InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Into the Sengoku Jidai: A Survivor Story ❯ Field Day For the Censors ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3: Field Day for the Censors

Ren san stood after binding Inu Yasha completely to a chair that Elli chan had conveniently packed in her bag of seemingly useless and rather obtrusive objects along with the rest of the American country. Elli was snuggling a rather pissed off looking also bound Sesshoumaru.

"Oh my dearest Lord Fluffy," Elli began with a cheap imitation of an English accent, "You're so cuddly and soft and I just adore your eye shadow, what brand is it?"

Inu Yasha was close to laughing but since he had no clue what eye shadow was and was currently naked, ::insert leaf here:: he refrained from doing so. He was completely shut down when Ren-Chun-Li-San cracked her whip and spoke in her god like voice, "Now, my little doggie, the real fun begins."

Inu Yasha looked horrified as Ren san took out all of her sex toys and laid them out in front of him. He gave her a terrified look and said, "Why must you do this to me? What have I, a poor and icy being whose soul is yet to be unlocked, ever done to you?!" He broke down completely.

Ren san gave another thunder-like crack of her whip and said, "I do this because I can and I have power issues."

Meanwhile, Elli chan was on the floor, grasping her stomach. "Ooh I'm hungry. Its been precisely 4 days, 2 hours and 35 minutes since I have eaten anything. Not that I have a watch or anything," She added, so as not to contradict the power of the authors (who were of course, themselves, but . . . never mind.)

Suddenly, as if by magic that may or may not have come from the huge tree they had passed earlier, some midget man wearing a pretty "My Little Ponytail" skirt and matching bow came and brought her a box of "Crispy Rice".

Elli chan noticed the midget, and her face cracked into a starved and hungry looking smile and hurriedly snatched the box from the midget's green and knobby fingers, opened it, stuck her hand inside and grabbed a handful of "Crispy Rice" and shoved it down her throat. Then she turned to some random spot in between the trees and said, "Crispy Rice, not at all affiliated with Rice Crispies."

Somewhere in Washington, D.C. a group of censors were in an uproar, for not only were these so-called Ren san and Elli chan writing a story with characters from another author, but they already had fifty-something references from other stories in there as well. They were having a raving party now that they were preoccupied with something else to shoot down besides Jerry Springer. It was like Woodstock '69 except you didn't have to worry about someone coming up behind you, tackling you, humping you, then running away laughing.

Meanwhile, back in the Muromachi Period, Ren san and Elli chan were having a hard time controlling their two dog-like captives. And indeed, true to their dog-like ways, they were chewing on their ropes and barking maliciously.

::Somewhere in Present-day Japan::

Rumiko Takahashi: Wtf?

::Back in the Feudal Era::

Ren san was trying to tie Inu Yasha's bindings tighter, while he struggled against her. He kept offering her highly tempting objects to try and get her to untie his bindings although she stood her ground. When she had accomplished her tasks, she looked over at Elli chan's progress and was surprised to see her sitting on Sesshoumaru's lap, back to her. Curious, Ren san called, "How're you doing Elli?"

"Fine." Elli said, rather stiffly.

Suspiciously stiffly, if you ask me. She said it so stiffly in fact, that Ren had to check it out. When she got to the area where Elli and Sesshoumaru was, she took one large glance and screamed out loud.

Elli was putting girly make up on Sesshoumaru to match his very stylish eye shadow.

"Do you like it? I thought it would be a surprise."

"You ::beep:: why the ::beep:: did you ::beep:: ::beep:: ::beep::! Can you stop that?!" Ren san called to the sky.

Sure enough, somewhere above the clouds floated an ethereal voice saying, "Sorry. You know its like Woodstock '69 over here."

"Quite alright." Ren san said, a little annoyed, "Now to you," she directed her attention back to Elli, "Why in all the hells are you putting make up on Sesshoumaru?"

"Well I thought it would match his stylish vintage jump suit and his horn thingy." Elli hit Sesshoumaru's horn thingy and it gave her a cut.

"Ow!" She exclaimed.

Over from the other clearing with the other captive came a tiny coughing noise. Ren san and Elli chan looked over at Inu Yasha who was now flailing around and saying, "That is NOT a jump suit! What do you think this is, the 70's?"

"Wait a minute," said Ren san slowly, "You weren't alive in the 70's . . . "

Ren san and Elli chan looked at each other, then shrugged.

::Back in Present-day Japan::

Rumiko Takahashi: Wtf?