InuYasha Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction / Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Anime goes to Therpy ❯ Deliver Us Some Issues ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Adnilem
Well this it the last chapter, time to find out what kind of pschoitic treatments the shrinks have cooked up for their patients. Please Review we would really like to know what you guys thought of this fanfic. n_n

Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction / Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 03.02.2006 | Updated On: 03.20.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 266 | Status: Completed

Chapter Fifteen - Deliver Us Some Issues
Finally, for the last time, the exhausted shrinks made their way into the waiting room. Each took a fair sized portion of the notes they had compiled on their patients. Mitzy went first, staggering under the weight of the papers.
      “In no particular order,” she announced, “the winners are…” Mitzy looked confused for a moment, then threw her Hottest Guy of the Month magazine, which had inexplicably worked its way into her papers, to the floor. Nuriko and Matt briefly fought over it. They both ended up with half of the second hottest guy.
      Mitzy shook her head, then continued. “As I was saying, in no particular order, we will now tell you our analyses and suggest treatments if we deem them necessary. Or possible, for that matter.”
      “First,” she read, “Sango and Miroku. Your problems aren't as severe as they could be. Sango, you seem to have no real problems except for a slight obsession with your missing brother. Miroku, on the other hand, is a womanizing freak.”
      The patients giggled.
      Mitzy continued. “However, we think that that could be cured with some behavioral reconditioning. So, Miroku, each time you hit on a woman, Sango will zap you with this cattle prod.”
      Sango grinned darkly. Miroku backed away very slowly…
      “Next,” continued Mitzy, “mix on high for 30 seconds.” Another puzzled look crossed her face as she tossed Flueky's cookbook to the side. “Ahem. I meant, Ed. Ed, you seem to have a cute- er, an acute- case of… I can't read that word…Short Man's Complex is what it is.”
      Ed's face twisted in anger as he leapt onto the receptionist desk and screamed something to the effect of, “WHO ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE, YOU GIANT FREAKS OF NATURE?!”
      Mitzy looked at him calmly and added, “Not to mention a complete lack of anger control, and manners. We think it would do you good to spend some time in group therapy with the Munchkins from Oz.”
      Upon hearing the word Oz, all four Gundam pilots pulled their guns and leapt to their feet. Quatre slipped on a magazine and somehow managed to get his head stuck in the vase of flowers on the corner table. “OZ, where?!” came a muffled shout from inside.
      Mitzy shook her head. “Have you people never seen the movie- Oh, nevermind! Let me finish this, will you?! And put down those guns!”
      The gundam pilots sheepishly took their seats, except for Quatre, who decided it might be wise to sit still and not make any noise until Mitzy chilled.
      “Anyway. Where was I? Oh, Ed. Right. I was kidding about the munchkins, but there is a very supportive bra- er…” Mitzy paused and tossed aside the Victoria's Secret catalogue, which Ishtar claimed for Duzell. Mitzy continued, “…therapy group for people such as yourself, who are vertically challenged. And I think we'll send you to some anger management as well.”
      Ed sputtered as Vord and Darres forcibly restrained him from attacking Mitzy. 
      “Next, we have Ishtar and her kitty, Duzell,” Mitzy said, glancing at Darres, Vord, and Yujinn. “We have determined that Ishtar is a bit of a brat, probably since she was pretty much born with a silver spoon in her mouth”
      Chrissy blinked. She was only a psychiatrist, but that definitely sounded like a gynecological impossibility.
      Mitzy continued. “Ishtar's cat has some issues though, starting with a taste for blood.”
      Chrissy looked at her bandaged hand, then glared at the smirking cat.
      “Also, we have reason to think that Duzell-kitty is in denial over his sexuality.”
      “Mreeee-yow!” screeched Duzell, baring his fangs at Mitzy. Mitzy bared her teeth back at him. “You do!,” she said. “If you weren't at least bi, you wouldn't be watching guys in the shower.”
      Darres gave Mitzy a look that clearly said she was the one in need of shrinking. Yujinn shook his head. “I'd say the cat has more problems than denying he's gay if he likes watching human men shower.”
      “Yeah, interspecies relationships never work…” sighed Miroku. Sango zapped him. Vord nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it'sh a shame, awright…” Vord said, eyeing the cat. The very sexy cat, in his own opinion.
      Mitzy composed herself and kept going. “Sooo, we think the cat should…”
      “Have his teeth removed?” suggested Chrissy hopefully.
      “…no.”< /font>
      “Be neutered?”
      “No, that'd be more like a treatment for Miroku!” yelled Mitzy, throwing a vase at Chrissy. “Really, I don't know what to do! We shrink humans, not bisexual vampires who spend most of their time as women or felines!”
      All the patients just sort of stared. Ishtar sweatdropped. “Heeheehee, aren't they crazy Darres?”
      Darres nodded grimly. “Probably because you made them shrink your cat…” he muttered under his breath.
      Mitzy finally sat down and Britty stood up.
      “Let's see…I have Chi and Hideki. Hideki, as far as I'm concerned, you don't really have a problem. However, I have scheduled you for a weekend in the mountains with Chi.” Britty winked.
      Hideki promptly grabbed a tissue to stem the nosebleed at the thought.
       “Then… We have…Daisuke and Satoshi. Daisuke, I think you're fine. Dark on the other hand, is a kleptomaniac. Good news is, I think we have something he can take for that.” Britty winked. Dark grinned. “I'm way ahead of you,” he said as he lounged in a chair and read what appeared to be Hideki's magazine.
      “And Satoshi. It's tough to give an analysis without having spoken to your alter ego, but I think it might help to keep a nice straight jacket or exorcist around.”
      “And Nuriko…You seem to be suffering from some sort of post traumatic-type thing from the death of your sister. You just need to realize that you are a man and that no matter what you wear or act like, you can't become her. I think we'll send you to football camp to help you with that.”
      Britty took a seat, allowing Chrissy to take over.
      Chrissy stood. “Looks like I've got the pilots,” she said, looking over her papers. “Quatre? You seem to have a slight masculinity shortage and a flower fetish. Which is nothing that can't be fixed by spending a week at football camp along with Nuriko,' she said, grinning.
      “And Trowa. First let me say I don't think you have any real psychological issues. However, I think a drug test would be a good thing, because I've never seen anyone laugh that much without having any drugs involved.”
      Trowa blinked and hid the bottle of pills he had been eyeing.
      “And Duo…Well, you appear to be a healthy, hormonal teenage boy. Congratulations. Just don't let that get you into trouble, alright?”
      Duo nodded and grinned, flipping through the magazine he had snatched from Dark.
      “Heero. You're aggressive, antisocial, emotionally inept… In general, you really aren't good with people. I think you need to spend a week with Britty. If anyone can bring you out of that shell, she can,” said Chrissy, grinning.
      “Then…Raenef. I think you should go ahead and spend the a week with Nuriko and Quatre at the football camp as well,” Chrissy said. “Eclipse, you should accompany your lord.”
      “And that's everyone,” said Chrissy. All three shrinks gave mental sighs of relief (a/n: who can blame them, after writing 24 pages worth of fanfic, 33 in size twelve font).
      “Be sure to tell us how it goes!” the shrinks chorused as the patients left.
Epilogue - A Week and A Half Later…
A week and a half later found the shrinks back in their office looking over their letters and follow up papers. Matt was still cleaning from the food fight. Flueky was on vacation in the UK with her lover-boy (unbeknownst to her, Darke had snuck into her luggage in the hopes of more strip poker). The shrinks themselves, well…
      Britty was doing quite well, with her brand new convertible (which was a complete guy magnet). She already had several love interests fighting over her everywhere she went.
      Mitzy had had her driver's liscense revoked due to the deaths of several mailboxes at the start of this fic, but that was ok. Britty drove her most places. At the time, she was currently alternating between filing papers, making notes, and arguing with Chrissy and Duzell (through one of Yujinn's mirrors) over Kaworu.
      Chrissy was doing well also, except for the hussy trying to take her man. She was having fun reading the letters from all the patients.
      “Sango says she's much better now. She says she's almost completely broken Miroku from chasing after women, but now he just complains about the burns on his butt,” Chrissy informed the others.
      “That's nice,” said Mitzy, still trying to convince Duzell that Kaworu wouldn't be interested in some old vampire cat.
      “Here's a note from Roy Mustang. Apparently, he's Ed's superior. It says that Ed's as bad as ever with his temper, but now he's figured out how to transmute people into midgets when they call him short. He says it's useful for research, though…”
      “Duzell says that Ishtar's as immature as ever. She trying to find him a wedding dress. Darres is the same as ever, except that now he's always taking off to go play strip poker with Yujinn. And Vord is still drunk as ever. Duzell himself is fine, though,” said Mitzy, pausing in her argument.
      `'Here's a postcard from Hideki and Chi. Looks like they're having fun…” said Britty wistfully. “They're at the beach right now.”
      “I wanna go…” whined Chrissy. Mitzy smacked her.
      “And a letter from all the Gundam pilots. Duo says he's fine and that he's not in trouble… yet. He wants to know how Mitzy's doing,” Britty read.
      Mitzy blinked.
      “Heero said he… had a blast talking to me last week,” Britty read, blushing.
      “Whoo-hoo… 221; whistled Chrissy, winking. “Go, Britty!”
      “Trowa says he's doing fine and that his ribs almost don't hurt anymore,” Britty said, looking puzzled.
      “Well, he was laughing quite a bit…” replied Chrissy. “Hey, what's this?”
      Britty glanced down and picked up the postcard from the floor. “It's from Quatre. It says he's going to visit us soon… and he's bringing some friends from football camp, including Nuriko and Raenef…”
      All three shrinks exchanged looks of terror.
      Mizty picked up a letter slightly scented with perfume. “Nuriko says the same thing. Says he's coming back with Raenef and Quatre and that he's found some cute outfits for everyone to try on…”
      There was a long silence, followed by a slightly shorter one.
      “Wonder if he knows I like red?” Mitzy wondered aloud.
      Britty, holding a novel-length letter, laughed nervously. “It's from Relena, telling me all the ways she plans to murder me for `stealing her Hee-chan',” she explained.
      “Sounds like someone else who could use some therapy…” mused Mitzy.
      “Here's a letter from Daisuke. Apparently Satoshi's moved in with him to keep Dark from stealing any more art. So far, it hasn't worked. Dark keeps locking him in the bathroom,” Chrissy said, glancing over another postcard.
      “Is that everyone?” asked Britty.
      “I think so,” replied Chrissy, trying unsuccessfully to file away the letters.
      “Good. Then let's go eat. I'm starving!” said Mitzy. Her stomach growled loudly, doing its best impression of a very angry-slash-hungry-slash-big tiger. She opened the door to leave… and found the way blocked by twenty big, burly, sweaty, muscle-y, football players with flowers in their hair. Quatre, Nuriko, and Raenef grinned from behind them. “We thought you should meet all the new friends we made at camp!” chirped Quatre. “Sorry about the door…they can get kinda enthusiastic.”
      The three shrinks laughed nervously.
      “You have a lot more patients out there too!” piped Raenef, handing Mitzy a list. “We took the liberty of getting their names for you.”
      “Okay…” Chrissy said, reading the list over Mitzy's shoulder. “Cho Hakkai, Sha Gojyo…”
      “Kyo and Yuki Sohma…Ayaame Sohma…” continued Britty.
      “Relena Peacecraft…No surprise there, I guess,” said Mitzy.
      “Inuyasha… Kikyo…” said Chrissy.
      “Ranma Saotome…Ikari Shinji…” read Britty
      “Nagisa Kaworu…” Mizty read, then stopped and looked up at Chrissy.
      Without another word, both shrinks ran for the waiting room.
Britty sighed. “Here we go again…” she muttered as she followed them.