InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ d e m o n i c ❯ Those Words ( Chapter 1 )

The brush thicket seemed to engulf the ankles of her feet, lavishing onto her an almost swampy, and repulsive feeling to add onto the other degrading and creepy senses she was already experiencing. For example, the dense moisture of the late evening dew was being absorbed by the rim of her socks, also, around her head and tangled into her ebony hair was a multitude of irritating and flying insects, acting more to her like a flock of airborne parasites, and lastly her exposed legs called out with itchiness from the two-foot high long grass which she had been so involuntarily wading through. She had no idea that such a gorgeous looking night, clear of clouds with black skies lined with sparkling gems, could in all reality be nothing but a physical half-hazard in disguise.

Sighing and pausing herself to catch an exhausted breath, she couldn't help but allow all of her weight to collapse onto a neighboring tree. Although her nails felt like digging into her right calf from not just the itchy effect of the surrounding foliage, but also an inconsiderate and rather large mosquito (of whom she had momentarily mistaken for a tiny companion of hers), Kagome Higurashi managed to contain her irritability enough to just gaze upon the beautiful scenery around her. Yes, it may have been infiltrated by dozens upon dozens of well-hidden nuisances, but that didn't deny the fact that historical Japan sure was a beautiful place she was strangely beginning to grow fond of. If she thought about it, had circumstances been different, the only other way she could ever catch sight of such elegance in her time would probably be to skim through the pages of the National Geographic or take a tour on the internet. Otherwise, merely sitting where she was, seeing what she saw, and breathing what she breathed should have been utterly impossible. Kagome felt like she was in a place all her own.

A smile came upon her.

That was probably why he had come here. It was so very secluded; calm and quiet from the ruckus of the usual daily occurrences of large forest monsters, or youkai, that she unfortunately encountered on a frequent basis. Why, he himself was half of a youkai now that she thought of it. It was easy for her to forget such things. But then again, when had she even gotten used to such concepts anyway? Just when had "youkai" or "mononoke", the vengeful forest spirits, become such normality? She knew these things should be far from possible, and even in her time stories such as these were dismissed as ancient fables and folklore that one just passes down from generation to generation for the sake of good storytelling; but no, not now. This was no story. She was here after all; she was living this without a doubt in her mind. She didn't know how it was possible nor did she long for an over-eccentric explanation, but she liked it. She liked being here, and coming back as often as possible, even if her life would always seem to be at risk. Then again, it was never really at risk when he was around to ensure her safety, time after time.

Her grateful smile seemed to grow.

A noise erupted into the crickets' symphony, the sound of a twig or branch falling from the tree she rested against. Quickly, her eyes gazed upwards to spot about ten feet above her, a dangling foot and a red silhouette with peeking brown eyes glinting in the full moonlight.

She held back her surprise; since when were his eyes...brown?

"What are you doing here?"

His voice was the same however; still as distant and blunt as it had been these last few days apparently displeased to see that Kagome Higurashi had discovered his hiding place. She knew this is where her companion came for his nightly contemplation, but this time she knew she couldn't go another day seeing him in his frequent depressions. She didn't want her dear friend to feel such bouts of self-hate. He was being much too hard on himself, and that was why this night of all nights, Kagome knew she'd have to be the brave one this time around. He ensured her life; the least she could do in return was to ensure his happiness. Then again, she hadn't expected the full moon to hang so lowly as it did. Only now it reminded her of the way things probably were.

"Inu Yasha… are you human now?"

He didn't reply, as expected, but that was only verbally. Kagome had learnt this from him in his last few days of few words and silence: there is always more than one way to communicate. Although wordless to her inquiry, Inu Yasha did answer by turning his head the other direction, where the moon's light cast over his hair, as black as hers was, with a human earlobe peeking out on either side.

"What are you doing here..." Inu Yasha decided it could be his turn for inquiries this time repeating his question, but both noticed his voice grow somewhat softer and less fierce than before. It was hard to keep up a partially youkai attitude when he himself was now drained of all semi-demon blood.

Kagome gazed upwards, looking onto his image blended into the night skies, still worriedly sensing that tone of sadness upon him. She didn't know how to answer really; she knew he'd be upset if she told him that she was concerned. Kagome didn't want Inu Yasha to think that she thought he was emotionally vulnerable, which in all truth, she knew he was.

"Well, I wanted to see you Inu Yasha," She replied to his question, voice still with the breeze.

Inu Yasha exhaled a long breath; Kagome sure did know how to get so easily on his soft side. He always desired to remain all manly and dominant towards her, but somehow, someway, her gentle words always made him lose his guard. It was a thing that Inu Yasha neither liked nor despised in any way. His feelings seemed to always get caught adrift in the middle of things.

"Is that so…" with human feet carefully yet still skillfully climbing down the rough trunk of the massive sycamore, Inu Yasha managed to climb down until he was by his companion who had gone all this way to find him. "You do know that you'd be safer staying with Sango and Miroku. You shouldn't leave the camp like that without telling them."

Kagome ducked her head and smiled, sitting herself down by the large roots of the tree and inviting Inu Yasha to sit by her. Although the bulky plant's details was not very visible in the night's light, she knew well that this was none other than Goshinboku, the name given to the holy tree where she also knew they had met for the first time not long ago. This spot right where they sat together once more, was where she had first encountered him, sealed so peacefully that day. Although it had been a while off, she could still remember everything quite clearly. She remembered the way he continued to confuse her with the priestess of his past, or the way he vowed to become a full demon and use her to guide him to the Shikon no Tama shards, the shards of the Jewel of the Four Spirits. Their relationship back then had been a questionable one, filled with doubts and mistrust. Little did she know that through the many encounters they underwent, and through the many voyages they undertook, eventually, those questionable factors would begin to change. With time, everything about the way they felt towards each other began to change. With time friendship, trust, and care managed to generate so kindly between them, but still there was also an unknown tenderness and warmth that grew more visible with each passing day.

Kagome, still smiling, rested her head on his shoulder. She didn't know how things happened as they were, but nevertheless, she would always want them to stay this way no matter what may come.

Inu Yasha did not protest as Kagome lightly laid her head upon his shoulder, feeling her soft, black hair brush gently against his chin. He didn't even think of how strange it was for him to allow her to do such things; after all, Inu Yasha had been so avidly living a nomad life of seclusion for over seventy years now. Every now and then, his human and weak side was invoked to do something rather "un-demonly", but now Inu Yasha noticed that he was repressing those "un-demon" actions less and less. The more time went on, the more Kagome became dependent on him, the less and less his youkai desires grew. Inu Yasha was not very familiar with either one of his personas. He neither considered himself a full demon, neither did he think of his attitude as human-like in any way. He lacked in the obvious human "emotion" (although he wouldn't openly admit this, but he was surely developing them) and as a youkai, he still lacked that uncontrollable power which does not sense weak sentiments like fear or hesitance. Since Inu Yasha was only a part of these, his journey in life was to obviously attain and stay at either standard; and of course, in all common sense, he wished to be the stronger figure. However, he had never imagined the consequences involved in becoming that stronger and predominant figure. He had never known he would become thoughtless… that his mind and actions would be fully controlled by an uncontrollable demonic desire, like a flame consuming his body. He couldn't stop himself when he wished; he couldn't do the things he wished. As a full youkai, he would only do things as his youkai instinct told him to do. And it was this irrepressible yet immense power that had led him to be the key figure in that massacre a week ago from now. It was his own claws that had so unconsciously torn arpat those men into uncountable shreds. Although those soldiers were the enemy at the time, it didn't right his wrongdoings. They may have been evil humans themselves, but Inu Yasha as a demon was not fighting to right their wrongs, but only fighting because he had so sickly enjoyed it. That was the way youkai lived. They are like that; they kill for whatever purpose they desire. There doesn't have to be a moral, and much moreover, there is no sympathy. Had it been a few years ago, maybe Inu Yasha could be comfortable and wouldn't mind attacking others for the sake of it. But now… he couldn't think that way anymore. For some reason, he didn't have it in him to just destroy innocent and sometimes even non-innocent people, and possibly, he never did have that evil in him at all. He couldn't do this. He couldn't become a demon if losing himself was at stake. But moreover, he wouldn't become a demon if losing Kagome would be the price he'd have to pay.

"Inu Yasha," Kagome's voice was demanding in the night's tranquil air as she instantly sensed that she was losing him to his ponderings once more. Kagome knew that inside; her friend was still scolding himself for the murders that had occurred not long ago. He still blamed and loathed himself for it, and it was this sad mistake that Kagome had come to rectify.

"Stop thinking about it. You know it wasn't your fault."

"What do you know…" Inu Yasha replied quietly, turning his head away in regret and shame as he remembered that foul stench which still bothered him days later. "You didn't have their blood stained on your hands, Kagome. You didn't have corpses lining your feet. You didn't have the smell of murder on your clothes, or the name 'monster' written upon your back. How do you know it wasn't my fault?"

"Stop that!" Kagome raised her head and gave Inu Yasha a light punch of his shoulder, eyes managing to glare even in the darkness of the late night. "Will you stop being so depressive? We know that you can't help what you do when you're like… that. So, please don't be all so gloomy all the time. It's not good for you Inu Yasha."

"Feh…" He winced quietly as Kagome brushed back a long black bang from his face. She was smiling brightly now, apparently still amused at his awkwardly human features. Maybe it was just his human side thinking, but suddenly, he felt a little happier to know that at least for now, he didn't feel so alone as before.

"Why don't you go back…" Inu Yasha sighed, trying not to allow Kagome to break through his mental barrier; equally trying to ignore the fact that she was quite succeeding. "You'll be safer there with the others."

"What, are you kidding?" Kagome joked waving her finger around in an almost lecture-like manner. "And what would happen if Naraku or Kagura or something came rampaging through our camp in the middle of the night with you all the way out here? What are we supposed to do, throw a measly boomerang at them… or try to vacuum them into Miroku's palm? I must admit even my stinking arrows are made of wood! I mean, face it Inu Yasha!"

She grinned jokingly seeing that sullen smile tickle upon him as she leaned in closely, teasingly poking at his human earlobes.

"Face it human boy, I feel safer just being around you. That's all."

Inu Yasha didn't reply. He felt a funny sensation come over him, like his cheeks were flustering into a slighter pinkish colour and his heart so strangely fluttered within his chest. Damn human emotions, they were probably reacting again. They did this often every time he transfigured but he didn't really understand why or how. Humans and their emotions were a much more complex system than he wanted to understand.

He decided to lower his eyes and return Kagome's stare. Her brown eyes were bright and honey in the moon's brilliance, thoughts almost being expressed just by the look she had. Solemn and quiet, thinking of her words to him… Inu Yasha couldn't help but find her somewhat… somewhat even…. Beautiful…?

There it was again, that heart-flutter, feeling rather strong now. He could almost hear his human pulse tingling his wolf-like… or actually temporarily human-like ears. He blinked his eyes a few times as if trying to think or sort through these "emotions" in his head. Had he honestly just called her "beautiful"? It was surely an adjective he didn't use often to anybody.

Kagome's smile seemed to grow; her head grew nestled by his as she retook her place by his side.

Inu Yasha returned that smile thinking, 'Well, it's not my fault if she looks the way she does.'

"Inu Yasha," Kagome whispered quietly, bringing her foot up from a painful twig that was poking into her right shin. Dusting off a cluster of burrs from her socks, she turned to face her oddly human companion. Even now, Inu Yasha's human form was still one that she needed to get accustomed to, although she still thought it to be rather handsome when she got the rare opportunity to see him that way.

"What is it…"

"Inu Yasha, do you still want to become a full youkai?"

He frowned slightly, once again failing to meet her glare at the sound of the question.

"Didn't you already ask me this?"

"Yes," she replied honestly. "But then again, you never really answered me."

Inu Yasha nodded accepting the excuse, but still feeling this was one topic that he wished to avoid. He didn't want to tell Kagome of what he thought of this horrible situation with his strangely arising demonic transformations. He didn't want to tell her what he was to do, because he didn't know for sure himself.

"Well?" She prodded him lightly with her thumb to his forearm. "So, what about it? Are you still coming with us just for the Shikon no Tama and it's power for you?"

"Hey!" Inu Yasha turned to face her abruptly, almost feeling insulted as he suddenly held her by the shoulders to try and emphasize his point. "It's not like that anymore, Kagome! Do you still think I'm using you just for the Shikon no Tama? Is that what you think? Even now?"

"Well…" Kagome smiled and gave a deliberate laugh to Inu Yasha's confused surprise. "Judging by your reaction, I guess you do care for us more than the jewel after all."

"Heh…" Inu Yasha turned away, slightly embarrassed to see that Kagome was just testing him playfully. And he had fallen for it too, typically. "Well, not all of you. Maybe just you Kagome, the other three I can do without."

Kagome's merry laughter rung out louder, strangely and amusingly comforting to Inu Yasha's ears. In their recent times of trouble, it was hard to hear anyone laugh so freely anymore.

"I know you're bluffing," she sighed happily. "But that was still sweet of you to say nonetheless."

That rush of pink returned to Inu Yasha's human cheeks. It grew to an even redder tone, his face nearly matching the tint of his clothing, as Kagome gently looped her arm by his.

"So what about the demon thing…" she continued, apparently not letting the issue just slip into the backdrop. "Are you…"

"Look Kagome," Inu Yasha interrupted, trying to clear out the load of thoughts and explanations he was furiously hoping to concoct on his behalf. "What you saw, what we all had to unfortunately see that day, will not be me. I will have control of myself as a youkai, Kagome, I promise you. I won't transform into one until I know that I am still me in that powerful flesh. I don't care if I had to stay in this useless human form for the rest of my life, it would still be more productive than me turning into a youkai only to destroy the ones I was meant to protect."

"Inu Yasha…" Kagome thought aloud thankfully, feeling delighted and overwhelmed at his caring words as she held on tighter to his hand, which had somehow found hers. She felt so unexplainably content with him; human as he was, feeling that now, there really was no difference between them. That was not to say that she cared for him any less as a hanyou, but she knew that there was definitely something strange and strong between the two when they were together, man and woman, and this was something that she beginning to grow dearly attached to.

"Kagome, I will protect you," Inu Yasha assured softly, barely above a whisper, feeling the smooth sheathe of his trusty sword, the ever-essential Tetsusaiga.

"I will always protect you and Sango, Miroku and Shippo, and anyone else you'd like me to protect. I don't know why, but that's what I want to do and will do. I don't care if I'm stuck as a feeble human, or if I turn into a powerful youkai, one way or the other you won't have to worry when I'm with you."

Kagome didn't reply, blinking softly. Her breath had left her. This was getting to be too much. This was getting too strong. These feelings were growing too strong. She had already known they were there, she had already known that somewhere within her, such affections were beginning to greaten. But even then, Kagome hadn't known whether those feelings were mutual or not. But if he continued speaking like this, a teenage boy to another teenage girl, Kagome was afraid that she wouldn't be able to restrain her thoughts any longer. What would she do then? Alone here in the dark, her heart raveled in infatuated and longing emotions, just what would she do? Inu Yasha knew she cared for him, she had told him herself. But did he know just how far deep that care lay within her heart?

"Kagome, I don't care what or who the opponent is. As long as you're always by my side, then I guess everything will be alright."

"Inu Yasha…" her voice was barely audible now. She didn't want to speak so loudly, afraid that if she did he may be able to hear the overflowing sentiment in her voice. She worried now that if she attracted too much attention to herself, he may just be able to see those silent little tears forming in the brim of her eyelashes. Tears of realization, tears of joy, tears of love that expressed what she was still much too afraid to say.

But then again, maybe Kagome didn't have to say anything after all.

Inu Yasha quietly released Kagome's arm. He turned to face her, sincere eyes linked in the stars' soft glow. Her face was partly hidden within the shadows, alluding to her loveliness basked in moonlight. Inu Yasha still didn't know for sure just how much heart a youkai, or even a hanyou could possess, but as long as he was here with his human heart so furiously pounding with affection, then he would have to say what he may not have chance to say again in the long time to come.

"Kagome…" He took her hand gently, heart drumming now, words so rambled in his thoughts and emotions at such a level that he didn't know any better way to express it.

He gazed into her eyes, a million thoughts writhing within one glance.

She returned that stare, breath taut with suspense, mind a-flutter with longing and care in this secluded evening of their own.

"I…" he hushed timidly, leaning forwards slightly, his human hands drawing her in closer in a manner he knew he could never do without the aid of the full spherical moon cast over head and the person-like form he now possessed so ravaged by emotion and care.

"Kagome…I love you."

And thus the words were said, inspired by human emotion yet empowered by the strength of a youkai's expressions, as quickly he leant over and kissed her gently, in the one sweet and loving way that neither human or demon can ever really forget. Even a youkai, no matter how corrupted with demonic desire, still can't come to forget a love unforgettable.