling, and he'd somehow turned every bit of loose paper in the room into a giant ball of wet soggy paper.
He looked around at the giant mess, slowly stepping over overturned desks. "Oops."
"Of all the people to make my life a living hell, these bastards are one of the top five bastards." He muttered to himself and smirking evilly as several plans whirled around inside his head.
With a wave of his new wand, the paper ball started reshaping itself into a giant paper terrier squatting over the head editor's desk. As an after thought, he created several large wet paper balls and let them fall on the desk to make it a little more real.
He nodded, that was much better. Hissing a couple of Parsletounge spells, he sent beams of green colored magic into the walls and ceiling. He walked gracefully over to the stairs and up to the next level. The Daily Prophet building was five levels and hidden from sight, even among the wizarding world. They had this reputation for pissing off certain people and it was bad for business if they could find the building to complain.
It hadn't been to hard to find the building though, a little trip an employee's home, stun a few hundred dogs sitting outside, and then take a stroll through a certain someone's mind. It only took him ten minutes find the location. Rita really was a lying deceitful hag, but dam could she dance!
He started cackling, but pulled himself together before he started in on a trademark laugh of evil. That was only for his final revenge.
From there he headed up to the second floor, after double checking his first floor spell work, and filled her office doggy biscuits, charmed with a preservative of course, she had a lot of dogs to take care of. He took a few seconds to cackle again. It was high pitched and giggly.
From there he wandered from office to office on the second floor and set up a lot of WWW joke products. The rest of the employees hadn't pissed him off yet, so they just got he playful inconvenient stuff. Except this one guy named Ron Wesley, his name was to much like the traitors, so he turned his office doorway into a portal. The instant the man walked into his room, he'd find himself in the bathroom of a gay bar down in lower London.
A little while later, after deciding not to turn the potted plants into something of the tentacle variety, he found their files on the third floor. Filled with back issues and everything else they had collected over the years. Shrinking charms had been used quite extensively and all of it was black mail material! He refrained from cackling again or he felt he'd start coughing again.
He banished all the filing cabinets to his new home and took a few minutes to fill the whole floor with a coal dust, and then conjured a little bow for decoration. It was a present after all to such swell people and they wouldn't be able to just banish it away either. It'd give the people that worked here something constructive to clean up instead of wasting their time with the paper.
Now all he came here for was the files, but there were two more floors left in the building. Giggling, he strolled up to the forth floor and had to stop for a second just to figure out what, the hell, he was looking at. Like the third floor, it was one giant open space. Instead of being filled with offices or anything like that, he found himself looking at a spa, hot tub, about two hundred house elves in cages along the far wall, and a security guard skinny dipping in the pool.
Harry shook his head, but the image stayed the same. Two hundred pairs of eyes turned to look at him from the cages as he walked across the room. The elves were in very bad shape, nearly starved to death, covered in whip marks, and shaking in fear as they looked at him.
His eyes flared with green fire. "No, no, this won't do at all. Just when I think I might have seen the worst of the wizarding world I have to run across something like this? No, I don't think so."
A quick examination showed that all the cages were magic dampeners to keep the elves in line when no one was there. His wand extended and turned into his staff as he turned away and walked over to the pool. The guard, at least that's who he thought the guy was, his robe was folded up neatly on a chair nearby, appeared to be sleeping on the bottom of the pool.
That explained why he hadn't heard him laughing a few minutes earlier. It only took a second to confirm that the guy was breathing through gills a set of gills at the base of his neck. Growling, he pointed the staff at the man and it elongated, wrapped itself around his neck, and yanked him to the surface almost instantly. Grabbing him by the neck and letting his wand return to normal he held the man in the air with little effort.
"Hi, I'm Harry, will you be my little plaything tonight?"
The man, completely naked, screamed like little girl and burst into tears as Harry's glowing eyes bored into his mind. "Mr. Potter, please…we can make a deal…"
Looking completely insane, Harry cocked his head to side and opened his eyes wide. The effect was really creepy as he slowly grinned. "No, No I don’t think I want to make a deal. I'll just 'play' with you instead."
The man whimpered and started shaking.
"You see I've got certain standards that I live by and slavery, abuse, and torture aren't included in that at all. Yet I arrive here and I find all these poor creatures scared out of their minds just from looking at me? No, I don't think that can go unrewarded."
"Creatures, wha…"
Harry squeezed the man's neck a little, cutting off his air for a second before relaxing. "Now, pal, where is the key to unlock those cages. I have a use for two hundred house elves."
"I can't give…gasp, chock, gargle…"
Yawning, Harry relaxed his grip again and the man gasped for air. "Now I don't think you heard me. Where is the key or whatever unlocks those cages?"
"Password is Print Time, Get to Work." The guard gargled out.
Harry let go of the man and silently transfigured him into an Otter. For some reason he was thinking of Hermione as he turned back to the cages. The elves were still staring at him, though this time there was less fear than before. He tapped the first cage he came to and said the password.
Every door sprang open. "I'd like to talk to all of you."
"Who is you, I is Scar?" asked one House elf.
"Harry Potter."
The elves all gasped.
He smirked and folded his arms. "I'd like all of you to work for me. I'll treat you well and you will be treated fairly. No torture or anything else."
"House elves do job, we is required. No matter the conditions."
"True, but if you come with me you can get a bit of revenge on the wizarding world by helping me."
Over half the house elves suddenly surrounded him and started nodding. Slowly in ones and two the rest started to join the others. In a few minutes only Scar was left. "This only home Scar know."
"I'll give you a better less dangerous life."
"A-alright."
"I'll bond all of you once we get back to my hide out. It's really nifty and we can make changes to accommodate all of you."
"Bring cages." Scar suggested.
"No." Harry snapped.
"Yes Master."
"Call me Harry. Now how about we have a little fun?"
The elves all looked excited and started hopping around. Harry started to explain what he had in mind and elves quickly got to work. The next few hours were impossible to describe as the elves took the time to do some serious spell work throughout the building.
Harry watched them intently and for the first time in almost half an hour, started cackling like a mad man. This only made the Otter swim to the bottom corner of the pool and cower in fear. Even in his new form he could feel a massive amount of magic filling the whole building.
He could see his year end bonus flying out the window. And why, for the love of all that's decent, was Potter having the house elves making a giant effigy of Minister Fudge and Umbridge? Now the House Elves were racing around repainting the whole place.
oooooooooo
"Um…sir?" The Auror said.
Kingsley looked up from a giant stack of paper work. "Yes."
"Um, well…Potter seems to have struck again."
"Who?"
"Um, Potter, short kid, messy hair, been tormenting people for over a week now?"
"No, who did he get." Kingsley grunted.
"Well right now Rita Skeeter is dancing on the roof of her house, in her knickers, doing what one of the Muggleborns Aurors calls the Truffle Shuffle. It's like a lude form of whip and belly shaking."
Kingsley pulled a bottle of Firewiskey out of his desk and took a long drink from the half full bottle. He shuddered and nodded. "Has anyone been able to get her down?"
"No sir, we can't get close to the house. Though, a couple of the men, have started to throw Knuts down her cleavage."
What the hell was Potter doing to people. "Is there spell or something in fluencing them?"
"No sir, they just don’t like her."
"Why can't you get to her?"
"Ah, the whole front yard has become a moat filled with this really smelly cheese. At least that's what we think it is. Oh, and there are about three hundred dogs running around the area as well. They seem to be drinking out of the moat as well." He added as an after thought.
"Right."
"We could stun her, sir."
Kingsley shook his head. "That might not be a good idea. You know how Mrs. Skeeter tends to write those scathing stories about anyone that gets on her bad side."
"Ah, we could kill her? The sight of her wiggling up there is giving the older neighbors a rather good laugh."
"Tempting, but, no."
The Auror shrugged. "This is the second time she's been attacked by Potter, any idea why?"
"Nope, let's just hope it's not anything we have to worry about."
"I doubt that sir. Not after we had to spend three days casting silencing and air fresh charms throughout the cell blocks."
"At least that has calmed down."
Suddenly the fire place flared to green and a man's head formed out of green flames. "Help Me!"
They looked at the man. "Hello Mr. Rich, what can the Aurors do for the Daily Prophet."
"The whole building has been wrecked!" The man started babbling faster than Kingsley could keep up.
"Sir, I'll have some men there in a few minutes. Can you give me any details?"
Mr. Rich took a few calming breaths. "Well, the first floor is full of paper dogs shitting paper balls all over the floor, including this huge one, it's at least ten feet high and tries to squat over any one that enters the building. The damn thing is magic resistant. Even a reducto won't dent the blasted thing. We have a paper to print!"
"Does Rita Skeeter still work for you by any chance?"
The man blinked as his rant was interrupted. "Well yes, her articles usually increase sales by thirty percent or more. She just draws in business with every story she writes."
"Well Potter got to her last night at some point and Pranked her. We just found out about it a few minutes ago, so Potter might have gone to her place…"
"P-Potter did this!?" The man screamed, in excitement. He yanked his head out of the fire and they heard him yelling at various reporters to start taking everything down and lots of pictures before the network closed.
"Now I've got an even worse feeling about this whole situation, sir."
Kingsley nodded. "Harry isn't killing, that's the only good thing to come out of this Prank Lord Potter business so far. It's just making out lives a living hell, which is the whole point I expect."
"Orders sir?"
"You'd better find a way to get Rita down."
"Yes sir."
Standing up, Kingsley made sure his wand holster was in place and headed out of the office. "I'll head over to the Daily Prophet building, I think I recall where it is."
Several minutes later Kingsley arrived at the Daily Prophet and found out that it was worse than he thought. Hundreds of employees had shown up for work, only to find the building changed. He looked up and saw that the first floor was now the forth floor. When had it rearranged itself?
Every window was a different color, blue, green, red, yellow, pink, puce, and dozens of others. Little paper air planes were dive bombing people on the street, firing something that changed the color of their robes and hair where the magic hit.
The fifth floor was now the second floor. That roof wasn't supporting the rest of the building very well either, it was a hell of a magical prank though. Just like something Potter would pull off. Then he noticed that the third floor was actually full of water, making the walls bulge out and little streams of water spraying out.
Worst of all, was the fifth floor, or above what was now the roof. Fire works were firing into the air, exploding and forming into various people shapes. He recognized one of a Goblin, it was humping building for several shocking minutes before it dissipated. Then Rita and her Truffle Shuffle, a truly horrifying sight. Dumbledore offering the world a lemon drop, complete with a word balloon.
"Ah, Kingsley, I see you showed up."
He turned and nodded. "Hello Mr. Rich."
"It rearranged itself after we started taking pictures, it keeps posing. Even got one where it tries to look sexy. It didn't work with that giant paper dog though. It dropped a load right out it's eye. Poor Purkle, he's never going to be quite the same after this."
"Potter seems to dislike you guys."
Rich nodded. "We've been a little critical of him in the past."
"Right, I believe you called him An Attention Seeking Dark Wizard with Delusions of Competence during his trial."
He coughed. "Something like that, yes. Nothing to get mad over though."
"I believe that was your best selling paper in the last decade."
"Yep, we had an eighty percent gain in profits that day."
"I don’t see how there's anything the ministry can do about this." Kingsley waved at the chaos. Why was there an Otter hanging out a window trying to wave at people?
"You damn well better!" Rich yelled.
"What would you have me do?" Kingsley gaped as a giant fire work monkey started climbing the building and swatting at paper airplanes swarming around him. It reached the top and stood up straight. Reaching down out of sight it pulled out a top hat and a cane and started dancing happily.
'Hello my Baby! Hello my Darling…'
"This just gets better and better and I can't get the paper out because he's messed with the whole building! Aaaaaaagh! It's not fair!"
"Potter isn't fair."
"I believe that's the whole point." Kingsley muttered. He'd have to call out a team from the Unspeakable department for this. It was to big for the usual people to handle. He was starting to understand how Potter won the Tri-Wizard's Tournament a couple years back.
Suddenly the world shifted and every living thing within two hundred feet of the building became a little long haired Yorkie. Barking filled the square as everyone started to panic and run around. Complete chaos ensued!
Kingsley-Yorkie suddenly hoped Rita Skeeter didn't suddenly show up! "Bark ark Bark ark!"
oooooooooo
Two hundred House Elves, that was quite a few house elves. Harry decided to have them expand his cave/house into something much better over then next few days. The elves needed something to do and he had no intention of doing it by himself. He had some studying to do after all. By the end of the week the cave was gone and good sized magical manor had taken its place.
He found out that the whole place was already on Unplottable land so he didn't have to worry about anyone finding the now visible house. The grounds were quite well done and the elves were keeping very busy. As the second week rolled around he was organizing the elves into teams of ten and sending them out to do simple prank attacks on people.
Nothing direct, but over the course of the next month Hogwarts became Glow in the Dark, the quiddich field now had a little arrow that followed the snitch all over the field, and he had the burrow turned bright pink from the tip of it's off center roof to the ground. His Uncle became a Hippo, Dudley turned into a sperm whale, and his Aunt returned to normal, except she was now black. The doctors had to sedate her to keep the screaming down.
The roof of the twins joke shop soon acquired a giant inflatable house elf that wandered around the roof and mooned anyone that came in. The twins were delighted and had little miniature ones made up and couldn’t stop giggling as the days passed. By the end of the month Harry finally managed to get a handle on things and let the elves do as they wanted, which set off a kind of rebellion among the elves.
They weren't quite sure how to take a direct order of 'Go have fun and prank as many people as you can without being caught'. By that time he had all the House Elves wearing mini green robes with hoods, masks, and a carrying a prank pouch. They pulled off some things even he hadn't though of. With their identity hidden by the robes, they became completely different beings.
They turned all of Hogs meed into a giant twister tournament that lasted for half a day and everyone in town had to play. Cho won eventually, proving that was the most flexible girl in town and earned herself pair of fine woolen socks. Rumor had it that Dobby had picked the prize.
Dobby had shown up about a week before with is own homemade green, pink, blue, orange, and yellow prank robe. Of course Harry recognized him the instant he latched onto his leg and started calling him The great Prank Lord Harry Potter at the top of his lungs.
Once that was settled Harry sent the elves off to play while headed to the library. He was a bit surprised several minutes later when he took a few minutes before his nightly bath to examine the Book of Knowledge and found that this time he could open the book.
The first pages were accessible. Pages one and two were an explanation of the book and how, even though it was over a thousand pages, it was only showing one tenth of its true size. As he advanced his skills and took an oath to use his skills for the light, he would gain more and more access to the book over the next few months.
Harry had to think about it for several minutes as he considered his recent actions. He realized that he was still firmly light side, it was only the people he trusted that turned their backs on him. He took the oath provided and felt the magic connect with his core.
After glowing for several seconds, words started filling up the provided pages and sat down to read. Three hours later he came to the end of the last page. He stepped back to think. That hadn't been what he expected, the book wasn't just a spell book, it was an everything book.
Even stranger it was a dedicated history book that detailed everything that had happened starting five thousand years ago. It shouldn't have taken that long to read either. Something about the book allowed it to put more information on the page than could bee seen. It also sent him into a trance so he could read it without stopping. He still couldn't believe what he'd just learned either.
How the first magic user came about and how he acted because of it, his ups and downs, his fall to the dark side, and everything in between. Every fifth page was a spell for him to learn. It was a lot of information to take in, but that didn't bother him in the least. It would take quite a while to read a book like this as well.
Turing towards the bathroom, Harry stopped in mid step as one of his snakes entered the room and glared at him as only a snake could. Of course it could have been the sharp looking bow tie the thing was wearing, or that it started spinning like a little propeller as Harry stood there staring at the thing.
The snake gave him the Glare of Death, bared his fangs, and hissed.
"I'll ask the elves to leave you alone."
"You'd better, or I'll bit you." Several nearby snakes, also wearing weird bits of clothing, nodded in unison.
oooooooooo
To be Continued…
Notes: Ah, the Truffle Shuffle, made famous in the movie The Goonies. I'd love to post a link to ol'Chunk going at it, but we all know that's impossible with the current ffnet set up on the site.
This was a bit of a random chapter that just kind of evolved. Harry's pranks won't really hurt anyone physically, but that won't stop him from taking things to the next level. I was originally going to have him charm the next day's paper to print the story of his innocence, no matter what the paper said originally. That turned into this chapter. I don't know if I like this one or not to be truthful, but I'll let it stand for now.
What do you think of Harry's army of prankster house elves? Heh, the idea just came to me as I was writing this. Though next chapter I think it's time for Harry to hit a Death Eater, those flatulence cursed DE's just need some company in their misery.
And poor Rita got hit again.
:D
This is my version of a Harry Potter revenge fic, but after a couple of years in Azkaban he's not quite sane anymore. He has some sanity left, but it doesn't really affect him anymore.
oooooooooo
Coven of the Rose
Chapter 04
By CRose
© 2006
oooooooooo
Plans for revenge swirled through Harry's mind as he sat before the fire rereading a book on rituals. He knew that because of the prophesy that he needed to prepare for his fight with Voldemort. Training he was beginning to realize Dumbledore never gave him.
Supposedly he was ready to fight The Dark Clucker, The Dark Log, or any other name Voldemort wanted to take. Surprisingly Azkaban and the Dementor guards allowed him to understand things on a different level than ever before. Before Azkaban Harry wouldn't have questioned anything Dumbledore told him, just like everyone else.
But now things were rather different. For example, not ten feet away five snakes were playing a rather interesting game of twister. They gave a whole new meaning to 'left hand blue'. This and many other things didn't even cause him to blink anymore, he just accepted it and moved on, or joined in if it looked fun.
He had Rita running scared, Fudge was reaping his reward, and his relatives were at St. Mungos spell reversal area. It would take them most of the week to undo those spells. His Uncle the Baboon was still flinging various items at people. It took them hours to subdue him after he left the yard with over a dozen Aurors chasing after him.
Closing his book, he got up and put it back on the shelf. He figured that he'd read over three quarters of the books available so far. Swishing his robe to the side he moved over to the Book of Knowledge. Even after all this time he couldn’t get the book to open. His frustration with was the only reason he hadn't gone and gotten his revenge.
There had to be a way to get into the thing. He was sure it was full of completely delightful spells. He'd figure the password out one of these days, but right then he needed to take care of is next project. With the Dursley's out of the way and safe, so to speak, he didn't need to hold back anymore.
As much as he hated the jerks, he didn't want them dead. Maimed, clawed, paralyzed, and screaming in pain, sure, but not dead. That would be a waste of effort. He pulled his wand out and started pointed it at the floor. The tip flared with bright light and series of symbols and lines started etching themselves into the floor.
He spent the next two hours double checking his rune sets to make sure he wouldn't be killing himself. The ritual he had in mind wasn't that dangerous, but it did have some nasty side effects if everything wasn't perfect. After sweeping the snakes out of the room, he carefully sat down in the middle of the his rune tower and flared his magic.
Back in school he took the time to teach himself the basics of Ancient Runes and Hermione was more than willing to help him study for that. Of course she had no clue that he went far beyond what the school taught. Using his finger, he started to trace runes in the air, each one of them representing an element that would flare with energy and vanish after being drawn.
The very air around him started to hum with powerful magic, but his wards held perfectly. Grinning, he conjured a bowl of warm water and stuck his hands into it. The magic around him flashed into a ball of pure magic and suddenly collapsed backwards right into his body.
Gritting his teeth, he ignored the pain as the ritual started to do what he wanted. He could feel his core altering just slightly and his body filled with power. Sweat glistened on his body as his muscles started to define themselves and strengthen. His eyes flared and started to glow a bright green. By accepting a side effect like that and adding it into the ritual, it made sure something random didn't happen.
Rising gracefully to his feet he looked at the ceiling of the chamber, opened his mouth, and said "Aaarach!"
Magic exploded out of him in a wave of force traveling faster than light as it passed through the walls and crossed the country in under a second. No one would noticed the wave of magic unless they were looking for it. In the Ministry certain employees were hiding under their desks as an alarm went off. No one responded to it though, everyone was still suffering through the flatulence attack.
Deep in the Riddle Forest a little snake head popped out of a bush as the magic wave crossed over. A few seconds later a six foot long snake rose out of the bush with a pair of wings on its back. Its eyes lit up with a green glow that matched Harry's eyes and it vanished with a pop.
Reappearing in front of Harry a few seconds later. "Master." It hissed.
"None of that Master, crap." Harry said in parsletounge.
The snake gave him a weird look. "…"
"Exactly, call me Harry. I've got a little job for you if your up for it."
"Of course…Harry."
Harry grinned. It was so nice to hear a snake call him by name. "Now your unique talents are perfect for this little project. Oh, and what's your name?"
"Quint." The snake hissed.
"Excellent Quint, Now here's what I want you to do." Harry started explaining and it wall all the snake could do not to fall out of the air.
Eyes twinkling, Harry waved as the snake flew off, before walking to the kitchen whistling a little tune. He took a few minutes to drink down a butterbeer, freshly 'borrowed' from a local store, and headed for the potions lab. After his ritual he knew he would need a pain potion within a few hours.
oooooooooo
Harry appeared, his green hooded robe fluttering around him, ominously. A large amount of wind flowed around his body, swirling through out the entire room. Sending everything in sight flying into the air, and this of course caused quite a mess inside the first floor of the Daily Prophet building. Desks were stuck high up in the walls, chairs were hanging from the ceiling, and he'd somehow turned every bit of loose paper in the room into a giant ball of wet soggy paper.
He looked around at the giant mess, slowly stepping over overturned desks. "Oops."
"Of all the people to make my life a living hell, these bastards are one of the top five bastards." He muttered to himself and smirking evilly as several plans whirled around inside his head.
With a wave of his new wand, the paper ball started reshaping itself into a giant paper terrier squatting over the head editor's desk. As an after thought, he created several large wet paper balls and let them fall on the desk to make it a little more real.
He nodded, that was much better. Hissing a couple of Parsletounge spells, he sent beams of green colored magic into the walls and ceiling. He walked gracefully over to the stairs and up to the next level. The Daily Prophet building was five levels and hidden from sight, even among the wizarding world. They had this reputation for pissing off certain people and it was bad for business if they could find the building to complain.
It hadn't been to hard to find the building though, a little trip an employee's home, stun a few hundred dogs sitting outside, and then take a stroll through a certain someone's mind. It only took him ten minutes find the location. Rita really was a lying deceitful hag, but dam could she dance!
He started cackling, but pulled himself together before he started in on a trademark laugh of evil. That was only for his final revenge.
From there he headed up to the second floor, after double checking his first floor spell work, and filled her office doggy biscuits, charmed with a preservative of course, she had a lot of dogs to take care of. He took a few seconds to cackle again. It was high pitched and giggly.
From there he wandered from office to office on the second floor and set up a lot of WWW joke products. The rest of the employees hadn't pissed him off yet, so they just got he playful inconvenient stuff. Except this one guy named Ron Wesley, his name was to much like the traitors, so he turned his office doorway into a portal. The instant the man walked into his room, he'd find himself in the bathroom of a gay bar down in lower London.
A little while later, after deciding not to turn the potted plants into something of the tentacle variety, he found their files on the third floor. Filled with back issues and everything else they had collected over the years. Shrinking charms had been used quite extensively and all of it was black mail material! He refrained from cackling again or he felt he'd start coughing again.
He banished all the filing cabinets to his new home and took a few minutes to fill the whole floor with a coal dust, and then conjured a little bow for decoration. It was a present after all to such swell people and they wouldn't be able to just banish it away either. It'd give the people that worked here something constructive to clean up instead of wasting their time with the paper.
Now all he came here for was the files, but there were two more floors left in the building. Giggling, he strolled up to the forth floor and had to stop for a second just to figure out what, the hell, he was looking at. Like the third floor, it was one giant open space. Instead of being filled with offices or anything like that, he found himself looking at a spa, hot tub, about two hundred house elves in cages along the far wall, and a security guard skinny dipping in the pool.
Harry shook his head, but the image stayed the same. Two hundred pairs of eyes turned to look at him from the cages as he walked across the room. The elves were in very bad shape, nearly starved to death, covered in whip marks, and shaking in fear as they looked at him.
His eyes flared with green fire. "No, no, this won't do at all. Just when I think I might have seen the worst of the wizarding world I have to run across something like this? No, I don't think so."
A quick examination showed that all the cages were magic dampeners to keep the elves in line when no one was there. His wand extended and turned into his staff as he turned away and walked over to the pool. The guard, at least that's who he thought the guy was, his robe was folded up neatly on a chair nearby, appeared to be sleeping on the bottom of the pool.
That explained why he hadn't heard him laughing a few minutes earlier. It only took a second to confirm that the guy was breathing through gills a set of gills at the base of his neck. Growling, he pointed the staff at the man and it elongated, wrapped itself around his neck, and yanked him to the surface almost instantly. Grabbing him by the neck and letting his wand return to normal he held the man in the air with little effort.
"Hi, I'm Harry, will you be my little plaything tonight?"
The man, completely naked, screamed like little girl and burst into tears as Harry's glowing eyes bored into his mind. "Mr. Potter, please…we can make a deal…"
Looking completely insane, Harry cocked his head to side and opened his eyes wide. The effect was really creepy as he slowly grinned. "No, No I don’t think I want to make a deal. I'll just 'play' with you instead."
The man whimpered and started shaking.
"You see I've got certain standards that I live by and slavery, abuse, and torture aren't included in that at all. Yet I arrive here and I find all these poor creatures scared out of their minds just from looking at me? No, I don't think that can go unrewarded."
"Creatures, wha…"
Harry squeezed the man's neck a little, cutting off his air for a second before relaxing. "Now, pal, where is the key to unlock those cages. I have a use for two hundred house elves."
"I can't give…gasp, chock, gargle…"
Yawning, Harry relaxed his grip again and the man gasped for air. "Now I don't think you heard me. Where is the key or whatever unlocks those cages?"
"Password is Print Time, Get to Work." The guard gargled out.
Harry let go of the man and silently transfigured him into an Otter. For some reason he was thinking of Hermione as he turned back to the cages. The elves were still staring at him, though this time there was less fear than before. He tapped the first cage he came to and said the password.
Every door sprang open. "I'd like to talk to all of you."
"Who is you, I is Scar?" asked one House elf.
"Harry Potter."
The elves all gasped.
He smirked and folded his arms. "I'd like all of you to work for me. I'll treat you well and you will be treated fairly. No torture or anything else."
"House elves do job, we is required. No matter the conditions."
"True, but if you come with me you can get a bit of revenge on the wizarding world by helping me."
Over half the house elves suddenly surrounded him and started nodding. Slowly in ones and two the rest started to join the others. In a few minutes only Scar was left. "This only home Scar know."
"I'll give you a better less dangerous life."
"A-alright."
"I'll bond all of you once we get back to my hide out. It's really nifty and we can make changes to accommodate all of you."
"Bring cages." Scar suggested.
"No." Harry snapped.
"Yes Master."
"Call me Harry. Now how about we have a little fun?"
The elves all looked excited and started hopping around. Harry started to explain what he had in mind and elves quickly got to work. The next few hours were impossible to describe as the elves took the time to do some serious spell work throughout the building.
Harry watched them intently and for the first time in almost half an hour, started cackling like a mad man. This only made the Otter swim to the bottom corner of the pool and cower in fear. Even in his new form he could feel a massive amount of magic filling the whole building.
He could see his year end bonus flying out the window. And why, for the love of all that's decent, was Potter having the house elves making a giant effigy of Minister Fudge and Umbridge? Now the House Elves were racing around repainting the whole place.
oooooooooo
"Um…sir?" The Auror said.
Kingsley looked up from a giant stack of paper work. "Yes."
"Um, well…Potter seems to have struck again."
"Who?"
"Um, Potter, short kid, messy hair, been tormenting people for over a week now?"
"No, who did he get." Kingsley grunted.
"Well right now Rita Skeeter is dancing on the roof of her house, in her knickers, doing what one of the Muggleborns Aurors calls the Truffle Shuffle. It's like a lude form of whip and belly shaking."
Kingsley pulled a bottle of Firewiskey out of his desk and took a long drink from the half full bottle. He shuddered and nodded. "Has anyone been able to get her down?"
"No sir, we can't get close to the house. Though, a couple of the men, have started to throw Knuts down her cleavage."
What the hell was Potter doing to people. "Is there spell or something in fluencing them?"
"No sir, they just don’t like her."
"Why can't you get to her?"
"Ah, the whole front yard has become a moat filled with this really smelly cheese. At least that's what we think it is. Oh, and there are about three hundred dogs running around the area as well. They seem to be drinking out of the moat as well." He added as an after thought.
"Right."
"We could stun her, sir."
Kingsley shook his head. "That might not be a good idea. You know how Mrs. Skeeter tends to write those scathing stories about anyone that gets on her bad side."
"Ah, we could kill her? The sight of her wiggling up there is giving the older neighbors a rather good laugh."
"Tempting, but, no."
The Auror shrugged. "This is the second time she's been attacked by Potter, any idea why?"
"Nope, let's just hope it's not anything we have to worry about."
"I doubt that sir. Not after we had to spend three days casting silencing and air fresh charms throughout the cell blocks."
"At least that has calmed down."
Suddenly the fire place flared to green and a man's head formed out of green flames. "Help Me!"
They looked at the man. "Hello Mr. Rich, what can the Aurors do for the Daily Prophet."
"The whole building has been wrecked!" The man started babbling faster than Kingsley could keep up.
"Sir, I'll have some men there in a few minutes. Can you give me any details?"
Mr. Rich took a few calming breaths. "Well, the first floor is full of paper dogs shitting paper balls all over the floor, including this huge one, it's at least ten feet high and tries to squat over any one that enters the building. The damn thing is magic resistant. Even a reducto won't dent the blasted thing. We have a paper to print!"
"Does Rita Skeeter still work for you by any chance?"
The man blinked as his rant was interrupted. "Well yes, her articles usually increase sales by thirty percent or more. She just draws in business with every story she writes."
"Well Potter got to her last night at some point and Pranked her. We just found out about it a few minutes ago, so Potter might have gone to her place…"
"P-Potter did this!?" The man screamed, in excitement. He yanked his head out of the fire and they heard him yelling at various reporters to start taking everything down and lots of pictures before the network closed.
"Now I've got an even worse feeling about this whole situation, sir."
Kingsley nodded. "Harry isn't killing, that's the only good thing to come out of this Prank Lord Potter business so far. It's just making out lives a living hell, which is the whole point I expect."
"Orders sir?"
"You'd better find a way to get Rita down."
"Yes sir."
Standing up, Kingsley made sure his wand holster was in place and headed out of the office. "I'll head over to the Daily Prophet building, I think I recall where it is."
Several minutes later Kingsley arrived at the Daily Prophet and found out that it was worse than he thought. Hundreds of employees had shown up for work, only to find the building changed. He looked up and saw that the first floor was now the forth floor. When had it rearranged itself?
Every window was a different color, blue, green, red, yellow, pink, puce, and dozens of others. Little paper air planes were dive bombing people on the street, firing something that changed the color of their robes and hair where the magic hit.
The fifth floor was now the second floor. That roof wasn't supporting the rest of the building very well either, it was a hell of a magical prank though. Just like something Potter would pull off. Then he noticed that the third floor was actually full of water, making the walls bulge out and little streams of water spraying out.
Worst of all, was the fifth floor, or above what was now the roof. Fire works were firing into the air, exploding and forming into various people shapes. He recognized one of a Goblin, it was humping building for several shocking minutes before it dissipated. Then Rita and her Truffle Shuffle, a truly horrifying sight. Dumbledore offering the world a lemon drop, complete with a word balloon.
"Ah, Kingsley, I see you showed up."
He turned and nodded. "Hello Mr. Rich."
"It rearranged itself after we started taking pictures, it keeps posing. Even got one where it tries to look sexy. It didn't work with that giant paper dog though. It dropped a load right out it's eye. Poor Purkle, he's never going to be quite the same after this."
"Potter seems to dislike you guys."
Rich nodded. "We've been a little critical of him in the past."
"Right, I believe you called him An Attention Seeking Dark Wizard with Delusions of Competence during his trial."
He coughed. "Something like that, yes. Nothing to get mad over though."
"I believe that was your best selling paper in the last decade."
"Yep, we had an eighty percent gain in profits that day."
"I don’t see how there's anything the ministry can do about this." Kingsley waved at the chaos. Why was there an Otter hanging out a window trying to wave at people?
"You damn well better!" Rich yelled.
"What would you have me do?" Kingsley gaped as a giant fire work monkey started climbing the building and swatting at paper airplanes swarming around him. It reached the top and stood up straight. Reaching down out of sight it pulled out a top hat and a cane and started dancing happily.
'Hello my Baby! Hello my Darling…'
"This just gets better and better and I can't get the paper out because he's messed with the whole building! Aaaaaaagh! It's not fair!"
"Potter isn't fair."
"I believe that's the whole point." Kingsley muttered. He'd have to call out a team from the Unspeakable department for this. It was to big for the usual people to handle. He was starting to understand how Potter won the Tri-Wizard's Tournament a couple years back.
Suddenly the world shifted and every living thing within two hundred feet of the building became a little long haired Yorkie. Barking filled the square as everyone started to panic and run around. Complete chaos ensued!
Kingsley-Yorkie suddenly hoped Rita Skeeter didn't suddenly show up! "Bark ark Bark ark!"
oooooooooo
Two hundred House Elves, that was quite a few house elves. Harry decided to have them expand his cave/house into something much better over then next few days. The elves needed something to do and he had no intention of doing it by himself. He had some studying to do after all. By the end of the week the cave was gone and good sized magical manor had taken its place.
He found out that the whole place was already on Unplottable land so he didn't have to worry about anyone finding the now visible house. The grounds were quite well done and the elves were keeping very busy. As the second week rolled around he was organizing the elves into teams of ten and sending them out to do simple prank attacks on people.
Nothing direct, but over the course of the next month Hogwarts became Glow in the Dark, the quiddich field now had a little arrow that followed the snitch all over the field, and he had the burrow turned bright pink from the tip of it's off center roof to the ground. His Uncle became a Hippo, Dudley turned into a sperm whale, and his Aunt returned to normal, except she was now black. The doctors had to sedate her to keep the screaming down.
The roof of the twins joke shop soon acquired a giant inflatable house elf that wandered around the roof and mooned anyone that came in. The twins were delighted and had little miniature ones made up and couldn’t stop giggling as the days passed. By the end of the month Harry finally managed to get a handle on things and let the elves do as they wanted, which set off a kind of rebellion among the elves.
They weren't quite sure how to take a direct order of 'Go have fun and prank as many people as you can without being caught'. By that time he had all the House Elves wearing mini green robes with hoods, masks, and a carrying a prank pouch. They pulled off some things even he hadn't though of. With their identity hidden by the robes, they became completely different beings.
They turned all of Hogs meed into a giant twister tournament that lasted for half a day and everyone in town had to play. Cho won eventually, proving that was the most flexible girl in town and earned herself pair of fine woolen socks. Rumor had it that Dobby had picked the prize.
Dobby had shown up about a week before with is own homemade green, pink, blue, orange, and yellow prank robe. Of course Harry recognized him the instant he latched onto his leg and started calling him The great Prank Lord Harry Potter at the top of his lungs.
Once that was settled Harry sent the elves off to play while headed to the library. He was a bit surprised several minutes later when he took a few minutes before his nightly bath to examine the Book of Knowledge and found that this time he could open the book.
The first pages were accessible. Pages one and two were an explanation of the book and how, even though it was over a thousand pages, it was only showing one tenth of its true size. As he advanced his skills and took an oath to use his skills for the light, he would gain more and more access to the book over the next few months.
Harry had to think about it for several minutes as he considered his recent actions. He realized that he was still firmly light side, it was only the people he trusted that turned their backs on him. He took the oath provided and felt the magic connect with his core.
After glowing for several seconds, words started filling up the provided pages and sat down to read. Three hours later he came to the end of the last page. He stepped back to think. That hadn't been what he expected, the book wasn't just a spell book, it was an everything book.
Even stranger it was a dedicated history book that detailed everything that had happened starting five thousand years ago. It shouldn't have taken that long to read either. Something about the book allowed it to put more information on the page than could bee seen. It also sent him into a trance so he could read it without stopping. He still couldn't believe what he'd just learned either.
How the first magic user came about and how he acted because of it, his ups and downs, his fall to the dark side, and everything in between. Every fifth page was a spell for him to learn. It was a lot of information to take in, but that didn't bother him in the least. It would take quite a while to read a book like this as well.
Turing towards the bathroom, Harry stopped in mid step as one of his snakes entered the room and glared at him as only a snake could. Of course it could have been the sharp looking bow tie the thing was wearing, or that it started spinning like a little propeller as Harry stood there staring at the thing.
The snake gave him the Glare of Death, bared his fangs, and hissed.
"I'll ask the elves to leave you alone."
"You'd better, or I'll bit you." Several nearby snakes, also wearing weird bits of clothing, nodded in unison.
oooooooooo
To be Continued…
Notes: Ah, the Truffle Shuffle, made famous in the movie The Goonies. I'd love to post a link to ol'Chunk going at it, but we all know that's impossible with the current ffnet set up on the site.
This was a bit of a random chapter that just kind of evolved. Harry's pranks won't really hurt anyone physically, but that won't stop him from taking things to the next level. I was originally going to have him charm the next day's paper to print the story of his innocence, no matter what the paper said originally. That turned into this chapter. I don't know if I like this one or not to be truthful, but I'll let it stand for now.
What do you think of Harry's army of prankster house elves? Heh, the idea just came to me as I was writing this. Though next chapter I think it's time for Harry to hit a Death Eater, those flatulence cursed DE's just need some company in their misery.
And poor Rita got hit again.
:D