Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ If You Hit Me Baby One More Time! ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Harry and Draco are at it again, fighint like cats and dogs in the hallways and everything! But what happens when McGonagall steps in? Crack, DH.

Non Anime: Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.30.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 832 | Status: Completed

A/N: I don't own Harry Potter.

Oi!!!: This is my 'MATA!!!' section for HP fics now. Anyhoo, tis a boyonboy and is pretty much crack.

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

"Wanker."

"Ferret."

"Pansy."

"Fuck you!" Harry Potter ripped out his wand and began firing hexes at his long time enemy Draco Malfoy. Draco quickly retaliated and sent Harry a nasty little curse that landed him on the ceiling of all places. Students below were stunned by the open spectacle of hate.

"Boys!" Professor McGonagall shouted at the dueling pair. Harry had just sent a hex to Draco from the ceiling which caused him to turn green and double over. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy! I want to see you two in my office at once! Mr. Malfoy you first, Professor Snape please get Mr. Potter of my ceiling." With that she turned and strode out of the corridor, Draco in tow.

Harry was let down from the ceiling by a smirking Snape. "Well Mr. Potter, it looks like you were officially beaten. Even I would never let myself get hit by a Navio of all things." Snape chided.

"Yeah, yeah just let me down." Harry grumbled from halfway up.

"Temper, temper Mr. Potter I could just drop you," Harry fell a few more feet rather quickly, "Right now." Harry shut his mouth.

------------------------------------------------------------- --------

"Malfoy."

"Potter."

"Prat."

"Twat."

"You're mother was a test tube baby."

Draco's eyes filled with rage, the curses came but no one besides the two took any notice. These little dueling sessions had been taking place for the past four days, everyone had had enough Draco/Harry fights to last a few months.

"Oh, good Mr. Malfoy's only been hit with the fire fox fur curse, we're just in time." Minerva said causally.

"Yes, well I wouldn't want to be him right now." Snape proclaimed as he watch Malfoy try to conjure up some clothes.

"Yes, that was a good choice from Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy is so protective of his image. Now he's got no clothes on in the middle of a duel, although I don't like the way Miss Granger is looking at him." McGonagall replied, "Well might as well break this up; else one of them will get hurt, or raped."

"Alight boys funs over!" Filch called at the Headmistress's signal, he waved his arms about as the two ignored him. Snape sighed and cast an immobilization charm over the two.

"Mr. Potter follow me please, Mr. Malfoy with Professor Snape." She turned as Harry followed, the walk to the Headmistress's office was quiet. Once inside Professor McGonagall told Harry to sit, as she herself did the same.

"I'm not even going to repeat myself Mr. Potter, I'm not sure what is going on with you and Mr. Malfoy but, it will stop. Now, I've given you two enough detentions to last a lifetime and they don't seem to be working." She stopped and stared at Harry for a few minutes, it seemed he wasn't even paying attention to the woman. "Mr. Potter! You would do well to know your place!"

"Sorry, Professor McGonagall; I was just thinking about something." Harry replied. Minerva's eyes soften.

"Harry, what is going on? I've never seen you two go at it like this, not even with Alb- I mean Professor Dumbledore-"

"Professor McGonagall," Harry cut her off, he didn't want to hear another speech about how sad he was when Dumbledore died. "Malfoy and I have had a little disagreement over something and at the moment we are trying our best to get over it the only way we know how."

"And what was this disagreement?" McGonagall asked.

"It's really not important, not to you anyway, it's just something between us is all."

"Mr. Potter I asked you a question and I do expect a proper answer, one way or another." To flourish the threat she conjured up a bottle of veritaserum. Harry paled, he REALLY didn't need to tell his professor, especially McGonagall why he and Draco were fighting.

"Erm....Can't it wait a bit? See how things turn out, eh?" Harry chuckled nervously.

Minerva thought it over, was knowing the truth to why the two were fighting that important? She mulled over the thought and concluded that yes it was. "Alright you have till tomorrow to tell me unless this thing clears up. Until then," She looked slyly over at Harry, "You two will have to stay in the same room together, meals and things will be taken care of." Harry went slack jawed, he had to stay in the same room with Draco for 24 hours?! What kind of crack punishment was that?!

Just then Draco and Snape enter the room, Snape's face remained impassively sour where as Draco sneered at Harry. Harry flipped him the bird and turned back to the woman before him.

"Alright let's go down to the dungeons." McGonagall stood and started out of the room.

"Excuse me, Professor?" Draco asked as the stepped on the stair case and both teachers turned towards him. "Why are we going down to the dungeons?"

"Well in the dungeons you two will able to work out whatever it is that's wrong in private, without the aid of magic." Draco grumbled and Harry glared at the walls. If the walls had been alive (Which some of them were.) they would have been very, very scared. (Actually one wall got really upset and threw a picture at Harry. The picture of course was sorry, and McGonagall had to stupefy the wall. Whose name was Stone of England of all things. Draco laughed like a banshee and Snape threatened a binding spell if he didn't shut up.)

Once to the dungeons Snape opened a door and let the two in, McGonagall took their wands and told them that they could make up any work they missed after this was solved. That and food would appear on either of their requests. With a final good-bye the two teachers left.

Harry sat down on a couch and glared a Draco. Draco glared from the opposite couch, he's a little more frightening than Harry's.

"You know Potter, you really shouldn't glare like that, it kind of makes you look like a pig." Draco commented after some time.

"Sod off, Malfoy." Harry said turning away.

"What no snappy insult from ickle Harry? Just a 'Sod off?' You're losing your touch."

"There's a bug in you hair."

Draco jumped three feet in the air, "Ahhh!!! Where?! Get it off! Get it off! Help meeeeeeeee!!!!!!" Draco swatted wildly at his head trying to shoo off the imaginary bug. Harry made no move to help, he might have, but he was too busy laughing. Once Draco realized the dark haired boy was joking he turned angrily to face him.

"You fucking bastard! That was not funny!"

"Yes- Yes it was," Harry said between laughs, "It was bloody hilarious! 'Help meeeeee!'" He imitated.

"Aragh!" Draco punched Harry in the face, not hard, but hard enough to hurt.

"Prick!" Harry jumped up and pushed Draco to the floor, jumping on top of him. Draco slapped Harry across the face, Harry slammed his fist into the blondes stomach. Rolling them over, Draco grabbed Harry by the tie and pulled him up to stand, Draco backed him into a wall. Kicks and punches ensued, but once Harry had taken a blow to the side of his head he had had enough.

"If you hit me one more time!" Harry shouted, and Draco stopped looking down at him.

"What? What are you going to do? Scream me to death?"

"No, but I'll tell McGonagall the real reason we're fighting, and what you did to her desk." Harry smirked as Draco paled.

"If I recall you were there as well." Draco growled.

"Yes, but that can be fixed, I can say I was forced. We all know how the teachers love the 'Golden Boy' and how he would never to anything so dirty." Draco let go and walked over to the couch sitting down with a sigh.

"You're so cruel, Harry."

"Not as much as you." Harry replied. "She wants to know why we're fighting anyway, she's threatened to use veritaserum if she has to." Harry sat a little ways away from Draco on the couch, facing him.

"So what do you plan on telling her?"

"I'm not really sure, I don't really want to tell her everything." Harry answered.

"Well would you mind telling me why we're fighting, 'cause I don't have a clue." Draco asked bitterly.

"What do you mean you 'Don't have a clue!' You started this damned thing!"

"All I know is that you got upset about something and then decided not to talk to me."

"SOMETHING?! That little was something was the fact that you were ogling the new bartender at the Three Broomsticks! I was sitting right there!"

Draco looked incredulously at his boyfriend, "That bartender had a boogie the whole time we were there."

"Wha?"

"Yes, she had the hugest boogie I have ever seen in my life hanging from her nose, I thought she might suffocate from the size of it!"

"Oh...." Harry looked away sheepishly, now how was he supposed to justify this fight? "Well why the Hell did you call me Pansy?!"

"Because you were acting like one." Draco replied simply.

"I am nothing like Pansy thank-you very much!" Harry turned away, indignant.

"What? I didn't call you Pansy, I called you a pansy! Like the insult!" Draco shouted exasperated, "You are such and idiot! Why do I even put up with you?!"

"Because I'm sexy and have an amazing personality?" Harry asked.

"Personality, like rocks. All you ever think about is doing the right thing!" Draco grumbled.

Harry sidled over to him and whispered in his ear, "How about I do the right thing right now?"

"That's be all well and good if McGonagall wasn't watching us from the portrait over there." Draco said lazily.

"Oh!" There was crash on the other side of the room as someone fell inside a picture.

"Holy shit!" Harry jumped back from Draco like he was on fire.

"Well," Minerva appeared in the portrait again looking a little disheveled, "I see you tow have worked out your...Err...Differences...Professor Snape will be there to let you out in a few minutes!" She rushed out the last part and began to close the portrait.

"Actually if we could stay here a bit longer, that'd be great. Still got some differences to work out and all." Draco called to her.

"Draco!" Harry whined as McGonagall fell again.

"Fine, fine just hurry up please!" She disappeared.

"Draco how long was she there?" Harry asked a few minutes later.

"Since you told me there was a bug on my head."

"Oh! So she saw you jumping about like a mad man!" Harry laughed at the memory.

"Shut up." Draco pulled him in for a bruising kiss, "Now I believe you were about to 'Do the right thing.'"

"Yes of course, love."

A/N: I'm not so sure about that ending, it's a little shady. I do like the McGonagall part though...Anyway I bet your all wondering what the Hell just happened, and I tell you, I haven't the foggiest! I wrote this soty becuase well, honestly I walked into my bathroom and the fisrt thing I thought was 'If you hit me baby one more time!' and I thought 'Hmmm that's make a good story!' Yea that's all. Well tell me what you think, just don't be too mean about it! Oh as always unbeta'd!