InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Getting Over Him ❯ Getting Over Him ( Chapter 1 )

Lyrics: "Now That I Don't Have You" by Jill Sobule

Anime: InuYasha

Characters: Kagome

Disclaimer: All characters and lyrics are © their respective owners. I don't own them, nor do I make any claim to doing so.

I have hope, now that I don't have you

Kagome sat on her bed, tears drying on her face. She'd finally given up on ever having InuYasha care for her like she wanted him to. He was too obviously still in love with Kikiyo. She knew she couldn't compete with somebody that he had been willing to give up everything for…somebody who, even now, he was willing to go to Hell for. But as she had sat at home, crying out the pieces of her heart, she realized that it was for the best. The situation with him had always been hopeless…so now she was free to look elsewhere. She could hope for a normal life, for somebody who might return her feelings, for a happy future. For the first time in a while, she realized that she might hope to have these things; things she had given up hoping for while she still thought she had a chance with InuYasha.

I have faith, now that I'm alone

Now, she didn't have to care so much about what InuYasha thought of her. It may hurt a bit still when he acted as if she were all but useless, but without the love she had tried so hard to have reciprocated, she could begin to believe in herself. When the one you want keeps putting you down, it's hard not to believe them. But now, she could be more rational, and could see that she had her own talents and merits. She was certainly not worthless, and she could believe that she may find someone who saw her for herself, and not just as a tool to be used.

I'm not bashing my head against the wall

Trying to win the affections of someone like InuYasha was like running into a brick wall. He kept a fortress around his heart, and it seemed the only one he would ever give the keys to was Kikiyo. It felt almost good to not have to keep throwing herself against that barrier. Like she had been doing something painful for so long that to be able to stop was such a relief. Sure, she was still heart-sore, but it wasn't so sharp anymore, and she knew it would fade in time. All she had to do was just lock away those thoughts and feelings, and move on to bigger and better things.

I'm not waiting forever for your call

She knew that he had made his decision long ago, before she ever knew him. And she knew now that he wouldn't come after her unless he wanted to hunt more jewel shards. She wasn't going to wait for him to come to her for herself anymore. Being a friendly and polite girl, she wouldn't turn him away when he asked her help getting more shards, but she wouldn't sit around waiting on him either. She was finally going to get on with her life.

I'm not wasting time
Now that I don't have you

She would be able to concentrate more on her studies, which she had been neglecting (even when she did come home). She wouldn't be staring out the window daydreaming about him anymore. She wouldn't spend more time with impossible dreams and useless wishing. She wasn't going to throw her life away waiting for something that wasn't going to happen.

Now that I don't have you
Maybe someday I'll love as others do

She knew it was probably too soon to think of dating someone else, after having just realized that she couldn't have InuYasha, but still she at least toyed with the idea. She wasn't saying that she wanted to jump head-first into dating, but perhaps someday she'd be able to have a normal relationship. Or at least as normal as she could, what with the time-traveling and demon fighting. Maybe she could learn to feel for someone else what she was trying so hard not to feel for InuYasha. Maybe when she got a bit older, she'd find someone she could love, just as her mother and father had loved each other.

And fall for someone who's half as cruel
Now that I don't have you

One thing was certain: Kagome wouldn't again fall for a guy who treated her like she was second-rate. If she ended up with anybody, it would be someone who was at least somewhat nice to her. Somebody who treated her with decency. Even Kouga, with his possessiveness and the nonsense with occasionally kidnapping her, treated her with respect. Even if he had the same original opinion of her as a shard detector, he still acted like she was a person, and worth something more than a mere tool. Still, she couldn't really see herself with the wolf demon. Not only would it make things exceptionally strained with her friends (and that was putting it mildly), he was too serious too fast. She didn't want to think about finding a husband. She just wanted to start with a boyfriend.

I have dreams, now that you're not lying next to me

Kagome looked out the window and realized that night had fallen some time ago. She decided to get ready for bed. Ah, it would be nice to sleep in her own bed, in the privacy of her bedroom. She often didn't sleep that well in the past. It wasn't the camping out that bothered her. It was so disconcerting to fall asleep in the presence of someone you cared about. It was difficult to sleep well when you know that the person you want to care about you is so close that you can practically touch him. She was always concerned that she would dream about him (like she did on a fairly regular basis), and say something embarrassing in her sleep.

I can sleep, I can rest in peace

But tonight she could sleep in her own bed, and she could dream about whatever she wanted. She could have a good night's sleep, undisturbed by thoughts of InuYasha (or by any wandering demons). There had been a time when she thought that she wouldn't sleep well this side of the grave, but she was determined to just put him behind her.

I'm not tossing and turning on your bed of nails

She wasn't going to let herself be tortured by her unrequited love anymore. She wasn't going to lay awake, trying to find some way of sleeping that didn't let her dream. She wasn't going to let him control her heart any longer. She wasn't going to let his words, sharper than his claws, injure her any further. She was stronger than that, and she accepted her defeat by Kikiyo.

I'm not burning up like I'm in hell

As she was getting ready for bed, the image came to her unbidden of the last time she had seen Kikiyo trying to drag InuYasha to Hell with her. She had felt the heat of the flames, even though they were dancing all around both Kikiyo and InuYasha without ever seeming to burn anything. But those flames had haunted her for several nights after, in dreams of having to go to Hell to rescue him. She shook her head. That foolishness was behind her now. She didn't have to think about rescuing him. He'd made his choice, and made it clear.

I can sleep
Now that I don't have you

She finished getting ready for bed and climbed under the covers with a small sigh of contentment. She then realized that she hadn't set her alarm, so she sat back up, reached over, and set it to wake her up at 7 the next morning so she could get a good start on her new life. She needed to catch up on all that she had been neglecting in her obsession with the unattainable InuYasha.

Now that I don't have you
Maybe someday I'll love as others do

As she lay in bed, relaxing, letting her mind wind down from the events of the day, her thoughts turned again to perhaps finding someone new. Maybe it was just a reaction to the heartbreak she had suffered, but she was beginning to enjoy the thought of having a nice normal romance, like other girls her age. And maybe one day finding a person she could settle down with, and raise a family. That was for later, of course, but it was a nice thought.

And wake up one morning to skies of blue
But I won't be with you

She could see out her window from where she lay. She noticed it was a clear night, and the stars were out (at least as much as they could be, living in a sizable city). She thought that tomorrow would probably be pleasant and clear. Maybe she would take her books to the park to study. She'd gotten used to being under the blue sky by traveling with InuYasha, and even if it was by herself, she still enjoyed the outdoors.

Now that I don't have you
Maybe someday I'll love as others do

As she drifted towards sleep, she thought once again of growing up and starting a family. And finally, the thoughts didn't involve silver hair and puppy ears. She just imagined herself with a nice quiet Japanese man, who would care for her and stay with her to raise a family together. Her tired mind tried to fill in details about the type of person she could be with…the kind of person who would understand about her strange adventures, and who wouldn't really care.

And fall for someone who's sad but true
Now that I don't have you

Her mind floated, halfway dreaming, and she thought "I already know someone like that." And as she slipped further into her dream, she looked at her dream-husband's face, and instantly recognized it. The one person who had always been considerate to her, who obviously adored her (even if he was a bit clueless at times). And in her dream, she smiled up at Hojo, and thought that this must be what being loved feels like.

~*~ Owari ~*~

AN: Okay, please don't flame me or threaten me with sharp pointy objects! I know it was evil for me to even think of having Kagome end up with Hojo (boy's a wimp in my opinion, and Kagome could just chew him up and spit him out), but this idea got in my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. Much thanks and many hugs go to my beta readers Hannah-chan and Amitiel74. Well, you know, read and review, pretty please!