InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Am ❯ Kikyo ( One-Shot )

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"Every man has his own destiny; the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him." Henry Miller



Beautiful. Powerful. Wise. Reserved. Hateful. Spiteful. Bitch. Heartless. Cold.



I have been called all of these things by many people. By people that I know and people that I do not; by people that I hate and people that I love....or did at one time. When you are forced to walk the world as a shell of your former self while someone else has embodied your soul and the only thing keeping you alive - if you can call this existence a life - is your hatred for those who caused your death, love is a difficult emotion to possess.



It is not that I have never loved or that I am not capable of such an emotion. I have, in my past, loved and loved deeply. I loved my mother and my father. I loved my little sister - I still love her, in my way, the only way I can while I cling to this false existence. At one time I think I might even have loved Inuyasha. I think. Love, in a romantic sense, is a difficult thing for me to define. My love for my family was - is - an understood feeling, bred into my heart from the day of my birth. But I had never witnessed romantic love, up close, and when I became old enough to entertain such a notion there was no one for me to ask. I held a fondness for Inuyasha. I did not want to hurt him and I enjoyed being with him. Had our circumstances been different I could have lived my life out with him and been happy. Did I love him? I believe I did.



I have not experienced true happiness since I was a child. My father died when I was eight, not long after my sister was born. I believe my last brush with complete joy was the day Kaede was born. That same year I also experienced pure hatred. Hatred for the bandits that killed chichi-ue.



I think that the hatred had never really disappeared, although for the sake of my sister and haha-ue I managed to suppress it somewhere so deep within myself that I fronted a convincing face of pure innocence. Even when my haha-ue died five years later. Not even when in that same year did I become responsible for my little sister, but I was also elected the guardian of the Shikon no Tama, a coveted jewel with the power to destroy and the power to heal.



No one asked if this was a responsibility that I wanted to take on. The taijiya simply arrived at our hut one day, explained their purpose and left the jewel in my hands. But this was my fate and I accepted it and I performed to the best of my ability. I have never been one to run from my duty.



I realize now that I have always harbored animosity towards the jewel. Since my death I have also begun to realize that many of the choices that I made during my life were not the right ones and held dire consequences. Were I prepared to let go of this life and return to my eternal rest, I would allow myself to admit the truth: that no one is to blame for my death but myself.



But I am not ready. Not yet.



Beautiful. Powerful. Wise. Reserved. Hateful. Spiteful. Bitch. Heartless. Cold.



Yes, those words do describe me. I am and have been all of those things. The truth cannot be evaded for long.



But I am more than that. Much more.



I am the priestess, Kikyo. I am daughter; mother to my orphaned sister; powerful miko; guardian of the Shikon no Tama; lover; protector and destroyer; healer and killer.



I am the priestess, Kikyo. I died believing the man I loved betrayed me. I died with my heart blackened with hate. I have lived in Hell for fifty years. I have been reincarnated. I have been resurrected. I am a soulless shell of my former self.



I am the priestess, Kikyo. I have been there. I have done that. I own the tee-shirt. (A/N: I couldn't resist)



I am...