InuYasha Fan Fiction / Excel Saga Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ If Anime Characters Invaded Your TV ❯ Japan's Funniest Home Video ( Chapter 4 )

Episode 5 ~ Japan's Funniest Home Video's

 

Excel: Hi! I'm Excel—from Excel Saga. I'm in the ACROSS organization. I'd tell ya more about that, except I've probably said too much just saying that. *looks around* They said they'd give me food if I stood around here talking into this microphone. I've been eating nothing but ramen and it's been boiling. We thought we'd have to eat Menchi!

Menchi: *slinking across stage* Damn the crazy b***. Someday, I will have my revenge.

 

Excel: Ooookay…the camera guy's making some kind of weird sign. Oh! He wants to play charades! *steals Hyatt's reading glasses* Kill—cook—oh! You're dead. Okay! That was fun. Let's see. Read…read…read the script! Script—ha! He must be crazy if he thinks there's a script in this story.

 

***Note: There was a script, but it ceased to exist because Excel thought it was rice paper***

 

Excel: Never fear! I will announce this first video which will be a tribute to our nation.

 

VIDEO 1: BEAUTY HINTS

 

**Closeup shot of Naraku**

 

Naraku: *singing* Girl's just want to have fun. Ohh, girls just want to have fun…

 

**Snicker**

 

Naraku: *talking to mirror* I'm the sexiest villain alive. Oh, yes, I'm so damn sexy. But nowhere near the preferred amount until I use this villain brand eyeshadow…for that ultimate goth-boy look.

 

**snicker**

 

Naraku: *pause* Is someone there?

 

Off-Camera voice: Tell them about your shoe fetish, Naraku

 

Naraku: Grrr…

 

Off-Camera voice: His favorite pair of shoes are some sparkly pink sketchers. He's self-conscious, though, and only wears them under his big baboon suit.

 

Naraku: Kagura. What do you think you are doing?

 

Kagura: Getting my revenge for the baking soda you poured into my diet cokes. YOU WILL PAY!

 

Naraku: This time Kagura, you will get no reprieve. I will kill you…slowly…

 

Kagura: *running out of the room* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Naraku: Get back here, wench!

Kagura: MY LIFE FORCE WILL FADE, BUT THE MEMORY WILL LIVE OOOOOOOONNNN!!!!!

 

END VIDEO

 

Excel: Wow…diet cokes. *drools* Oh, it's time again, isn't it. Wow, wasn't that awesome? You know, I think I may keep some of these tapes when Il Palazzo destroys all the media in his mass-burning of the untruths in this city when ACROSS takes over.

 

Puchuu: Puchuu!

 

Excel: OMG, I know the funniest joke! OK, so how much pu could a puchuu chu if a puchuu could chu pu? HA HA HA! OMG, I just got that. I just thought it was funny because it made me think of chewing gum… Now I'm hungry….

 

VIDEO 2: CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS

 

Kagome: Inuyasha! Fetch boy! *tosses ball*

 

Inuyasha: *glare* You're kidding, right?

 

Kagome: Inuyasha, Fetch boy! *tosses stick*

 

Inuyasha: *sitting on rock, eating sushi and reading newspaper*

 

Kagome: *glare*

 

***Camera shows Kagome going to a familiar village***

 

Kaede: Greetings child. And how ye be?

 

Kagome: Super! Except I'm having this problem…

 

Kaede: Is Inuyasha refusing to look for the jewel shards again?

 

Kagome: Noo….that's not it…

 

Kaede: Has my binding spell failed you?

 

Kagome: No, that's not it, either.

 

Kaede: Then tell me child…

 

***Meanwhile***

 

Inuyasha: *still reading paper* Hmm…what does this symbol mean? `?' (Note: Inuyasha cannot really read. He just likes the pictures. Then afterwards, he tears it up and sleeps on it)

 

Kagome: *sneaking stealthily*

 

Inuyasha: M-X-G-I-P spells cake. If I can remember that then…uh—what in all hells?

 

Kagome: *sparkling eyes*

 

Inuyasha: What's this? Another necklace?

 

Kagome: I made it in…uh…chemistry class.

 

Inuyasha: Great. Go away. I was reading my paper.

 

Kagome: Won't you play fetch?

 

Inuyasha: What have I told you, you mad wench? I don't do the whole trick deal. The only reason I sit when you say sit is because of that old hag's spell—which I will kill her for if I ever get out of this. (muttering: Kikyo never made me do tricks)

 

Kagome: *evil grin* FETCH, BOY!

 

Inuyasha: *goes flying towards red ball* *clamps in teeth*

 

Inuyasha: Muhf en wall ells?!! (Trans: What in all the hells?)

 

Kagome: *grin* Next time, she said she'd make me one for roll over…won't that be fun. Won't it—Inu? Inuyasha?

 

Inuyasha: *unconscious*

 

END VIDEO

 

Excel: *sob* Oh…that poor carrot cake. Wasted…oh yeah… *guilty look* I was watching this channel. Leave me alone. OK, I wish Menchi knew some tricks, but teaching tricks is so tiring…and when I get tired I get sooooo hungry.

 

Hyatt: Hi! I'm co-announcer, Hyatt!

 

Excel: I was telling them about the carrot cake.

 

Hyatt: Resolute! Oh, and Il Palazzo disagrees with your methods of communication with the public. He says that you deviate from the topic in question and are not forthcoming the vital information for this television broadcast.

 

Excel: O_O

 

Hyatt: *rolls eyes* Stop talking about food.

 

Excel: All righty! From here on in I'll stop. Piece of cake—aw damn! I did it again!

 

Hyatt: *takes mike from sobbing Excel* Ok, our next video…

 

Excel: Ooooooh why? Why carrot cake? I would have eaten you and given you a good home. WHYYYYYYY?

 

Hyatt: Our next video is about…

 

Excel: POOOOOR CARROT CAKE!!!

 

***two men in white coat drag Excel of stage***

 

Hyatt: Why you shouldn't play spin the bottle in the dark…

 

VIDEO 3: CORRUPT KISSES

 

Misty: This seems like a bad idea, Ash, playing in the dark. How can you see the people?

 

Ash: It was Brock's idea…

 

Misty: *hangs head* I see…so this is the only way he can get kissed…in the dark…where no one can see his face.

 

Brock: Hey…Nurse Joy liked me

 

Misty: Which one?

 

Brock: Er…all of them?

 

Ash: You know, they're not all the same

 

Brock: Yes they are

 

Ash: Not if you know how to look

 

Brock: Hey! I thought I was the hentai in this story!

 

Ash: You are the hentai. Not everyone shares your filthy thoughts.

 

***door opens***

 

Miroku, Sango, Kirara, and Shippo walk in.

 

Miroku: Greetings, fellow travelers. Why are you all sitting in the closet—in the dark for that matter?

 

Sango: *hits him over the head with a boomerang* See! I told you they weren't doing what you thought they were doing!

 

Shippo: O.o

 

Kirara: Mew

 

Pikachu: Pika!

 

Brock: *studying Sango* You're the most beautiful woman I've seen! Would you consider going out with me?

 

Sango: >_< Why does this sound so familiar?

 

Misty: Don't worry…he does that to everyone

 

Miroku: Ah, fellow comrade; at last, someone who appreciates the finer things in life

 

Sango: You mean someone who'll share a dirty book with you, monk?

 

Miroku: *shocked* That goes against my religion. It would never cross my mind to do such a thing.

 

Ash: Well…if we're gonna do this…

 

Miroku: *groping* Sango, is that you?

 

Sango: It better not be, monk, or you might just end up as a permanent resident of this closet

 

Ash: I'm scared…something's touching my butt…

 

*bottle spins*

 

Misty: Okay, Brock's rules. Kiss the person you think the bottle is facing.

 

***lights go on***

 

Kagome steps into room, shocked.

 

Miroku is making out with Pikachu, muttering “Oh, Sango”

 

Brock has a bump on his head and Sango is storming out of the room

 

Ash is having an intimate moment with Kirara.

 

Kagome: Oh my god

 

Inuyasha: Heh. Wow. I wish we could've been here instead. Why did we have to go to that stupid dinner?

 

Kagome: Because you owed me a date.

 

Inuyasha: I don't owe you anything.

 

Kagome: FETCH BOY!

 

Inuyasha: *whizzes out of closet*

 

Misty: (got off scot-free) OK…note: never play one of Brock's sick games ever again…

 

***room is empty save for Miroku and Brock***

 

Miroku: …Want to get some dirty books?

 

Brock: Sure...

 

END OF MOVIE

 

Hyatt: Ah, the human mating ritual. Such a complex dance of grace and passion. *watching rice crispies commercial* Oh, yes, the program has come to an end. I do not understand this show. For what reason is this funny?

 

Producer: Hyatt, say something funny

 

Hyatt: Well I—oh god. *cough* *cough* *blood spurts on stage* I think I just coughed up my lung.

 

Audience: Hahahahaha, she's good.

 

Hyatt: *dies*

 

Il Palazzo's not so subliminal sub-messaging: We will take over. When, I cannot say, why, I cannot say, Where, I cannot say. It is all confidential. In fact, I have spoken too much already. All of you must die.

 

***POISON GAS GOES INTO ROOM***

 

Tune in next time for more of Japan's funniest home vids!