InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Belonging ❯ Belonging ( One-Shot )

 

 

Belonging

By Ayrith

 

--

 

There are reasons to the way she acts.

 

They were alone now—again—and everything was quiet. Which was part of the reason they sought out each other's company; because solitude was one of the many things they desired and could relate to. They sat there, back to back, with only the slightest inch of space between them—because it had always been an unspoken rule between them that they never touch each other—and just thought. Thought about a lot of things that were going on, thought about certain people or certain events, even sometimes—though it was rare—thought about each other. They would think, and never speak—because that had also been an unspoken rule—and then when the first traces of a blue morning swept itself up in a grand arc across the undecided sky, both would stand up silently and walk away. It was custom to leave as they had come, as was their little meetings custom.

 

Both were in deep thought when suddenly Sango did something both daring and unforgettable.

 

She broke the first rule of the night.

 

"What color is the sky?"

 

Inuyasha jumped from behind her. His ears pressed down sharply on his head and he blinked in surprise. Had she…spoken? Turning around Inuyasha glanced at the solemn taijya, whose face was turned to her right and staring up quietly at the sky. The faint traces of moonlight flickering across the clearing highlighted her face, casting small grey-like shadows that seemed to exaggerate her features. For once, Inuyasha had nothing to say to her. So he said nothing at all.

 

Sango didn't seem deterred that he hadn't answered. She just asked it again. "Inuyasha, what color is the sky?" After a moment, she turned her whole body towards him, bring her legs up to wrap her arms around them, and her dark eyes gazed at him through the twilight. He stared at her, his gaze shifting to suspicion, before leaning back against the rock they were seated on and propping his head with his hands. He eyed her curled figure in the half-darkness.

 

What is she plotting?

 

There are always reasons. Whether it be speaking up in an argument or beating down an enemy, she has motives, and her motives are always hidden and always well planned. Like Kikyou, she is quiet and contemplative, unclear with her intentions but always managing to persevere anyway. And like Kikyou, she can be easily suspicious. But unlike Kikyou, she is not limited by boundaries, hindered by rules and a way of living she is forced to pursue. Her life is survival and her survival is life; where ever the road leads she will follow and whatever feelings come with it she will try to control them, not let them easily control her. Unlike Kikyou, who had fallen willingly into a trap of emotion and let it consume both her and her common sense, Sango knows her limits and knows how to hold on when it is hard and unbearable and painful.

 

Inuyasha looked up at the sky. It was large and expansive and a not even a distinguishable color. He recognized this time as the crossing from night to day, the moment when it is both and neither, and he stared at it longer.

 

He didn't answer her question. "What do you see?" His voice was quiet, barely over a whisper.

He turned and watched her face twist into a look he knew all to well, watched her curl deeper into herself, watched her relive some horrible experience that was painful and horrible and etched deep into the darkness of her eyes. But as always, her face was the same expression, the same unforgiving anger and determination and a hint of something else.

 

Bitterness, he decided, because there was no other word to describe it.

 

They sat there, the two of them, in silence and thoughts and memory of once upon a time. He could almost hear the silent cries, feel the cold tears trickling on to his fingers because he knew that any tears she shed, he would instantly wipe away. It did no befit a warrior and he had no desire to degrade her by thinking of her as anything less. As he watched Sango, a figure swathed in rose pink and shadow, curled up and untouchable, Inuyasha realized he was right in assuming he couldn't tackle whatever she said or did to the ground like he usually did.

 

Part of him was strangely glad. Part of him was sorrowful. Part of him was confused. He had to be.

But unfortunately, neither ever really learned how to put everything all behind and move forward. Acceptance is one thing, but forgiveness had always been a constantly foreign word.

 

The wind whipped around them, repeating his question. “What do you see?” It waited, holding it's breath, and Inuyasha had never before felt so akin to it.

 

Sango did not answer at first. For a long moment, Inuyasha was almost sure she wouldn't answer him at all. But then, slowly, she began to pull herself out of her shell, pull herself back into reality. And she opened her mouth and spoke. And it all came rushing out into a single sentence.

 

"I see black and grey, and I see failure."

 

The wind began to blow once more, tempered with sorrow. And then she said no more and pulled back into herself, but it was enough to know what the taijya saw.

 

She saw the darkness trying to overtake the light. She saw the battles that they fought. She saw the wane of the light. She saw grey blue eyes and freckles through the clouds, she saw her family and her friends. But they were all slaughtered. She saw Naraku and his blood and his dark eyes. And he was alive. And laughing. She saw the death and destruction that accumulated on her hands, she saw the blood of a thousand. She saw her bitterness.

 

She saw her failure.

 

Inuyasha stirred from his seat, turning away to look out into the forest. His voice was strangely soft.

 

"Why?"

 

There are reasons to the way she thinks. There are always reasons. Whether it be to recognize deserved wisdom or to judge another by standards and instinct, she has motives, and her motives are always hidden and always well planned. Like Kagome, she is caring and strong-willed, follows her gut feeling and always manages to prevail in the end. Like Kagome, she can easily succumb to obliviousness. But unlike Kagome, she is not limited by her generosity or her personality, can easily bend her heart and thoughts in a direction that it does not want to willingly go. Her mind is her fortress and her fortress is her mind; it is complex and hard to penetrate but it is also very flexible, and it is not dragged down by miniscule things and petty remarks or actions. Unlike Kagome, who is so open and kind hearted she is susceptible to much hurt, Sango does not forget that the world is cruel and wicked and can strike at any moment, knows that some things are just not worth the effort it takes to retaliate.

 

There was silence, before she looked at him, looked at his turned face. Her voice was equally as soft.

 

"Because that is my repentance. My curse."

 

But unfortunately, neither ever really learned how to heal the harshest of mental wounds. Mending broken bones is one thing, but mending the heart had always been a constantly foreign practice.

 

He sat up and moved to sit behind her, like he always did. She let him. They were quiet, both in deep thought.

 

This time, it was Inuyasha who spoke up first.

 

"Do you know what I see?"

 

She didn't answer him, but that was alright. He hadn't expected her to.

 

"I see red. And white. And green."

 

Kikyou had been strong and merciful, hiding behind a white mask with a knowledge that spoke of past mistakes and learning. Sango had not.

 

Sango snorted, her voice an odd mixture of bitterness and amusement.

 

"Even in the sky, you see Kikyou and Kagome, eh?"

 

Part of her was angry, angry at him for thinking about them. Part of her wanted him to for once just think about her. Part of her wanted to be selfish. Part of her was confused. She had to be.

 

Kagome had been purity and happiness, shining of light hope with a wisdom that was recognizably way beyond her years. Sango had not.

 

Inuyasha blinked from behind her.

 

"No…. That hadn't even occurred…"

 

He trailed off and turned his gaze upward, searching the sky. Sango shifted behind him. Another moment of silence passed between them, before he turned his gaze back down to his lap.

 

"More then red and white…I see…pink."

 

But Sango was there…was always there. She was comforting and there and real, which is what he needed, if not most desired. She was not perfect, she was not all that remarkable, but she never left because in all of the universe, she belonged no place else.

 

Suddenly, Sango turned around and slammed her fist into Inuyasha's head. Not expecting the attack, Inuyasha fell forward face first in the dirt. There was a moment of stunned shock, before instantly, the hanyou was on his feet, clutching his head and glaring at her. And shouting.

 

"What the fuck was that for, bitch!!"

 

Sango stared at him, silent and unmoving, for a long moment. And then, suddenly, she did something for second time that caught Inuyasha off guard.

 

She laughed.

 

"Oh good, your back Inuyasha. I couldn't decide whether you were sick or you just went off and left me with some kind, good-hearted replacement."

 

She was smiling. And she was happy. …What the fuck?!

 

Inuyasha was at a loss of words for a moment, just staring at her, before suddenly he growled low and sat down on the rock again. His back was stiff as he spoke.

 

"Well then next time your looking for comfort, go find the damn Houshi. See if I care."

 

Sango blinked, a little surprised that he admitted to something so un Inuyasha-like, before shaking her head with a smile and sitting down behind him. When she leaned back to rest against him, neither commented, nor seemed to notice.

 

Although they probably did.

 

"Thanks anyway, Inuyasha."

 

And unfortunately, neither Kagome nor Kikyou -who both could not help but be needed elsewhere— had ever really learned that.

 

End.

 

Written 9/17/04