InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Dirty Laundry ❯ Dirty Laundry ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Don't own

Fandom: Rurouni Kenshin & Inuyasha

Genre: Angst/Romance/Light Humor/Crossover

Pairing: ?Undecided?/Kagome

Rating: Eventual R to NC-17

Warning: Language, Violence, more will be added as it goes on

Beta: None, fuck ups are mine and Microsoft Word's alone

Summary: At the time of her death there were no great revelations, no tunnel with a bright light, or a warm voice welcoming here home. There was only pain.

Archived:

 

Dirty Laundry

Amaroq

 

At the time of her death there were no great revelations, no tunnel with a bright light, or a warm voice welcoming here home. There was only pain, the darkness that surrounded her and lashed at her body. She could feel the cold seep into her skin, lap at her flesh like a thirsty dog. There wasn't much she could to do stop it. There wasn't much she wanted to do to stop it. Dealing with her fractured reality was more than enough for her. She could live like this. She had no problem with it. As long as it meant she didn't have to suffer anymore. Or think about it.

 

She could feel herself slipping away as easily as the blood that fell from her wounds. It felt as if warm water were pulling at her feet, gently edging her towards and unknown life, one that had to be better than this. Anything had to be better than this. She could hear rushing water, the roar of a waterfall as it continuously pumped the water through its own cycle.

 

Her cycle was coming to an end. Her life had been checked in when as soon as she felt the claws dragging through her flesh. It was odd, this in-between place. There was no blood, no tears, nothing. There were no emotions, just an odd feeling of acceptance and the ever biting cold at her front. Her back felt warm, well whatever was behind her made her warm. She gauged that life was behind her, the icy tundra before her must've been death. She was more than willing to walk through this water, the current that pulled at her so easily. Death didn't scare her anymore. She had seen so much of it that it was just a part of her life now, as easily as living death had slipped into the cycle.

 

What had transpired was gradually fading into the back of her conscious; it wasn't something she was trying to do. She just couldn't stop it. Everything was becoming muddled and blurry, time flowed like syrup. She hadn't moved from her spot since she'd been here, days, weeks, or months she didn't know. All she knew is that she was free from pain here. She was free from the expectation that had been laid upon her. His words didn't sting; the wounds he inflicted weren't causing her pain it all faded into the back of her mind. She could still feel where the blood had seeped through her front, the area quickly drying and sticking to her uncomfortably.

 

She wanted to squirm away from it, take off the shirt and finally release herself from all the evidence. Maybe...maybe if she could do that she'd be able to walk back into the living world and face him again. Not hold this against him, she could look at the two and congratulate them. No. She knew that was a lie. Her heart had felt hatred now. She knew what it was like to truly hate him, to know that she was nothing in his mind. She had been there to serve one purpose. To take her place for a little while. And she had. Willingly. Unknowing she had been throwing herself farther and farther away each moment she stayed with him.

 

Her feet dragged her through the water, forwards. Away from the warmth at her back. She could feel the others around her. She knew that this was death the moment she stepped in, the way that she could feel the spirits swirling around trying to find another way back into the living world. She was the only one freely walking away from it. She had the chance to go back, she knew that. Her flourishing powers allowed her that. But she didn't want to. She wanted to curl up. Sleep. She wanted to know that when she slept she would not wake again. But as long as she was alive sleep was a dream, her nights would be plagued with the things that played “normal” in the daylight. A tiny whimper escaped her lips. Her icy fingers curled around the front of her shirt, the heart, dead, within her chest fluttered. She didn't want to think. Not of her family. She didn't want to think how selfish she was being as she hid in this world and allowed herself the freedom of death. She didn't want to think of the pain she was causing them in doing this.

 

Voices came to her, they were in fragmented pieces. A bit here, a cut off there. She couldn't make sense of what they were saying. Then again she didn't have to; the emotions were raw in their voices and struck the cord that was slowly withering away in death.

 

“—gome!!”

 

“Ka—“

 

Her head throbbed, a sob thick in her throat. Everything came flooding back, the gates were open and her body shook. She struggled to stay on her feet, if she fell the current would drag her away with or without her consent. As she screwed her eyes shut she could see the earlier events take place. But this time she wasn't an active participant. She was watching, there was no sound, no voices screaming once again. They didn't have to. The expressions, on their faces and in their eyes, showed it all.

 

A whimper broke free, her hands clamped down over her ears to shut out the nonexistent sound. They had stopped shouting but she could still hear them. Their voices resonated within her. They had stopped but her conscious dragged it back up. The water tugged at her now, her body stumbled backwards and as if the current had hands she could feel it grip her legs and arms.

 

A scream stuck in her throat as she silently cried. When she had lost the will to live the world had cooperated. Now, though, that she had the desire to live once more the water became violent and fought to squash that will once again. She wanted to scream at it to let go, let her go home to her mom. She wanted her more than she ever had now, she wanted to go back to being a little girl where it was okay to curl up against her mother and cry. She wanted that cool hand on her forward soothing away all her worries and fears. She knew she was past all this though. Even if she did get home she couldn't easily let go of all that happened to simply revert to being a child again. Her world would tilt on its axis slowly, so slowly. Then it would all sink in and she wouldn't be able to deal with it.

 

You are mine. A copy. The original belongs to me, so should the copy. Give it up already, Kagome. There isn't anyway that you can live now. You know well that you aren't anything compared to Kikyo, you incarnation is back and your soul is only half. You cannot live in this world with only half a soul, you would wither away long before your time came. Do you honestly think you can just go home and everything be okay? You will thirst for the half of your soul that Kikyo has, be it only hatred and malice. Do you know why Kagome? Because it's a part of you, that hatred and malice. Do you think that if you leave everything will be okay here? Don't make me laugh, it will just get worse. Sango and Miroku will want revenge for the wrong that I have done you. Hell even that brat Shippo will pull a stunt like those two moronic humans. They will die and the blood shed will be on your head. You won't be able to live knowing that they died for, because, of you. You'll come back wanting your own revenge, you'll try to kill Kikyo and gain your soul back and if, somehow, you succeed I'll come after you. You're just that predictable, dear, Kagome.

 

She shook her head so hard that a migraine started immediately. Her body rejected the information, her stomach heaving. Her throat ached horribly, she couldn't speak here and she longed to scream at the heavens. She wanted to know why. Just why. Nothing else, nothing else mattered. She wanted to know why it was her that this was happening to. Why she was here, so far away from home when none of it mattered. They hadn't even killed Naraku yet. She hadn't been given a chance to avenge all her friends that she lost. All the innocence that had been destroyed at the vile half breed's hand. She hadn't lived yet. She wasn't even seventeen yet. She hadn't grown up, she wasn't given a chance.

 

She fought against the current, tears spilling freely. She didn't care if she tripped anymore, if she did then so be it. She'd find a way to get back up. All she wanted was to see Shippo, to let him know that he meant so much to her. She wanted to tell Sango that it'd be okay, that they'd find a way to save Kohaku. She wanted to tell Miroku how much he meant to her, how he always seemed to cheer her up regardless of his perverseness. She wasn't breathing, for all assumptions she was dead. To the world and to him. But that was fine now; she could live with that so long as she had her family and her friends. She could love again, she knew that. It wasn't like her ability to love died with his betrayal.

 

The world hadn't stopped, not for her. Never for her. She knew that her friends were stuck there with him. They were fighting him off as she was lost in self pity. Shippo might be dead. Sango could be bleeding, near death but she'd never stop. Miroku's curse could've taken him already and she'd never know. As long as there was a chance for her to come back though she'd never fall. Not now. She may become bitter, she might become jaded but she wouldn't let her friends die for her. She was sick of people having to suffer for her, because of how weak she was.

 

I-If I get out of this…I swear that I won't let anyone hurt again. I will become as strong as I have to. I'll forsake everything just to live, just to let everyone know how much they mean to me. I'll take on all their pain, all their anguish just don't hurt them. Please. I'll become as strong as you want me to, I'll do anything. Just let them be okay.

 

She didn't know who she was talking to or who she was bargaining with. She had lost her faith in God long ago. With as much as she had seen it felt as if the Gods had turned their faces from her so she…just stopped. Stopped believing and stopped praying. She wondered, idly, if it was some cosmic joke that this was happening. That he was punishing her for losing her faith. Or it was fate fucking with her again.

 

She could feel the rush of wind at her cheeks, but she couldn't really feel it. Not like before. It was just a passing, there was no warmth. No cold. It was just…air. She could feel the sharp grass under her feet, taste the metallic tang of blood in the air. The warmth of her own blood scorched her. There was a form beside her. A tiny one. But she couldn't get the motivation to move, with life came pain and ache. It hurt too much to move and the blood still flowed freely from her. She couldn't feel any part of her body, there was the constant ache, one she could live with but she couldn't feel any of her limbs and was unable to get away from this spot.

 

It had been what she was expecting. This betrayal of his, but she only thought he wanted to hurt her. He wanted more than just her death. He wants her completely. After all, he was right she is only a copy of the original. So she belongs to him.

 

No…I can't think like this. It isn't doing me any good. I swore I'd become stronger and that means emotionally as well. I can't take what he says seriously. No matter how right he is about me being a copy of Kikyo the fact is I'm still a person, I'm still flesh and blood. I can feel and I can hurt. Just like her. Like I'll make him.

 

A tiny yelp of pain escaped her as she leaned up on her elbows; she could feel a new round of blood spill from the wound that ran from her collarbone to her naval. He had tried to slice her open. Shredded flesh gaped openly at her was she bit her lip to stifle her tears. She made the mistake of looking. But she couldn't let it stop her. She could see red bubbles, the way her lifeblood rolled off her as a river of crimson. She shook, shock was setting in and the pain was fading. She couldn't really feel anymore numbed, emotionally and physically, she grasped the little body that was at her side. There was a faint heartbeat and she almost shouted in happiness, she wanted to scream at him that he failed in taking this life.

 

The pink light erupted; she hadn't thought that she had any energy left. She felt like she had little life left and as each second passed in healing Shippo she felt the life drain ever more quickly. But she couldn't, wouldn't, die. Not here. Not while he was still alive. She wanted revenge; she wanted to make him hurt more than she ever should have. And she would see him hurt. The tiny form in her hands shivered, its clawed fingers clutched at her hand; tears started in the corners of his eyes as a soundless cry left his mouth. Tears flowed freely from his eyes now as he clutched about her neck. Her wound was forgotten to both, as she tugged at his hair and cried.

 

Gulping in as much air as possible Shippo tried to retell what happened; he tried to explain what happened after she fell. It was fairly easy to gauge what happened with the amount of carnage, the trees were ripped from the ground their roots clutching at the air. The ground was torn to pieces; mud and rock were flung everywhere. The sky itself seemed to be painted red, though it was only dusk. The place she laid was covered with blood, some hers and the other belonging to those she didn't want to think about yet.

 

Sango was dead. Miroku was dead. The words spiraled in her head. She had felt them. In death, they were beside her. They were the reason she had escaped to begin with. They were the invisible arms dragging her out of the water. Miroku's tunnel had finally taken him. Naraku forced the curse, he played his trump and Sango had told Miroku that she would die with him. And so she did.

 

She wanted to scream, cry, anything. She wanted to know she was alive. She wanted to feel alive. Not just sit in this body of flesh and know that she was to know she was alive. She wanted to feel, to be able to say she was alive and believe it. Inuyasha had taken the two for dead and left them for the wildlife. That was fine with her though. It meant she had the ability to get away. To get stronger. She still had the shards. The Shikon no Tama was still under her protection and it was already told that the shards were no longer in this time. She would search them out. On her own, she didn't need him breathing down her neck to get things done. She'd go home and get the training she'd need. Come back in a few years and take him out. But she wouldn't leave Shippo. Not here. Not now.

 

“We're leaving, now.”

 

She left no room for debate, her body was in poor condition to move but she forced herself. Her body weighed ten times more than it should, her throat screamed for water and her mind was too tired to even begin to think about anything beyond sleep.

 

The lip of the well showed dimly in the distance, she tried to make as little noise as possible. Shippo ran beside her, though she had offered to carry him. Her injuries throbbed painfully, the well seeming to grow smaller and smaller. The edges of her vision blurred, this was fine with her though because it meant she didn't have to stare at her bloody chest and the mud cached into her wound. Infection was what terrified her; she didn't want to survive all of this to silently die because of an infection.

 

She whimpered in happiness as she held Shippo against her. The well never looked as welcoming as it did now. It seemed to radiate the ancient magic as she leaned heavily against it. Her legs were wobbly and her head spun, all her instincts told her to just rest. Rest for now and take everything up in a few hours. But she knew that she'd get the rest she really wanted if she slept now.

 

As she looked into the well tears fell. She was finally able to asses everything. Now that she wasn't in danger and her adrenaline level was down everything was sinking in. Slowly, but it was able to let her think over bits and pieces.

 

She hadn't got to tell them it'd be okay.

 

Heboughtr heart hadn't started beating again.

 

 

A/N: Pairing is up for debate, I'm leaning towards Aoshi/Kagome or Hiko/Kagome but there are others that I was thinking about doing for example:

Sano

Saitou

Enishi

Soujiro